No news

It's the weekend tomorrow, i am liking these bank holidays v.much! unfortunately there isn't another one, we'll have to wait till Christmas.........boo! (still it's only 16 weeks off).

Which means i have precisely 16 weeks, to throw 1/2 of my junk out and make room for Mr.Porrait, and more importantly 16 weeks to lick him into shape (no towels on the bathroom floor,etc etc) 16 weeks till we get Sky sports installed........deep joy!
Rugby league, darts.....the works, i'm so excited i could wee!

I don't really have any news, have turned very boring of late! tee hee!
Tuesday, only me and Paul at work, he let me go early so i had a t.time nap, was up at 6pm, Matt phoned after tea and we chatted till 10pm, when i watched double lost..............oh my god if you haven't seen next weeks, the story line will blow you away.

Yesterday (that would be Wednesday), managed to put a full day in at work, bought 2 new cushions at lunchtime (i'm so exciting), oooh and a shower hose, called at Mums on the way home, was going to ask Steven if he wanted to come with us to chinky, but he never rang me back...his loss!
Chatted to Marlo, home at 7pm, got ready, then went up to the Hellsworths at 8.30, to see very harassed and tired parents trying to get 3yr old son to take Ibuprofen, they left Janet to it and Moi, Sarah, Gabe and Dawn went onto the Yangtze, oh my god i can't remember ever eating that much, had a lovely night! but the all you can eat buffet is just a recipe for disaster.....i mean who can eat, soup, prawn crackers, sesame toast, chicken wings, spare ribs, spring rolls, etc etc, before Peking duck and pancakes before a selection of 10 main courses with chips, noodles and egg flied lice.
Followed by 4 desserts???????????? that'd be me then! i certainly got me £8.50 worth

Felt sick as a dog, had a lovely night though, nice to see the Geordie pair, much catching up and dropped them home before getting in at the 11pm (on a school night) and letting my cats in.
Straight to bed, where i read one chapter, then fell into a full uncomfortable sleep.
Till 4.30am, when i needed a wee..........grr!


My plans for today, i've just booked for car in to reg vardy again, for the back brakes doing........no good!
Me and Leigh are larking around like buffoons, Paul is showing some insurance bloke around, being serious and we are dancing.
I'm going to go to boots at lunch, then this afternoon drop David's son all thier bedding off at a property letting agency on Deansgate in Manchester (don't ask), hopefully will be home at 4.30pm and have a disco kip before AP arrives, spag bol for tea then DVd's all the way.

Maybe flicks tomorrow, if i can be assed, then off darn sarf....to stay with Helly Welly Smithe until next Wednesday for some sort of trimester/sabatical/holiday/relaxation type affair break, will be nice, have not been to her new cottage. Marlo is catsitting so everything is under control.

So that's me news, however boring...sleeping, eating, working, the winter is drawing near and i intend to go into hibernation like a tortoise, might get up at Christmas to see if i get any good presents, then re-appear in the Spring!

The bank holiday

Friday: Aldo's was very nice as always, i fetched Sarah, MJ and Ellie were already there at 8pm, we were seated quite quickly and ate like Kings........Sarah and i shared our starters, spare ribs, tomato garlic bread and garlic mushrooms, i had Spaghetti carbonarra main, which was quite salty.
10pm, we split the bill and had a quick drink in spoons, then i said Au revoir to MJ and wished him luck down in Leatherhead, got in the car and sped to the club where Andy was inside propping the bar up wi'lads, i sat with Caroline, Woz and Molly outside, Andy brought me a coke, we went inside when it started drizzling and all chatted away quite merrily, Katy was a bit squiffy, i ended up dropping her and Grant off home, me and Ap were in bed at 11.20pm, reading and watching t.v respectively.
Asleep soon after.

Saturday was an ok day, Andy left for cricket, i read and went back to sleep, called at Mum's and offered to take her to see Uncle Mo, who was telling me his Anaesthetist is one of Andy's mates, dropped Mum back and had some nice fish for tea.
Spent forever getting ready to go to Guy and Maria's engagement do, dragging myself away from the Xfactor........excellent.
It was a nice night, they had a pig roast, which was cool............ but there was hardly anyone there, i mean Scholes Cricket club is hardly the largest venue in the world and it was still only 1/2 full! v.strange, still..... nice pork and apple sandwiches (get that fucking stuffing away from me you dirty bastards), Ange got on my nerves, i'm not going into it, but we left at about 11.30 with Caroline and Warren, home again at midnight ish, slumber, sex and all that jazz!!!!


Sunday the Sabbath, we were awake with the larks, up and about, had coffees, dressed, even had Bacon butties at Gill and Dave's, called at My Mum's to drop Martyn's birthday present off and nattered away till mid afternoon.

Dropped Andy off at the boozer, i mowed the lawn like a good little wife, did the washing, had some shepherds pie, then called back up to Mum's in the evening and we both went over to Ruth's where we stayed till 10.15pm, nattering away for England.

Home and to bed early so i would be bright as a button for our romantic day out in the Dales yesterday. Hmmmm!!??!

Bank holiday Monday, cats were driving me mad so threw them out at 9am, they were back in looking sorry for themselves at 10.30am, while i was ringing one very hung-over boyfriend and getting him out of bed to go on our day excursion.

