Domestic goddess? pah! check me out...

I cleaned the insides of my windows, bleached the kitchen bin and took the wheely bin out. Thought about cleaning the inside of the fridge, but didn't. Got Stella from it instead and watched footballers wives.

Tonight, however, I am off out with crew to get wasted. Melissa's birthday. She is a true boozer so a drug free night is ahead. Saturday, I am off the speed queen for friend Sarah Lisle's birthday where we will get proper fooked.
Have a good bank holiday all x

You think you're a Domestic Goddess?

Well get a load of me baby!

Left work at 18.45 went into Manchester to find cute Chris in Selfridges and flirt with him, buy some boxer shorts from M&S and to buy a birthday present. Manchester is shit and all the good shops closed at 7pm so I went home with my tail between my legs having nothing to give to Karen tonight (I'll give her a Porritt surprise and take her from behind when she least expects it!).

Watched the Simpsons and ate my tea, put on some washing and drying and phoned my parents with details of my arrival today. Watched Question Time while ironing (not that many shirts - but they do take 10 minutes each. To my shock and awe, Alan was on Question Time (he asked the question about low tax to Michael (yes I am from Transylvania) Howard about low tax being a moral issue. Repaired the hole in my pants from when I was getting into a Taxi in Mallorca.

Washed up, tidied the kitchen, tidied the living room, sorted out the table, tidied the bathroom, sorted out the pile of crap on the bookshelves in the hallway, collected up all my ties from where they're thrown when I get home of an evening. Put away about 3 weeks worth of washing that was just in a pile in my bedroom, sorted out the post, packed my weekend bag and then this morning put my bedding into the wash.

So don't come over all holier than thee Miss Horner, we're all domestic goddesses here and unlike you and certain others I could mention, I do take it up the dirtbox - that makes me a better wife ... so there !!! :-P

I'm surprised someone hasn't married me

I am a domestic organised goddess:

Was just telling Matt what I got up to last night:

I had no room in my wardrobe as I keep buying new clobber, so I boxed up a huge crate of clothes for the charity.
Then I had to do all my ironing (15 tops) to fill the space in wardrobe.

Washed all bedding and put on clean crisp bedding for cats to cover in hair.

Mopped kitchen floor and sided all shopping from M&S.

Next I made a chicken curry for tonight's tea and froze 2 portions, then I made a chicken, bacon, mushroom pasta with tomato and mascerpone sauce for last night tea and also froze 2 portions.

Finally sat down to eat tea, then watched Desperate Housewives while sewing underwire thingy back in the bra i want to wear on Friday with new blouse, also sewed belt loop back on jeans that I'd rived off while trying to get my kegs down in a hurry to piss in a bin somewhere, then the hem on my best trousers.

Went up to bed at 11pm and read for an hour, then woke up at 2.20am after a mad dream..........My boss had paid for us all to go to London to stay in the Hilton, i was trying to cash a business cheque at the bar as we wanted to drink elsewhere, (Beth wasn't wearing a navy blue blazer for nothing), then this mad woman turned up and she was wearing a tinting cap and chasing David, then she threw acid in his face, security were called and it was okay for a bit, mad woman then returned with a washing up bowl full of acid and threw it into a crowd of people, i woke up just as Steven head was in a grate full of acid and he was choking on it, (his head was going under as he was beginning to drown).

This was a tad more disturbing than Tuesday nights dream, Sarah came up Tuesday evening brandishing birthday card and gift..........hoorah!! Delia Smiths complete cookery course book, what an ace present!!?! (this bit actually happened , it's not part of the dream).
So we drank coffee and talked about Sexy Simon and AP...Typically!!

Took myself up to bed at 11pm and thought i'd watch a fish called Wanda to ensure i would be knackered and have a full good nights sleep......not to be.......... i woke at 5.45am sweating like a horse over mad vivid dream.....i was overtaking Bev and Andy as they were running the Marathon, anyway Jason was in the dream as well but i'm not quite sure where! AP was wearing a jade green satin tracksuit as he ran over the finish line in last place, Hayley was laughing over how slow a runner he was, then she said "and he wearing Sharons tracksuit" so to defend him i smashed my beaker into her face and she just carried on laughing as it didn't break and she must have thought it was a joke.

Poor Hayley she'll be wanting my birthday vouchers back, when she's read this!


SO YOU SEE!

I may be a raving, drunken lunatic of a weekend, but look what a model wife i can act like Monday to Thursday!!!??!!

Well apart from the mad dreams, anyone analysing them will have me sectioned before any fucker would even get me 1/2 way to the altar.

Dear Emma

Yes.........go to Anglessey, if you can easily call a day with fit boy once you are home, however if you are going to get emotionally attached then stop right now.

But a free holiday, you'd be a fool to turn it down.

I try not to speak to Rhodesy if i can help it, he talks too loud and his skin is a bit on the dry side for my liking.

Plus he also thinks a raisin and an Asprin will kill a cat, we all know cats love raisins and NOT tuna.

So he can't possibly be related to you because, you erm??
Speak softly and have baby smooth skin...........or summert!

I am having a moral dilemma. Do I go out with the guy that wants to take me to Angelssey (who has a bird) or don't I?

He has just come back on the scene. I bump into him everywhere, Harvey Nics with bird, Jakes bar and Grill with bird, Normans with bird, Asda with bird, even the feking Hyde Park pub, which I never usually go in, he was playing pool with his bird!!!! aggghh! I did so well ignoring him and fucking him off. He told me he was going to leave his bird but instead bought a flat with the bitch.

He is fit, good job, nice car, very nice body, big cock - perfect! (apart from the girlfriend)
He wants to take me away where we can sit in the local and get p*ssed, walk on the beech and have sex all day. And he will pay for everything. My friend Melissa said I shouldn't make myself second best for noone.

I think that if I go, maybe he will realise I am much better than his bird, he will dump her and we will live together forever. In reality he wants a different shag, I KNOW!!!

Answers on a post card please!!!!!

Karen, you know someone called Rhodes??!! ask him if he knows me, you never know, could be related!

Lots gone off, so going to be a long post

But you don't mind, that's why you're here!

Friday 22nd; Had disco kip, which was interrupted by some fucking black Tom cat trying to scrap with my cats in my garden, went out and defused the situation, brought my family back indoors and calmed them all down with tuna and saucers of milk.
Got ready and met Spuggy at 9pm, waited in OB's for Jo, Tina and Beth, had 2 drinks in there and mosied round to the Turnstiles to meet my brother Steven at 10pm and there was little AP with his bro and Deano.

They left heading towards the rose, i had 3 drinks plus a test tube bought by one of the terrible trio and Jo asked Fozzy d.j to play Switch for my bday......hoorah!!

