So more on France

 Andrew suggested we go to France Tues – Thu. I looked up on the interweb and booked somewhere and rung him. He told me he couldn’t go as he was working Tuesday – he’d made a mistake with his shifts.
 He spent the rest of his shift trying to rearrange the shift but having done that his boss wouldn’t let him go as it left a 2h gap with one person less. I said I’d ring up the next day to try and rearrange the trip but when I did, we’d have lost all of the money it cost to go so there was nothing I could do.
 Went out in the evening after having worked till 9pm. Got drunk, went to Cruz, it was not great, went home.
 Next day Andrew wasn’t good so I went home early and convinced him that he couldn’t just not go to work. I said he should go and plead with them and ask for the time off but if he pulled a sicky after working there 3 weeks he’d get the sack. He went to work unhappy with me but realising I was right and after half an hour was released from work – because he was so upset he said he’d not be able to work – which is true
 So we went to the airport and flew to Paris, got a train to le Gare du Nord, had a very strange conversation with a tramp about the numbering of the states of America and we managed to shake him off eventually. We walked 15 minutes to our hotel and we were sorted.
 Had a bite to eat at McD’s and wandered down to le Gay Village. I knew roughly where it was but once we got there I couldn’t find it so I bought a map and we were 1 minute away.
 Had a nice night – got drunk on very expensive drinks (dearest rounds – 21 euros for double voddy and coke and a pint (or rather half litre) and 13.50 for a pint and a Smirnoff ice.
 Bars in Paris are not like those in England. There are crappy cafes and bars and each bar has a sort of sleazy cruisy darkish downstairs area. I have seen these before on the continent so it wasn’t much of a surprise for me but Andrew nearly feinted when he say two men wanking in one of these places.
 Went to a bar called Bear’s den which was nice – the staff were friendly and we kept popping off to another bar and then returning there but altogether we went to about half a dozen places but a couple were dead including the nightclub we went to.
 Bed at 5am
 Next day, up at 11.00
 Went shopping
 Was nearly sick by smell of eggs in Galleries LaFayette, Andrew nearly had a seizure when I suggested that we go into C&A
 Went to a veggie Italian Restaurant, Andrew nearly had another seizure when he realised the nearest thing to meat was tuna or salmon.
 Went home, scrubbed up, shaved Andrew’s shoulders went out and managed (just) to get to the bear pub for happy hour (which was 5-8 and we arrived at 7.59).
 Decided that since we were in France anything went so he spent a lot of the evening chasing (unsuccessfully I may add) a nice chubby guy in a blue t shirt. I got chatting to a fashion designer from near Whitby who drew me pictures and told me he wanted to make love to me. He snogged me three times, tweaked my nipple really hard (bruising going down now) and felt Andrew’s naked bum!
 Went to le Depot. I hooked up with this cute Portuguese guy who ran a mile when he realised I am a careful boy and don’t like to go into other people’s tents without a sleeping bag and a few others including another nice one called Ben. People tried to rob me a lot so I had to put all my pocket stuff in my socks!
 Met up with Andrew, he wasn’t happy I’d been gone for an hour and a half. He’d been bored upstairs unable to talk to anyone and waiting for me to get back. We went somewhere else but it was crap so went back to le Depot and then had a last drink (at 5am) at the place Andrew saw the 2 men wanking.
 Taxi to hotel, packed, got another taxi at 6am and went to airport. I was getting tired and ratty and Andrew thought I was still drunk, but I was tired not drunk.
 Got on aeroplane, fell asleep before we’d even taken off and next think we both knew, BUMP, we were in Manchester.

OK I’m in trouble with Karen

... so I’ll blog but only briefly using bullet points:

 Saturday 18 February, Karen failed to mention the amount of karaoking we did. I sang 6 times. Twice with her, three times with MJ and once alone. Me and MJ sang Bohemian Rhapsody – it was dire - and afterwards bro caught me in the bogs and said to me “Never sing that song again – especially with that fuckpig”
 Pushing MJ around on Tesco goods trolley was v good we did it on the way up to the station and the way down – what larks.
 We also met Jesus who wanted me to make a roll up for him but I failed!!
 Sunday 19 February, Andrew asked me to look up holidays to France
 Monday 20 February, booked a holiday to France, went out and got slammed.
 Tuesday 21 February, went to France
 Wednesday 22 February, stayed in France
 Thursday 23 February, came home from France, went out and got slammed.
 Friday 24 February, went to work, had quiet night in
 Saturday 25 February, got up for an hour in the morning and an hour at lunchtime and rose at 5pm. Went out in the evening, had 9 pints and a thoroughly dull time.
 Sunday 26 February, highlight of the day was reading a 400 page book in less than 10 hours.

Last two weekends

Matt has been too busy to blog last weekend, so i suppose i'll have to do it! as if i haven't enough on?!!?

So the weekend before Scotland.

Friday, met Andy and RMS in Spooners at 8pm, Andy was sat in the no smoking section, selfish! so we had one pint then moved to the Commercial and met up with Warren and Caroline and smoked and drank away until 11pm, Woz was on call so his and Caz went for food, Andy was playing rugby the next day so off he tottled too to bed, me and Matt sprinted up to the station and started firing pints down at a rare old rate, Tina and Beth were dancing around being wellied, Spug and Hayley were having a tete a tete in the loos, Ruth was battered, it was all going on, we all mosied up to Regal, (1st time this year), had a couple of pints, a boogie then i made Matt share a bhuna and korma, halved in sloppy Joes, think Tina and Beth were there too, Spug definitely was as i remember her getting a bud instead of food.


Saturday, had a lazy day, then met MJW and Matt at the club at 6.30pm, AP had dislocated his knee, but he'd be right for the hols!
Saturday night can only be described as a train wreck, it was race night at the club, all the "footballers wives" were in Newcastle, so we were thin on the ground.............me, AP, Warren, Matt, Spug and MJ, me and Spug met Ruth and Zoe and had a quick one in the Wickham, then the 8 of us plonked in the old house for the evening, oh heck! i was drinking cider, some chav knocked into me, to which i retorted if she did it again, i'd fucking twat her. Oh we were mullered, AP more than most as he caressed my face while telling me he loved me, hhhaaaaaaaaa what a soppy old git! i thought it a really good idea to introduce Graham and Andy, i'm sure he wanted to thank him for keeping the bed warm when he was in Oz, Matt and MJ hogged the karaoke all night, my last memories of the evening were RMS pushing MJ up to the Station in a tescos bread trolley and me throwing a pen across the pub and shouting "fuck off" to bugsy Bev for asking me to be a character witness, when she takes Alan the landlord to court for evicting her...................oh dear oh dear! Cider is evil.

Sunday was very ill, dehydrated, this was only remedied by going out in the evening for a few lagertops with Ruth, Mark, Reilly and Spug.
Hayley, James,Tina and Beth also arrived in spoons but chose to sit seperate which i thought was really rude, well no not rude just fooking odd! don't you think?
Well anyhow we had a top night, i was a bit worried when i'd finished my 6th pint and still hadn't weed..........Spug had 16 vodka's after her 6 pints in the old pack, ooh she was parched! I shared a bottle of wine with Ruthlate on, but resisted the temptation of getting another and made sure i was in bed before 12, as up early for Bonny Scotland.