Fetched him at 11.15am, by the time we'd got to Denholme he was sick all over the side of the road, i was crying, black storm clouds were looming in the distance, we turned the car round and cut our losses.
Went to Shibden park to get some air, got drenched through, but not as bad as the folk in the boat sheltering under the trees.
Nipped into John and Clare's to get Andy's hoodie, where John told his big brother that when he moves in at Christmas the 1st thing is to get Sky sports on both t.v's. Cheers, big ears!

Home and laid on the sofas for the afternoon, was going to go over to Matt's but made a mistake by texting his home phone number, by the time he'd called back, Andy had thrown up again and was snoring soundly looking very sorry for himself. I chatted to Matt for 1/2 hr, read a magazine, then we watched The Da Vinci code (what a bag o' wind) when Andy woke up, while eating kettle chips and drinking ribena, had tea, i had pie, chips and peas, Andy had a pork steak, chips and gravy, we then watched what seemed like 8hrs of the Simpsons and Malcolm in the middle.
I went for a long soak in the bath, had a bit of a cuddle and both agreed we'd had better days.
What a waste of a fooking bank holiday, ran Andy home, ligged about all night watching some hippies breastfeeding their 5 year old brats and getting new born babies to poo in pint glasses as they didn't agree with nappies, on t.v.....good old channel 5.
Bed soon after tutting and kicking the cat, read a bit and slept a solid 7 1/2hrs. Back at work today got caught in the horific tailback after the 7 car pile up on the M62....2 people dead and here i am moaning about nothing!

Kind of puts things into perspective.

Last night

Hello, I know I am very naughty and hardly ever blog these days. Normally nothing happens to me - and I am very busy so I never have time but I gave my word to an avid reader (hello there - you know who you are) that I'd blog last night's antics.

Well Cute Little Matt is up from London, he came on Wednesday evening for a training day yesterday and so last night we went out. We were a bit late out having become entranced by Dragon's Den (yes I would pay £3 for a lid for a cucumber, but you know me and kitchen gadgets - I spend £20 on an onion slicer!!) so we weren't out till 9pm.

We went to Churchills because I wanted to sing and so sang The Lion Sleeps Tonight and Its Raining Men and then we bogged off to the karaoke at the New Union. It was OK in there and I sang Delilah and I bumped into Chris, remember Chris? Went out with Mighty Mick the original karaoke man at Churchills and who I have had a couple of dalliances with in the dim and distant past. Well anyway he was in the Union and I chatted to him wjhich was nice as I've not really had an opportunity to chat woith hism for yonks - certainly not this year I don't think. It was nice talking to him since as well as being really quite cute he's also a lovely guy so I bought him a drink and we agreed to go out for a drink next week. We had a kiss which was nice too and he said he'd be in Cruz later.

CLM and I went to Via Fossa for one and got chatting to these two 50 year old men who'd got Civil Partnershiped earlierin the day, bless them. They were very sweet but did they go on - well one of them did. You couldn't shut him up! So after a while we left and went to Cruz. It was quite busy but not heaving and we had a dance and CLM had his choice of men - at one time being chatted uo by 2 at once and then Chris turned up. He was with this nice looking girl who was friendly who he'd been with in the Union (we weren't introduced so I don't know her name). I got danceing with him and then we got of with eachother. I wanted to take him home but he was with a friend and CLM was staying at mine so its probably best we didn't anyway we're going out for a drink next week which I am very much looking forward to.

Left Cruz at 20 past 3, got a pizza, walked home, chatted a bit and I got to bed at 4.09am. Very tired today but last night was well worth it.

Where have i been?

I don't know what happened, i think maybe I've been temporarily on strike from blogging! not really, but i have been v.busy.

Quick run down of the last week.

Monday: i went to Nicholas's for waxing and tinting, then vegged for the evening.

Tuesday: was so wild i can't remember what i did, it was either rock climbing (one handed)or being a dominatrix (spanking grown business men wearing nappies).

Wednesday: saw AP before he bowled, he was looking mighty fine in Jim's tank top, had a pizza and i packed for Sarah's.

Thursday: I blagged Leigh to let me leave early, home, showered, loaded car, said au revoir to my cats, picked up AP and we headed for the AI(M), i drove the 1st half, I'm a much better driver.........so for the last 2 hours of the journey i spent shrieking "slow down", "are you trying to kill me?"the journey was quite uneventful, i think we had a wee at Kings Lynn and by 10.30pm we'd arrived at the Hellsworths, Sarah had just demolished a family size bag of doritos and a tray of dips, she offered us hot and cold beverages and we watched Grease the movie and yabbered away until the early hours.
Bed at 2am, my last words, don't wake me before 11am.
I clambered into Sarah's single bed, Andy was on the double airbed on the floor and Sarah was in the spare room.