Station and Ap was in there too (i kind of knew he would be as he knows we go in there for last), Spug went to the loos (where i never pissed in the bin) so me and Andy chatted, all the girls left for the regal along with Deano and J porrait, Andy was working at 6am Saturday so i said i'd meet everyone up there when he'd gone home, he then pipes up, when i said i didn't want to go to the regal, i didn't mean i didn't want to be with you........Struth, what am i a fucking mind reader?

Walked for a taxi, green eyed monster appears "Karen, i don't want you to sleep with Hemmy, he really isn't a nice bloke and it'll be all round the club, i don't want you to be club talk, but it's up to you".............Okay then!!???!!!

Home, hows ya father and asleep before midnight, wrong, wrong, wrong!!

Saturday day, much of a nowtness, i had some scrambled eggs!! then i get a phone call from Simon and Dawn, we are meeting Chris and Rhian at 8.30pm in Spoons to go out for a meal, can you make it?
I'm so glad they phoned, coz i don't have a life, i was going to stay in on Saturday night and bleach all the bathroom tiles with a toothbrush!! nobbas, said i'd made plans but might see then for a drink......
Got to the sportsclub at around 6.30pm, all the Denhams and Mummy Spug were outside, had a quick chat then had a shandy, we went indoors, Spug finished her shift behind the bar, so we chatted and waited for Hayley to clock off and Beth and Tina to arrive so we could go into town.............

Cleck had won the rugby, so to say the boys were in high spirits was a slight understatement, there were jugs of beer, chanting, singing, moshing.........luckily i was safely tucked in the corner in my new birthday top. Had loads of beers in the club, too many to count, the cricket lot and there girlfriends had gone to spoons already, we got a big minibus which we shared with Rhodesy (random), Ob's was very quiet we joined Ap, Jp, Deano, Caroline, Clare, Katy (hiya Karen)and some others, Rhodesy was worse for wear interrogating Andy "when are you going to make an honest women of Karen?, why don't you live with her?, get rid of her cats if you are allergic to them, put an aspirin inside a raisin, feed it to the cat and they are out like a light, what a fucking dickhead!!!!!........Beth and Tina wanted to go to the station, me and Spug wanted to absolutely stay put and saliva over the sportsmen.

All Ap's mates went for pizza, Andy was jack laquered, so i allowed him to go home after he tried to get away with kissing me on the cheek, "so give me a ring tomorrow and i'll come out for your birthday, yeah i will, i'm not doing owt, definitely, ring me yeah".........hahahaaaaaa! AS IF!

We all mooched up T'regal, followed by 1/2 the sportsclub and got absolutely mullered, no Rasta d.j, boo..........just 2 young girls, don't know who the fuck they were, Hemmy was battered........Spug was edging her bets on Mr.Gillan and a rendevous on the greenway, but when they all wear the same shirts, ties and blazers it would be easy to pick the wrong married man to have a knee trembler and lose your red knickers in the shrubbery and get in at 3.45am Sunday.

I however was having a curry on my own after having blurry conversations with Craig Aspinall (i've got 8 cats), Hemmy and Rhodesy. Vaugely remember seeing Tina and Beth, Dear oh dear!!!!!

Sunday, mouth like the sahara...........make up still etched to my boat race, burped and realised indeed i had had a curry.

Made it to Marlenes, they were at the bungalow......so had a chat to Ruth then had dinner, fetched middle brother over from Mirfield, gave his birds daughter her card and present.
Chucked them out at Mums and got ready to go back to the fucking pub for my birthday night out............oh what a fucking car crash!!!!!!

Rang Andy, who was out with Deano and probably wouldn't make it tonight, as he didn't want to be hungover Monday morning, but he might make it, if he's there he's there, what a nobba!!??!!
Friends/family in attendance.
Spug, MJW, Ruth, Mark, Rach, Dean, Katy, Grant, Tina, Beth and Hayley.
Randoms in attendance.
Hemmingway, Joff, Jenna, Mick (butcher, i raped him once) and fiance Marie, later followed by Quinny who also thinks it's okay to call me scarey.

Oh it was messy, we were cramped by the window, so the later people arrived the further back in the pub they seem to be sat, in actual fact as i was sat right next to the window i didn't seem to speak to any of my friends, but seemed to think it was my job to entertain Joff, Hemmy and Jenna with my AP impressions and stories of drunken debauchery.......Hooray a NEW ready made audience.

We were screaming with laughing, then i told Hemmy that Andy wouldn't let me sleep with him. More laughing, Grant txt Andy to say that he was out for my birthday so he wouldn't be on his tod, then Joff said i should give up my job and become a full time impersonator, i'd go down a storm at the sportsclub (but that's the only booking i'd get), he then said i should shag Hemmy then start doing impressions of him.

Hemmy grabbed Grants phone and rang AP, told him he had to get his arse down to weatherspoons of he was going to get off with his bird, oops!!!!

More beers and some arm wrestling (why i thought i could win against a 45yr old rugby player is beyond me). last orders, bet the barstaff were glad to see the back of us!!
Katy and Grant got a taxi home for Katy to wang her guts up, Spug and i shared a cab, Hemmy was in the Horncastle buying kebab meat or summert, Joff and Jenna went for a jump and i don't remember anyone else leaving.

Great days!!

Yesterday was lovely, rose at 11am......someone had swapped my tongue for an old rugby sock.
Opened cards and presents...ooh i did well, loads of cards, 2 lots of Next vouchers, Red wine, Chocolates, Virgin vie lip gloss,c.d's, underwear (which is seemingly for AP not me), plus some Next perfume (which Jenna was wearing on Sunday and i really liked the smell of and was going to buy anyway), oh yeah and £135........back o' the net!

However 2 of my brothers have not bothered to send me a card or buy me a present, THE CUNTS!!!!

So My birthday day out with slightly mad exentric mother went a bit like this, Batley spoons for lunch, (Mick Porrit on the bar) "hiya Marlene, what are you doing here?", scarey bearded bar man who's also works in OB's, "get back to Cleck you".
Hahahaaaaaaaa
Batley mill village, Dewsbury Matalan, pets at home (Marlene wanted a goldfish, i told you....... barking), Bewise, then up to Grandma's, who told me she was 73 this year (that would make her 12 when she gave birth to my father), some other aged relatives were there, she told me later they only came every Monday to eat her biscuits "the swines".
Called at the vets on the way back, for Tina some tablets for her cough......mangey dog.

Then went to B&Q (this is worse than being at fucking work), called at Morrisons for ingredients for tea collected Ruth from work, back to the parents where i cooked Sausage casserole and mash (well Ruth mashed, coz in the last 36 yrs i have yet to make un-lumpy mash potato) with corn on the cob, to squeals of "ooh Jimmy we've never had corn on the cob, ever!, i've never bought corn on the cob).

My family are so continental.