The weekend after Scotland, well i arrived at home at 4pm Friday, got Maisie in who was crying under the picnic table, changed towels and bedding, unpacked and put the washer on, then feebly txt Tina saying i was too tired to go out.........went for a nap at 6pm and basically slept right through till 9.30am Saturday, oooh i must've needed it.
Called at Marlo's, went to Batley tescos, then Mum came to mine for lunch, we had a cheese, ham and tomato and a crab sandwich, well nice! Fit in fact. She didn't want a bun as she was full, i however needed cake as i am used to 5000 calories a day at least, as from my holidays (indeed could not zip my jeans up this morning). Took her home, then Andy txt to say he was at the club watching rugby as he was injured and hadn't played, went down there at 7pm and Spug clocked off at half past.

Sat with the "it" girls, Deano was chasing me round the club calling me Wallace (Wallace Arnold do you get it?) hahaaa! 8 girls shared cabs, Katy was moaning about T all night who'd fucked off to fanny fax wi' lads! Spug went with Ruth, to the Wickham and i seemed to be just sat looking after them lots coats, while they were mingling with the lads, chatted to Debbie and Tracy quite a lot, until Andy came to save me when he'd had enough of boy talk, bumped into mad Lynns cousin Diane, she's a bit gobby and asked Andy outright if we were getting married, " i'll ask her when she's least expecting it" was his reply............run for the hills!

Ended up bolloxed as any other Saturday ,complete memory loss, Caroline, Katie, Chris, Deano, John and Claire went to watch the boxing at Katie's(i didn't want to go), leaving me, Andy oh and Katy left in the capable hands of Mr. Wommersley, who was doing Grant a big favour by getting off with his bird behind his back....... tut tut!
We left them snogging in weatherspoons, all top secret noone with ever find out, it'll end in tears!

Awoke Sunday, yesterday morning with nice boyfriend who wasn't sick of the sight of me and was still up for early Sunday morning loving.............bless! left him in slumber and got up midday, Sam phoned for a quick chat. AP left at 1pm, i spent the rest of the day reading, laying on the sofa, watching t.v and eating.
Spoke to Sam as i said, then Sarah phoned, I nattered to Matt all night and resisted the lure of Wetherspoons for Sunday shandies with Ruth and Spug.

Tempting, but glad i didn't when i felt well this morning.
So back to it, a Monday morning after 9 days off.........eek! still ,no David!
Happy days!

Scotland

Hahhhaaaaaa
My week in the Scottish highlands with the oap's....how funny?

Set off 9am Monday morning, collected AP in a taxi (he'd disslocated his knee at rugby last Saturday, so we suspected i might be pushing him round in a wheelchair all week, like Lou and Andy, "i want that one", but thank heavens he was fine, limping a little, but not fully crippled).
We spent the 1st hour on the coach, laughing at the old people and generally being really giddy and childish about being on holiday.........we are 14!!!!
Stopped once in Cumbria for lunch and again just outside Glasgow, got to hotel 4ish unpacked, showered and $hagged, then dressed for our evening meal....the food was dire, i had string in my lamb and the veg were blanched and not cooked properly, we had a pint in the bar, declared Carlsburg, Rubbish!! so walked into Aberfoyle and had 7 more pints of Tennants.....yummy!!!! We laughed at all the yokels and Polish barmaid, spent the night talking about stuff we got up to in our youth, family, friends, ya di ya!, stumbled out at 12.30 and staggered back to ghost town hotel, 26 guests in total, would hardly fill the 50 bedrooms.
Watched t.v in bed and stared agog as Andy waded his way through 1/2doz chocolate biscuits.

Tuesday up at 9.30pm, after cooked breakfast, grapefruit, juice and several coffees, we spent the morning walking, well him limping and me weezing............should really have been romantic!!!
Back to the hotel, read, watched t.v, layed on the bed and took the pi$$ out of most of our fellow travellers (the chav couple, she was rouring as her brother had had a stroke, 76yr old Albert and his wife, we called them the back seat hard o's as they were erm, sat on the back seat, then the bolshy sisters, who did nowt but complain, captain birdseye and his wife who had chronic toothache, then Andy's bezzie mate......"do you come on many Palmer holidays lad?, me and the wife love em, we've been all over"..........EEK! yes indeed they were on our bus to Dublin last year)went down to lunch at 1pm, which was salmon steaks, veg, i think Andy had pork............not sure, then massive puddings with fresh cream or custard........it was well nice, much better than the slop we'd had the previous night!
We'd to be on the coach at 2.30pm, so we showered and got ready, it took 1 1/2hrs to get into Edinburgh, we'd the whole afternoon to kill before tonights show, so we mulled around from bar to bar and a few shops, then got to the Edinburgh playhouse at 7pm.............oh my! we were right up in the gods, i hate heights and had to stare transfixed at the stage, otherwise my legs would have turned to jelly.

Anyhow the show (Grease the musical) was ace, Andy loved it and spent the 2nd half crying with laughter at some old gimmer who'd started singing one of the songs when it was deadly silent...........strange boy!
Back on the coach, to much jabbering from old bags "it was like a shouting match", "i wonder what's for supper when we get back", "Ooooh it's going to be too late for me to eat, it'll be after midnight".

Indeed it was after 12, the only people too tired to demolish free soup and sandwiches at the time were..........cough hickup......erm, me and Andy!!!

Up to bed for a cup of tea and No Angels repeats, asleep before 1am.

Wednesday, wolfed breakfast down and this morning excursion was Callander, woollen mills, whiskey shops, Rob Roy tourist exhibition, we bought some magazines and spogs and sat on a bench laughing at old dears.
Back to hotel for lunch of scotch broth and steak pie with trimmings.....ace! showered, $hagged, then hit the bright lights of Glasgow, had 3hrs to kill before "tonights the night" started at the Kings theatre..it was quite chilly, we opted for weatherspoons, 3 pints, cheese panini and chips and we had a prime view of drugs den being raided by the filth across the road.(thought i was chucked for a brief moment as i shrieked "oh god they're bringing him out in cufflinks................that'd be hand cuffs Karen, nobba!!!) Funny!

I thought the show was outstanding, Andy prefered Grease, i was busting for the lav in the 1st 1/2, (too much lager), the 2nd half we stood up at the back as Andy's knee had siezed up, So we had an ace view.
Back on the bus and managed to stay up for the mushroom soup and bacon and sausage sandwiches.
Collapsed into bed and watched no Angels, we couldn't have tea or coffe as the f*cking immigrants, His words not mine, hadn't left us any more little milks!!!

Thursday, up at 9am, again, cooked breakfast, now not having been on holiday with AP before you don't notice quirky little ways, but i was bemused as he painstakingly cut all the fat off his bacon, buttered his bread roll, cut his sausages in 1/2 then smeared it all with ketchup, bit into it and muttered "it's clock cold is this".................ha hahhhaaaaaaa is that because it took you 20mins to make?
Moving on, Bill the driver took us to Loch Lomand for the morning, breathtaking scenery all round the Trossachs and walks on the beach, we're huddled inside the bun shop with coffee and bakewell slices, while some 80yr old gimmer is swimming in the loch, then doing his excersises on the beach in his speedos. Hello?!!?