Friday: guess who need a wee at 8am, oh me! got in with Andy, but no sleep on the menu!
9ish we decided to get up, Sarah came down at 10 and me and her started tackling a full English breakfast like a pair of novices, it was pathetic, i blame the slowest grill in the world and Sar refusing to chuck everything in the frying pan as i suggested.
By 11am, we sat down to a jocker feast, then after the washing up was done, we dressed and set off to Potter Heigham. Cool, we hired a boat and went punting down the river, AP drove as he is a man, the novelty wore off and he let me drive back.
Sarah was ligged on the deck trying to get a tan.
Moored the boat when our time was up, scrambled to the shore then had a pop in the pub, we set off from the haunted carpark and drove back into Yarmouth, where we parked the car and walked on the front, before spending 2 hours playing crazy golf (v. funny as Mr. competitive lost to Sarah by one point, he added the scores up again in case i'd made a rick).
Back to the car, we called at Tesco's for tea stuff, home and feasted on chicken (2 whole, i kid you not Andy didn't think we'd have enough with 1 chicken for 3 people). potatoes, salad and French bread, i covered mine in coleslaw so it wouldn't be too healthy.
Ligged around after tea, listening to tales from Dan about his suicide watch, watching BB, taking it in turns to shower, then SS arrived and off we toddled to the local yokel pub, Peggartys!!!!! got it was full of pissheads, it made Cleck look like a monastery!
We played doubles at pool (how twee), bought 4 rounds and i sat for the evening being the butt of everyone's jokes, what it is to be popular! Every young wipper snapper in the vicinity was arseholed this rather heavily breasted young exhibitionist was lobbing her jugs out and her mate was sucking on her nipple to much cheering from a big group of boys, it was SO classy!
Off we trot at 1am, Sarah and Simon stayed downstairs (she Sooo loves him), we went to our separate beds to sleep.

Sunday: was awoken by the 3rd world war air raid warnings.........it was SO loud, turned out to be a flood warning going off 4 times at 8.30am.
We managed to go back to sleep, i heard Andy nip to the loo, then get this....he gets back under his quilt and i heard him say (out loud), "just 5 more minutes and i'll wake Karen", WTF??? it was 11.30am, when we got up.........yippee! me and Sar managed to conquer breakfast in 1/2hr.......result!
Packed up the car as we'd decided to drive through the night instead of wasting 1/2 of Sunday on the A17.
Parked the car on the seafront again and we mosied around town, killing time in joke shops, buying rock, then sheltered in the amusements from that rain, oh my...........they needed the flood warnings! 3.30pm, we went to see Snakes on a plane at the Hollywood cinema........reight do,sweets, popcorn all the way! cheesy movie but better than you expect, once the movie was over we headed for Harry Ramsdens, 1 mile up the seafront, still we worked up a good appetite, fish, chips, mushy peas, tea, bread & butter 3 times, paid for by Mr. Porrait.........reight do!
Walked back to the car, dropped Sarah back in Gorlston, where she had a night of DVD's and diesel planned and we headed up'north, chatted all the way, very weary from the sea air and kipping in strange beds, swapped again at the 1/2 way services, the rain was horrid and we had a couple of hairy moments, but made it home safe and sound for 11.45pm.

Was so glad to see my feline family, unpacked the car, bath and p.j's and watched t.v till the 1.30am, slept like the dead for 12hrs.

Sunday i snook to Tescos, in my scruffs with no make-up and bumped straight into Gill and Dave, then Spug and Eileen, doh!
Had a very lazy Sunday, which consisted of Sunday lunch, washing, tidying,chatting to Helen on the phone, feeling bad for Maisie who had been out for 10hrs on Friday (this is why i need people to stay at my house, she is ferel and wants to come in when she's ready). Anyhow Mum is looking after them when i go to Helen's in 2 weeks............... Not that she was arsed once she's had some tuna and was layed in front of the fire. Watched an evening of the BB finals, read the papers, made Mondays salad and went to bed at 11.30pm, to read and was sparko!!!!!!!

Monday: was a nice day, just me, David and Paul as Leigh is in St.Annes!!! Wtf? steady away, went to town at lunch and got Andy some smellies and a Thorntons chocolate monkey............spoilt in know!
Back to routine last night, ace! had a chicken dinner, Andy came up, gave him his presents, Mum came up with his card and caught him in his boxers (he was trying on new jeans, i don't know how your mind works!!??) we all played twister then Mum went to Auntie Gills, Andy left late, i shuffled to bed like an old lady at 10.30pm to read new book Jill Mansell...........making your mind up..v.good.

Tuesday today, it's his lordships birthday.......for the next 8 months i am no longer a decade older than him, to celebrate we have a table booked at the Woodlands £40 a head v. posh restaurant, thank-you very much! it's only cash, you can't take it with you.

Jack fell down and broke his crown

I'm going to keep this brief as not much has happened.

We went to the flicks on Friday night, after both having a disco kip (told you school night drinking was evil..some of the Thursday night party revellers even blobbed work on Friday), went to see Pirates of the Caribbean 2 at the showcase, it wasn't as good as the 1st one and was on a hell of a long time.

Dropped Andy home, i watched late night t.v and had some wine in my pyjamas with my cats round my feet...reight do!

Saturday i rose late and utilised my time as follows.... put my tint on my hair, made 2 sausage and bacon pies (Gordon Ramsey recipies 9th Aug), while watching BB eviction repeats through the hatch, door wide open for cats to play out.

Had a shower, then took Marlo and Jim a pie, ended up staying there for tea, then rushed home at 5.30pm to get ready for the engagement BBQ, sat on the sofa for 2hrs, till Andy phoned at 7.30 to say they'd only just finished cricket(they'd gone the full 100 overs) and was on his way home from Idle. He picked me up 8.15pm, we drove to Angela's and were the last to arrive out of maybe 40 or so pissed and stoned guests, what a car crash.
Andy was very proud of the fact that he'd had his beer in the freezer all day and it wa reight cold, that'd be "frozen" then.........Carling ice pop anyone?
I'd taken 8 ciders from the fridge, just to use them up..........past experiences of drinking cider? throwing bottles and arguing with AP wearing wet washing, you'd think i'd learn!