Had cream cakes for dessert, then made my hasty escape home, to silence and bliss, bathed, pottered, did a few light chores, Matt phoned from his suite in Bournmouth, i then plonked on the sofa and stayed put all night, until Sarah phoned at 10pm to say Happy belated birthday as she was adamant it was on Sunday (mentalist friends the lot of them).
So we chatted and laughed for 1/2 hr about life, loves and crap men, turns out Sexy Simon is WORSE than Andy Porrait on the confidence streak.

Watched the end of the fugitive, some light porn and up to bed at midnight!

Back to it this morning, desk like a fucking tip, some fucker has messed with my inbox and desktop, 14 dirty cups in the sink and 3 overflowing bins.

Have blogged and been to morrisons, also bought 3 new tops in Next and a pendant.......of course i need them, Friday night, Saturday night then Mick and Marie's engagement party on Sunday (to be invited to this function, Marie really can't know that i fucked her boyfriend, it's official).

To say I feel like I've dropped out a dogs arse would be an understatement.

I fekin hate Monday’s too.

Went out Friday night with friends Polly, Fiona and Fiona’s tight mate Jo who wouldn’t buy a round. Went to Tiger Tiger re launch party. There were lots of fit men there and that nob head from Big Brother. Vanessa. Also spied Denmark man, which was embarrassing, we didn’t speak though. Got wasted, it was ok. Went back to Polly’s house and smoked weed and had a pizza. Passed out at 3am. Very civilised for me.

Saturday, sat in the garden with Polly and Melissa and talked bollocks. Planned to watch a DVD, motorcycle diaries with that beautiful man in it and eat Chinese. Got phone call from my friend Lee who I haven’t seen in 6 months. He lost his phone and I didn’t think I’d see him again. He went into my friend Barry’s bar in Headingley and got my number from Barry. Genius! I love Lee; he’s so pretty as well. He looks like he should be in a boy band. Even though I had no money I had to go and meet him cos I’ve not seen him in so long. We went to Fibre in town; all the gay guys love him.
He stayed at my house. He use to always sleep in my bed before but we don’t do anything. We only snog every now and then. We have had sex in the past though but it was pretty crap.

Because the weather was nice, we lumped on back in Headingley. We sat in the original oak beer garden. The wife came, Melissa and her bloke also called Lee, Polly and some random called Daz that sat with us all day. He is a writer. We all got utterly wasted on Stella. I love Stella, she’s a good lass. Forgot to eat. Eating’s cheating and all that. Got some coke delivered. Great day. Cannot remember leaving, or going to chapel town to get more drugs but I know I did. Bought some fags from petrol station and was that pissed I left them there and had to get the taxi driver to turn round and go back.
Got to bed this morning at 4.30am. I am such an idiot.

Eeee another week over!

I’d boycotted the blog for a while. Pig sick of writing 1000 word essay to have it chewed up and lost when I try and publish.

I am suffering badly financial wise as a result of bank holiday bender. I am £120.00 over my overdraft and it will be more when I try and rinse more out to go out tonight. For some reason though, I can still keep going out on cheap benders at other peoples expense.

Remember the man from Denmark that I pulled on bank holiday Thursday? Well, I came home from work the other night and there was a card (like a birthday card) waiting for me. Well, you’ve guessed it, it was from him. How bizarre! It said, I had a wicked time the other night and I am back in the UK for a while if you fancy hooking up. And left his mobile number. I didn’t exchange numbers for a reason, mainly cos he wasn’t that fit in daylight and he looked very German. So I figure he must have stolen an item of mail from my house as he got my full address including post code! You resign yourself sometimes when you meet people that you will never see them again and they go invade your post box uninvited!!! I am quietly chuffed though that he went to so much bother getting in touch. I haven’t replied.

Well, after that mid week bit of excitement, Last Friday me and the wife took all our coppers to the machine in Asda to swap for real money. We nearly had a fucking fit when it hit £12.00 and we could buy booze and lasagne ingredients so we could stretch a big fuck off lasagne to feed us both next week. Got home and Damien (or ‘omen’ as we like to call him) had bought 2 bags of coke in and loads of booze.
We threw the lasagne aside and got wasted in the house again. Not good. I turned it in 7.30 Saturday morning.

I got roped into going to a party at a girl’s house from work that I never speak to. She asked me out of the blue and as she was from South Africa, she didn’t know anyone in Leeds and I felt sorry for her. Work mate Lynsey scraped me off of my living room floor and bundled me into her escort to get booze and a card for the random party. This was at 4pm. Arrived at 5.30pm having got very lost round Leeds as I am shite at reading directions and I was still pissed. Turned out to be a great party! Few more Stella’s and I was leathered! Got chatting to a little skater boy who worked for creative nails (??!) and smoked loads of weed with him listening to old dance tracks. He then produced a bag of coke and we got stuck in! got to 11.30pm and I wanted to go home, so sloped off away from skater boy and did one back to lower Wortley. Passed out with shoes on.

This week has been a little dull and I have had lasagne for tea every night. I’m itching to go out straight from work tonight, but have purposely worn shitty work clothes so when I nip into town ‘for one’ I will feel the need to go home. We all know I will be in mint club raving in work coat, ladies bag on shoulder and sensible shoes!! Hee hee!
Or the other option is free tickets for the re-opening of Tiger Tiger (Wank) but there is supposed free booze and food. Starts at 8 so can get changed.

Random afternoon event: An old flame that I haven’t heard from in ages called Matt (fit, work in field sales for the Auto trader, got bird though) out of the blue has invited me to Anglesey. What the fuck! It’s at his mate’s holiday home and his mate and lodger called Julie are going too. He is practically begging me now which is worrying. I haven’t seen or spoken to the guy in months. I asked if his bird was going cos I’m not into that shit. He tells me she’s not invited. Strange…

hey ho!

work work and more work that is all i seem to do!!

had the ideal plan last weekend, sent dan out for the night, shaved legs, waxed bits, spent an hour in bath also dropped phone in bath but thats another story! looking gorgeous! rang simon invited him out for a beer, just one as i needed an early night excuse being i was working the next day. uumm all going well in sarah world left pub at 11pm homeward bound with sexy simon and no dan in sight could the oppotunity get any better!! well maybe if i 'd have taken my door key out with me the chances of shagging simon may have slightly improved but as it was we sat on the door step waiting for dan to come home and let us in. since then i have banished myself to my room to dwell on missed oppotunities.

Wednesday already?

Having a lovely week.

All is well in Horner land.

Just had the biggest KFC in the world, both boss's out at the accountants/briefs etc.
So we're filling our car boots, i've only got some step ladders, a new carsey seat (for Rach and Dean), some cosmetic kits, manicure kits, a shirt, candles, some baby wraps and towels, that'll do for now, but i need to fill the present trunk up on a regular basis.

I thought it was Thursday today, do you know when you wake up and for a fleeting moment, you think it's a different day? Well i'd got all the way to the chain bar, thinking it was weekend eve...........bastard!

What have i done this week?

