Weeeeeeeeeeeird!!!

I had a weird dream last night.

I was working on a carpet making machine at my dad's old work and my co-worker was Kelly Obsourne. She was acting the fool and climbed into the hopper (the thing at the beginning of the machine which stores all the fibre prior to it being processed) and started dancing about. Then she got caught on the spiked sheet (a conveyerbelt which is covered in spikes which goes diagonally upwards and takes fibre into the machine0 and it reiiped her apart and took her into the machine.

I was really scared and had them turn the machine off and rang for an ambulance but I couldn't get through and I rand Kelly's dad, who in my dream was Paul Whitehouse. He kept being stupid and doing silly voices but finally got the point and after hanging up, I managed to get through to the ambulance.

Finally the ambulance people came, there were three of them and they were all really fit but when I went back into the factory I couldn't find the hopper she'd climbed in and so nobody believed what had happened and they turned on the machine again but bits of Kelly started coming through in the carpet by which time the ambulance people realised there was nothing they could do.

God, it was one of the weirdest dreams I've ever had!!

Dining out, bowling and feathering' nest.

Where the hell do weekends go?
In the olden days, when i used to lig in bed with hangover and sleep the weekends away, they seemed longer that they do now, i don't get it!
I spend my weekends racing round like a loon, cramming activities into every corner and they're over in a blink.

My usual running commentary of the last few days, goes a little something like this.

Thursday 23rd
As i said, on the way home Tesco's for essentials and a bottle of Talisker and Jack Daniels, Ap arrived at 7pm to help me unpack the shopping and take bin up, we spent the rest of the evening just ligging about unwinding and preparing for the weekend, bed quite early and was awake at 7.22am the next morning, once i'd stirred it was only fair to share my awake state...hahhhaaa! left him to have a lie-in till 10am......grrr!

Friday 24th
Was at work at 8.45am (this has never been known before), quite a pleasant day..nipped to White Rose in my dinner hour, David was out all afternoon and i ate too much lunch (mainly carrot cake) so had a nap at my desk around 3ish.
5pm before i knew it, yippee, i was outta here as fast as my little legs (carrying an extra 1 1/2 stone) would carry me, home for half past, sorted cats, quick wash and change, went for AP, Katy and Grant at 6.45pm and headed for the M621 and the bright lights of the LA bowl in......erm Holbeck. Funny as fook.........bowling, oh my god, you really are quite limited as to what you can do while expecting a baby!! it turned out quite a good laugh, i won the first game and Katy won the 2nd and the overall score (to say the boys weren't happy is an understatement), we were 15mins late for the table i'd booked at the Oracle, but neigh bother, more pints for them 3 and the food arrived after 40 mins, gourmet burgers, fries and cheesy garlic bread all round......it never touched the sides, a few after work revellers were dotted about, one woman had drunk so much champagne, she knocked a bar stool over and fell on top of it, much to my amusement.........eeh! i remember those days.
Home in the belting down rain, dropped them at home and we were in front of the fire, de-make-upped and in p.j's at 11pm :o) stayed up till midnight, then went to bed where i read magazines and Mr. Porrait watched Sky sports.

Saturday 25th
Awake and up and about at 8am.....wrong!! coffees in bed, to prolong getting up and braving the cold to go swimming, brrr! dropped Andy at his, he'd no rugby fixture, so was at a loss for the day, but i had a full agenda.
So swam my lengths (it was rammed, not happy), called at the car wash on the way home, got in and set too......bath, made full English, mixed some blue emulsion and painted filled in cracks (up ladders, quite safe!), made a chocolate trifle, sewed up p.j bottoms and combats (i'm like the hulk bursting out of my clothes) did 2 wash loads and put on airer, dusted living room, then had a 25min nap until Andy phoned followed by Sarah, got a wriggle on and was ready and out the door for 5.15pm.

To the Old corn mill, my my, it brought back memories.........had flash backs to 1989 when i worked there with Rachel Carr behind the bar, met JC.... and pondered on whether a place alone can change your destiny, also had fond memories of the night club downstairs where i used to frequent often with my Fountain buddies in 1993.
Anyhow, it is no longer a knocking shop/watering hole but has been transformed into an oldie worldy restaurant...Sarah had picked it for her birthday meal (good choice), 9 of us dined Matt, Sera, Janet, Tim, Jo, Sam, Harry, Moi and the birthday girl, we waded our way through 3 courses over 3 hours.......not a rush in us, was fit to burst after my prawn cocktail, steak and ale pie, mash and veg, and strawberry mousse, raspberry coulis and channel island cream thingy.......fooking hell i was pogged!!!
My phone was red hot, Andy, Matt and KF all phoned to find out what was happening later on in the evening.

It was 8.45pm, by the time we got to the Sportsclub, Katy was telling me about someone telling her to shut her dog up at the rugby, Matt was sat at the bar with all the ladies......well Spug, Tina, Beth, Hayley etc.hhhahhaaa! there was some kind of disco on, it was noisy and smokey, but we found some seats and i would have been quite happy plonked there for the night.
Phoned Andy to say we'd just arrived, he said he'd be 20mins as he was finishing his pint in the Commi, Matt said he wanted to go into town, so txt AP to say "stay where you are", Moi, Sera, Sarah and the 2 Matts got in the C4 and headed for town, the commercial... as AP, his Bro, the Wags etc were all in there........the 4 of us who'd eaten the 3 course meal were quite content slumped there, 3 of who'd had gone onto vodka and cokes as the lager wasn't going down.