Afternoon spent in Stirling, Mavis the courior seemed to be in every bar we entered, fooking wino, she told us how her BOX of wine had split in her suitcase and ruined all her clothes, why didn't i think to pack 3litres of Chiraz for my 4 nights away, god she could booze!
Had a Mcdonalds, got some supplies for the journey home, then back to hotel for 4ish..........afternoon of nookie then kipping..........all this fresh air takes it out of you!
Packed, then down to the dining room for Scottish banquet, they had a piper to pie the haggis in, i didn't understand what was going on, but was pleased we got free Whiskey on the way in.
4 courses later, Andy left his Haggis, Tatties and Neeps, me being a piglet wolfed down the lot and felt possitively sick, so we had to walk it off down to the Forth Inn in town, had 5 pints of Tennants, then bedfordshire again to watch No Angels, (Dick and Liddie or what?).

Up with the larks Friday, all fed and watered (i left the nice Polish waiter a £5 tip)and on the coach for 9am, stopped again at Westmoreland services where i had 4 cream crackers at £1.60 a shout....bargain, back at Hartshead moor for 3.30pm....Andy had slept all the way home, declaring that being up at 8am, not 9am, left him feeling exhausted as that extra hour makes all the differance...........

How old are you? 105?
Maybe the week with the oldies really rubbed off on him?, so that's it, home again, holidays over, we got on really really well, no fratching, plus we hardly spent a penny, all inclusive holidays with the oldies are the way forward, i can feel it!

I'm Suppose to working!

MORNING !
I'm bored so lets play games, first one to guess the animal. answers on a post card to me to win super prizes!

This week

Well lets just say its not been the most exciting week of my life and cut to the chase: last night. I went out for a few after work and got home at 8pm, got Andrew up and despatched him, sewed some buttons, collected the rubbish and went out – at 10.45. I know it was late but I felt restless and didn’t fancy (although I needed) an early night.

So I put down my song request as soon as I got there – The Wonder of You, and then looked for somewhere to sit. I had to perch by the fag machine for a while but as if by magic, after I’d only been in there 20 minutes, my favourite seat magically became available and I sat there.

Thursday nights are the nights where the freaks come out and Churchills was rammed with them. There were the 3 straight boys who were all slightly chubby which made them nice to watch (I do like a bit of meat on a man) and they were a bit chavvy – even better) and one of them had the prettiest eyes. Anyway, they were dancing with a tranny – the worst tranny in the world. Imagine a 14 stone man in a denim mini-skirt dancing all night in stilettos taking tiny “ladylike” steps wearing Harry Potter glasses and a wig that looked like Madge Ramsay with a mullet. Well she looked dreadful but seemed quite fun and this was confirmed when she went up to sing “Man I feel like a woman”. Obviously she got a huge round of applause and it was very amusing to see a tranny sing that song!!

Then there was the Andy Bell/Jimmy Somerville lookeylikey who was about 40 and danced, snogged or showed his belly to literally half the people in there. He was like a dog on heat. He was all over a different person everytime you looked at him. What a weirdo.

And then the Fly came in with his long blonde haired lady friend – a very strange couple.

Then I sang, and if I may say, I did very well.

When I sat down an old African man was sat down next to my seat and he started talking to me but his accent was so thick/his English was so poor, that I had no idea what he was saying but I thought he was saying that I was a good singer so I said thanks and tried to ignore him but then he was on a roll. He asked me another question – and this one I could work out – he asked if I was French or “from here” which seemed a bit weird. Then he asked another and he said “I have asked you before, can I have a cigarette” which means that when he was talking to me at first and I had no idea what he was saying and I’m saying to him “you think I’m a good singer – oh thank you!” he was actually angling to get a fag. Poor lonely old African man – and his eyes were nearly popping out of their sockets.

But by far, the funniest thing that happened was when Kerry sang. Now I have to say, Kerry is completely deaf. Having a conversation is like pulling your teeth out very slowly one by one with a blunt crowbar. And he sings every now and again. His singing is absolutely dreadful – as you’d imagine a profoundly deaf person would be – its very quiet and no words so to speak – just sounds really - but he is a regular and he has ago and he is always treated with respect and gets to sing and receives a clap etc. So he’s singing Music of the Night last night and this complete chavess – she made Waynetta Slob look like Barbara Cartland got pissed off with the fact that he wasn’t singing very well and tried to crash the dance-floor to join him to improve the singing but lots of people stopped her and then she started shouting at him “fucking sing”, “sing a bit louder you cunt” etc. Someone then told her he was deaf and she seemed to stop then. Anyway, Kerry carried on and got an even bigger clap than usual because everyone had seen this crap girl and then Toni Lee, the DJ said something along the lines of “everyone here has a right to sing and not be interrupted” and that got a huge cheer and all the time Waynetta is smoking a fag and doing her best “fink I am bovvered” face and then to top it all off, the bouncer threw her out!! Oh it was all so funny! If Kerry hadn’t been deaf and was just rubbish instead she’d not have got that grief which amuses me as much as what happened. Imagine going to work the next day and having to explain to your colleagues that you got barred from a gay pub for heckling a deaf man singing opera!! Oh the larks.

So anyway I sang again and went home. I got in at 01.49 and then had lots of things to do like doing some washing, dying my hair, watching an interesting special interest “arts” DVD so I didn’t’ get to bed for another hour – the third night since Sunday that I’ve been to bed nearer 03.00 than 02.30. Was woken up at 07.10 after just over 4 hours sleep and feel shit today. And I have to get wankered again tonight! Oh woe is me!

Thursday 16th Feb

I haven't blogged my week yet, the same as usual, but hey ho!

Monday.. felt a bit rubbishy as always after a large weekend, took boss's ex-wife back to hale in Manchester in the afternoon, was quite relieved as i could get straight off home, we chatted in the car, chain smoked and drank coke, i called for Diesel and was home at 5.20pm............result! Only 40mins early but what a difference to a long day?

My Monday evening consisted of Chicken and veg bake, mashed carrot and turnip,sprouts, Chatting to Matt of the phone (1 1/2hrs) watching television ligged on the sofa, late to bed to ensure out like a light.

Tuesday..was an okay day......got a nice card from AP, it said from a secret admirer on the front with a cute kitten, then inside he'd written perhaps not so secert? how can he not have copied the word correctly from the front of the card? still it was v.cute and i was touched!! (in the head for going out with him.............hahhhaaa).
Did feck all at night, ate like a pig all day as being due on is as bad as the munchies whilst stoned, fell asleep on the sofa after a large evening meal, then was wide a fucking wake all night, stayed up till 1.30am.

Wednesday..felt very shoddy indeed when alarm went off, headache, tired, woolly kind of "not a fucking chance am i off to work feeling like this".
Good job really as i had shit loads to do and very little time, felt better when i awoke at 1.30pm, so washed all spare bedding for Tina and Beth, 2 loads of clothes, tumble dried the same, called at Tescos for last minute supplies and Mothers to borrow Steven's ipod and drop off Marlo's photos.
Yesterday evening spent with that boy of mine, rabbiting away about anything and nothing and watching the box. Bed late again, am really liking the repeats of no Angels.