Monday, shuffled through the day like the walking dead, called at Marlo's on the way home, stayed an hour, she's fretting over the house not selling, Bless!!
Jim insisted on plating some dinner up for me to take home and microwave, because i obviously can't cook, in fact i haven't eaten in the 15 years since i left home.

Watched some crap t.v and tried to fit a free view box, but didn't know what the fuck i was doing, so gave it up as a bad job, ended up calling Matt for a 10 min chat and ended up chatting for 1 1/2hrs...oops!!

Tuesday......did nothing but shop all day yesterday (in works time of course), spoke to Tina, to get Katys house number,to send her and Grant a house warming card, she was pissing her pants over the photos she'd taken on Friday night!!!!!!Unloaded all shopping at teatime, food shopping, cat shopping, toiletries, other random buys including a "blackout blind" genius, so when you wake up at 5am and the sun is streaming through the curtains, " cats will immediately stop dancing like the bacardi breezer cat, thinking they are going to get their breakfast"........Marlene was laughing like a drain "ooh i'm surprised you haven't bought one earlier to help you sleep like!!!!!!". She calling me lazy bones?

So Phillips screwdriver in hand, i set too.......don't bother reading instructions or measuring where the screws need to fit to enable new blind to hang level.....fuck that, just guess.........then when blind doesn't go up 1st time, force it......while sweating and screaming in a mad temper until the fitting inside the blind has come apart, rendering it useless, next sit on the bed a further 20 mins, re-thread "the roller" part of the blind while chain smoking regal king size still muttering like a lunatic, make another 6 or 8 holes in the window frame, Finally blind is up, only took ONE HOUR, it's not level and it still let's in light around 3 sides, but i put it up myself, with out the aid of a man......SO THERE!
Me Stubborn???

Had chilli and chips, watched Eastenders, Holby city and Hustle, took myself off to Bedfordshire to watch No Angels, and slept 9 hrs........feel bright as a button today.

Spent the 1st 2 hours of the morning, cleaning offices and loos, vaccing, dusting, making toast and coffees, phoned Kay (poor lady) Chris has counted 75 chicken pox spots all over her body, in her hair, ears and her floo.....ouch!! not just little spots, weeping yellow sores (Tina'd have her camera phone out by this point).

Still Kay wasn't poorly enough to forget about my hair, i'm definitely having it done and that's final, but she's bought me my favorite Virgin-vie glittery lipgloss for my birthday, (that'll be a nice surprise when i open it then).....bless!!!

3pm now, haven't done a stitch of work only nick samples and fetch lunches, blog and email MJ and Matt (not his Gmail is back up).

MJ is calling this evening to fit my freeview box properly and eat "SHOE buns" everyone else knows they're actually "Choux buns". Poor MJ!!!!

Weekend pending, doing nowt for my birthday due to peoples finances, workshifts and the blinking weather, Fri we're going out just for last orders,as Spug, Beth and Tina are all working lates, whatever they are, Sun i'm trying to rally a few friends round to go out for Sunday Shandies, but we are going to have a night out on Fri 29th, as Matt is in town and i'm sure that barmy Sarah is too...where ever she is???
I'm thinking she's spent the last week having tantric sex as she certainly hasn't phoned, text or emailed me.

This Saturday Hayley and Spug have asked me to go watch the last rugby match of the season, might go as AP will be way playing cricket.....sorted!

Birthday girls and house moves

Friday the 15th, Collected Spuggy and Hayley in a taxi at 8pm, as it was wanging it down.
Took our usual position in the recess on the tall bar stools, MJ was the next to arrive, closely followed by Beth, Tina and Jo....I polished off 2 J2O and a large bag of salt and vinegar walkers in no time at all.
Anyhow i'm not going to bleat on about what we did and where we went as we do the same thing every week.
It was a really good night, i'd rate it at least an 8.....the highlights are as follows:
The way forward is to start the evening drinking juice, as i tried this and didn't lose my memory, didn't fall over or even stumble, didn't try pull any mingers after selling my self respect at the regal doors, didn't get in any scraps...so basically i acted my age then!!!!!!!!!!

GOD i'm such an adult!

So me ,Spug and MJ started small dancing in the Turnstiles, we are the only 3 people in Britain that know this dance, MJ also did his monkey dance, thank fuck he is the only person in the WORLD who knows this dance.

As it was Beths birthday night out, Fozzy played her a request of MY choice....hahahahaaaaaa!!

Chatted to James and back together boyfriend James in the Station and basically spent the whole evening telling everyone how i'd had enough of AP.
At the time i really meant it too!!!

Also in the Station, and ex neighbour of mine Helen, was trying to get off with MJ..erm he's GAY!!
She was having none of it, saying wasn't he beautiful??!! Whatever.

Regal we did lots of dancing, small and large and had some redstripe, i chatted to Richard big nose who never phoned, who said he didn't want a girl interfering with his batchelor lifestyle, turns out his friend Craig spilt the beans, seemingly he's embarrassed coz he still lives with his mum. NOBBA!!!

Spent ages chatting to Craig (who has 8 cats and none of them go outdoors) about AP and erm, Whiskas!
Don't know where Hayley and Jo went, but Beth went for a cab and we remaining 4 went to sloppies, i looked a right fright as my hair has gone into one frizzball with the rain.
MJ actually ordered food, to my surprise......Tina just wanted some cold boiled rice for her sore throat, god are any of my friends normal????
So we're all a bit merry, but behaving until i belched a little too loud and some scary woman/man thing piped up "where are your manners, do you mind, i'm eating??".

We're in sloppy joes for fucksake..........!
So taxi for 4, Dropped MJ off 1st who donated 30p towards the fair, threw Tina out on Serpentine, then proceeded to do my babe impression for Spug as a special birthday treat.
Bed for 1.20am.

Up and about at 9.30am Saturday, collected Kay and William at lunchtime and went to both Aldo's and Marco's which were both closed.
Ended up at the Gray Ox in Hartshead which was absolutely the right choice, Mmmm!!
We had posh sandwiches and homemade chunky chips with desserts to die for.

Will, meanwhile was trying to set fire to the pub with a napkin and a candle.

Set off to the watch the cricket so Kay could cop a glance of AP, waterlogged pitch, no cricket today!!!!!!
Found Spug birthday girl at the bar, had a lovely afternoon....
Me, Will and the birthday girls.......watched the Rugby, the tour team rugga buggas from Skegness were absolutely enamored with 3yr old William, who told them all his name was Mr. Incredible whilst shooting them with his pretend Tommy gun.

Took a steaming Kay (4 halves of lager) and Will home at 4.30pm, dropped my car off, changed out of my Lady who lunches outfit, got into my jeans, freshened up and walked back down to the sportsclub.

AP was in the main room, with his remnants of black eye.
Spug was power drinking mad drink concoctions, me and Katy stuck to shandies, unlike the men in blazers who'd been playing with funny shaped balls, who were polishing off pints of piss, yards of ale, tomato juice with tampons in, pints that the player behind them had stirred with their knob.
OKAY THEN!!!!??!!

