Update on the date

It was lovely, funny doing things back to front, should really have been going to the pictures 3 years ago instead of having a relationship based on sex.

Still at least there was no awkwardness........Bless him!!
He was a perfect Gent.
AND i overheard him telling one of the rugby lads "I'm wi girlfriend" outside the loos after the film had finished.
It was bizarre, like snogging at the door and leaving it at that.
I'm not going to bleat on about it, i've been emailing all morning going over and over it.

This is why I never get any work done.

Take Today.
So far i have:
Been to Kwik save for drinks, cakes and crisps to go with lunches.
Nipped to Agros to get a cat loo.
Nipped to Readmans for new jeans to go with Jacket i bought yesterday in Next (wouldn't mind i bought jeans yesterday but thought i'd get a spare pair as they fit so nice).
Answered the phone a dozen times.
Fetched Paul from Thrifty Car hire in Sheepscar.
Taken David to Minster Jaguar.
Spoke to Dean house on the phone.
Emailed Emma 4 times
Emailed Ruth 4 times
Emailed Matt 5 times
Emailed MJ twice
Txt Steven twice.
Been to Morrison for a cake to take to Marlenes at t.time.
Been to Boots for David's toiletries.
Been to Philpots TWICE.
Phoned Mum.
Made teas coffees and cup a soups for 1/2 of the Jewish population of Leeds.

Make no wonder i never find any gear.

In the last week

Trips to Churchills: 2 (technically 4 as I left twice last night)
Songs sung at karaoke: 9
Nights spent with Andrew: 1
Times spoken to Andrew on phone: 5
Emails sent: 120
Emails received: 245
Lbs of beef roasted: 5
Lbs of parkin baked: 1
No of men who have chatted me up: 2
No of women who have chatted me up: 1
Pints drunk: approx 43
No of frozen kebabs eaten after being partially reheated: 1
No of times I have vomited: 4 (see above)
Metres of baking parchment bought: 45

I can't get my breath

Andy Porrait just phoned me.

"Sorry for going off like that on Saturday without you, i was drunk.....you know what i'm like, but that's no excuse, so i just wondered if you wanted to go to the pictures tonight or the pub, it's up to you let me know............"

Me....."erm yeah", high pitched squeeky voice (like i've been on fucking helium).

So we're going to the flicks, anything i chose is fine...........he'll pick me up at 7.30pm.

It's only taken him 3 years........wonder if it's anything to do with the fact that his friends are mid air on their way to Egypt for 2 weeks as he panic phoned me in his tea break this morning from work!!!!!!
Ponder ponder.

Wednesday at work

I am blogging so i look like I'm working so i don't have to talk to BSM, i wish he'd fuckoff, he's just here playing solitaire like a Billy no mates.


I haven't even anything to write.
Erm..............
Had two early nights in a row, much needed because i didn't spend 1/2 of my week off at kip, god I'm a lazy fucker.........well I'm not lazy, i have no concentration span and really don't know how to just chill, if I'm up I'm busy doing stuff, if I'm asleep I'm totally relaxed, that's why i never want to get up, Mon to Fri to come to work, weekends........there's always cooking, cleaning, shopping, someone wanting errands running!!!
Fuck that!

Anyhow, I'm having a v.good day..........have fully recovered from the worst hangover ever, having been bang at it Thurs, Fri, Sat and oh those Sunday shandies we love so much!!!
Did indeed think liver, kidneys and indeed lungs would be in a jar by now and i would have bumped off 3 people i know that don't enjoy partying as must as we do and snatched their organs............how sadistic is that?

Have bought nice new make up at lunch and am getting new jeans tomorrow, hurrah!!

Will need them for Dublin next week, can't believe i've told the girls we're leaving mid afternoon, it's actually 8.30am Fri..........oops!


It's very quiet here, Bullshit has gone, he was only hanging round to nip David for a bag o' sand, I've been giving David love life advice, ME? offering advice on matters of the heart, what's that all about?

He's asleep now, Leigh is playing golf and Paul has gone to Ramsdens in Barnsley.
Blimey, if i brought my cats to work and wore my pyjamas, it'd be like being at home.
I'm going to Ruth's for Tea, Mark is cooking chilli (bet it's spaghetti bolognaise really), i've bought a huge cake for pudding..............you see if i'm not drinking and smoking, i'm stuffing my face with lard.
What's it all about, if we exercise, eat well and go to bed early, we feel on top of the world, but all we want to do is do things to our body that are really bad for us and make us feel like shite!!!!!!
I don't understand.

No word from Potrat this week, give him time, Thursday 12 or so of his china plates are off T'egypt then he'll be a lonely boy and Matt says i should use it to my advantage.

Oooh speak of the devil, Matt just phoned for a chat, but David woke up and got me done, for being on the phone, not because he doesn't like us to make personal calls, because he was feeling left out!!!
What a set of freaks, Mick and Huggy (warehouse boys) have to been seen to be believed, Mick has the same thing wrong with his hair pigment as Graham Norton, but has had it dyed for his holidays.....................ginger!
Huggy came in Monday morning and asked me for the 1st aid box, because he'd split his foreskin on Sunday night shagging a bird who was too dry!!!!!!!!!!

Oh dear!
But they do say..............birds of a feather!!!!!!!

Well I wasn't gonna blog but I will - but I'm only filling in Karen's gaps

So on Friday, Karen dropped me off at the barbers, got a cab home, had a sandwich and was watching telly. Got a txt at 6pm from Andrew, "ring me" so I rung him. He was walking to the Bradford Royal Infirmary. He needed to get over to Huddersfield but had no money, he needed my help could I help him. At first I said no but then thought sod it, he needs my help and how bad am I if I don't help out someone in need. Especially someone I'd like to be my boyfriend.

So I left home, said I was meeting everyone early and got a cab to BRI. Met up with Andrew, he was visiting Gareth who was ill there. Andrew was staying with Gareth in Idle but had to move out and was going to be staying with his friend Tim in Huddersfield. So we got a cab to Idle and Andrew did his packing into a rucksack and a big suitcase. He kept trying Tim but there was no reply so I suggested he come out in Cleck until he got in touch with Tim. So, packing donw, we then got a cab to Cleck and met up with everyone in the Wetherspoons.