The party was complete mayhem, gave Katie her Champagne and chocolates, she was wearing a tiara/long white gloved combo affair!
Chris was mashed, Deano was dancing on his own, Matt looked rough as fook, Woz was mullered, i put my can down and he picked it up and started swigging from it, Guy and Carl were taking it in turned to cook burgers, Debbie was flitting round with trays of tequilla being the perfect hostess!
When she gets to you Karen........say NO!
Blacky was buttering me up to get a free pass to my works carpark,Waitey and co were firing Magners cider down at an alarming rate, Nic was asking me and Andy our middle names for the place settings for her and Carls wedding!
The garden was massive, someone called Weeble had done a sterling job of erecting the decking! note to self...........get yourself some mates named after 70's kids toys!!!
Lets cut to the chase, come midnight most people had fucked off,(including, one mullered Matthew who was insisting he take his left-over beer home with him) the stalwarts were inside dodging the rain, can't remember who was there, but Maria was being my bezzie mate, saying things like "you're lovely" and "i'd have thought you'd go out with somone louder than Andy"...Eh?
Maybe 20 odd folk left, now someone had broken the downstairs loo door (it had come off it's runners), so we're all trecking upstairs to take a leak, guess which twat fell down the entire staircase head first and rolled into the living room, much to the amusement of Mason, Blacky, Turner, Katie and every other fucker who was laughing at me!
Oh me.......... i was inconsolable, Andy had to take me home, so his dragging me by the hand, up the road, round the corner, pissing down with rain, every now and again, he gave me a crack round the back of the head for showing him up!
It wa'awful!

Next thing i know it Sunday, god i was dying! i'm gingerly asking what happened, he's laughing like a drain and saying "don't worry about it"... the cunt!
At least i don't have to see everyone for a fortnight, he left after some loving and making me get up to look for his sock, i slept off the shame, then did 2 wash loads, had some sausage pie, watched BBLB, then went back to bed, oh i didn't feel well..........do not let me drink, cider, tequilla and vodka in the same session ever again.
Sods law as soon as i dropped off, Andy phoned 8 times to see if i was going to the 20/20 cricket, NO..........i'm Poorly (and embaressed).
Slept till 7pm, then couldn't sleep last night......wonder why? watched Lost, BB, did my ironing and generally sulked! was still awake at 2.30am this morning, haven't had enough sleep........but being tired is much better than being hung-over!

You mark my words!

Didn't she do well?

Said in the stylee of Bruce Forsyth.......

Hang on to your seats, i went out last night AND didn't get drunk!

I'm so mature and responsible, truth of the matter was.. i had a pounding headache, was tired like never before and stuck to weak shandies and lagertops all night!

Still it was a pleasant night, but I'm just not used to going out in the week, the later in the week it is, the more tired i am!

Wednesday as i said, Andy came up...he was poorly again, he didn't stay long..which was for the best, Ruth and Mark came up at 8pm and stayed till 10pm, had a good natter...watched Gordon Ramsey The F word ( i love this programme and try out the recipes, it rocks) however i was distraught to see Trinny and Susannah being slaughtered, the bottom lip was going!!! off they toddled home with their footspa, i was done in so watched BB in bed and was asleep v.early!

Yesterday i had a very lazy day, i was on my own at work for the majority of the day...took advantage by making appointments at the nurse, the beautitains and the hairdressers.........ordered Andy a personalised birthday card from www.moonpig.com, check out this site it's so cool!

T.time i called at Rach's with a cookie jar and cookies for her Birthday, Megan was funny as fook as she barricaded the door with her body, then started wailing when i left.......she doesn't even know me!!! home, did 76 skips, had my tea, watched the news about the failed terror attacks (how awful?) then dragged myself into town, was a right party pooper for the 1st hour, just sat yawning......while Rach, Dean, Ruth, Mark, Hayley, Spug, Matt etc sat and jabbered away excitedly!
Perked up a bit after another couple, then Tina, Beth arrived followed by the lads after bowls.........they'd played Royds park at home??? wtf??
So Andy, Woz and that bloke who doesn't want me to mention his name on here anymore for fear of repercussion! were stood with Jonny red, I've heard tales about this man and he makes me feel uneasy!

Woz left, with his lime green bowls in his bag, i'd spotted Graham Jackson (ex shag) at the bar earlier with some drinking pals, but gave him a wide berth......they were getting rowdier and rowdier, then the next thing we know, 1 lad pushes Jacko and he falls flat on the floor and his head goes with a right thud! he got up in alarm, rubbed his head and shot outside.
Spug went to see if he was alright???!! he came back in and the barmaid had informed us he'd weed his pants!!! i SO picked the right boyfriend....meanwhile me and AP are having cosy chats about just throwing the tent in the back of the car and setting up camp in a farmers field at bank holiday.

Oh yeah....i just remembered, the little bugger! i suggested we go this Sunday to look for a campsite in the Dales, he can't, as him and Deano are manning the BBQ at the 20/20 cricket...........he failed to mention this ! grrr!

It got to midnight and we were ready for off, we'd abstained for the game of 21........played by the hooligans who have probably blobbed work today.
Mark had bought Ruth her 3rd bottle of wine, the rest were all downing 2 fingers, supping pints down in one....etc! oh me!
Think Rach had exceeded her 3 pints and 2 WKD's she limited herself to.
Oh by the way, who was it who took photos of me in my cossie in Brid on Dean's phone?
Not Happy!