Andy was funny, he'd had a few pints, (been home as he had a rash on his face and neck and was allergic to his new shirt??!!) and was on his soap box, the little tinker, telling anyone who'd listen, he was keeping his room open at home for when i booted him out, was going to call the baby George , couldn't wait to have a taste of breast milk, all the while laughing at his own jokes and mouthing "i'm only joking"....struth!!!
Matt was sad noone wanted to karaoke and nicked off early for a chinese, i had a really good night, chatting to John and Jacko, telling Andy off, laughing at them 3 getting pished on double vodkas at a fiver a shout, all the while random pissheads squeeling "Karen, how big is your bump now?"
Home at midnight, Andy made 2 ham sandwiches and swallowed them both whole washed down with a bag of cheese and onion crisps, guffawed loudly at re-takes of Only fools and horses on UK gold, then shuffled off to bed, put the cricket on and fell asleep at 1am, 30 seconds after retiring.
Mind you i was out for the count minutes after and i hadn't had a gallon of ale.


Sunday 26th
Lovely day, my favourite of the weekend, awake at 9.30am, Andy was rough, i was laughing, he shouted at Meg for jumping on him and spilling tea on the quilt...i wasn't laughing!
He got changed and we toddled to Tesco's for the Sunday papers and a nice piece of Brisket (how old?).
Back home, we took down the living room curtains to wash (nest feathering), i wouldn't like to think how long they've been hanging there, but they're now 3 shades lighter.
Hung them out on the line, ironed them for 1 1/2hrs and hung them back up.
Put the joint in and prepared all veg, cleaned kitchen, put new bedding on bed and washed the tea stained old stuff, lounged around, happy and snug.
3pm, we are like kings, roast beef, homemade roasties, yorkshires, mash, veg and pigs in blankets, it was by far the nicest Sunday roast i have ever cooked.
Footie for Andy, snooze for me, had a bath, dropped him home and went M&D visiting at 7pm, Mum was funny "ooh look at you waddling in, in your...oh pyjamas, i hope nobody saw you". Ruth and Mark turned up, Ruth sewing some pants on Marlo's machine, i stayed an hour or two until Dad came back from his walk and started talking rubbish, home just in time for IAC and Lost at 10pm, Suggy txt to ask about my progress! random boy......Jake and Kate have had a son, Joe, 5ld odd, Chris said it was a box child (i don't understand what this means). Bed at 11.30pm, read till after the midnight, was absolutely done in from all the odd jobs and eating i've done this weekend, but it's flown..........madness!

Still only 4 weeks left until the festive season, bring it on, i can't wait.....slobbing about at home, eating scrummy nosh in my favourite attire, none of that pushing and shoving in smokey bars and all that nonsense for me........no sirree!

Blubbering, Borat and Bargains!

Ooh I'm in the Christmas spirit today, I'm right jolly!

Had a lovely week so far, once all the house was back to normal..........unhinged i know, but there were tears on Monday over the decorating and the mess.

I'm not all there......i know!!, AP phoned Monday lunchtime to say his Dad had his key and was letting himself in Monday t.time to carry on making a balls of our babies nursery and let my cats out so Maisie would run off and hide for hours on end and not come home as strangers were in the house.
I said it was fine, then was snivelling like a girl and wiping snot off my top lip before i knew what was happening.
Hormones!

Mailed Ruth and she agreed to come to tea, be there for moral support, wouldn't leave me on my own with Dave and generally give me a pep talk, kick up the ass and stop me wining like a mule.

Andy then txt and said he wasn't going to the gym after all (i don't even have to say anything, he can just sense all is not well) so once i got home at 6pm, he was there with his Dad papering and pasting, Ruth was outside waiting for me....... having a fag.

So the men were upstairs doing there stuff, Dave wanted to know whether i'd mind a couple of joins in the paper, oh me!
Ruth completely saved the day, by getting him to piece all the bits at the same level, as where he'd ripped the bit behind the door.
What a saviour, me, Andy and Ruth had tea, cooked by yours truly, the boys packed up their tackle and departed about 8.30pm, Ruth kindly took back all Dad's gear and i set too blitzing, dragging furniture about, cleaning stair carpet, washing windows, hoovering, putting up lightshades, until it was so clean and tidy you'd hardly notice the bad decorating!
By the time, i'd bathed and washed up, it was 11pm, i fell into bed one very happy bunny, i'm so glad all the upheaval's over.......imagine what i'd be like if i was 8 months gone, the trauma would have killed me!!!

Tuesday 21st
I was on top form (and have been ever since), felt so bad for being a witch to Andy, so paid for his jeans doing at the tailors as a treat (we're simple folk!).
Can't remember Tuesday's work day....must've been good!
But had a lovely night.........Mmm clean house, pie and chips....reight do!
Andy took all his Dad's equipment home and i toddled off to bed with baby bump at approx 11pm, trashy mag in hand and cat under my arm.

Wednesday 22nd
Work was fine, nowt out of the ordinary, we had a big office clear out and i got to hoist some good stuff.....went to get David 2 pink grapefruit at lunch from M&S and got a parking ticket £30.98, expensive grapefruit!

Arranged to go to flicks with Steven last night, quick dip in bath tub at t.time, pie peas and mint sauce, chatted to Mum for 1/2hr......she was distraught DP had done the nursery and said Dad would be most put out.........?? oh me!
Steven and i got to one bursting at the seams showcase cinemas (Orange Wednesdays are always rammed), 8.05pm showing of Borat, funny as fook, how we laughed (felt bad as AP wanted to see it too but??!).