Everyone was rather amused that Andrew had such a big suitcase but it was OK really. Matthew was quite chatty, Karen a bit quiet. We stayed for about 3 at Spoons and then went to the Old House, I sang Delilah at Karaoke. Andrew had a kebab. Matthew complained about Andrew's BO (he's homeless, deodorant isn't a priority Matthew, and besides he doesn't smell that bad - its that nice fresh smell that I like ) and his dirty fingernails (but I checked and his fingernails were fine. I also told Karen off for giving him the cold shoulder, but she wasn't, she was just being her usual self with strangers.

Andrew couldn't get hold of Tim so I told Andrew that I'd not see him homeless and that I'd pay for a hotel if needs be. We also had a chat about us - yes we were still seeing each other and yes we were boyfriends. Yippee!!

We went to the Regal, and to Karen's amusement the manager put the suitcase behind the bar. Andrew liked the Regal. I hate it but its better now than it was. I tried to kiss him, but he was having none of it.

We went to join MJ and Karen for a curry, I had some onion bhajis. Then we left and me and Andrew were gonna go to the Travelodge but we couldn't shake of MJ he was like a limpet! Andrew commented later that NJ fancied me but I think he was just a bit drunk (hiya hiya hiya hiya).

We got a cab but the Travelodge was full, so was the Gomersal Park so we ended up in the Premier Inn on the Drig bypass. I stayed the night till 9.30 and then had to go home. Left Andrew with enough to get to Tim's and said I'd see him later.

My mum wasn't pleased that I'd been out all night, not pleased that I'd been with a man, or in a hotel, or that he was 22. In fact bearing in mind this is only the 2nd relationship I have ever told my mum that I was in she was completely rubbish. She went down in my estimations on Saturday morning and I am still pissed off about it. I know she is just looking out for me but instead of any support or congratulation that I had found someone nice she was questioning why a 22 year old would be with a 30 year old, a fat 30 year old, a fat 30 year old with grey hair except for money. In fact why would anyone with anything at all going for them see in ugly, fat, not very nice, 30 year old boring and smelly old me. I wanted to say that she managed to get married so miracles do happen but she'd have turned me into a frog so I said nothing and silently seethed.

Went to Harrogate with her to make peace with her. Bought 45m of baking parchment and £33 of underwear.

Came home had a shower, went to the club. Sat with my Dad for a couple of hours and then sat with Karen and you know the rest from her Blog.

Sunday did nothing - had a few drinks with Warren and Caro and my Dad and went to Spoons. Had a minor trauma getting back, The 23.33 to Picadilly didn't run, it was replaced by one to Victoria which took an extra 20 minutes and then I had to wait for and then get a cab home so I wasn't home to bed till about 00.45. Not good for a Sunday.

The trouble with Kay

We've been back friends for 2 1/2 years, the last time we fell out was for the same reason.
She has no time for friends, none!

Just because you are an independent woman in your 30's, who happens not to have had children, it does not make your life less important to people who are "parents".

She sends the odd txt, "sorry I've not been in touch, I'm so busy being a mother of one boy, who's 4???!! plus i work part time."

So she's a taker not a giver, she needed to pop into work for free bikinis for Dubai.
Needed free bathroom taps, i took her to lunch on her birthday, she left my card with my brother, as she was busy. Ahhh!

I mean, she's phoned me once this year, not for a chat you understand, for MJ's number so she could discuss lazer eye surgery with him.

3 weeks ago she said come for your tea, i'll txt you next week.
NOT!
So i let her know i had all last week off, surely she'd be free once over 9 days.............erm! No word.

Thing is everytime i do insist on seeing her, i need my hair cutting, which makes me feel like i'm using her, but if i go elsewhere for a trim, will she get offended?

I know i'm only moaning because i care about our friendship, but you need to invest time and effort into friends, she does neither!!!

Them fucking Andrews part 3

Glad to be back, i like having a lie in on a morning, but i do like routine!
How tragic is that?
When you'd rather be at work than at home?, oh well!

So Thursday, i got to Matt's flat at 6.30pm, to bellows of "what are you doing here this early?" over the intercom, even though he'd said on Weds. get here nearer 6.30pm than 7pm!!!??!
I burst out laughing when he opened the door as he'd dyed his hair, had a loud shirt and tie and bling cufflinks on, i thought he looked like Lionel Blair, lucky Matt doesn't get offended!!!!!!
We had tea, v. nice Spag bol. and some pudding. a glass of wine each. This was after Matt had tried to get me to eat chilli powder and icing sugar out of the cupboards........nutter!Then we hit canal street at 8.30ish, we sat in Churchill's in Matt's favourite spot and had the 1st of our 8 pints each (or maybe 9, dunno), we talked crap as always, Matt sang Penny arcade and some song from Les Mis, i sang Annie's song and we both sang Fairytale of new York. (because it's nearly xmas).

It was a good night, we made new mates, some random music critic who probably couldn't sing a note and Kerry, some man/woman lesbian who was cracking on to me, who plonked herself, said our conversation was a bit deep for her and she'd go get her can...........
We had some onion baghis on the way home, Matt got a kebab and we bypassed the crackhead in her bra wanting a quid for a piece of chicken.
Home and chatted, Matt all the while trying to feed me his pedigree chum kebab, think we got to sleep at 3.30am.

Friday up at 11.30am, had sausage butties, coffees and made it back to the car at 2pm, only 1 1/2 hrs after my parking ticket had run out, caught fucking traffic warden trying to give me a ticket, so sped off before he could catch us.

Called at Matt's parents, his Mum was trying to get Matt to sing Bob Dylon while she played the harmonica.......v.random.
We then called at mine, went to the library and i dropped him at the barbers, i had an afternoon nap and was ready to meet everyone at 8pm, only to get a txt from RMS saying "in Bradford don't ask, might be late to pub"....................OH NO!!

More dramas pending, to cut a long story short........Ruth, Mark, Mikey, Chris, Rach, Dean, Spug ,MJ and I were all sat round in spoons waiting for Matt ,when he shows up with Andrew in tow, with his entire life in a rucksack and a family size suitcase on wheels, i kid you not!
Like it was the most normal thing in the world!???!!!
He did seem like a nice boy, i was accused of giving him the cold shoulder......which i probably was, but i don't like me or my friends being taken for a ride.

We moved up to old house then the regal, i was quiet as i was tired and really not in the mood for even going out that night, but completely gobsmacked that both Matt and Andrew though it was normal to be going from pub to pub with a huge suitcase and rucksack, i couldn't get my breath, especially when the barstaff put it behind the bar in the regal..............
MJ was loving the new look regal and was happily jigging away with his Dukes of hazzard shirt on, until i managed to drag him to sloppies, where he put £1.24 toward his half of the chicken bhuna.
I left MJ, Matt and Andrew there and went home, was in bed at 2am.