Back to it today, arrived to a sink full of washing up and a sarcastic "thanks for coming" from Boss....Cretin!
So have spent the morning playing catch up..........v productive, paid his Barclaycard, taxed his son's car, transferred private number plates, fetched 2k from Yorkshire, collected 1400 euros from Thomas cook. Off to fetch lunches now...........SKIVVY! or what?

I'd like to say still, cushy number, pay, car, free fuel............however this is a sore subject as the Inland revenue did not pick up on the fact that i haven't paid tax in the whole of 05 for my fuel benefits, until i told them about change of car! bluddy buggers........i owe them £900. Oh me!!!

On the upside it's the weekend tomorrow, yippee!! RMS is gracing us with his presence so spoons at 8pm for beers Friday, then Saturday we'll need to go out again to top up the alcohol levels!

I was 1/2 cheered up till i checked the weather forecast for Stirling next week! -1% C and snow showers Monday to Friday.....daren't tell Andy

Intoxicated too!

On Friday I was angling to go out for a few drinks with Janet. I had told Andrew to get himself up for a change as I would be going out but then Janet said she had her car and so wouldn’t be drinking which put the kibosh on my plans. Anyway as the day progressed Janet asked if I wanted to go down to Wilmslow. So we worked till about half past six and then we left, getting to Janet’s shortly after 7pm.

We had a few glasses of wine talked about which would be better for throwing at someone, a celeriac or a swede, and the pros and cons of gay partnership blessings for the Unitarian Church (as you do). Anyway we went to the pub and had a nice chat in the pub and I began to slip into drunkenness. We were joined my Graham who was a stonemason (nickname Perry Stonemason) who was a nice bloke and had a Lock hat! Anyway we chatted to him and then I got chatting to another of Janet and Ollie’s friends, a 49 year old called Harry who wasn’t bad looking in a craggy way and I certainly had the impression that he was chatting me up. He was asking if I was married and so I said no but I had a partner and he asked how long we’d been together, where we met, which pub etc, so it became apparent that I was a hommer and then he started on about how much sex he’s had and that he’s intrigued by gay sex but not that keen on the idea even though at the minute his penchant is for transsexuals. It was all very strange but I am convinced that if I’d had another couple and so had he, something could have ended up going on.

So anyway, time was passing and I was very aware of the fact that I was in Cheshire, fifteen miles from home so I started making noises about heading off for a train to the amusement of everyone there. There were engineering works and no trains. Ollie offered me their spare room but I wanted to get home and also had mind to go to Cruz so I said thanks but no: I’d get a taxi to Manchester Airport and then get a train to town. So this is what I did. Now it’s about midnight now so I’m actually a bit worried that there might be no trains to the Airport but anyway I got a taxi there. £14 it cost, for about a 3 mile ride! – it’s only £30 to come all the way back into Manchester! Anyway there was a train … at 01.10 – 45 minutes away. So I sat down with my book (its as boring as hell, http://tinyurl.com/dde2d damn Amazon recommending rubbish books) and ate some cheap bacon fries wannabe crisps and waited. So the train comes and I get on and it’s the coldest train in the world. It dropped us off at Piccadilly so I hotfooted it down to Cruz, paid my fiver in, got my bottle of poppers, checked in my bag and coat, another two quid and bought a pint, another three quid. Supped that quickly and went onto the dance floor. Had quite a nice time, there was this fit lad and his fit female friend, who danced with me (probably a sympathy “lets dance (and make fun) of the fat bloke on his own” dance – but it was OK). I was befriended by a guy who was really not good. He wore clothes worse than me, had massive ears, looked as if he was a hod carrier and too many bricks had landed on his head. Well anyway, he kept gravitating towards me but nothing happened and I fucked off at 3am ish.

Got home and had a strange combination of foodstuffs: red kidney beans, coleslaw, Caesar salad dressing and mayo all mixed up. Well it was edible at least.

Saturday morning, Andrew was up and wanted to go to the cinema, he was in a very good mood which was strange since he’d been up a while and been to work and should have been descending into monosyllabic miserable Andrew not being silly Andrew. He thought we could go at 10 am but the first showing was 11.50 so I got dressed and headed up there. We popped into the amusements and lost a tenner there – this pissed Andrew off no end and he became silent Andrew – I knew it would happen eventually.

We watched the film which was very good and then went home. Andrew went to bed as he had work at 21.30. I lolled about napped and did nothing all day and all night. Complete waste of a day.

Sunday didn’t start off much better. Andrew was working 13.30 – 21.30 after coming back from work the previous night at 04.30 and I spent the afternoon moving the book shelf, washing, making stew, rearranging the bedroom. Anyway at 20.00 Andrew rung to say that he was working a double shift as he’d been offered overtime. I was pissed off, I’d been at home all day, in the house for over 24 hours and I was bored, so I decided to go out. Tidied up etc. and set off at about 22.30 and went to Churchills with the intention of having two or three.

It was very busy, there’d been a Cher tribute act earlier so I had to sit somewhere other than my normal seat. Anyway a bit later on I managed to get to sit at my second favourite seat which was alright. There’s a couple who come into the pub a lot, a really really cute Indian boy and his older white boyfriend and the Indian lad walked in and said hello and then the boyf, they usually sit on the raised area where I was but there were no seats so they went to prop up the bar. The two next to me went home so I caught Indian boy’s eye and gestured to them so they came and sat with me and I had a nice chat with them. Kevin (white, 45, balding) and Jonny (Indian 22, not balding) were no longer a couple, they’d just split up (which is worth making a note of for if anything happens to me and the boy) but were still living together and friends. Nice people, I offered to buy them a drink but they were off soon, but nevertheless, potential for new friends there I thought.

Now all the while I am chatting to Jonny and Kev, I am also chatting to the drunken straight man and his drunken straight mates and drunken gay brother on the other side of me. They were all hammered, gay brother (probably about 40 and not bad looking but not great looking) was ogling me, drunk straight man nicked a fag off me and then proceeded to say that him and me were the same, it was us against the world and that god made me in his image and if god didn’t like the gays he wouldn’t have made us and what’s it got to do with anyone which hold I fuck etc.: exactly the same as all straight men in gay pubs say when they’re pissed. Anyway he bought me a packet of cigs to make up for the fag he’d stolen which was a good exchange!

Now to make it even more complicated, across the way were two women who looked a bit like drag queens but they were real women, both on the wrong side of 60, wearling black flowy velvety clothes. Well the drunk men took a shine to them and kept dancing with them and flirting with them, it was all highly amusing and the women took it all in good humour. Anyhew, I wanted to buy the drunk man who bought me fags a drink but he had a whole pint but he asked that I buy the two women a drink which I duly did so they cam over and chatted away. Bernadette and Bernadette, normally come on a Monday but they’d been to a dance at the Princess Hotel and it wasn’t very good so they’d come here… nice ladies.

So I ws feeling v popular with all this commotion, Jonny and Kev, Bernie and Bernie and the straight men and the pervy gay brother but before I knew it it was home time. The straight men and gay bro went to New York New York and invited me but I said I had bed to get to so they went off. Anyway ten minutes later when I set off home I decided to pop into NY NY to see if the straight men were there but the man wouldn’t let me in. By this point though I’d worked up a bit of an appetite for another drink so I went to Cruz.