Dropped Bro home at 10ish, switched everything off downstairs once home and read in bed, it makes me tired going out mid week, was asleep before 11.30pm.

Thursday 22nd
Oooh busy day, shopping and spending a plenty..........in works time, yes i know!
Spent the morning taking bank and post, cashed David's lottery (42 lucky dips to win a tenner, nobba!). Then called in Dino's to pay our works Xmas do deposits.
Booked hairdressers appointment for same day, then Oracle and bowling lanes for Friday night.
Also nipped in waterstones and asked loudly where Ricky Tomlinson's new book "The world of Karl Pilkington" was, when in actual fact the author is Ricky Gervais! doh!!
Crown point at lunchtime, Sarah's bday pressie from Next and posh Chrimco cards, then went mad on shimmery party clothes in George at Asda, i've seen the light............ How cheap is it? Gold cropped jacket, glitzy sequinned top, black chiffon dress and angora cardigan..........£62.
Sprinted back to the car, wi me bargains under my arm in case some scally had away with them, am v.pleased and will mix and match said articles to cover all the following 4 events.
Woz's 30th, Works Christmas party, Xmas eve and Carl and Nicola's wedding!

Need to call in Tesco's on the way home, get 2 brothers thier choice of whiskey, then Chrimbo shopping will be well over 1/2 covered. Ace!

So am happy as a sand boy, Friday is knocking......weekend at long last :o) Andy no overtime Friday or Saturday, so slumber party tonight, might have a curry.
Will leave the boy in bed in the morning and try not to be too sad.
Then activies galore this weekend, bowling,burgers, (i have noticed that all we do is eat out lately, twice last weekend and twice this) swimming, birthday tea, then darn Cleck with Matthew and Sarah 3 bellies, there's some disco on at the club, but Matt's not up for it.... me and baby Porrait aren't into disco dancing either at the moment.............imagine! dancing sober, wrong wrong wrong!

I do nowt but moan

Hiya

I'm here again waffling on about decorating and being knocked up, god you must be bored!!

The weekend flew as usual, but am in quite high spirits this morning to say it's a Monday, after all..........what's to be glum about? Chrimbo in 5 weeks, healthy, happy, baby on the way, good friends and family, not skint!! If i can conquer world peace before close of play today, we've cracked it!

Friday 17th, i left at 3pm for my "doctors appointment", home to a sleeping Porrait on the couch, all spare room void of wallpaper, he's a little grafter!!! he'd eaten the cats chicken in a sandwich for lunch, instead of cooking the bacon i'd left him though.......the lazy article.

He left to get changed, i loaded car up and went to fetch him 20 mins later.....1st stop Marlo's, raided Jim's garage and hoisted pasting table, gloss, emulsion, brush etc, quick cup of tea with Mum, she was stood in the dark when we arrived smoking in the kitchen so the traffic couldn't see in (she's lost it).
2nd stop Al Murads, picked wallpaper and other equipment needed.......Andy paid (good).
3rd stop Warren's to drop off Karaoke machine (only Caz and Molly in), quick chat then 4th stop Tesco's, Andy chatted to Mason at the end of the aisle while i filled trolley mainly full of fruit juice.
Home James, unloaded all car, realising i'd forgotten to drop Dean's tool off.
I was up for staying in, cooking and eating in my pyjamas...........like Waynetta slob. Andy wanted to go out to eat, so i got in the bath, dressed and put my face on and we went darn Lillibets for 2for1 steaks.......ooh it wa full o'bockers!!!

Home at 8.30ish, p.j's :o) was happy as a pig in shit, watching drek on t.v, eating chocolate trifle with fire on full, with my trashy magazines on stand by.
Bed midnight, jiggered after a long week!!

Saturday 18th, Dave arrived at 9am, i quickly showed him the room, while retrieving Maisie from up the chimney where she'd shot when Andy had tried to get her out from under the bed............i then left for the swimming baths...fooking hell, i'm not going at that time on a morning again, it was full of athletes (come on lets get to the baths early doors, swim a mile, embrace the day.........our bodies are temples......blah blah, cunts!!!), i waddled in, swam 30 lengths, v.slowly......everyone was getting in my way, children move for an adult length swimmer...grown ups don't, not even if you're with baby, and there was two buffoons doing front crawl splashing me everytime they passed!!! grrr!

Home, Dave was throng, made me and AP a full English, off he trots to rugby.......Dave left at 1ish, all glossing and ceiling done, but bedroom looking like Bosnia........oh me!
Those of you who know me.....well saying i don't like mess is an understatement, it actually makes me poorly!

Ran past spare room with my eyes shut, had a nice bath, then got out with shampoo in my eyes as someone was not knocking, but Banging on the door. Top of stairs, moi dressed in a towel, noone there, back in bath tutting!!! Had a mince pie, did a wash load, then fell asleep on the sofa for ooh 20mins, until some cunt started banging on the door again........answered it, looking like thunder, some chinky cunt from NPower, well unlike Rach who was too polite to get rid of the double glazing salesman last week, i don't suffer fools gladly... told him in no uncertain terms to go away please, he looked horrified at my rudeness. God i was livid!!