Saturday was very unevenful, went to Marlene's and got to the club at 6.30pm, it was v.poor, Katy was bleating on about rubbish all night, Spug went home tired, Matt and i shared a cab on to spoons with Katy and Andy, Andy was chatting away saying he had concussion and calling Matt a dirty bastard when he said he'd have a feel of his head later.

We had a couple in spoons, Andy went home to nurse his poorly head, he also said he was pretty tired and i should stay out with my mates,as he didn't want to ruin my night.
Whatever!!!??!, i got the monk on, went up to the old house at home, where i sulked until last orders.
Yes i know he had a massive lump on his head and was mullered, but he didn't kiss me on the way out, so i was cheesed off.
Needless to say i was in bed at 11.30pm, vowing to chuck him for the 1000th time.

Slept nearly all day yesterday, was cross as it was my last days holiday and i felt like i could have utilised my time a little better...........oh fuck it!!

Ended up in weatherspoons at 5pm with Spug waiting to order food, being nice people we waited for Rach and Dean, so we could all eat together, they were only 1hr late, by the time 6.30pm had arrived my stomach thought my throat had been cut.

Still we had a lovely night, Matt joined us at 8pm......having had his phone switched off to avoid homeless boy, then Caroline and Woz turned up later and had a couple with us.

Last to be chucked out of spoons, i watched a DVD when i got in (50 first dates) shit, don't watch it, went to sleep at 1.30am.

So that's it, Matt is ditching Andrew today, Quote, he wants him to be in his life, but not his whole life.
AND i'm going to tell Andy that i don't want to see him, when he txts this week wanting a shag!

My week off

Hello all, i'm here!
Where shall i start?

Last Friday, got duped by Hayley to go out drinking at 7.30pm, it was a set up as we ended up sat with her boyfriend and his ex con mate, not happy, but Tracy i fight men, Rach and Spug made it out shortly afterwards, so all was saved, a really good night in the end, apart from when that fight kicked off in the Station and Rach had shards of glass stuck in her arm........oops!
The regal dancefloor had been extended and the decks are now right back where the snooker tables were, it was mega, i was happy as a sandman and we danced and drank, then left shortly after 12.30 for a sloppies, Spug wearing Rach's stillettos looking like Lilly savage, high heels and combats.........not a look!

Saturday, went out to the club at 6pm with Spug and miss Farquhar, it was rubbish, no cricket boys around, left in a cab, us 3 and Grant and stayed in Spoons till last, then we got a taxi to eastern spice where a mullered Katy started to abuse Grant..hhhahhaaaaaaaa!!!

Sunday, helped Mum, Dad and Steven move into the bungalow, was sweating like a n*gger on a r*pe charge, not my cup of tea, lugging furniture and putting together flat pack wardrobes, still i have my HUGE new bed and 2 free leather sofas to show for it, so it was worth it in the end,Gabe phoned to invite me up to Newcastle for Dawn's 40th and Rach, Dean, Megan and Spug came round at night for beer, wine and a 3rd chicken Bhuna in as many days!!! Caught Dean and Rach singing a duet to their daughter, was positively freaked and won't be inviting them back!

Monday, highlights of the day, went to Ikea to buy 2 new footstools cushions to match sofas, called at Marlene's and took Ruth and Mark a microwave to their new abode, Matt phoned for 2 hours, then I watched t.v. at night and drank wine. YAWN!

Tuesday, was a woken by Andy banging on the door, looking v. tanned and gorgeous back from the stag weekend, no no no!! do not come round when i am still in bed, with mad bed hair, not washed the previous day as i'd no work and absolutely no need to do any preening!!! WTF?
So i'm stood at the door looking like a new born hamster(no make-up) in my Mr. Man dressing gown,with 2 sofas, a mattress and 10 cushions shrewn all over the lawn, so he's jabbering away about the phone he's brought for Steven to take to Oz,when he pipes up "what's going on with the garden Karen?, it looks like Steptoes back yard".

So he's noticed that, but failed to notice his bird looks like the bride of Frankenstein without her slap on!!!!!!
He really wasn't bothered as he's patting my ass and saying well i might as well come and join you if you're in bed........
So i shot in the bathroom, swilled gob with mouthwash and nipped to the loo....note to self, keep spare mascara in bathroom cabinet!

So it was short but very sweet, he left after a while and i checked phone, DO NOT, leave phone on silent anymore, as i would have got the text saying "get your $exy underwear on and we can spend all day at it"......... and the misscalls, oh! double drat!!!

Had a message from Mum wanting me to go curtain shopping with her, Rubbish! i'd rather be at work, trailed round the white rose and Readmans, bought myself a Radley purse as i am a millionaire!
Called back at the bungalow and took Steven Andy's phone for Oz,home had tea and watched t.v all night, called Sam for a natter, she sounded chipper and even had a l*sbian lover moved in, hahhaaaaaa not really!!! Just Cassy, seemingly Sarah has been round ripping the old Kitched and and doing jobs with a hammer, she is like 10 men!

Yesterday, that'd be Wednesday was bored rigid, went for a drive, then watched a dvd, went to Ruth's for 1/2 hour, they had a house full, Rach and Gary, then Dean, Rach and meg turned up, left for home, had a chinese, ironed 16 tops and 2 skirts, watched Private Bengamin and the object of my affection, went to bed at 3.20am!!!!

Got up late today, Thursday, nothing to do, so blogging in the library, am setting off to Matt's shortly, for an evening down canal street after a home made chilli con carne, am v. excited about the 3 days pending, getting up to allsorts of shenannigans with the Stephenson!!

Am going to brainwash him tonight and get him to dump that bad boy from Bradford!

Happy days!!!!!

I miss Karen

Its not the same on here when Karen's not here. Her blogs I think are the cement that glue everyone else's comments into context. I've tried to blog sad weekend escapades, happy mid week phone calls and even goad you guys but you're all having none of it are you, I've been the lone voice on Blog Alley this weekend which just makes Karen's absence even more noticable.

Well sod you all! I am finishing in 2 hours for the weekend and I am blessed with a weekend with Miss Horner. We'll have fun and it will be nice to talk to her and find out her news: it's not as if I've spoken to her every single day this week or anything like that!

Anyway when I spoke to her yesterday she was bored to tears and was climbing up the walls, but she has lots of interesting news so I'm sure you're as keen for her to kickstart her blogging on Monday as I am.

Had 2 pints at lunchtime and feel very lethargic and will pop to the loo for a nap soon!