Hayley went home (Spug's birthday aswell) so me, Katy and Spug went to spoons to meet Rach, Dean, Tina and Beth..........more shandies, it was fucking heaving in there, all the rugby players arrived, including AP who'd been trying to catch my eye to speak to me for a good few hours at this point, eventually he stood in my way on the way back from the bar, "alright Karen?", i nodded curtly and said "Hiya Tyson". and sat down, we then moved to the Turnstiles stayed approx 20 mins as Hemmy had phoned to see where Spug was and then returned to Spoons, Andy had gone home mullered (which really was a blessing, i suppose).

So drunk rugby players, beer throwing, loudness, Katy was with her man (the pair have moved into their new home today), Spug pulled Neil, Hemmy was asking for a full report on the snog last week, Joff pulled the beautiful Jenna, after telling me that Hemmy hated cats and had lied to me last week, while trying to bed me....(are there any decent men out there, who don't spout shite OR take it up the arse?).

Last orders, i really wanted curry BUT went to the regal as it was Spugs birthday, unfortunately i only stayed 10 mins and had a lemondade, i then realised although i'd been on shandy i'd actually been out for 12 hours, tired Tim???!!?

Was in bed before midnight....ALONE!!!

Lovely day yesterday:
Up, dressed, Tescos, Marlos, 2 loads of washing, windows washed, endless other chores ya di ya!!! made a huge hearty brunch, made the entire weeks pack up and froze them (god i'm so anal) watched Eastenders omnibus, then went to Rach and Deans and Baby Megans new house last night for some vino and an Eastern spice!!! Yummy, it was well nice!!

Monday morning news, Kay has woken up with chicken pox (hopes that i've had it), still this is a perfect excuse for her not to dye my hair with copper and brown lowlights, even though i readily agreed on Saturday have had a think about it and bottled it!!!!!!!!!
The weather forecast for Sunday says cloudy but not rain, still think i'll re-schedule BBQ for sunnier weather.
Might go to Aldo's on the 29th........knack all else to do!
Or the Whickham Sunday lunch, might see if Marlo wants to go to the Gray Ox next Monday..

Oh i don't fucking know, what's to celebrate??? 36..??!!
Last but not least, boss's son Fuckwit Elliott is now in a wheelchair after completing the London marathon yesterday....give me strength!!!

Karen shall we have a spliff?

David my boss, has just asked me if i want to smoke dope in the office with him.

Now that's wrong, wrong, wrong.

He's rolling a joint now, as i type.......aahhh! get me out of here.

Well my week so far, which will be boring as hell in party animal Matt's book.

Monday, collected car, now fixed...hooray.

In the evening chatted to Kay at length on the phone, read and watched t.v.

Tuesday, Helen phoned and we chatted and laughed for a whole hour during works time, last night went to pizza hut with Steven, it was okay but i think it's expensive and overrated and Steven guilted me into leaving a £3 tip, which made the whole experience dearer than Aldo's.

This evening i'm going to do my roots then probably go white water rafting.

Andy Porrait has not phoned to come up and see me.

I really must learn to read between the lines and translate.

"Yeah i miss you and i will come up and see you in the week".

Translation.

"I am drunk and sleepy, i have been beaten up with a baseball bat and will say anything to get you off the phone so i can go back to sleep, i will not come and see you in the week, but will see you at the weekend where i will endeaver to ignore you as i will be acting like an alpha male with the lads, however i will glance over 147 times to check you are not talking to anyone of the opposite sex".

Helen read my tarot yesterday.

1st card.. i have been making a fool over myself with someone.

2nd card.. A wrangle with a lady over money issues??!!?

3rd card.. The prince of swords, a new man on the horizon, a professional older male with dark hair.
Don't know who he is but he sounds good to me, no doubt i'll have a few halves of lager and he'll have my knickers off in 0.4 seconds.

Matt says that my life is devoid of plans and excitement

For his information: little things excite me, patterns on my kitchen roll, a new pair of slippers, bogof 's at Tescos.
I just said to Meg the other day what a treat it was to use a brand spanking new dish cloth.
My new garden chairs, Weatherspoons, lamb kormas, Andy Porrait.

As for Plans??!!?

In the next 9 weekends pending i am booked up:

This weekend coming is Beth's Birthday do Friday night. Even Steven and MJ are attending.
Saturday i'm taking Kay and William to lunch for Kays birthday, then watching the cricket and going out at night for Spugs birthday. Double whammy!!!!!

The following weekends are a folly of events including, my birthday BBQ or Sunday lunch in the Whickham depending on the weather.

Chris and Rhians double birthday weekend at the mansion.

Another trip for Chris to sort my hamsteads out.

Sarah's camping trip at May day..hahahhahahaaaaa

Poole in Dorset to stay with Mad Helly.

Yarmouth for a trip round Rosies and a peek at the supposedly sexy Simon.

Steven's birthday do.

Then 2 wedding at the beginning of June.

That's a lot of fucking plans for a single, no strings attached girl who need answer to noone.

Karen and Sarah, your spelling is appalling

Its stamina and Anaglypta.

If you don't know how to spell a word, look it up, don't guess!

hooray the sun is here

After spnding the last hour asleep in the garden with my shorts and strappy top on i have just realised it is april and frigging freezing! i now think i have pneumonia (couldn't possibly be just a cold cause i am a nurse!), but on the other hand am quite proud of myself because that means if i was so desparate for sleep i must have had a good weekend.

can't really remember much off the weekend didn't seem to do anything friday or alday saturday, but told sexy simon i was 30 when he asked my age (i will go to hell i know ) couldn't tell him i was 32 hes only 27 and anyway he thought i was 25 so wheres the harm. to prove i was young and had staminer i sat up till 4am chatting and messing around, (which would have been ok if i didn't have to go to work at 6.30. ) should just have shagged him i'd would have been tooked up in bed by 12 snoring my head of!

so spent all yestarday wandering round work trying to develope the perfect hang over cure and pick me up. eventually i got the drug cupboard keys taken off me (may be i should not ave been smiling that much)

hold on stop press ............
work have just rung .... how exciting need me to go to london in an ambulance with a patient, blue lights flashing all the way and ni nor going, given me 20 mins to get to work, told them it 'll be a least an hour have to do my hair and make up casualty eat your heart out i could be the next star.

best go get the curls in then.

The butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker.

I meant, the squaddie, the ex-copper and the engineer.
I do get mixed up.