Got ready into my ladies at Laura Ashley outfit, then nipped to Mum's for some Evo stick and lining paper.......don't ask!, Their Brummy friends were there along with Ruth and Auntie Gill..stayed 1/2hr, gave Auntie G a lift, picked up Andy at the club, took Gill home, then talked t'inlaws while Andy had a shave, then we went to meet rest of Wags and Co in the Commi for Debbie's birthday night out!!!

Couple of drinks in there, John gave me his seat bless him, chatted to Clare and Caroline (who was out to get blathered!!), 4 taxi's arrived, moi and Andy followed on in the car, parked in Huddersfield train station carpark and crossed the road over to Mas!! What a fooking rip off.....to cut a long story short, Tapa's is not for us!!!! Me and Andy sat with Blacky at one end of the table next to Guy and Maria & Kim and Wayne, some randoms in the middle..i.e...Bev and co., with Spazzy Ange, Baz, Debbie, Marshy, John, Claire, Chris, Katie, Caroline and Co up t'uther end.
It was £16 a head with a £30 service charge, the meal was over in.....20 minutes.......i kid you not, we were like locusts. It was fine, for a pre-boozing snack, but rubbish value if you were looking forward to a meal, i liked every dish, there just wasn't enough of it!!!

We all schlecked across town in the fooking freezing cold night, teeth chattering, dodging the gritters, to some chinese wine bar, i had my 5th soft drink of the night, everyone was on thier way, Andy being no exception, he was fading fast after 5 stellas and 3 pints of carling so took him off home, Brrrrr! back to train station, AP in just a t.shirt......silly boy.
Home through Fartown and Brighouse (course we weren't lost) and bed for midnight again, as another early morning the next day.

Sunday 19th.....awake but not up at 8am, pegged some washing out at 9am, then Dave was back at 1/2 past, we just ligged about watching Love Actually eating bacon sarnies, letting him graft. The wallpapering, is well? 1/2 done and not up to Jim's standard....that's all i'm saying!!!
I stripped the bed and did a further 3 wash loads, donning all wet washing on airer in the middle of the fooking living room, oh my house is like a pig sty, i don't like it!
Dave packed up for the day (note, packed up but didn't tidy up), i stomped upstairs, Vac in hand switched it on but it wasn't sucking anything up as someone had blocked up the pipe with bits of wallpaper on Friday while i was at work, by this time my head was going to go, fixed it, hoovered up, tidied round, put all equipment in one corner so it looks 1/2 decent, studied wallpaper and oh me!!!

Andy let the sky man in, i shouted at him for putting tin trunk on the clean bed clothes, god i was foul, almost insisted he went to the pub to meet Woz, Blacky, Deano, Waitey and his brother to watch the footie, love him, he was looking all sad as i was being a ratty, tired bitch.......he was trying to cheer me up by saying "ooh only 7hrs till Lost"........bless!
Booted him out the door, had another bath, then fell asleep on the sofa for 2 hours dribbling like a pensioner!
Awoke to a txt from Steven, got a wriggle on and had a lovely night, calm restored.........made veggie rice, pitta and chilli, flicked through BabiesRus and Mothercare catalogues, watching IAC, then the long awaited double Lost..my oh my!

So that's the weekend, busy as hell, work today is fine, or should i say my mood is?!! feel like an ungrateful cow for being a whinger yesterday, will be as pleasant as can be tonight when Dave comes up to wallpaper again, might go to Aquanatal with their Sarah to keep out of the way, if i can be assed.
I want it finished and tidy and clean and back to normal, i'm getting headache thinking about it..........deep breaths!
So the start of another week, going out with Steven Wednesday, then Katy and Grant Friday, then Sarah's birthday Do Saturday...........lots of relaxing inbetween, to maintain a busy but not hectic social life as i'm not as young and agile as i used to be.
More old, jaded, howge bellied, a little bit chubby and a little bit hairy, quite stubborn and abrasive, but a loyal friend till the death if people are right with me.

Phew

What a relief, got my blood test results back and they were LOW risk for Downs and negative for Edwards syndrome and spina bifida.......the percentage ratio was more than we could hope for, my age taken into account!

No amniocentesis needed.........

ACE!!!

What else do i know?

This week has been lousy at work, David divorcing his wife, being on a diet and business being poor, does not bode well for a happy working atmosphere.
It's fooking awful, roll on Xmas.

Monday:
Called at Dean and Rach's on the way home and picked up baby changing unit, spent the evening erecting it and chatting to Matt, after my favourite healthy tea of pie, chips and mushy peas..........Mmmm! magazine reading and slumber quite early.

Tuesday:
Went to Mozzy's at lunch, Hunslet Morrison's is SO common, also nipped to TKmaxx and purchased a musical vibrating baby rocker.....it's v.cute.
Work dire, so nice to get home......called at M&D's on the journey home and took Dad a box full of toys to wrap for the church Santa Xmas fair thingy!
Didn't stay as Mum looked forlorn and said "i was coming to yours tonight", home for 6.30pm, quick bath and cats in, had a very pleasant night, Andy ligged on sofa (Marlo telling him to put his feet down), Mum fagging it at the table flicking through the Mothercare catalogue.............Royale family eat your heart out.
Peace was restored at 10pm when they both departed, Mum leaving the paint stripper for us.