Me and the boy got home after the 12, then did a big crossword in bed (cough hiccup), could have cried for him as he set off to walk home at 1.30am!

I awoke at 6.30am today, nipped to the loo, then Luth wanted to get under the quilt with me, i wouldn't mind...but he dribbles, cat saliva on my clean bedding i do not need!
Fell back asleep and was up, hangover free at 8.30am!
Just had a call from Andy, v.tired and hung-over...........I've even to drive to the pictures tonight!
Struth.....boys! and their beer and their sport............make no wonder us women are the superior sex!

1st half of my week

Monday I was tired and moggy, I sleep very well during the week, but if I have wine on a Sunday night, I'm up with the larks Monday a.m.

So i awake at 6.45am, need a wee.....then try to drop back off to sleep, but Donna's son next door who lives with his Grandparents (between you and me i reckon he doesn't even know Donna is his Mum), where was i? oh yeah, well they're a bit common my next door neighbours........they drive nice cars and are very clean, but they wouldn't think twice about having a slanging match in the street AND they own a ferret................work it out for yourselves.

I'm losing my thread here, well for the last few weeks, the Grandparents and the ugly little kid have moved in with Donna and Tony along with this big salivating dog. (i'm thinking their own house has burnt down, or they've been evicted, but something's amiss), anyhew the little cunt starting laking wi dog at 7.10am in the garden, throwing the ball for it...........i slammed my window shut and he nearly jumped out of his skin, that'll show him!

What I'm trying to say that going to bed at 1.30am and only having 5 1/4 hrs sleep is not enough to tackle a Monday.

I blogged most of the morning, went to the bank and got another parking ticket........i was foul as hell with Andy when he phoned at lunch, over the cricket etc........it turned out Katy and Chris had arranged it and he'd just bought a spare ticket, plus he hadn't enjoyed it......ha ha!
Monday dinnertime i went to M&S and spend £42 on the 2 engagement pressies, what a fooking liberty!
The afternoon dragged, the evening was quite uneventful, i had liver for tea and me and the boy watched Pirates of the Caribbean on DVD, bed after BB and read!

Tuesday was much better, although the days are still dragging........i think it's coz there's only 3 of us here, fannied around at lunch umming and ahhing whether to get the cats a new scratching post, resisted and saved my £34 for something else.
Was mad busy last night, from 6-8 i was vaccing, mopping, changing bedding, washing rugs and bedding, emptying bins, siding washing, then made chicken and veg, todays salad, flopped on the sofa after washing up, when Matt phoned for an hour. Phew!

Got off the phone at 9pm for Big Brother, then went to bed at 10 as i'd watched last weeks Lost, read a bit, nearly finished my book and was sound asleep at 11.30pm.

Nowt much to report r.e today, we're all in high spirits ...that'd be the 3 of us! i've got really bad back ache though, i think i need a firmer mattress.....boo!

So...forthcoming plans, seeing Andy tonight, Rach's bday tomorrow, think they'll be social beverages going on, Matt is home, so i need to brainwash myself into not getting leathered, as it's a school night!
Friday as far as i know, we're going to see the 2nd POTC at the Showcase and drinks afterwards, but all that could change.
Saturday is Katie and Chris's engagement BBQ in Angela's back garden.......elaborate affair then?
Sunday, might temp AP into schleking over to the Dales to look for campsites and have a nice Sunday dinner!
Watch this space!

Madchester, Bowls and Sunday serenity.

Friday seems like 2 mins ago, where do weekends go?

I made good time in getting to Matt's on Friday evening, i was there on the dot of 7.30pm as we'd arranged, Paid my £14 to park, got to the flat and buzzed him, where was he? in the fooking pub.........i wasn't too arsed but threw a hissy fit for drama effects anyway. They were there within 5 mins, both leaving their pints, i was sat outside the Perival of the peak with a lagertop...so the boys came to join me, Richard was already 6 pints in front and Matt 4.
So me and Richard finally meet, he wasn't at all how i'd expected, but then doing people justice was never one of Matt's strong points.

We dropped our bags off at the flat, Matt threw away his weeks worth of rotting garbage into the litter bin outside the pub and off we set to the City road Inn, to karaoke......whoppee! all got a pint and realised there was no singing to be done in there as the karaoke man had blobbed! grrr!
Never mind Matt knows of another pub, over at the other side of Mancs (the Dark side) where we can sing. So we jumped in a cab and arrive at OH MY GOD, the worse pub in the world............the clientele? think Chatsworth estate and the Gallagher's! all inbred alkies, i kid you not...rough as fook, Rich fetched a book to pick a song, while Matt bought 3 pints straight from the drip tray. All the pages of the book were stuck together, it was filthy, closely behind the sticky black acky carpet..........the loos were on a par with the one from trainspotting, you get the picture? need i go on? we all sang one song each and were out of there like a rat up a drainpipe.