Driving back across the M62 at 120 miles an hour, the plan was to sleep from 4 till 7, just until the anaesthetic wore off from the dentist, then i'd be fit as a fiddle to party at 8pm sharp.........not, plan as usual went tits up.
Garage phoned to say, car ready at 9am Saturday.....(go take yourself a running jump, Mr. Car mechanic) said i'd collect it Monday a.m, but still had to drive all the way back to work to get boss to sign a cheque for the excess.
So disco kip delayed, by the time i'd had my sleep.....it was way too late to go out, resigned myself to the fact it really wouldn't kill me to stay in one Friday, ordered a Chinese, called at tescos for supplies, arrived home and thought i'd have a nice bath to warm up then hit the sofa in my p.j's for the evening...............NOT!
Don't know what happened next, but i was putting my make up on and straightening my hair and pulling random outfits out of the wardrobe at 56 miles an hour..........need to go out, need to go out.

Made it to the Turnstiles at 10pm, hooray.......beer in hand and all was well with the world, well my world! not Beth's world it seemed as she was wellied.
Sat next to Katy, who proceeded to tell me that my man and her man were bunking partners on tour in Madrid and she shouldn't really be telling me but, they'd been a spot of bother, which involved Andy, Warren, some Spanish girls, Spanish bouncers and a couple of baseball bats, Warrens head split open and Andy now sporting a black eye!!!!!
Oh hummer!!!! my poor baby, bottom lip was out.........best have some more to drink, to cheer up!


We all trundled up to the Station, Tina, Spug, Hayley, Jo, Beth, Katy and moi........sat down, Beth fell down, had some more bevies and basically laughed at Beth who was at this point snogging the gay bar man.

Regal, Spug and Katy left early, Beth had gone to outbacks with Andy Beetham who was at a loose end as his girlfriend was in hospital with kidney failure, seemingly.

I don't know what happened but i blinked and was sat in the rear of a mini bus with Graham Jackson going to his Mum's house up South parade, coz he needed me to see where he lived as it wasn't posh like my house as they were simple people who didn't need material things, he wasn't fucking kidding!!!

Mrs. Jackson's living room, was based on a nautical theme, all navy velour and white anaglypter......Mmmm!
Pot china dogs and ponies from Dewsbury market, yummy!
Anyhow Graham showed me the airbed that he now sleeps on, being a bigger boy he doesn't share with Neil anymore.
Then he randomly offers me a snack, the cut crystal dish that you have nuts in at Christmas on the sideboard, not nuts in the Jackson abode......Skittles, FUCKING SKITTLES!!!!!!!!!
Declined, then just happened to mention the uneaten chinese at my house, taxi.....in the kitchen microwaving equal portions of special chow mein and egg fried rice, sending txts to poorly boy in Madrid, of course Andy will want to read my inane ramblings at 2am sat morning......who wouldn't???!!?

Did some singing and dancing to Kirsty Mccall, ate our chinese and the next thing i remember it's 12 midday Saturday and Jackson is in the garden banging on the door because he's left his mobile, was too ashamed to ask him about the events of the previous evening as he was ruffling my hair and calling my lazy bones for still being in bed, waved him off back to Newcastle and stared in horror at the sent items in my mobile, no no no, Horner you stupid fucking cunt!!!!!
Will definately be chucked now, when Porritt has sobered up and shown all his mates the stupid, soppy guilt ridden texts messages.

Let out some sort of strangled yelp and hid under the quilt until 3pm.


2 pints of coffee and a bacon buttie later and visitors at the door, very welcome visitors as in not people who i have shagged or people who have left possessions down the back of the sofa.
Dean, Rach and baby Megan..hooray!! My Meg sniffed baby Megs head and ran upstairs, realising she was one of those things that will grow into a Thirza or Olivia and chase her round the house.
Luther sat licking his lips wondering if he could eat her, they left at 7pm.......i got ready at break neck speed and met Katy at 7.30pm to go down to the sports club, had a shandy or two, Spug and Hayley were already down there and we were joined by Paul Hemmingway who was slightly worse for the drink.

We taxied to spoons, Paul still tagging along and met up with Tina, Beth and their work mate who it turns out is Burberrys ex bird! Random.
Paul was trying his best chat up lines, to try get in my knickers........like.. men are only interested in one thing and that's......the furry triangle. Nice!!
We then decided we should have a shag at least once, just to see..then i remembered AP, i know!!!!!! Paul...aged 45 fit as fook, ex copper...tasty tasty and little AP!??!!!!

Had a snog then he staggered off in the direction of the curry house, muttering about taking his daughter and her pals ice-skating Sunday morning.

Made it to the station and the regal, but don't remember either.........flashbacks are........... rasta D.J making me get in the d.j box and some girl with blond long curly hair swinging me round and saying your ace, then kissing my cheek, the fucking scary bitch, she'll be wanting to drink from my furry cup next, the lessie!!!!!!!!

Oooh i do remember phoning Andy from Katies phone and getting Grant to wake him up, ah bless!! he was drunk and sleepy, so i took full advantage of this by asking him loaded questions, " do you miss me?" hahahahaaaaaaa, what was he going to say? No!!??!!

Anyhow he's coming round one night this week to show me his black eye.... we'll see!!

Felt rubbish yesterday, really bab!!!!! made it to tescos on my hands and knees, then made fatal error of calling at marlos for a cup of char!!!
Next she was dragging me all over shop, can i borrow your lawn mower? come on we'll nip and see the bungalow, leave me alone a feel rubbish!!!!!!

Finally made it home for 5.30pm, cleaned bathroom, wrote Britany diary, did 3 loads of washing, made a huge cooked breakfast (heart attack on a plate), changed bedding........settled down to an evening of mind numbing rubbish on the box, then that fucking Dean txt, to say they were all off to the pub, so i had to go out....twats!! all of them......
Had 5 lagertops in spoons and reflected on our weekend and laughed and laughed at my tragic carcrash life!!!!!! and the big fat rat!

Skittle?

Arrived home without Rudie crashing the taxi, had a txt from Sarah asking about frying onions until they're see through, i know i'll ring her for a chat, she was in bed, oh so what!!! waffled on for 1/2 hr about tripe, then watched footballers wives from last Thursday and had some wine, feel rubbish again today......
Not as rubbish as the 30 rugby players who have been on the piss in Madrid for the last 5 days, i'll wager!!!

Jinxed

I just nearly got a parking ticket, I was only in the joke shop for 2 1/2 mins, buying caps and there she was, in her comfy shoes, growling at me " Oh you moving it, was just gonna book you?"........CUNT!!!!!!

So i've been fined for driving in a limited access area AND done a grands worth of damage to the megane, now nearly got another fine in the hire car.....good going in the space of 2 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!

Never any bother with my little clio...

This week is dragging, had an early night Monday and did nowt last night, only called at Marlos for 10 mins.........then watched the box!!!! yawn!!!!!!!

Tonight MJ is calling for tea and cake, not the choux buns he requested though!!!

So i have no news...well Whitter phoned Monday for a natter.
James is in love!
Sarah has txt me to try get me to go camping at May day!
AP has ignored my text message, which is nice!!
All work mates, have bottled Leeds united FC and are now devout Rino's fans..that's not fickle.