Wednesday:
Work unbearable, Leigh and David had a howge slanging match, cancelled deal losing company 30k profit and me £500 comm.......fook!!! i got out of the way and went to White Rose at dinnertime, saw Kay again, madness!!! bought nowt as by the time i'd found a parking spot, stared agog at the queues in Debenham's (20% off day), chatted to Kay and looked at the extortionate prices in Monsoon, it was time to go back to work.
Drove home stressed, with a thumping head......arrived at safe haven cat sanctuary at 6ish, fish for tea and Andy came up at 1/2 time in the footie.
We are SO loving i'm a celebrity, but were both in high spirits anyhow at the nice letter from the NHS......yippee!
Did nowt, just ligged about planning weekend..blah blah!

Thursday:
Better day at work, David thinks i'm going to be working from home the 9mths i'm off.......hahhhaaa! told Andy, he was under the same impression.....oops!
Readmans at lunch, to utilise my 10% off voucher, got Dad some Xmas slippers, moi 2 skirts (elasticated waists) and some full briefs grannye pants, the shame).
We were very busy bees in the evening, i sided all shopping etc, bathed and prepared tea, AP came at 7, we got ladders from shed and electric sander out, then set too completely emptying spare room (Andy chuntering, it's the end of an era..we should have phoned KF to see if she wanted a last shag in it, for old times sake).
So we threw away curtain pole, curtains, lampshade, pictures, what a waste........put bookcase and chairs down cellar, then the remaining furniture in our room, that doesn't look like a junk shop now.........at all! Told Meg to chose which toys she wanted to keep and lozzed the rest!

Showed Andy how to use wallpaper stripper and all finished in 1 1/2hrs.........tea and IAC, munching wine gums, bedfordshire after Catherine Tate, past baron spare room soon to be nursery, stumbled over junk to try and get to pit, got jiggy and slept 8 hrs, with 2 wee breaks!

Friday:
Am in high spirits today apart from my basic salary in pay packet, oh lordy lord! it'll be a small turkey this year!
Made AP a cup'o char to wake him and get him out of bed to start stripping and sanding, off to work for me,wearing my new big pants i'd sneakily tried to wriggle into (wriggle into? i could have jumped off the wardrobe into them they're that big)... am leaving early today for a... cough splutter....Doctors appointment, need to go pick wallpaper before it shuts, call and get paint and pasting table from Dad's, drop karaoke machine and Warrens and take tool back to Dean's, whether we get take-away for tea or eat out is yet to be decided, but Children in need is on!!??!

Hectic weekend planned, Dave P is coming early doors tomorrow and Sunday to decorate, sky man also visiting Sunday (must get some mince pies in for all guests!!??!), swimming for me, rugby for the boy........
Tapas tomorrow evening in Huddersfield for Deb's birthday and Sunday is open, after Dave has done his stuff, i may make a Sunday dinner, or go see Bond........ooh the world is our oyster is it not!!???

Just the right balance

The weekend has passed by again, in a flurry of partying, fag smoke, hangovers, memory loss and great expense.

Oh that's right that's the old me.

My new born again Fraulein Maria type persona spent her weekend like: well read it........

Friday 10th: Came to work, had a really good day....it was a hoot, we were all laughing and joking like the good old days. Went to the Crown point at lunch and bumped into KAY in Next (my word, not seen her for a year), she burst into tears when she saw my bump, couldn't apologise enough for not keeping in touch and was falling over herself to make it up to me, by giving me all Wills baby stuff (yes i should think so!!!).
Never got to try the dress on i'd picked for Nic's wedding, back to work.
Home at 5.30pm, quick shower, had some tea and went to collect Andy, who'd ligged around all day watching the box and doing his exercises at JJB......the lazy article!!!!

Oooh yeah randomist (if that's a word?) message on answer phone ever, Chris (Kay's husband) had left a message saying congratulations and Andy had to ring if he needed any advice, (they've never met)....how strange!!!??!
Anyhow:
Watched Saw III at the showcase...Jesus Mary Mother o' God! Not for the faint hearted.
My pop was off so Andy had to swap it twice, home for 10.15pm, dropped AP at his as he was up Saturday at 6.30am, to watch the Rugby league!!
I stayed up till 12, reading, tap-dancing and eating apple pie!

Saturday 11th: I can't seem to shake my feathers on a weekend, I'm like the Duracell bunny running on cheap zinc batteries, got out of my pit at 10.30am, changed bedding and put a wash on, let cats out, Tesco's for French stick and 2 extra pints of milk to make trifle and a paper to see if i'd won the Euromillions (i didn't).
To the baths, i'd read it was better to do backstroke, so i alternated 5 breastroke to one back, you've never seen anything like it! Jeez, i was fooked after 45mins, stumbled out and into the changing rooms, beet faced.

Home, cats in, Dean phoned to say they weren't coming for chilli....more washing, had a bacon and egg sarnie, bath and leisure wear, read paper, made trifle otherwise milk would have gone to waste, made chilli as rushmooms were wilting and froze 5 portions.
Was having a lovely day as Saturdays are clearly my favourite.......when the heavens opened and so did the roof. Literally, rain was running down the wall at the top of the stairs and water had collated under wallpaper and formed a huge bubble, which i pierced and squeezed like a big spot. I was not a happy bunny and was seen running across the landing with towels, like someone was about to give birth. Phoned Alan, the rain subsided, but i was still moggy, i don't like things going wrong.