Its almost as if I’d anticipated my actions since I’d come out with a £1 off flyer and a bottle of poppers. Anyway I got in there and almost immediately I got chatting to a bloke I’d chatted to in there last week. He was called Carl and he was 34 had his own carpet fitting company, had a 13 year old girl. He was with his female friend Kim and his 18 year old straight very pretty mate Anthony who was being eyed up by a guy leaning against a pillar and probably everyone else in there! Carl was really nice thought I was hugely amusing and liked me because I was a “genuine bloke” and he’s looking for friends so we swapped numbers and we’re going to go out sometime. Anyway he and his two friends went home and I was alone with my pint so I went over to lean against the pillar too and was just finishing my pint when the guy who had been eyeing up Anthony turned round and started talking at me.

“I bet you think I’m really miserable” was his opening gambit which is always a good start. He was called Anthony too! He was 30 had nice white teeth and nice eyes and I quite fancied him. He was a bit of a dead loss though. He wasn’t much of a smiler, had no self confidence, hated dancing, had never pulled in a pub or club and thought that he was a rubbish gay man. I told him he just needed to pull himself together and said that if I could sleep with 10 men last year, he could pull one man so he went off, encouraged and decided to chat someone up. I’d promised I wouldn’t leave and I stood there smoking and drinking (he’d bought me a can of red stripe) when the DJ announced a competition – a prize for the first man to give him a pair of boxer shorts. These two women ran up to me immediately and said come on then, why don’t you go for it, so stupidly drunken me bends over (so my shirt can protect my modesty) takes off my shoes and trousers and pants and put back on my trousers – all in about 5 seconds. I won a CD (Andy Bell), a T shirt (medium), a pen, a key ring and a sweet. Great! The women made me put on the T Shirt which was tiny so by the end, every bit of my body had been exposed in one way or another.

Anyway Anthony was back – he’d been a failure apparently which wasn’t entirely true since he’d chatted to a couple of nice looking fellas and had been knocked back. But just chatting was OK. He had another attempt with probably the nicest man in the club and got ignored – which isn’t good at all – but let’s face it, when you’re aiming for the nicest man in the place, you have to expect it. Anyway we continued chatting and he was really nice and we agreed that we’d go out for a drink (not on a week day, he can’t drink when he’s working the next day!) and I’d try to help him stop being the worst gay man in the world. Then he went off again on the prowl and again I promised that I’d not leave while he was away and about 5 minutes later he was back saying he’d been chatting to someone and they were really nice so I told him off for coming and talking to me and told him he should go back which he did. I breathed a huge sigh of relief thinking, at last, I can go home to bed so I supped my can, collected my jacket and fucked off home. Getting into bed at 02.57. On a Sunday night. I am evil!!

Intoxicated

I'm surrounded by pissheads.........everyone i know and socialise with is a drunk!
Brilliant!!!!!!!!!

Friday as planned Steven and i started off in spoons for cheap steaks, we'd picked up Mikey and let him share our taxi, so he ate with us, which was okay! i got surf and turf, it was fooking reem, much better than Aldo's fodder, Steven demolished my leftovers, then we started to drink....3 in spoons, everyone started to arrive, Tina, Beth, Rach,Dean, Spug, Ruth, Mark was out for curly Chris's leaving do, plus loads of other folk, up to the Old house, had 2 in there, Steven made me sing bye bye love by the Everly Brothers (i didn't really like it), anyhow, we ended up in the Station, where i thought i'd just have a quick 5 pints of cider............it was all going off, i'm not going to grass, but i was struggling to keep up with what seemed to be a very bizarre love triangle/hexagon, then i had to threaten to kill Donald for calling Ruth a nasty name, Steven was bolloxed as he'd had 4 pints in the afternoon with Dad and a further 10 with me, he was wearing my cropped green cardigan and dancing like a loon, the d.j wouldn't let us book any more songs, most people shuffled off to the regal, i knew when i was beat, so tottered off home at 12.35................and slept till 11am.

Ace day Saturday, washed all towels, rugs, bedding, clothes, coats (everything i could get my hands on really)....5 loads in total, made a vat of chilli and was bathed and in clean pyjamas (well you've got to make an effort), for when Rach, Dean and baby Megan arrived at 3.30pm. Had a lovely tea...we ate like kings, even Megan joined in with the chilli, chocolate pudding, tortilla chips and tiger bread.
Dean put up new security light.............yippee!, i paid him with a hoisted laser light tool.
They left after 6, i got ready and picked Beth, Tina and Katy up in a cab at 7.30pm.

Cool night at the club, the turn was a bit bab, some aged rocker dressed as Elvis, Caroline came to sit with us, but when the others in her clan turned up we moved and all sat together, Andy was drinking like a fish, stood at the bar with his buddies, me and Katy weren't far behind him, i knew i was drunk when i got up to dance, Gill followed me into the loo for a chat, she was very excited about Scotland next week.....bless!
Dave even introduced himself to Ruth (he spotted the likeness), how nice are they?

Hayley, James, Beth and Tina went into town, me, Ruth, Spug and Katy, stayed and drank and stared in horror at my boyfriend who was now on the dancefloor with his collar up "Elvis style", staggering around, slopping lager everywhere............not pretty.
By midnight he wanted to go home, while he was napping i just snook another pint in, he caught me, so i had to leave 1/2 and gave it to KF.
He then proceeded to try get in someone else's cab, once home, trampled upstairs in his shoes, stripped off and started snoring like a wild boar................lucky me!

Sunday was awoken early doors, to nice boyfriend puking in bed at the side of me, how romantic? Valentine's come early! he only got it on the carpet, rug, bedding, all over the toilet, he got back into bed like nowt had happened, then 7.30am he'd obviously convinced himself it hadn't happened as he wanted to kiss me really passionately................get off me, sicky breath.
The smell had gone later on in the morning, for 2 stints, we didn't get up till 12.45pm, asked him (told him) if he was still coming to Mums for tea, got this strangled "do i have to?"...............YES!

Saw him out, washed sick covered objects, EE omnibus, toast, coffee, bath and picked him up at 1/4 to 4, he was still in the shower, so i had to talk to Gill and Dave in the lounge...........fine, we just had a quick game of charades then Andy was ready.

Picked up Ruth and Mark, and descended on parents at the bungalow, Andy, Dad and very confused 83yr old Grandma watched the rugby, then the footie, then the cricket (my Dad loves Andy more then he likes me, i'm sure of it), Mum says things like "are you ok there Andy, i forget you're here" go on Marlene point out that he's really quiet and show him up, why don't you?

Had tea, Martyn and Tracy arrived, Jim was in his element, all his family round him, i took Andy home at 6pm as he was fading fast, gave him his card for Tomorrow and a kiss, he pipes up "you don't want to do out for Valentine's day, do you?, it'll be rammed everywhere, i'll pop your card in and see you Wednesday".................
Last of the old romantics, went back up to Mums, got done for taking Andy home as "he looked perfectly happy sat there watching tv" i must admit, he did look to be enjoying himself, but i promised he'd only have to stay an hour, oh i can't do right for doing wrong, he was quite cute when he called me "love" in front of my parents, ...............Steven came in from golf, ate some cold lasagne and chilli..........gip!
We all had a halfhearted game of triv, after Grandma had been taken home "he's forgotten his jigsaw, your boyfriend, who's Mark, isn't that your boyfriend, well who are you? Ruth or Karen?"......told you confused!