Looking forward to the weekend in Cleck. MJ is coming out tomorrow which should be nice and I will have time to have a nice nap tomorrow afternoon. I died my hair this morning expecially - it's a bit dark but it'll do and I'm hoping it will look OK after I have had it cut tomorrow at "Chair Vacant Sir" next to Metcalfe's.

So that's it from me for this week. Hopefully we'll have a nice long comprehensive blog from la Horner early next week so you won't hear from me probably until the next time I have some trauma with Andrew.

Happy weekends fuckers!

Scoundrels

Well I think you're all scoundrels - those of you who leave comments and those of you in Derby (yes, you know who you are) who just tell Karen what they think and don't leave a comment.

He's a nice boy and he's not after my money. Can't you just let me be happy (sob, weep, wail). I want to assume the best in him until I'm proven wrong. If I think he's a scrounger I'll end up being suspicious of him all the time and then it will never work - and if he is a scrounger I'll find out in my own time anyway.

Ooh you lot!

Phew

Andrew emailed.

He thought I was mad because we lost so much money and he felt guilty about it. He asked me not to be mad and said he hoped that we could forget what happened.

I feel so relieved.

Bradford is shite

What a disappointing weekend. I entered it with great hopes and huge excitement and have left it with my tail between my legs, a bulging scrotum and an empty wallet and heart.

Arrived at Bradford and Andrew was waiting for me at the station. It was lovely to see him and to give him a big hug to let him know that he was not alone in his problems. We went for a drink and to the Cinema and it became clear that my intentions for friday - visiting the CAB, Job Centre and Housing Office were not on Andrew's agenda.

In one way that was nice because it meant that we have a free day but it worried me because it meant that Andrew was not acting to sort out his problems. Anyway they were his problems not mine and I was determined not to assume his problems as my own. Saw Red Eye at the Kino and it was quite good. Andrew liked it more than me but I thought it was OK. And then (this was mistake number one) I suggested that we go to the casino (which was next door but one from the cinema) and between about 21.30 and 04.00 I lost, or rather Andrew lost £65 ... well actually I lost £40 and he lost £40 and then I made £50 and then he asked me for £25 and then another £10. But the upshot was that I was £65 down when we left.

Got a taxi back to Andrew's and let me say how sorry I felt for the boy. He lives in absolute and utter squalor. I have never felt my heart drop as much when I saw his flat. The place was a tip, the walls either had a severe need for another couple of coats of paint or it was bare plaster or the wallpaper had been half removed but not completely. Some bits of floor had no carpet and I assume he had no hoover as bits of wallpaper were all over the floor. The flat was very spartan - hardly any furniture - the living room had a dining chair, a sofa, a TV stand and TV, the bedroom had a bed and a chair. And his hot water didn't work. The hot water was tepid at best and cool at worst. As a result Andrew hadn't had a shower since he'd been to see me in Manchester. Because of this he felt a bit skanky and so he said he wasn't too comfortable having a "nice time" with me. I had to sit in the living room for well over half an hour as he tidied up and sorted the rest of the flat out - something you'd have thought he'd have done before I arrived.

At about 05.45 we went to bed and I slept badly, waking up all the time and waiting for him to wake which wasn't till 4pm.

I had a wash or sorts and got dressed and we went to Leeds at my suggestion (mistake number 2). Andrew was as miserable as sin, upset about not knowing what he was doing on Monday when he had to move out of his flat and unreceptive to any comments from me. After 3 pints he wanted to go back to Bradford, which I agreed to despite being mightily pissed off that we were stopping drinking (as he wouldn't go to the Sun in Bradford as he was avoiding a friend of his who may have been there). He also suggested that we went to Napoleon's casino (which I agreed to - mistake number 3 - not knowing that the dress code would mean I had to buy Andrew a new outfit from Asda - although a pair of trousers, 2 shirts and 2 ties cost little more than I usually spend on pyjamas so I wasn't that bothered). So we went to Napoleon's and within an hour Andrew had spend £50 and I gave him a final £10 which over the night he managed to turn into over £200. He lost some of that but at the end of the night (i.e. 4am) I had my £60 and he had £40. I noticed at this point that as far as previous losses were concerned, a line was drawn under them each night so there was no mention of making up the previous £200 that I'd lost in the past week. Indeed I was even expected to pay for the taxi home!

On Saturday we woke at about 14.30 and I was feeling grotty having not had a shower for over 2 days and wanting to get laid since I'd been in Bradford almost 2 days and not got a sniff of anything more than a kiss and a hug, so I suggested we stay in a hotel which Andrew agreed to. He recommended the hotel next to the Gala Casino which was fine with me as it was in the city centre and near some eateries. We checked in and I had a shower, as did Andrew, only for him to then say that he wasn't too keen on sex any time other than when he went to bed (in contrast to his willingness to indulge in it the previous weekend morning noon and night!! It was at that point I think I realised that mistake number 4 was coming to Bradford at all, it all seemed a bit fishy ... was I just paying for Andrew to have a nice weekend? I wasn't even getting sex in return!) While I was showering, he went to the casino (I was only allowed in once as a guest and so I couldn't go with him again) and lost £20 of his £40 and then we went out for something to eat. Andrew's favourite foods are Pizza Hut and McDonalds but I didn't realise that he wouldn't go anywhere else, so we went to Pizza Hut and then had a pint and then we were planning what to do for the evening so the plan was that we were going to play cards in the hotel room. I was going to go to Tesco and get 6 packs of cards for us to play proper blackjack and Andrew was gonna go to the casino again.

I went to Tesco (the worst Tesco in the world and the crappest staff) and managed to get one pack of cards not six and returned to the hotel and txted Andrew to let him know I was back. He arrived soon after and had £80 and said he was on a roll, so I said well if you're on a roll why don't you go back with half of your £80 and see how you do and I'll read the paper etc. So we agreed that that's what we'd do and that I'd come down with him and join up at Gala so if I ever came back to Bradford, I'd have no problems getting in. Anyway when we got there I signed up and the man just let me in (very dodgy) so there we were playing in a casino again. Over the next 5½ hours, I got my £20 up to £75 and then lost £25 but I was still £30 up. Andrew did get up to £600 but then lost as spectacularly and quickly as he'd won so he ended up with about £225 plus the £40 he'd left upstairs.