Andy phoned from club and i acted like a maungey 14yr old, until i decided to go meet him and have some shandy! had quite a pleasant time, only Spug and Katy there in the girls until Claire came to join us, nice chats, we left at 9pm, Andy was swaying after 6 bottles of Stella and i wanted my chilli............Mmmm! so home James, Andy had hotdogs, and we dived into the trifle, glad that guests hadn't turned up. Parkinson, nearly peed my pants at Peter Kay.
Andy went to bed, i read a bit then went up, he was flaked out, not a stitch on, on top of bedding as the heating was on full, it was like a sauna up there i could hardly breath, dropped off at 2ish, to be awoken at 6am by hot blooded male, deary me! slept till 10am, was then informed in a distressed voice that the sky box in the bedroom wasn't working! Fooking Sky and fooking sky engineers, have had them out at least 4 times in as many weeks. What a fooking liberty!!!??!

Told Andy it could stay broken for me and snuggled down under quilt, until he came up with mugs of coffee, the phone and the Sky helpline number...........Grrrr!
We decided we wouldn't have breakfast and spoil our Sunday lunch, then we decided we'd have a small bacon butty as we probably wouldn't last and there'd be a wait at the Angel.

Wolfed down sarnie, i got ready, went to G&D's, Andy showered and changed, i chatted to Gill in living room, until Dave came back from the bookies and offered his decorating services to do the nursery...oh fooking hell, my Dad's not happy about me and Andy stripping paper, what the fook will he say if Dave does it, OH they'll be hell on, but didn't want to offend Dave so said that would be lovely, truth is i'd rather Andy and his Dad did it over a couple of weekends, rubbed paintwork down and got it right, than my Dad squeezed the job in between, painting some mosque or other and did a shabby job.

I've going to leave the men to wrestle this one out!
Collected John and Claire at 1.30pm, they were hung-over and Hank Marvin (their words), went to the old Angel (Toby Carvery at Morley), 40 minute wait, was glad we'd had the bacon buttie!!!!! had a couple of drinks and a chin wag, i really like John and Claire, felt a bit guilty we'd not invited G&D but Andy was saying "you wouldn't ask your parents!!?!".

Well nice fodder, we all agreed that £8 was a small price to pay, for not having to wash 100's of pans up and slave over the stove for 4hrs, flapping that the joint won't be nice..blah di blah! lazy feckers we are!
Dropped J&C home, Claire said John couldn't go to the pub as she needed help with some work she'd brought home, So Andy chelped on about what a mug he was......under the thumb and all that! SEZ!!!

Dropped Andy home, and raced to my abode, quickly donned on p.j's and got all my cheesey mags out, then Andy showed up!!???! put the football on........struth, neigh bother, we both polished off the trifle, then fell asleep on the sofas.
Watched Simpsons, he left at 7pm, i had a bath, clean p.j's and nibbled all night on festive nuts, fruit cake, melon, grapes and sports mixtures..........so healthy!

Monday morning again, 6 weeks today he'll have been.
And I'll be 24 weeks pregnant.........jeez!
Plus i'll only have 8 weeks left at work........yippee!

Lots of social events coming up on the calender:
Tapas, birthdays, meals, wedding, Xmas do's, Anomoly scan (will need to dress up for that....obviously)........ooh lordy lord, best get to the White Rose at lunch and get myself some sparkly sandals and a dress!

Ooh yeah i had a mad dream last night i was riding along Halifax road on a big white horse..looked it up this morning, it's a dream of your own wedding! watch this space! Mwahhhh!!!

Friday 10th

I'm emailing and I've nothing to say.
I've exhausted all my favourite websites, don't know where Matt is, Ruth has txt, she's at home.......Mark has passed his driving test, well done Mark!

I've done a couple of hours work and already eaten my bagel i'd brought for lunch..........
It's gonna be a long day!

I'm going to go to the Crown point at lunchtime and look for some Christmas present ideas........they've already started playing Xmas tunes in Boots...WTF?
Can't sit in the office all day you'd go stir crazy.

Been quite pleasant this week, truth be told....part timer that i am, when you've been off a day or too, do you always work doubly hard when you get back or is that just me?
But it's been fine, found a bit of gear, new consignment of CD box sets coming in next Monday which is a good job commission wise for me, the rate I'm spending! oops! Andy's saving like Scrooge for the baby, moving in and Xmas.........i'm just blowing all my dough like Viv Nicholson!! hahhaaaa


Evening wise, erm Wednesday..called at Mums on the way home, i'd phoned Dad in advance to tell him to get the wallpaper stripper out of the garage, but when i arrived he was asleep and Mum couldn't be bothered looking for it.....grr! she said she'd drop it in before weekend, it's weekend now and it hasn't turned up!!! I wouldn't mind but Dad borrowed mine and lost it! the brute! home for 7pm and the usual routine, phoned RMS for 20 mins, had a pizza and moi and AP ligged around watching t.v and chatting excitedly about baby and Chrimbo related topics.

Thursday, ooh i went and bought some perfume and aftershave stocking fillers yesterday, how organised am i? also went on a mad one in Morrisons, why my shopping bill has doubled is anyones guess and i'm certainly not eating £40's worth of cake a week.

Last night, i called at Rach's on the way home to take Megan some drawers for her bedroom, they were an early Xmas present but we are swapping for her changing unit now.........good eh? Megan looked smart as a carrott in some pink shoes and a chord jacket, she'd clearly been for an interview, had a quick chat then Dean wanted fetching from Scholes, by the time we got back and got drawers from back of car i had to get home t'other half.
Let cats in, he took bin to main road, i bathed, he read daily star, spent yonks cooking healthy tea of mashed carrot swede, spuds, fish, leeks and sprouts, then we spent the night watching Waking Ned on video, while sky plussing Catherine Tate.
Bed not too late for a preview of the ashes, reading crap mags and a bit of how's ya father!