Stayed till 9.30pm, dropped Ruth and Mark home, got in and watched The Green mile and demolished 1 1/2 bottles of wine, sat on the sofa, in front of the fire, wearing my p.j's.......heaven!

This is what Janet sang

Our little boy is four years old and quite a little man
So we spell out the words we don't want him to understand
Like T-O-Y or maybe S-U-R-P-R-I-S-E
But the words we're hiding from him now
Tear the heart right out of me.

Our D-I-V-O-R-C-E becomes final today
Me and little J-O-E will be goin' away
I love you both and it will be pure H-E double L for me
Oh, I wish that we could stop this D-I-V-O-R-C-E.

Watch him smile, he thinks it Christmas
Or his fifth Birthday
And he thinks C-U-S-T-O-D-Y spells fun or play
I spell out all the hurtin' words
And turn my head when I speak
'Cause I can't spell away this hurt
That's drippin' down my cheek.

Our D-I-V-O-R-C-E becomes final today
Me and little J-O-E will be goin' away
I love you both and it will be pure H-E double L for me
Oh, I wish that we could stop this D-I-V-O-R-C-E.

Last week - belatedly

OK, I know its Friday and I should have blogged ages ago but this is the first moment I’ve had (sort of) and so here I am.

Well where do I begin, why not Friday? I went home, woke up young Andrew, packed him off to work and then rang Janet – she was going to come for a drink so an hour later I met her in the pub.

We went to the City Road Inn and sang karaoke. I sang Crazy and Paradise by the Dashboard Light and Janet sang something which I can’t remember and then we both sang Something Stupid. Janet asked to sing two songs but they only let her sing one song so she was mightily annoyed. The nice chunky guy who sang Don’t let the Sun go Down on Me was there and he said hello to us. He is very nice and I would certainly say yes please to him. Anyway he sang again and was brill.

We didn’t drink that much – I think I had 5 pints and Jan had one glass of wine, two pints and two double whiskies. She was slammed! I offered my inflatable double mattress but she had to get home so I walked her to the station, popped into Rembrandt’s for a quick one, had a moral dilemma about whether I should stay out and go clubbing or not and in the end I went home and went to bed.

Saturday, did nothing all day, then went to meet Andrew after he finished work. We had a pint in Churchill’s then another on in Falcon but someone knocked my pint out of my hand and it smashed on the floor. I went to pick up the glass and cut myself quite badly. I was smoking a cigarette and the blood was all over the fag, and my hands and the floor and my hankie. I popped to Churchills and got a plaster from the kind bar staff. Then we went to the New Union and got into a very strange conversation with a girl about the Palestinians and Israelis. Then we went clubbing – it was OK but not great and I ended up losing Andrew so I went home and had the biggest, soggiest and most battered fish I have ever had and then went to bed.

Sunday, rose when Karen rung to say they’d be over at 1.30. Woke Andrew, packed him off to work and in short order Karen and Andy arrived. Had a great time as described by Karen and after they left me and Andrew proceeded to drink a load, go to two different clubs and spend a fortune. Didn’t get to bed till 03.50 and so getting up time the next day was not good. I felt awful but I had to go to work as I had a big meeting. So I got a taxi to work went to this meeting, and then at midday came home and went to bed. I slept till 7pm and went to bed at midnight so it was a bit hard getting to sleep but I did and I felt much better on Tuesday.

The rest of the week has not been that eventful. Been at home in the main, had three pints on Tuesday, ironed on Wednesday and Thursday. Not much planned for the weekend – just looking forward to payday next week!!

Friday 10th

Last day before the weekend, thank god, hope today doesn't drag.....can't bear it!

The funniest news this year was Wednesday when i phoned Tina, she WAS the person who called me the previous evening and the lady who'd answered when i called back, was just one of the residents who'd wandered into the office...........hahhhaaa!

Wednesday evening saw that boy of mine, on the upside we got really excited about our holidays (him more than me), got the maps out of the car and gauged how far all the trips were, we giggled about all the old people on the bus, i wondered if we should maybe start up a singalong once seated, completely dead pan he said we'd need a biro as there would probably be a quiz on the coach................wtf?
Anyhow he's adamant we're going on all the excursions as they are paid for and we'd need to request the best bedroom when we got there.............okay then!

Downside of the evening, was the 2hrs of Chelsea and Everton.....grr! rough with the smooth, peaks and troughs! DHW's and asleep before 11.30pm.

Thursday was a nice day, awoke an hour early then fell back asleep and didn't know where the fuck i was listening to the alarm, spent the majority of yesterday morning doing errands and shopping, emailed 98 people from the chemist and druggist yesterday afternoon, emailed the snide response to Matt and Rich.
Bought Jim some golfing clobber for his birthday on Sunday, then i had to call at Mum's on the way home as Jim (surname Dingle) had phoned to tell me he'd bought 2 lambs and did i want 1/2?, looked for Steven for ages in his room, he was hidden under his quilt all along..........doh, stayed an hour, then struggled back to the car with my 1/2 of slaughtered sheep, a turnip, 1/2 ton of carrots and 400 sprouts, home unpacked all shopping, wrapped Jim's pressie, usual siding washing, bathing, then i set too washing and dissecting lamb, drying and bagging up in portions to freeze, i'm estimating it will take me a year to get through it!
Took off my blood splattered butchers apron, had tea, i'd treat myself to a mini triffle, which Meg had helped herself to in the kitchen...nice! Watched Sideways on DVD in bedfordshire and awoke this morning to two misscalls from 3 bellies, wonder what she wanted?

Glum day in the office today, have been knocked for 50grand by a major retailer that has just gone into liquidation, oh hecky thump........STILL! it's Friday, funpacked weekend ahead, this evening i am going out on the lash with younger brother (as AP wants to watch the opening ceremony of the olympics.........as you do!) we are going out for steak and chips at 6.30pm, then we plan to drink till we fall on our heads....yippee!

Tomorrow think i've already told you, Dean and Rach for tea, Elvis night in the evening, the Sunday all siblings and their partners are to collate in Marlo and Jims bungalow for a running buffet, birthday cake and trivial pursuits..........Sunday evening i will slob on the sofa drinking wine to ensure i feel like shite Monday at my desk, for this i know is the way forward.
Because "early to rise, early to bed, makes a person healthy , but socially dead".

Pmt, East coast and wrong numbers?

God i was a cunt yesterday, can only put it down to "the week before" as i usually love Tuesday's and I'd had a good day on Monday, well most of it was spent eating...........Mainly carbs, to soak up all the alcofroll I'd consumed at the weekend.
Didn't really do much else ooh i nipped to the White Rose Monday lunchtime and finally found a new case for Scotland and 3 DVD's which i needed!!!!!
Matt phoned in the evening, because i hadn't seen him the previous day??!! and informed me that after AP and i had left him in Churchill's, he'd gone clubbing till 4am.............as you do!
Watched loads of drek t.v, Northern lights, Graham Norton, then switched to Tittybangbang..wtf?????????
Read till 1am.