Mick's birthday today, we got those candles that never blow out, oh how we laughed, every day's practical joke day at Whernham hogg!!!

2 more nights to weekend, i'm so thirsty i can't wait that long, had a joint last night was so bored, it didn't do owt, do you think it goes off if it's been in the cupboard for 3 years? how sad am i?????

Farida, Emma's wife

At 3:44 PM, The Wife said...
The other half has asked me to contribute the weekends debauchery and as the obedient wife that I am, I have fully taken to the task in hand.... Just trying to remeber where it all started (to go wrong).

Ah yes, my sister deicded to pay me a visit which was slightly inconveniant as Emma and myself had resigned ourselves to staying in due to excessive spending over the bankholiday. The sister also wanted to pursue some drug fueled behaviour - also inconveniant as Emma and myself were trying not to go down that road due to excessive drug taking over the bank holiday.

With my arms twisted I had no choice but to visit Chapel Town where muchos drugos were given away and some bought. emma was unable to accompany us on the trip but phoned every 5 minutes requesting the presence on The Wife & wife sister so she could have some of what we got.

Eventually arrived home, got stuck in and went out.
Town was shit. Dragged the sister to bar after bar and then back again to the same bars. Necked loads of pills. Went to Normans where cute bar man looked after me, making sure I got served and giving me cheap drinks. went to Space which was shit so went home.

The sister went to sleep so me and Emma assesed the drug situation - it was looking good, we lumped on snorting pills and coke. Eventually we ran out so I went to steal my sisters stash. She woke up mid steal and told me to sod off - my answer was that she could either hand the pills over or I'd root until I found them - it was as simple as that and if she didn't believe me she should take a look at my eyes.

Got the pills. It was around this time that Emma and myself had the ingenious idea of getting the old sunshine variety bus out for the day and lumping on big style, we just had to make it through the next couple of hours before the fun could commence and we could get some more drugs.

In true trooper style we managed it, just. My sister gave us a lift to town (bonus) and we got stuck into some bloody Marys and then off to Chapel Town. We ended up at some dodgy pub waiting to get some drugs (although he had kindly left us with some to be getting on with)
Got bored of the pub so we went to the park and asked random people stupid questions until drug dealer located us and filled our pockets with more drugs.
Went to Normans. Felt quite special by this time and so we hid (by the window) for some time. The bar men again looked after us like a couple of special care cases. Decided it was time to leave public places and a barman put us in a taxi.

Went home and assesed the drug situation - it looked spankingly good so got stuck in. It was about this time that we invented a new game wherby Emma mimed playing a musical instrument and I guessed what it was. I found I was an expert at this game and we went through every single musical instrument we could think of until we had exhausted the muscial instrument genre. But then it hit me like a big stick. DIDGERIDOO - genius, shortly followed by MARACAS which was funny cos at the time I was feeling fairly off my maracas. Emma followed up with castanets and a game was born.
The drugs stopped working and we had to concede the night was over, it was 3am Sunday morning and we hadn't slept since Thursday night.
Woke up and had a bloody good roast.
Off to jakes for half price steaks tonight and a good perv at some bar men.

Gaylords and Tomcats

These are the only males you can trust, honestly!!!!! MEN!!!!!
Even my brother let me down this weekend and more of the porritt meister later.
Plus Richard with the big nose never called, yes i know i was using him to make Andy jealous, he must have had a sixth sense or something, or maybe he just mentioned it at rugby training?? You wouldn't have to be brain of Britain.

So the weekend part deux.

Left Steven and went home to lay on the bed and finished my book, the sun was streaming through the window, so i had a little nap afterwards, then got ready to hit town and collect brother only to get a txt to say he wasn't going out!!!!!! Grrrr!!
I was all ready and decided to go out (surely they'll be someone in spoons i know), erm not! but it was okay as Matt and Warren turned up after 1/2 hr.
We squeezed into the alcove then when the much sought after round table with tall bar stools became available we pounced.
Caroline and Katy (hiya Karen) arrived, them MJ and Sarah called in for one on their way to Julie's 40th.

Then everyone seemed to want to talk about Andy getting his "red wings" Matt had spilt the beans, Warren said Andy had already told him but this is a lie.
Andy had said that he thought he'd killed me...nice!
Matt said "oh Andy is a nice boy". Warren agreed, i also agreed but said he wasn't nice to me, to which Warren gave me a little pep talk on the intricate cog in AP's mind........going something like this.
"You think Andy treats you bad, but he doesn't, he treats you just like he treats all of us and we've known him forever, that's his way he's moody and you'll just have to put up with it. But Andy recently has even started admitting to the lads that you're his girlfriend".

Sarah had tears in her eyes, then in that instance i'd forgiven him everything.
That bluddy Warren!!!!!!!!!!

Next every other cricketer's girlfriend had arrived, Clare, Debbie, Angela, Nichola and the other one's i don't remember their names.
We were drinking for England and i seemed very sleepy and drunk, the lads turned up and i was tugging at Andys shirt apologizing for kicking off last week. "Don't worry about it Karen".
The rest of our clan arrived, Tina, Beth, Hayley and Spug ( i never did buy her that pint). I wanted to stay and just stare at Andy but Matt was getting cross with me coz he wanted to go to the station to sing, so he bundled me out of the door, saying Andy's coming to the regal, don't fret!!!!!!!

Station, tragic, karaoke slips everywhere.........Spug was snogging a 17 yr old swamp donkey! MESSY!!!
Regal, after my 4 lemonades i'd come round a bit, i thought i'd play hard to get and went nowhere near Andy,Tina was saying he can't take his eyes off you, i played so hard to get he just went without me. Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

I left shortly afterwards, this was after i'd chatted to Chris Rhodes, who was fed up of my brothers calling him "sister kisser" and after Spug had pulled Matt Womersley.
I can't believe he went home without me, what all that about??
When he admitted i was his girlfriend to lads like, what did he say?? "do ya know that fat blond that keeps following me about, i actually know her".

Taxi ranks were rammed so i walked home to clear my head, got in and sent him a soppy txt, like a cunt....??? why oh why!!!!

Sunday chores, then walked to Marlo and Jims for Sunday dinner.....it was okay! Mark commented to Mum about the pope, having spent his entire life surrounded by great paintings, ya di ya! i piped up "bet he'd rather have got pissed and had a shag"......erm Taxi!

Met Spug at 6pm for Sunday shandies in the sunshine, happy days!
Had a top night as always, got wellied, were joined by Rach, Dean and Sarah.
Spug and i took the piss out of the people who came in walking really slowly, where did they think they were the Moon? so i got rangooned, now the lesbian barmaid thinks i'm a rug muncher too, as i was telling her cat stories, Sarah got me done, as after 7 pints i seem to want to tell everyone how to make dishes that involve frying your onions until they're transparent.
Other drunken stories included, Chris Innes the lemon thief, Suggys antics, jumping out of taxis without paying and the dishcloth story.