Walked to some random Tokyo karaoke bar, where it was full of wannabe Pop idol contestants, the seats were soaked in spilt lager, the toilets were as bad as the ones in the previous shit hole, they only sold fosters and the crisps were £2.50 a pack.
Still we were on a mission and wanted to flex our vocal chords. Rich sang Whatever, can't remember what RMS did, i tried to do From this moment, but the song broke 1/2 way through, so it all went a bit Pete Tong! Off we shuffled down the stairs, past the restaurant, down a bit, left a bit and suddenly we were at Churchill's, much better!!
We sat in the lounge side, had 3 more pints and a sambuka slammer shot thingy. Matt was ratted and went on to Kronenburg/coke mix......bleugh!!!
We sat there till 1am, talking about deep and meaningful, maudling topics as you do when you've sunk a gallon in the company of great mates.

Homeward bound via the kebab shop, i ate 2 onion bahjis while the boys waited for their burgers to be cooked, at the flat, the airbed was blown up, i got my p.j's on, got in bed then ordered them 2 out, poor Rich was scuttling past with a 1/2 eaten burger off to kip on Matt's floor.
Saturday i was up for a wee at 8am, fell back asleep on the sofa, heard Matt get up to go to the supermarket, then we were all up 11am, eating sausage butties and drinking coffee.
Rich is the slowest eater in the world, but then Matt had added 1/2lb cheese to his sausage butties, 1 1/2 hrs later, all dressed, i dropped the lads off at the cinema and i headed for the M60.
Home.........heaven! did a whites wash, bathed, sorted cats and napped for 2 hours, to be awoken by Andy phoning from the Cricket 146 times.
Had a random tea of toast with the following toppings! scrambled eggs, primula, jam and peanut butter, got ready and picked up Farquahario at 7.30pm in a taxi, to the club.
Now Andy had told me there was some kind of cricket do on with a BBQ, what he failed to mention was the (fun??!!) bowling match i was expected to join in with..................not this side of retirement!

Get fooked, call me a party pooper, which is exactly what i was, even Gill and Dave joined in, we sat out till gone midnight, slowly getting rangooned.. for once our girls.... moi, Katy, Spug, Hayley, Tina, Beth and Rach out numbered the wags...reight do!
Everyone was merry, Andy came to sit with us and was coming out with some corker one liners and having everyone in stitches. The little tinker, i was chatting t'in-laws trying not to appear too bevied. Poor Dave got stung for 1 of my rounds as he offered to buy me a drink, but i was getting Katy and Tina one. Mick was actually grafting behind the bar (shock horror), in the absence of Jenna.........Caroline took Woz home, as he was struggling to stand upright, I think Waitey won the bowls comp, but i wasn't really paying attention.
I don't know what the prize was, who gives a fook! i did have a burger though from the BBQ lit by Keith and manned my the miserable Speight's! it was alright........considering!

I came back from the loo and half our lot had nicked off into town, i was blind with drink, vaguely remember calling cabs, how Deano was still alive as he'd been on the pop since 10am at Bradford city, is beyond me! we dropped KF off at the top of her road, arrived home safely.. managed not to fall flat on my face like last week, up the apples and pears and i seem to recall some bedroom action, but i wouldn't put money on it!

Sunday... the alarm went off mid shag at 8.30am.....off he trots to Headingly to the cricket, i can't think of anything more boring than spending all day there, but what i am not happy about is that Clare got to be invited and i didn't, i have been stewing over this for the last 24 hrs and am going to let rip at dinner time when he phones.
I slept till lunchtime, then did a darks wash, went to Tescos and spent £32 mainly on fruit and veg (i've worked out you can buy approx 7 Mars bars for the price of a pack of asparagus) and god knows how many twix are equal to a pineapple. Home and unpacked the shopping, called at the parents with some hoisted samples for the church fayre (Mum was compiling anonymous letters to the filth for her new pass time).
Back home, Sarah phoned to ask my permission to go to Cadbury's world, (she's such a strange girl) bathed and changed, was going to phone Ruth, now back from her holidays and shout her a few drinks that night, but Marlo called cadging a lift over to my bearded Aunties in Methley.
Had quite a pleasant evening considering, Alan has really mellowed in his retirement and we kalled away like old friends, i was particulary gripped by his tales of the sunken war ships in the Orkney Isles, where when the sea is calm, like a millpond, on a clear day you can see the ships masts bobbing up and down in the water.....do, do, do,do..........how eerie?

But he is still quite eccentric and was trying to give me a full size tree, to take home in my car boot.
Home for 9.30pm, Mum wanted to go see Auntie Gill, but the car wasn't there.....so she came to mine for coffee and cream cake, i had shepherd's pie, on it's own, (too late to start steaming veg) after Mum left i watched a whole host of drek on t.v, had a few glasses of vino, read the Sunday papers and generally wound down after yet another mad busy drunken weekend..........it's a good job my body is a temple, Monday to Friday............otherwise i don't know where i'd be.
Selling Big Issue......probably!

Weds, Thurs, Fri.

A very ordinary last couple of days......but they do say life is a Rollercoaster (well okay Ronan Keeting said it) so i wonder what the weekend will hold?


Wednesday evening...home at 6pm, i had to park my car up top as contracters were coming early doors to tarmac the drive (i aint getting up early to move it) 8pm me and the boy watched Mr & Mrs Smith on DVD, it wa'alright! Quite a nice night really!
Salmon for tea and we shared a howge bar of shortcake dairymilk......fat knackers!
Usual BB, bed and read.

Thursday morning i awoke thinking it was the weekend........gutted!