This morning he'd no overtime on, so got to lie-in while i had to get up and dressed in the cold and come to work, he was trying not to look too smug.......the little blighter!

So as i said work is v.labourious today, off out shortly, have recieved some designer baby sleep suit samples and a blanket this morning, so i'll be hoisting them before tea.

Weekend plans as follows:
Saw III tonight if i don't welsh out coz of the cold (no i must make an effort).

Tomorrow, erm swimming, making a chilli, starting stripping paper when Marlo show's up with me tools.

Sunday NO PLANS! heaven, or are we going out for Sunday dinner with John and Clare?
Oh yeah i think we are!

Have a lovely weekend y'all.

Last week..at last

I'm here don't worry.

Am trying to cast my mind back on a whole weeks events.

Wednesday 1st, Steven came for tea, it was very pleasant....i don't see him very often, we laughed like drains all night and ate like kings.

Thursday 2nd, Had my triple bloods doing (oh me!), on a plus note, all other bloods and BP fine, heard the babies heartbeat....it was SO loud, was v.excited!!! evening........Aporrait came up, can't remember what we did, Catherine Tate was on, i had a curry!!??!.........ooh my memory's shot!

Friday 3rd, called at the Mother's on the way home, gave her, her birthday gifts, stayed till 7pm chatting, she keeps telling me to lay off the cake...pah! what does she know!
Home to a waiting AP, i had a bath, he put sky sports on, i was so tired and past cooking, i had a pork pie, some crisps and an M&S bakewell tart and later suffered for not having my recommended 5 a day.
Early to bed, we are talking 10.15pm.....struth!

Saturday 4th, i was up early, stared into space a while, then gave myself a kick up the ass and got going with my jobs, put tint on hair, while it was processing, i stripped bed, sided washing, got quilt from boot and soon realised a service wash in Beeston means, just that..they hadn't fooking dried it, pegged it out. Made some chocolate muffins for Sunday, then showered and shot to Mothers at 12.15pm, as i arrived she was pulling out of her drive as i was late..........oops!
Made it to Lillibets with no minutes to spare for Marlo's 60th Birthday Girlie Lunch, Hayley, Rach, Auntie Gill and Ruth were already there.....very pleasant couple of hours spent, but boy did we eat.........felt uncomfortably full to the stage i could have spewed my ring up in the carpark.......who's idea was it to buy the £5.95 chocolate monster desserts?
Marlo loved all her presents, so that's all that matters.
Threw her out at home, then got back and brought quilt in from line, hung it over 4 chairs in front of fire and promptly fell asleep like some random pensioner.

Woke up, cats had jumped on drying quilt and made a den.......put back on bed, Andy phoned, the rugby had been cancelled and could i pick him up at home?
Fetched him at 6ish, G&D were fussing me in the kitchen, got to Drub club bonfire, it was alright, i'm getting a bit stalled of these family bashes when it's not even Xmas.....tee hee!
No truth is my leg was playing up, i think i have sciatica in my left leg, so i had to sit inside, hence me and Andy missed all the fireworks. Dean, Rach and Megan went into town, probably Regal...........me and Andy nipped home for beers, cake and crisps.

Then we went to Mum and Dad's with Ruth, Mark and Auntie Gill for Trivial Pursuits, Marlo won, but it was her birthday, by 11pm we were flagging, poor Andy had been working since 6.30am......overtime, bringing cash in for'bairn. He'd had 4 stellas and his eyes were shutting. Home James and straight to bed, well after i found a slug in the kitchen and lozzed it into the back garden, fed the cats, switched all the lights off ya di ya.......so by midnight we were both in post coital slumber.

Sunday 5th, i SO wanted a lie in, what did Andy do at 9am? he puts the cricket on without sound so as not to wake me, thing is i'd heard him go to the loo, put t.v on, pick up the remote, get a drink of water and have a full conversation with Meg.....so i was wide awake, meaning every time they changed frames it was like a fooking disco in me bedroom........(i'm so glad i have partner and a baby on the way as i was destined to die a grumpy old spinster).
Got up tutting, made coffees, Andy went to the Gym, i put the joint in, did more washing and nipped to tesco, before returning home, to peel 100 weight of winter veg.
I hadn't even sat down, when the parents arrived at 4ish, the dinner was okay, not as nice as when Ruth and Mark came, we were all stuffed and sat round in contented silence watching Willy Wonka's chocolate factory, they left at 8.30pm, it took forever to wash up and side away, me and AP were pooped, i had headache (again), made Mondays salad and fell into bed before 11pm.

Monday 6th, after a horrid nights sleep, still with headache, txt Leigh saying i wouldn't be in.
Eventually got comfy, might need to have my leg off like Heather Mills...not!
And slept till late morning...........heaven, AP txt, told him i was off... bless him, he was saying, "love you, take it easy, put your feet up and watch t.v."
Had quite a nice day actually, you know preparing for my maternity leave..........ate salad, took 2 binliners of books to oxfam, called in petshop for nuts and seeds and found a tenner......reight do!
Called in Tesco's and spent it on cake, tee hee!
Home, ate cake, spent 1 hr putting up babies drawers.
Read mags, watched drek on t.v..played with cats and had a lovely evening pottering about, wasn't well later in the evening (probably serve me right) but baby doesn't seem to like certain foods.
Bed at midnight, feeling rough as old boots.