Tuesday woke up fine, by the time i'd got to work........sat down watched by boss fire a dozen elastic bands across the room, then cut his fingernails with my scissors, i wanted to shake him till blood came out of his eyes, in fact i wanted to twat anyone, luckily he send me to Boyes in Scarborough to show them a baby rocker, so i spent 4hrs in the car silently seething!!! apart from when Andy phoned then i was all sweetness and light.
Nice run out it was a really sunny day, got back at 4pm..Steven txt to see if i wanted to see "walk the line" at the flicks, but couldn't trust myself to be around people...............Hhaa haa Pmt monster, spent the evening dying my roots, mopping, vaccing and lying on the sofa.........i had a miss call from a number a didn't recognise, so i phoned it back, i thought it was Tina from work putting on an old lady voice, it was actually just an old lady who i was telling to "stop pissing about". Bed and watched Shameless........Outstanding! Asleep at 11pm...........now who's an old lady?


Much better today 9 1/2hrs sleep might have helped, but quite chipper about everything, holidays a week on Monday, seeing Andy tonight, Saturday Dean, Rach and Megan are coming for tea, then at night it's the "Elvis tour disco" at the rugby club!
Sunday Jim's birthday, we've all been invited up to the bungalow for tea, might take AP some sandwiches as he's such a picky eater.

Hahhhaaaaa last but not least, the "wrong" number from last night, rang a bell so much i looked up Ashcroft (Tina's work) on Yell just now and it WAS Tina or Beth that phoned............SO who was the old lady that answered when i phoned back, who told me i'd been ringing her and had got the wrong numbers!!!!!!!!!???!!

Marks out of 10

Friday, I'd give a 7 out of 10.

Sulked all day as Andy was off work with Diphtheria (well you'd think that's what he had the way he was carrying on). Anyhow he was too ill to attend Aldo's, so i got there at 7pm and was the 1st in our party to arrive, stood there like a twat and wolfed a beer down in double quick time, didn't wait long till Tim, Joanne, Simon and Nick showed, followed by Sera, Sarah and Dawn who'd nipped to the bank.
The company and wine were excellent, i picked a posh starter to show off, it was rank.
Fooking Artichokes, salami, duck and orange pate, olives and parma ham, so i ate the prawns, some chiabatta, 2 slices of garlic bread, 2 of Sarah's garlic mushrooms and 1 of Tim's mussels, i polished of my carbonnara main and was fit to burst. I was sat between Dawn and Joanne, all i did was moan about Andy being ill and think i was getting of their nerves, woops! we split the £200 bill and went to spoons, bumped into Dean, Rach and co, chatted to them while i drank my pint, Dean said he'd fix my security light..................hooray!
6 of us went to the Wickham for another pint (which Nick shelled out for), then Sera kindly took all the girls home and left the boys to their beer......................so home for 11ish, watched a spot of t.v then slept for 13 hrs!

Saturday 8 out of 10

Ruth txt to see if i wanted to go shopping, but i was too lazy, so watched Every which way but loose, under a blanket eating a fried breakfast. Andy txt (OH you're well enough to play rugby then?), picked Katy up in a taxi at 6pm and met Spug at the club, had 3 shandies, Andy came over all unshaven and looking emaciated, yes we know you're poorly, get yourself off home...............no he dragged it out and came into town, struggled through 2 pints..........oh woe is me! declared he didn't want to ruin my night, so off he went to his Mum.........after he'd bellowed to Sarah "don't you be leading my girlfriend astray" across weatherspoons.
Once he was out of sight, we started firing diesel and cider down and giggling like 10yr olds, it was a good night, just me, Sarah, Katy, Spug and her SP in tow, loads of beer, Karaoke, (i sang twice), we went up to the Old house for 3 then the station for last, then we all polled into sloppy joes, where i decided Sarah should have a chicken Bhuna and i'd get a lamb Korma and we'd share (save me making my mind up), so we troffed for England, popodoms, naan and boiled rice.......yummy!!
Bed at fuck knows what time, memory loss, although i know i got out of the taxi after Katy and gave Sarah all my loose change................which probably came to 46p.

Sunday 10 out of 10

Andy was better so made the most of the day in case he's ill again next week, up, bathed, coffee and toast, picked him up at 12.30pm, well i was 1/4 hr late as i was waiting for the washer, he wasn't bothered as he was sat outside on the bench, Gill waving frantically at the door.............bless! off we set over the Pennines to see china Matty...........yippee! parked in the NCP as the £2.50 a day one was full.................bag o shite! got to Matt's flat at 1.45pm, after i told Andy that Matt waters all the plants in the building as a favour..........hhhahahhhhaaaaaaa!

Had a quick coffee and some biscuits, then off we set trailing across Manchester city centre in my best going out boots. ouch! mustn't grumble................nipped in Next (Matt was looking for Andrew p.j's) my Andy was fingering England cufflinks with a look of want in his eyes, put them down you Chav!
Called at Tescos, for teabags and Matt bought some spice for the pictures, got to the Odeon (which is bigger than the whole of Cleckheaton), where we watched the 3.50pm showing of Derailed............fooking excellent. I won't tell you the plot, go see it!
We giggled like kids and stuffed our faces with nachos, popcorn, revels and m&m's, washed down with 2 litres of fizzy pop each...........how old are we?

Rolled out at 6pm, i was full as an egg but we still nipped in Subway and each got a sandwich and some quavers, we ate in as we are posh, Andy and i got turkey, ham and cheese melts, Matt got beef..........Matt then wanted to go to the karaoke at Churchill's, so we tagged along to humour him, Andy said he'd drive back (isn't he lovely?) so i took advantage by sampling a couple of shandies to keep Matt company.
Well that was the idea, poor Andy sat there sipping orange juice after orange juice, while Matt and i sank pint after pint, chain-smoked and sang karaoke till our hearts content.

Nearly choked when i spotted Christopher Garforth snogging another man, he was in my year at school and reminds me of Eugene out of Grease, he nearly fucking fainted when he saw me, Matt did kindly point out that he was probably thinking "i never knew Karen was a lesbian"................how very dare you! chose to sit on Andy's knee for the rest of the evening............not really!
7 pints later, Andrew arrived wearing his Gala casino uniform, some random Dyke was asking Matt if she looked peaky and saying she was gonna blob work today.
Well it was an excellent night, but then the off the cuff, spur of the moment nights are always the best, i managed to prise myself away at 10.30pm and Andy dragged me by the hand back to the NCP, while i tottered along in high heeled boot, being a bit pished, we paid the £12 parking ticket.........ouch! it took 1hr to get home, i jabbered incessantly all the way back........................fully aware i was talking shite, but not giving a flying fuck.
He dropped me off at quarter to midnight,had some nice snogs, he was going to watch 1/2hr of sport to get his fix in before bed, i rived my fooking boots off, had one glass of wine and eventually dropped off at half twelve.

Did so not want to get up today,absolutely K Knackered after a full and very varied funpacked weekend, the only downside is all the cash i've spent.............still you can't take it with you (never mind that money in my purse was for a new fridge/freezer and i've blown it all on meals and lager)..........
Haaahhaaaaaa....i wouldn't dare be me!

Mundane and complacent.......just the way i like it!

Matt and i discussed how wild our lives were a year ago, compared to now, plus with Emma's input, the odd drunken story from 3 bellies, Ruth now and again losing the odd shoe, we had quite an interesting blog going on.