So at 4am we went back to the hotel - Andrew decided he'd pay for a second night (phew - no return to Andrew's House of Hell but also mistake number 5 - I should have said to him I was going home on Sunday) and then as I am waiting, desperately keen for some action, Andrew was messing around for almost an hour: counting money, having fags, reading the paper, playing with the telly. Anyway he went for another shower and just then (at 5am) Scrapheap Challenge came on Channel 4 so I thought fuck it: I have been in Bradford waiting for a shag for 58 and a half hours and at Andrew's request, I haven't attended to myself since I was last with him, hours ago -as desperate as I am, I am watching Scrapheap Challenge and if he doesn't like it, sod him. So we watched Scrapheap Challenge and then the inevitable finally happened - although it was such a disappointment, I could have actually cried - and he was the one who ruined it and it seemed - although this may just be me thinking this - that he had intended to ruin it.

Anyway, then we couldn't sleep so we stayed up. I had breakfast in the hotel at 8am then we went to McDonalds for his breakfast where Andrew's going on about eggs (I really don't like eggs - just the thought of them while typing this makes me queasy) for the past hour combined with the look and smell of his egg and cheese and bacon bagels he got made me have to leave feeling sick and then once outside and away from view, I was sick. We had to hang about till 10am for the shops to open and as we were waiting he was quite cold and decided he was coming down with something. We wandered around a few shops including a couple of computer game shops because that's what Andrew's into and then Waterstones where Andrew (Mr computer game freak) started complaining that everyone in there was a geek, a snob etc. and that if we didn't leave soon he'd push a set of shelves over onto himself as he was so bored.

Anyway we did leave as Andrew was saying that he needed the loo quite urgently (dodgy McDonalds apparently) and so we went back. At this point I realised how (conveniently) the cold and the dodgy stomach more or less ruled out any sex on Sunday evening so when Andrew suggested we go to the bar, I thought I may as well drink (what mistake number are we up to now). It was only 12.25 but I thought, hell, why shouldn't I, I've done everything he wants so far but I want do drink, and so I will. I won't be getting laid so I don't need to be sober and also the drink will help me sleep and after no sleep the previous night, I needed to sleep that night. So I had a couple at the hotel bar and then at 2pm when the casino opened Andrew (with his money burning a hole in his pocket) suggested we go to the casino.

We were the first in (very sad when you consider we were there till closing time on Saturday night) and I thought (drunkenly) sod it. The past 5 times Andrew has lost my money so this time I will lose it! So I got £50 in chips (mistake 35) and I won a bit on roulette and then began to play blackjack. I was doing OK - not great but my chips were more or less £50, sometimes 70 sometimes 30 and then Andrew spent up and asked for some chips so I gave him £20 (mistake 67). Then mine disappeared and so did his so I gave him £20 and got me £30 (mistake 136). And when that was gone I did the same with another £50, 20 for him and 30 for me (mistake 239).

Anyway by this point I was steaming drunk and Andrew seemed to be a bit off. I think he was annoyed that I was drunk and he was saying I was playing badly - although I was only losing as much as him and at least I was losing my money not his! We again ran out of money and although I was ready to go, Andrew asked for some more money so we could make up for some of our losses, so I went to get some money from the cash machine and I got £200 and gave him £60 (mistake 465). We got down to £20 and Andrew suggested that we go on the electronic roulette (which works on money not chips) so I gave him a £20 note and took the chips - he seemed shocked by this but I'd come to the point where I'd spent enough.

We played on that for half an hour and ended up with £32 so we changed that into chips and he played with that although it didn't last long and so he asked for some more but I'd spent as much as I was prepared to lose and so I said no. He said OK well how about one last tenner and I said no. He said I could go back to the room as he played and I said I was happy with that but I was spending no more so we went back to the room. I was upset and annoyed. I was tired having been awake for almost 30 hours, I was sobering up which is never nice, I seemed to have pissed Andrew off by not giving him extra money and by being drunk and I felt so unhappy.

The entire weekend had culminated to this situation where I had nothing to say to him except "what's wrong you're very quiet" and he wouldn't say anything to me.

We went to bed shortly after 6pm and my alarm went off at 6am. I got up had a shower and packed my bag. I tried to wake Andrew to say I was off and that I'd ring him again but he could hardly even be bothered to open his eyes. I left knowing that I'd probably never see him again. Not that, at the minute, I ever want to.

I could cry. I went to Bradford with the greatest hopes, thinking that we could be boyfriends by now and now I can't even bear to think of him how he was last night.

Much better

Everyone seems to have cheered up at last.

Steven has sorted the van so everyone's house move is going ahead on time!!!!!!! (Marlene is happy).
He also came round to errect my huge bed last night, it's ace!!!!!!
With it not being a divan, i can get more samples from work to put under it! Yippee!
I shared my pie with him and he needed to conserve his energy with all that lifting!

Matt is going to meet Andrew tomorrow to try sort his dilemmas.

Don't know about Sam i'll mail her now to see how she's fairing!

It's going to be a very weird weekend, Beth and Tina are in Majorca.
Ruth and Mark will be getting settled into their new home, bless!!!!!!!

MJ is babysitting and visiting all weekend (not that he ever comes out with us anymore...........sob!).

Spug is working late tomorrow and quite fancies a curry and wine night after!

Hayley's new love interest is out in town with his mates.

Andy is going to Malaga or somewhere on the stag weekend, he just text to see if i could make it home for a quickie in my lunch hour as he has today off! cheeky cheeky!

God i was so tempted to go, but i don't want him to think it's just about the sex and also i'm not going running everytime he says "jump"...........literally!

Right....... better get back to work, we have some electric guitar samples in and David need a backing singer!

Oh dear

So Andrew needed to get his visa for the US yesterday. He was planning on money for his birthday paying for the visa and the travel but he didn’t get any money for his birthday and so couldn’t get the visa and can’t go to the US.

And his tenancy runs out in 6 days. And he has no money. And no job. And owes £1300 to the bank.

He’s not a happy bunny and I am worried about him but also reluctant to get too involved.

What was a lovely floaty feeling at the weekend has now turned to feel like stone in my gut weighing me down. I haven’t got the money to help him, he can’t stay with me. I don’t want to abandon him but I don’t want to be his sole emotional crux.

Oh God. I knew I was waiting for something bad to happen – it was all just too good to be true.

What a Week: Part II

Woke up late on Thursday and was phoned at lunchtime by Miss Horner as she was bored at work. We talked about cricket, my visit to Cleck at the weekend and what was going on.