Tuesday 7th, took a 2nd sabatical, felt rotten all day, was worried i would be fired, still....up at 11am, chose some wallpaper for the nursery from Almyrads, then went to Batley Mill village and bought my 1st Christmas present which i want to keep for myself...i might do actually! Hahhhaa!
Home, had a sandwich, bathed, napped, read mags, filled bird feeders.........people say you'd be bored at home.......well i fooking love it, so stick that in your pipe and smoke it!
Watched t.v till Andy came up at night, he'd made a rick at work and was upset he'd be in trouble today, so maudled him all night....ooh he's a worrier, not like me who was convinced i was sacked today after having my 4th day off sick while pregnant!

So we were both quite glum for the evening, watched too fat to walk, what a winer that Hayley is?
Bed early and back to it today.....washed 100 mugs, returned to 176 emails and David is fine, i think he expects i will be off now and again, if he starts... i'll just start talking about vaginas, amniotic sacs, discharge, leeking nipples and stuff till he clams up!

Feeling Fat Fat Fat

As apposed to Hot Hot Hot
If my boobs get any bigger, they are going to take over the world.

Why don't they just get big at the last hurdle, when you're ready t'feed Bairn........I'm going to suggest it at the next meeting.

I haven't done anything this week.

Monday:
The highlight of the day was taking the winter quilt for a service wash at Beeston Launderette in my lunch hour...........scareey!!
Andy phoned, he was fine at his new job, he knew everyone and noone had eaten his lunch or nipped him. Phew!!

My evening consisted of, erm..........oh, 1 hr in the kitchen dissecting a melon, grating cheese for lunches, making Tuesdays salad, then lamb chops, mash and trimmings for tea. So healthy.....i fail to mention zee chocolate hobnobs i was scoffing on my way up to bed.
Didn't do anything else, no t.v downstairs, so took me mags, some ribena and watched the box in my boudoir, asleep quite early, Matt said he was phoning, but he was asleep propped up like a horse, watching Mastermind.


Tuesday:
I lied to work and said i was at the midwife........when in actual fact it's tomorrow, didn't dare say it was the fooking Sky engineer again as Leigh would have been straight to the holiday chart with his stickers. So nice engineer phoned at 8am, to say he'd be with me between 10am & 1pm, had a lie in till 9.30am, dressed, vacced living room, man arrived at 10.30am, locked Meg in kitchen, she meowed furiously while sticking her tiny paw through the gap in the 70's serving hatch, like some feline horror movie.....................Pet Cemetery maybe!!!??!

He was up his ladders fiddling with my dish, swapped my box and off he trots, i arrived at work at 11.30am, then proceeded to be glum for the rest of the day........me not like work no more!!! collected quilt, ate my salad, then quietly beavered away for the rest of the day, emailing the Chemist and Druggist.
Mum phoned to say I've not to call round as they've all got a bug and they don't want baby Porray to get it.

Not fussed about me!

Decided i'd go into Leeds after work and get David a hamper from M&S for his birthday Friday and get Mum's 60th birthday present, it took me 10mins to get to the end of the street, my road rage kicked in and i abandoned shopping expedition, fuck the family and their birthdays (it actually means i need to go in my lunch hour today), boo! Home, Andy turned up early........his new v.manual job means he's too tired for the gym, he layed on the sofa all night looking cream crackered...poor baby! let him watch the footie, until Supernanny came on, we both love it!

I made todays salad in the kitchen, Andy's peering over my shoulder saying "are you putting any ham in it? it looks nice"..do you think he's trying to train me to make his pack up for when we co-habit? fish for tea, shared with my 4-legged friends, followed by melon!! Swallowed a chocolate mini roll whole while washing up, then returned to living room looking all serene, making sure i'd no incriminating chocolate in my eyebrows.

Talked non stop all night till Andy looked drained and his ears were ringing, he left at 10pm, bedfordshire for my late night magazine reading.


The weeks plans?
Braving town at lunch, M&S, then to fetch Marlene's birthday jewels (i hope to fook she doesn't leave them at the bottom of the slide).
Am entertaining youngest brother tonight, i have a plate for us all to sign for Mum's birthday.......Steven thinks it's a shit idea and she'd prefer a Bill ashtray as they're her 2 favourite passtimes.

So i'm making chilli, shaving his back, getting him to sign plate and getting some cash off him for Marlo's present. Fun fun fun!

Tomorrow, i'm at the midwife early doors, having my bloods doing, oh me! am scared and worried and upset, Andy asked me what time the appointment was (i thought he'd got time off work to come with me) was just about to leap on his knee and smother him with kisses, when he said "My Mum says she'll watch out for you"........cheers!

Need to see other 3 siblings at some point to sign commemorative plate.
Flicks Friday.... or staying in, in front of the fire doing nowt if i have my way.
Mum's birthday and Bonfire Saturday.
Then Sunday the parents are coming for Sunday dinner. Might do a pig roast!!!

I am too busy, i have 1 million jobs to do in the back of my mind.
Need to:
1. Do roots.
2. Paint cracks i've filled by door.
3. Get Mike to come do heating.
4. Start stripping baby's room.
5. Pick wallpaper.
6. Schlek more stuff to charity.
7. Buy and install 1000 things for baby.
8. Put up Christmas tree
9. Pick a turkey.
10. Give birth

Am i getting ahead of myself?