Look at us !!!, all settled down, the most interesting thing that happens to us now, is along the lines of wide screen t.v's, finally fantasy, p.j's, pie and chips.

Put it this way, if i were you i would not be arsed to read this blog....................Dull as fook!

But what can one do? contentment is where we should be at, so please may i be excused if my stories no longer consist of weeing in bins, swinging my cardie round my head and having sexual relations with anyone other than AP.

So golly........the last two days in brief, if you can keep awake.
Wednesday evening, ooh it was cold, lured AP upstairs to watch t.v in bed in the warm......what ulterior motive?
We opted NOT to watch that freaky woman breastfeeding her teenage daughter...........slut!
As it might kill the moment, i watched Dhw's under the quilt after he'd left.

Thursday, was another day right up there in the way of excitement.......erm!??!
I came to work, David spent the afternoon curled up in a babies cot sample asleep, i looked for a new suitcase at lunch ( a small one for Scotland), got home at 6pm, took bin to main road, did the usual, Ethan phoned at 7pm, to thank me for his birthday present as he was 3 yesterday........cutie!
Matt phoned for 20 mins as Andrew was watching EE's ate my tea of pasta, garlic bread followed by melon, bit more shite t.v.......was bored and cold (not even the cats would sit downstairs with me), so i took my fags and some juice up to bed and watched Fight Club on DVD, then read my book under the quilt.......like in a student bedsit.......

There......don't you wish you were me?

The return of the prodigal blogger

I’ve not blogged for a while and I know it winds Karen up when nobody blogs so here I am blogging at last.

I’m not going to go into the weekend before last. Karen blogged the Friday and I did sod all for the rest of the weekend except watch twenty two 45 minute episodes of the US version of Queer as Folk, so there’s no point, so I’ll start from Monday 23rd, my 31st birthday. Not much happened there either. Andrew and I did some shopping, we started drinking, went home to drop the shopping off, watched Big Brother, went out, fell out, I sent some drunken emails saying he was shit then we made up and had a nice evening. Tuesday, I was off and didn’t do anything, Wednesday, I didn’t do anything and on Thursday, I didn’t do anything.

On Friday I worked till 7.30pm, I had a pile of work and really wanted a drink, having not drunk since the Monday so I went to Churchills for a pint. Andrew was already out with some buddy of his. Anyway after 2 weeks of being in each others pockets, I was more than happy to be out on my own so that was fine and I went to, I think: Churchills, Paddy's Goose, Rembrandts, The New Union, Falcon, Contact, New Union, Churchills and ended up in Cruz 101. Andrew was there with his friend and I bought them a drink but they were sitting and I was in the mood for dancing (I was pissed after all) so poppers in hand I boogied away on the dance floor.

Anyhew, after a while Andrew came over to say that Nick had gone home and he wanted to buy me a drink or something so I finished the dance I was doing and went to kiss on the cheek that I'd been dancing opposite for the past 15 minutes and as I closed in for the kiss, he moved his head so I kissed him on the lips, stuck his tongue down my throat and kissed away. I was somewhat torn, my cute 22 year old boyfriend was very near so I put my hands on his chest and pushed him away but also he wasn't that bad and he was a v good kisser so I responded for a while before breaking off and telling him I had a boyfriend. I went over to Andrew and said to him "you'll never guess what happened to me" but he'd seen. I didn't get into trouble but he has been bringing it up ever since - normally everytime he wants me do something.

He was later beckoning me into the toilets but i didn't go as I is a good boy. Then we went to Essentials and got home at half past 4 and ended up going to bed at half past 5

Saturday, I got up late, did a bit of shopping, watched Christmas with the Kranks on pay per view - never watch this – it is a waste of an hour and 45 minutes of your life. Then I made home made hamburgers and chips and then we watched Batman Begins on pay per view and that was quite good. At 2am I suggested that we play Final Fantasy VIII on the playstation for a couple of hours but at 4am we had to change the disc and Andrew wanted to carry on playing so we did. Until 6am. He finished the game but I couldn’t stay awake – Andrew was having to slap me to keep me awake!

So up late again on Sunday and did absolutely nothing – didn’t even get dressed! Had Chinese food delivered and went to bed at 1am I think.

Monday I went out with Janet after work. Andrew was out with his mate Nick again and just as I was leaving the pub with Janet Andrew rang and asked if I wanted to join him and Nick, so I did and we had a few and then went to Cruz. Stayed out till 2.30 I was plastered and v tired and finally went to bed at 3.30am.

Tuesday was very tired all day. Left work on the dot of 5 and went home. Watched TV, played Final Fantasy IX and went to bed at midnight.

Erm, I’ll leave it there and will regale you with more exciting (whatever) stories of this week tomorrow – TFIF!!

Bzz bzz bzz bzz busy bee busy bee

Look I will blog in due course, but when Andrew isn't at work I finish at 5pm which means that I am only at work for 8 hours and need to work all that time.

When he's at work I stay later and therefore have more time to do things like blogging. He's been off for almost 3 weeks but starts again today so I'll have more time on my hands so you'll just have to wait until then.

So enough of the emotional blackmail you rotters.

Sky is the limit

Hello
The lone blogger strikes again, but if i stop, then the blog will die..................sob sob!

So Monday was fine, am so glad i didn't get bevied on Sunday night, unlike someone who was still over the limit, speeding round at lunchtime with BSM.
Called at Tescos on the way home and bought a 28" widescreen t.v, this was after spending all lunchtime in Comet and Curry's, but seriously Tescos all the way for your big electrical items, much cheaper...nice tescos man put it in bar of car after i'd put the back seats down.

Not funny at the other end, when i tried to lift it and get it round the house and into the living room.....sob!
Much struggling, cursing and a few bruises, it was all set up and 20" in the bedroom.........leave it!
So now boudoir looks like a cinema...hey ho!
Smiled smugly all night, eating pies and ligging on couch in front of bogs bollocks tele.............don't know what the doctors on about, i could be hypertensive?

Very dull unproductive day yesterday, had to take 1/2 day for the Sky man, so home 5 hrs early with a whole day to kill....bored bored bored!
Watched Bonny and Clyde the true Story on 5, young boy turned up at 3.30pm and fiddled with my box, literally put old sky lead in back of new sky box inserted card and it was up.

I have a horrible niggling feeling, that if i'd have put old Sky box out of cupboard, in place of the freeview box and used that, then i would have been able to get a perfect picture through dish and would not have had to watch a snow storm for the last 5 years!!!!

Spent the rest of the evening, watching EE, Holby, Holiday showdown, Shameless and went to bed to see that man have his will chopped off..........Bobbitt, that's the fella, read till one as i'd started Cecelia Aherns new novel....v.good chrimbo pressie from Ruth.

Forthcoming plans, tonight seeing that boy of mine, tomorrow prepping for weekend, Friday a couples night out at Aldo's the 3 Helsworth siblings and their spouses (just checking Sarah is reading this, as i've implied that Mr McElvine is her hubby....................hahhhhaaaaa) and moi and Ap................table for 8 at 7pm. Lots of nice food and wine!
Saturday will be the usual and Sunday, Andy is taking me out for the day on a magical mystery tour! Hmmmm???!!??