I told her that there was a slim chance I would get a call from Andrew and end up not coming but doubted that I’d hear from him again. Anyway, notwithstanding that, I ventured into town a bit later to get Andrew a card for his birthday on Sunday, I may not hbe hearing from him again but there’s a right way to do things and that included buying Andrew a card. I got a boring card and a pair of nice discreet cufflinks and while I was in the shop choosing his card, would you credit it, I got a txt asking me to ring him.

So I rung him and he said he was thinking of coming over to Manchester and asked me to ring again at 20.00 when he knew what he’d be doing. So I did and he was at the station at 20.00 picking up his ticket. He’d just missed a train and so had to wait an hour and so was arriving in Manchester at 22.14. So I continued to sit on my sofa watching shite on the TV, ate a whole head of celery and about ¾ of a pack of Philadelphia and then when it got to about 21.00, I quickly tidied up, rang round to cancel my plans to go to Cleck for the weekend threw up about two pints of vile peppermint coloured Philly/Celery mush (nerves) and then got a cab and met him at the Station. Took about 4 goes to explain to the taxi driver that I wasn’t going anywhere, he just kept saying where are you going and I’d reply, Victoria and then he’d say no I mean on the train and I’d say Oh I’m meeting a friend. Then there’d be a 2 minute pause and it would start again – aaaarrrrgghh! Why do I seem to attract freaks?

Anyway met Andrew, he was looking lovely – good enough to eat! We got a cab and then had a couple of pints on Canal St, one in Churchill’s and one in Via Fossa and then went home. Had a glass of wine and settled down in bed and watched Beautiful Thing which was very romantic. We finally retired to sleep at around 03.30 after a couple of hours of having … ahem, a nice time with each other!

Up quite late on Friday, was it 13.00 or thereabouts? If not it certainly seemed to be that late, had a nice time with each other, we went out and had something from McDonald’s (I had a McChicken Sandwich Meal and a cheeseburger, he had 2 double cheeseburgers large fries and a coke in case you care). Andrew’s trainers were squeaking like crazy so I offered to buy him some trainers as a special birthday present. He got some nice, cheap, red and black and gold Adidas trainers which Andrew looked at once and called them Royal Bling – they were – very opulent looking but quite trashy too a bit like those over the top theatres with too much red velvet and gilding! He looked lovely in them, but then I think he’d look lovely in anything. We pottered around in town, looking at ties in Selfridges, asking about eye cream samples for my mum while we were there, looking at computer games and introducing Andrew to the pleasures of MUJI!! Ooh nice little plastic pots with no real use – I love em!!

We went to the cinema to see The 40 Year Old Virgin and decided to sit in the premium seats, £16 each but they were big leather seats in the best part of the cinema (the bit above the balcony and we were the only ones up there so we got to canoodle) and we got free drinks, popcorn and nachos which was nice. The film was good and then we got a taxi home and prepared ourselves for a night out. We shaved Andrew’s neck which was getting a bit hairy and went out to party! In fact he’s a hairy boy. Hairy chest, nice soft hair down from his chest, the hairiest bum (ooh and what a bum, like cross between 2 coconuts and a peach) and legs. Anyway I must stop, I’m turning myself on.

Andrew joined two casinos on the way to the Village and then we went for drinks. We went to Via Fossa and had one outside chatting, then had one in the Thomson Arms where I agreed that I’d write to him when he goes to the US, then we popped into Paddy’s Goose where the alcohol began to have an effect and where we started talking about us and stuff and continued that in Churchill’s. While we were there, I bumped into one of the gypos with Danny last week. I was a bit stuck as I didn’t want Andrew to think I’d been with anyone else so I explained to him, quite truthfully, that Danny was drunk and more or less abandoned by this gypo and so I had to look after him as he wasn’t on top form. Andrew told me off for being rubbish at phoning him (I’m rubbish at phoning everyone, its not just him – I’m not good at making small talk on the phone with people I don’t know really really well). Anyway, we then ventured to the New Union for one last one. As has happened the past couple of weeks, the nice lady at the door let us in for free and and I was quite drunk by the end. I asked him to stay till Sunday and he said he would - by this point I was just so in love with him (although I had had erm 6 or more points) I was having a great time, but it was quite late, say half past one. Went home and played Scrabble (Andrew won by 39 points) and then retired at about 4am and had a nice time with each other.

Saturday was a lovely day. I got up at 09.30, went to McDonalds to get Andrew a Bacon and Egg and Cheese Bagel then got a text from Kev asking if I was about so I had to reply saying I was entertaining and so couldn’t meet him, and then I got another text saying I’d won money on Euromillions. Anyway that excitement over, Andrew had his bagel – I got brownie points, and a nice time, for that – and then Andrew wanted to play scrabble again (I won this time – by 39 points – spooky) and then we had a nap, and another nice time, as we waited for Andrew’s clothes to wash as he came with no spare clothes so I had to wash each day. I suggested that we go to Blackpool so we went down to the station and got on the train. We didn’t have a seat at first but got one at Bolton (after 15 minutes journey time). The train was full of the scum of the earth, pikeys, gypos, bockers, the lot of em. All swearing and being awful - I hate common people.

Arrived in Blackpool at 4.30 and wandered on the front for a bit and had a go at the amusements. Andrew won a furry elephant which he gave to me (how sweet) and then I decided that we should get a horse and cart down to the pleasure beach which was fun and I was so glad that we got it because it’s a long walk! I kept trying to kiss him but he was shy in public so he only did it when there were no people about (bless).

So we got to the Pleasure Beach, got out wristbands which let us ride on anything and then I announced that I was the biggest wuss in the world and was scared of rides. We went on the log flume and that shit me up. And I got wet. When we left, they had one of those photo kiosk things where you could buy pictures of yourself on the ride and there’s me and Andrew – him with a massive grin on his face and me grimacing so much, I looked like a china man. So I bought a fridge magnet of it!

Went on a ghost train type ride which was rather lame and then went on this ride where everyone sat around a big circular bowl – all facing inwards and then it started spinning and tilting and jolting – that was good and so we went on that twice. Then I wanted to go on Avalanche but I was too scared, then Andrew convinced me that I should so we went to join the queue but I bottled it and had to walk out – and can you imagine how embarrassing it is walking past 8 year old girls as they enter the ride and when you’re leaving!!

Anyway, that over we went on the flying machine ride where you get in little plane shaped carriages and then as the thing spins round they swing outwards by centrifugal force like the chair-o-planes at Alton Towers but Andrew bottled it this time so it was my turn to take the Mick!! Then we went on Valhalla which is an ace ride, I was scared shitless when we went on the vertical drops and I was soaked to my skin – my entire outfit was soaked – but it was aces!