We were all too sleepy for fodder so taxied home, was in bed for 11pm and could have a lovely lie-in this morning as i was taking my car to the garage to be fixed, so what time did i wake up .............5 fucking a.m.....yes 5am!!!!!

Anyhow found the garage okay and have been given a hire car, a Honda type R, which is very fast, all the lads in the office are wanking over it..........so it must be good!

Guess who's back?

Back again.
Yep that Sarah back from the Yarmouth, causing her bother!

Nearly fucking fainted, we got to spoons (admittedly a little late as Hayley Jane had misplaced her handbag somewhere on her sofa bed)but there was Elsworth, nursing her lagertop!! SHE'S NEVER early!!!!

So we hovered a while, some freak with a dyed back elvis styley mullet, was barking at Sarah "i've just got back from Brid, i moved there a year ago like wi bird, but she kicked me out so now i'm kipping on a mates floor" Sarah was mouthing save me!! while Me, Spug, Hayley, Beth and Tina just ignored her and went to get a table.

Hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa!

Had 4 pints in Spoons, Sarah had 3 coz she was full????
Got to the turnstiles, where Sarah went straight to the loos to wang her guts up, so she make some room for vodka (this girl is 32).
Sat on them really fucking uncomfy leather sofas, had 2 pints of cider and black.
Some scarey bird, nursing a pint of Guinness was chuntering "i've come to say sorry for other week, i was arseholed" fuckoff you frightening lessie, get out of my face!!!

Ran up to the Station, Sarah had already got me a pint of cider, i was going to ask for shandy..........she's a naughty girl!!

Went to the loos, stared in horror at the bin i supposedly pissed in, it never happened govenor, i couldn't even get one arse cheek on that thing!!!

It was dead as a dodo in there and the Regal bar in the sky wasn't much better.
Not one sexy man in sight to swap spit with, Sarah's answer...........fuck it lets drink DEISEL........??!!?

Oh fuck, so a bit of jigging, more deisel, then Sarah appears..... "Karen, that girl in the green top over there, hit me on the head, i told her she's only get away with this once" this wasn't good enough for me. NOONE get fancy with their fists with my mates!!!!!!!

Next thing i suggested girl in green, maybe should say sorry to The girl drinking deisel called Sarah!!!

Told the bint she should stop spitting in my face and maybe try to speak properly, next shes chasing me and Sarah down the regal steps saying "come back here you fat bitches" hahahahahahaaaaaa!!!!!

That went to plan, ran past Greggs, it was shut so no pasties for the lard ladies!!!!!!

Got to sloppies, remembered Matts suggestion that i should have a chicken bhuna, fuck that "lamb korma, Javved".
Sarah ordered just a dry garlic naan!!!!!!

Then Spug turned up with a face like thunder! WE'D FORGOTTEN HER!!!!!!! we were getting into a scrap and forgot poor Spuggy!!! Sooreeyyy Spuggy, i'll buy you a pint tonight.


So was in bed at 1am, rubbish!!

But on the upside, was a wake early, no hangover today!!!
Picure on health, been up mowed the lawn, been to tescos, petshop for black sunflower seed and squirrel nuts, then called at Marlos.....only Steven in, so we went to buy some razor blades! random.
Then we cleaned all the patio furniture, had caffitiere coffee, Sausage, Scrambled eggs, Bacon, mushrooms, beans, wholemeal rolls and toast in the garden.
Great days, am blogging in Stevens bedroom as the fucking library is shut and i was off work yesterday and am having withdrawl from the blog!!!

So another night round Clecksville tonight, Matt home, Steven is attending and then the other usual suspects......bring it on.

I must txt that James......see what he's up to !
12 shags in 1 week......What the fuck???

I nicked this off....

1. What time did you get up this morning ? 7.10am boo! hiss!
2. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Bridgett Jones, Edge of Reason. Tripe.
3. What is your favourite TV show? Shameless
4. What did you have for breakfast? Alka-Seltzer and a fag
5.What is your middle name? Joanne Margaret
6. What is your favourite cuisine? Pie, chips, mushy peas and gravy, yum!
7. What foods do you dislike? Anything too fancy or foreign
8. What is your favourite crisp flavour? Salt and vinegar all the way!
9. What is your favourite CD at the moment? Ian Brown, FabricLondon, Dandy Warholes, Kings of Leon
10. What kind of car do you drive? no. 42 bus, or Farida's corsa illegally
11. Favourite sandwich? with chips in it.
13. Favourite item of clothing? skin tight earl jeans, cow boy boots and a smile!
14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation? Australia
15. What colour is your bathroom? White and blue, boring!
16. Favourite brand of clothing? Gucci, fantasy-Top shop, reality
17. Where would you retire to? Ibiza
18. Favourite time of the day? 10.30pm
19. Favourite sport to watch? none!
20. What fabric detergent do you use? persil and lenor
21. Coke or Pepsi? Diet coke
22. Are you a morning person or a night owl? Night owl
23. What is your shoe size? 7 (I'm tall)
24. Do you have any pets? the wife
25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with your Friends? I had 3 hours sleep last night
26. What did you want to do when you were little? read the weather and shag Jason Donovan
27. What are you meant to be doing today? work

Nicked this from Matt, Karen & Rich

1.What time did you get up this morning ? 07.30 dying for a pee
2.What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Star Trek Nemesis
3. What is your favourite TV show? The Golden Girls
4. What did you have for breakfast? A Shag
5.What is your middle name? Don’t have one
6. What is your favourite cuisine? Tuna & Pasta
7. What foods do you dislike? Anything wet, stew, gravy yuk!!!!
8. What is your favourite crisp flavour? Prawn Cocktail
9. What is your favourite CD at the moment? Enigma Greatest Remix Hits, Kylie Minogue “Impossible Princess”, Annie Lennox “Medusa” & “Bare”
10. What kind of car do you drive? A New Rover 45 Saloon
11. Favourite sandwich? Cheese & Ham with Salad Cream and Onions
13. Favourite item of clothing? My Designer pants that are so tight they’re shameful
14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation? Iceland
15. What colour is your bathroom? White
16. Favourite brand of clothing? Don’t have a favourite
17. Where would you retire to? Scottish Highlands
18. Favourite time of the day? Any non working hours
19. Favourite sport to watch? Any where the men are semi-nude
20. What fabric detergent do you use? Asda
21. Coke or Pepsi? Diet Coke
22. Are you a morning person or a night owl? Nocturnal
23. What is your shoe size? 9
24. Do you have any pets? Chihuahua called Pablo
25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with your Friends? I’ve had sex 12 times this week
26. What did you want to do when you were little? Todd from Neighbours
27. What are you meant to be doing today? A little work I suppose