Work is quite pleasant at the moment, as I'm keeping my head down, playing chief sourcer, everything is tickety boo! whilst skiving i saw a trip on DP, to the races at Newmarket £139 for 2 nights Bed, Breakfast and evening meal in a 4* hotel............including entry to the grandstand enclosure and paddock.
Guess what it happened to fall on our 1yr anniversary, it's a sign...........phoned up v.excited and............it was fully booked........it's an omen! :o( i let Andy know what i was planning so he could join in the disappointment.......it's only fair!

Last night was well boring, Steven asked me to get a Chinese, but i was too lazy....that'll serve me. Before tea i decided to do 100 skips with my bingo win, so there i am in the living room, in my lycra catsuit (lime green), it wasn't pretty..........I'm puffing and panting, when the fooking neighbours called round to get me to bloody witness them signing some mortgage papers for the Halifax........sling ya ook......I'm doing me exercises!

Had my chilli, did my nails in a lovely plum shade, to match my burgundy corduroy outfit I'm wearing tonight, fake tanned (new brand, am looking rather orange, apart from my feet which are salmon pink......note to self...when bottle says exfoliate 1st, take heed!), then read magazines, watched t.v, packed my overnight bag for tonight, Matt txt....he now has a new phone.
Went up to bed at 10.30pm, watched the end of BB under the duvet, read 2 chapters and was dead to the world.

Having a good day today, it's the end of the week..........and on a positive note, the Jo Daki who's taxi i pranged, can't have been insured as we haven't heard a peep.

I have also decided to give up eating bread at work, as i'm always lethargic in the afternoon! Sushi, crackers, fruit and salads only,on the menu............until Leigh offered to shout me a KFC, grr! well it wasn't bread!
Only 3 of us here today and we're on wind down, just going to fill up on free fuel at the garage to go to Matt's tonight, Andy just phoned to say "have a good night, get as drunk as you like (no point in saying "don't get too drunk") i'll miss you and i'll see you tomorrow...........Awwww!

Thoughts on the week.

Minor scrapes in carparks are nothing to get upset about.
Seaside and great mates rock!
Steroid cream is rubbish.
Not being hungover on a Monday, just makes the week longer.
I'd be lonely without my cats.
I have a very cushy job.
You're never too old to need your Mum.
Lastly.....
What the fook are we going to do when BB is finished?

So that's it, 1 1/2 hours to go, need to be at Chepstow house for 7.30pm, god am i going to party tonight.

My belated weekend

I've not blogged using my PDA for absolutely ages but having not managed to get blogging over the past three days, I'm going to have to do it in my own time.

I had a very exciting weekend and as usual it began on Friday. The newly formed University of Salford Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Group was having a Friday evening get together in Via Fossa on Canal Street. Sadly only 5 of us turned up but it was a nice evening nevertheless, even though the conversation was at times stilted and awkward well until we’d had a few drinks and began talking about frequency of having sex and whether it was acceptable to have sex only once a year after seven years, I think not!

At about 21.00 Andrew turned up after his last ever shift at Grosvenor Casino before his move back to Bradford and so shortly afterwards we waved goodbye to the Salford Lesbos and Gaybos and went off to meet some of Andrew's work-mates.

We went to the Overdraft Bar, paying £5 each to get in even though we only stayed for one drink and then headed off towards Poptastics with Andrew's work-friends, Carrie and Christian. We had a nice time there and the drinks were cheap but it was dead, I danced round like a mad person as I'd been drinking for so long but as it filled up I became more interested in eyeing up a cute gay lad who'd arrived with 2 mates and making sure nobody stole my bag – and there was a freak with his eye on it – the scamp. At 12.00 midnight Andrew and I said our goodbyes and trotted off to Churchills for a pint. I gave Andrew a going away pep talk which he viewed as a telling off but it wasn't but having said that I was advising him not to die of AIDS and not to gamble his life away which may have appeared accusatory perhaps I bought him a goodbye rose for old times’ sake and then we went clubbing to Cruz 101. It was OK but nothing special and Andrew never wants to dance which is a bummer so I only stayed till 2am, gave Andrew a goodbye hug and then went home with a nice chicken kebab.

At 8am Andrew turned up wanting to borrow a suitcase but was unimpressed with my old man's suitcase: it didn't even have wheels! In the end he borrowed a sort of holdall/suitcase combo. We left together and I bought him a goodbye McDonald's for old times’ sake (again) and left him to meet Michelle and Chris.

I met up at 9am on the dot with Michelle and Chris and Michelle's dad, Rod, at Moss Bros to try on suits for their wedding. Michelle's brother, Kevin and Chris's brother in law and best man, Steve and his son, Chris’s nephew, Stephen hadn't turned up so those of us there got suited up. Chris and Rod had a 3 piece morning suit with a pale blue weskit and I had the same but as toastmaster had a red weskit. Chris looked the part immediately and could have gone off and got married there and then, Rod was sweating like a pig and looked a bugger as he was given clothes too small to fit and I was the same but got a bigger shirt, then had my weskit made bigger, I was given bigger trousers and a bigger coat and then an even bigger coat and finally with 48" trousers and a 56" coat I looked the part. Phew!