Anyway, after the Pleasure Beach, we got a tram back up to the Tower area and had another McDonalds (he had 2 double cheeseburgers large fries and a coke and I had a quarter-pounder and chicken sandwich and a diet coke) and then we went to a couple of gay bars before getting the train home at 21.52, arriving back at 23.18.

I suggested that we go to the casino and as Andrew had no money I gave him £20 to play with and it was fascinating seeing it all. I’d never been to a casino so I was amazed by it all. It was really quite exciting – not the roulette tables where everything went quite quickly – a scramble of hands and chips all over the board, the lull when the ball is spun and then a big sweep of hundreds of chips into a hole in the board and then all starting again. Andrew’s game is Blackjack which is just like pontoon I used to play with my dad when I was little. So this £20 went to £30, then to £20 then to £15 then to £25 etc. but finally to fuck all after an hour but I was in the mood by this time so we played another twenty quid which lasted another hour before we were bust and went home. 2 hours entertainment for £40 wasn’t bad – we’d have spent £30 on booze and fags in that time probably if we’d been in the pub.

Got home, tried to watch Kill Bill but the DVD was fucked so at 03.30 we went to bed and for about the sixth time since he arrived, Andrew ended up like the DVD!

Sunday, it was Andrew’s birthday – 22. Got him breakfast in bed (at 1pm) and gave him my card and present. Had a nice time together and got up. Went for some fags and played cards all afternoon. It was so lovely that we were just doing nothing in each other’s company and just felt so comfortable. After we’d both lost our imaginary £20 stakes we went to Pizza Hut for Andrew’s birthday meal. He loves Pizza Hut as much as he loved McDonald’s so he was like a pig in shit. Then we went drinking and we got chatting again about our feelings. He said if it wasn’t for going to the US, he’d be focussing on me and him but I told him he was right to follow his dream. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to go as he needed lots of money and had none but seemed confident it would all come together.

He asked me if we could go to the casino and after having such a good time the night before we went again but I rather overspent and we didn’t win which was a shame. We got home and played cards because Andrew wanted to show me that it was possible to win. Anyway, by midnight he’d used his imaginary stake and then with him as the dealer, I played and after an hour my imaginary winnings were £177!! Typical!! Anyway we went to bed, had the best nice time I think I may possibly have ever had and then I was wanting to go to sleep because I had work the next morning but Andrew wanted to stay up and talk because he didn’t want to go home and if we slept then we’d wake up and it would be going home day. I drifted off at about 4am and then when the alarm went off at 7am I felt like shit. Dropped off for another 20 minutes and then I tried to wake up Andrew to no avail. No nice time this morning it seems. I showered and abluted and then tried to wake him but to no avail. He finally got up at 8am and from then on it was a frenzy of getting ready and leaving.

I kissed him goodbye on Platform Number 4 at Manchester Oxford Road station at 8.45am and started missing him the moment he’d gone.

What a top weekend. What a top bloke – fit, cute, young, fancies the arse of me, friendly, funny and just so yummy. I am falling for him bigtime!

All doom and gloom

Everyone is either in the middle of a huge trauma or really moggy at the moment!

Dear oh dear!

What's going on? Yesterday morning, i was quite chipper............Everything in my life was going swell!!!
Work, home, AP is being as good as gold, it's pay day on Friday, I have all next week off on holiday and it's only 3 weeks to Dublin...........Hurrah!!!

Since we're on a roll it's only 14 weeks to Christmas.


By the time I'd got to bed last night, I'd had Mother round, absolutely beside herself, Ruthrack handling the pending house move quite well and 2 china plates, with troubles that would have me on Diazapan.
So I got on my mattress at midnight ish, like an addict in a squat from trainspotting.
With the worries of the world on my shoulders............oh bugger!

Felt a bit lighter this morning, until i got to work..........Huggy (warehouse lad) has been kicked out by his bird again, he bit my head off when I asked him to do something!
David has also seen his arse, he asked me to flash up the showroom (which has taken me all morning) in the wrong tone.

Then i looked on the Cricket website and Andy's not down to play this weekend, which means it must be Stanny's stag night, no point in going out this weekend.

Went to Morrisons at lunchtime to get a meat pie to cheer myself up!
It's all getting too much for me.

What a Week: Part I

Well I don’t know even where to begin, what a week!

On Friday MJ came over so I rushed home, did some shopping and had some tea (not that I remember eating anything) and then a nap. He arrived at about 19.45 and we had a drink at home and then ventured out to Canal Street. We had a couple in Via Fossa, then one in Churchills, one in Paddy’s Goose, one in New York New York, one in the Hollywood Showbar and by this point MJ was beginning to sway and shout and by the time we had another in the New Union, MJ couldn’t even drink it – after 6 pints – what a poof. He was hardly able to stand up and I seriously thought we were going to have to go home.

But he was desperate to get to a club so we went to Cruz 101 and once in there, I sat MJ down with a coke and had him sober up a bit. Then we danced and as usual, MJ seemed to be popular with someone and then wouldn’t you know it, with someone else, and surprisingly he was someone from the White Swan: Dan, the not very nice looking one (not the cute rent boy). It was nice to chat to him and I suggested we meet for a drink. I don’t fancy him in the slightest but he was friendly enough. MJ wasn’t interested so we carried on dancing with them and headed off at 3am, sober but soaked to the gills in poppers.

Saturday and Sunday were very quiet indeed, I can hardly recall really doing anything on either day. I stayed in all day on Saturday and on Sunday I went to Asda and then to Churchill’s. I sang a few songs and had a nice time but nothing of note happened. Something must have happened in Churchill’s but I don’t recall even talking to anyone.

Monday I set off to London and arrived at quarter to five. Had a drink with Vic and Rich and then Nora, Lynsey, Freya, Ray and Nat arrived and we drank in the Tuns till closing then R, L, N, Ray and I went up to the Prince of Wales in Covent Garden and we were joined by Ed, his flatmate and a cute young lad called James I think. We all spent the rest of the night flirting with him and accusing him of being gay – it was highly amusing as he so wasn’t gay at all. Rich and I stayed at Lynsey’s and got there at 03.30 after a marathon wait at McDonalds drive through in a taxi watching the meter go up and up and up as the twats in front fannied about swapping burgers and bags of miscellaneous shite – just get out of the fucking way – were paying for every second of this you miserable cunts!!!!!!!!!