We met up with Steve and Stephen and at my suggestion went to BhS for breakfast: 3 sausages, 2 rashers of bacon, a piece of black pudding, a hash brown, fried bread, beans and mushrooms and 2 slices of toast for £2.79. I was the hero - nobody could believe how cheap it was (although they fook you over on the drinks ... £1.20 for a tea bag and hot water!) Afterwards, Michelle and her dad went on their merry way (Michelle home with baby Harrison and Rod off to Morecambe to watch some footy) and the rest of us went back to Moss Bros to suit up Steve and Stephen (who spent most of his time with no top on, but he's 20 and 6'7" so that was no hardship) and then we went drinking!

In fact drinking was the primary aim of the day and we made the most of it. We had Stella, except Steve, who being 51, wisely moved to Foster's after 4 pints. We talked about allsorts including whether vaginas or anuses are better to fuck, the perceived problems with muslims, whether gayness was genetic, the best way to have anal sex, stag nights (oh and I got invited ... as well as to the hen night) and loads of other crap. We had 5 in the first pub, 4 in the next and 3 in the last. Chris had to be put in a taxi after 11 but the rest of us stayed and when Steve and Stephen went off to Prestwich,

I headed off. I wanted to go to Canal Street, but it was 8pm and I'd had 12 pints and so would have ended up so pissed by the time I saw anyone I knew than instead I went to Sainsbury's and then Tesco's. I stayed awake long enough to cook and eat and then was sparko - at about 9pm - and went to bed shortly after.

Sunday was a lazy day and for 8 hours, I lolled in front of the telly. Anyway at 7pm I got bathed, shaved and dressed and then left for karaoke at Churchill's. Nicole arrived after a few minutes and we had a great night. I sang Suspicious Minds, I do I do I do I do I do, The Wonder of You, The Lion Sleeps Tonight and Delilah.

Bumped into Wes and we had a nice chat. I’d not seen him for almost three months – he’d been avoiding me because he owed me £50 but he’d also been on remand for over a month. Anyway it was lovely to see him and he was looking very nice. He wanted to borrow £20 from me to con some cash out of someone but afterwards he bogged off and I didn’t see him again all night despite asking if he could stay at mine so he either pulled someone else or he was actually conning me – the devil – I’m going to have to kill him when I next see him, the cunt. In the end I went home at 1.40 and ended up watching the last ever episode of The West Wing, went to bed at almost 3am, with a slight tear in my eye wishing that Martin Sheen was the president rather than the fuckwit that’s got the jpb at the minute.

Doctors, nurses and close shaves

Awoke 1st thing Monday with no hangover..........eh? oh yeah off for my bloods doing and have been fasting!
Bumped into Katy Farter who resides at the health centre due to her diabetes.......poor KF! Anyhew i nipped to see the nurse 1st with my attractive all over body rash........basically she didn't have a fooking clue what it was and told me to go back in the morning, had my bloods done downstairs (buzy bees fish batter swimming round my system) went on my merry way and was at my desk for 10am.

Lovely day, blogged and did my work..went to Crown point and Morrison's in my dinner.
Home for 6, usual.. tea, t.v, chatting to Matt, reading and in slumber for 12.

Tuesday day was not the best day I've ever had. Was at the health centre again at 8.40am, waited 1/2hr to be seen, he told me the rash that's springing up everywhere is the same incurable skin disorder that has been on my leg for the last 15 years....oh woe is me.
He gave me some strong steroid cream to try and said to go back in a fortnight, if no better to see the dermatologist at DGDH. Was moggy as fook, got in my car and in my haste to get out of the carpark, caught a taxis bumper!
(The taxi that happened to be delivery medicines and supplies to the screening clinic), the Pakistani gentleman was none too happy (it was my fault), but it was my tiniest scratch ever!
Gave him my details and sped off to work to face the music, got in and told David what happened then promptly burst into tears (eh? Menopausal? freaky snivelling girl!) aah though..talk about getting away with moyder......."what's up with you?, don't get upset over that, i'm not bothered, Leigh get him on the phone, don't worry these things happen!). Phew!
Stopped blubbing and txt AP, got back the following:
He won't be insured.
He'll be an illegal immigrant, you should inform the authorities.
You should have reversed and run over him.
They think they own the road.
They'll be on strike now.
It's not our fault they're no good at cricket! WTF??
And finally... are you alright?

Had a banging head for the rest of the day, spent my lunch hour in Reg cardy trying to get my car to make that grating noise to show the man from service deraprtment (it wouldn't do it when i wanted it to).
The afternoon dragged, not even Matt and Rich's email fratch about Robin Hood and King Arthurs grave kept me enthralled.
Cheered up no end once on the motorway, funny that! no garden to water due to sudden rain downpour, so bathed, p.j's, prepared some veg to go with tonights salmon, made a howge shepherds pie to freeze (took all the skin off the end of my finger with the cheese grater), sat down to my pie, chips, mushy peas and gravy, when Marlo came a visiting!

Bless my little Mum, we sat till 10.15pm, chatting about allsorts, drinking coffee, eating cornettos, swapping clothes, looking through wardrobe and laking wi cats. Off she toddles home, i put the ironing board up, ironed and washed up till 11pm, watching Lost though the corner of my eye, watched next weeks Lost on E4, bed at the midnight, read a bit, then put thick quilt back on bed....what's going on with this weather?

Much better day today, well so far!
Watching DVD's tonight with my man, i aim to do nothing but lay on the sofa.
Plans for the week ahead?
Just the 1....Friday evening i am to speed over the pennines to gan out with RMS and finally meet that Ricky P bloke from the big smoke.
HOW exciting?
They'll be some beer drunk that night!
You mark my words!