Left in the morning at about half past 8 which I thought would be fine to get to CentrePoint at 09.30 when I thought the course started but then at about 09.15, I checked the schedule and it had started at 09.00. Didn’t even get to LSE till 09.50 and by that point I thought, well if I’m going to be an hour late, is there any point going. So I decided that there was no point and went straight to Euston, rung the organisers of the seminar to say I had food poisoning, bought a mag, a paper, 2 books and a sarnie and got on the 10.35 back to Manchester. Spent the rest of the day on the sofa wanking and sleeping.

Wednesday, I went to see Michelle and newborn son, Harrison. Had a lovely 4 hours there and thankfully didn’t need to touch the baby at all. Not too into babies so keeping a safe distance from it was fine. Then I went for a pint or two to Churchill’s and then went to the New Union.

Tried to drunkenly chat up a nice looking olive skinned guy (OSG), it went something like this:

Me: Cheer up handsome, it may never happen.
OSG: (In broken English) I am not sad, I am looking for my friend, I think he is gone, are you gay?
Me: Yes and my name’s Matt
OSG: And I am Ronnie.
Me: Where are you from?
OSG: Israel, very pretty, but I am here for one year.
Me: Oh you’re here for a year, how long have you got to go?
OSG: One year.
Me: Oh and how long have you been here?
OSG: One year.
Me: Oh, erm, OK. So you’re from Israel, are you Jewish or an Arab?
OSG: Jewish, all Arabs are bastards?
Me: Every one of them
OSG: Yes, they are bastards
Me: Ahem, OK … erm, fancy a fag (he took one and the conversation paused for a couple of minutes)
Me: So are you gay
OSG: No
Me: Then what the cunting fuck are you doing in a gay pub watching a drag queen mime to a camp karaoke song you freaking arab hating nutcase? I’m off to try and cop of with a proper poof not a part time one like you!

Stropped off, went home and ate my own body weight in sandwiches, noodles and other chinese food while watching the Thin Blue Line and Gimme Gimme Gimme (obviously a James Dreyfuss evening on UK Gold) before retiring at 01.45 thinking I was ready for what Thursday would bring with no idea how the week would really turn out.

Beer, fags, disco dancing, sex and pub lunches.

A little bit of everything.

My intention on Friday was to have a cheap night in, of course it never happens, found myself in OB's at 8pm with Little Dean, Rach and Spug, Tina, Beth and all their workmates were in there, so was a mullered Ruth having pre-birthday drinks with work colleagues, we ended up in the old house where we stayed all night, some fooking bright spark said oooh, get the Mateus wine little bottles, they're only £2.60 and you get 2 glasses out of them, i had 3 after 5 lagertops and went blind, Mark and Ruth went for Chinese, Rach, Dean and Spug went to the regal in the sky and in fell through sloppy jo's door alone, broke up their card game and proudly announced i would try a chicken Bhuna to take home (after 5 years of Lamb kormas), ate a couple of popodoms while waiting, then got an 8 seater cab home (for me and all my mates), ate supper stood up in kitchen and took myself off to bed and 11.45pm..................hhahhhaaaaaaaaaa!!Tragic!

Saturday was up early, realised cats had finished off the 1/2 eaten Bhuna as it was all over the rug, washed, dressed in my ladies who lunch outfit, collected baby Sister and we went up to the Gray Ox for her birthday treat, it was Okay, the food's nice, but overpriced and overrated, i had a club sandwich which was basically chicken breast, bacon rashers with a poached egg on top, v.random!!!!!

Ruth had a steak sandwich and wanted to know where the lid was, bless!!
We both had homemade chunky chips, which were nice and 2 cokes each, so we were more than a little alarmed when the bill arrived £34.95...........
Lucky we checked as there were desserts and coffees on the bottom, nobbas!
It was less than a score in the end, so off we went on our merry way, quite pleased.

Went to Marlene's for tea and cake, stayed an hour or so...........left for home frozen to the bone, why they insist on leaving the door ajar is beyond me!!
Went home and had another bath to warm up, collected Katy F in a cab at 6.30pm, where we went to the club, Spug clocked off just as we arrived and we were soon joined by Caroline.
All the 2nd team cricket players were having "an end of season do" arranged by Shak, basically they had a kitty for there drinks, that was the only thing to set "the do" aside from any other Saturday.
This meant they all had to keep up pint for pint with the fastest drinker.

Nicola arrived with Carl, then Debbie and Kim came for a couple of drinks before heading off to Huddersfield, Paul Turners girlfriend Tracy was also in attendance plus Clare making 9, Katy and i stuck to Shandy until about 9.30pm.
By 10pm, Katy had attached herself to Granty's leg, Clare had taken JPorrait home as he was slurring, Spug was making eyes at NG sat aside him at the bar and was later to be rumbled by Mick Collins trying to leave with him.

RWoz was rounding up anyone still standing to go in town, SO, Caroline, myself and 9 cricket players, we shared a cab with Garett and Shak, lack of communication meant, me and Caroline had to entertain these 2 boys as the rest of them had gone straight to the regal (like you do at 10.30pm). I knew Andy was drunk down at the club as he even came to sit with me and was backchatting, being really cheeky and over confident. Deano at one point had asked if he could move in with me..............Andy "go for it mate, better make sure i get the right bedroom and pick the one with blond hairs".

So he was being good as gold in the regal, Beth and Tina arrived, they were laughing as i was dressed up and had a handbag with me.........(fuck off, i'd run out of clean jeans).

Don't know what time we left, but we were all busting shapes on the dancefloor, to Bon Jovi's "living on a prayer".......wrong wrong wrong!

Deano was trying yet again to get in Beth's knickers, but she never snogged him back! okay!
Caroline shared mine and Andy's cab because Warren had left earlier as he was working yesterday morning.
So we dropped her off, then Andy fell out of cab at my house..........he's chuntering on his way up the stairs, "they'll be no love making tonight, i'll be asleep before you get to bed".

So with this in mind, i emptied the washer, fed the cats and had a fag and a glass of juice.
The next thing i knew, it was 5am and he's sat on the end of the bed "Karen, i feel terrible, i'm really not well"..... what does he want me to do?
Turn the clock back and STOP him drinking 104 pints of cider on Saturday night!

Got rid Sunday, had shit loads to do and felt like death........shovelling coffee down my throat past tongue that felt like an old rugby sock, washed 2 more loads, vacced all of downstairs and dismantled my bed , carried bed base into garden sweating like a horse.

It had got to 2pm, phoned Steven to find out where the fuck he was........if we were eating lunch any later than this, i wouldn't be hungry tonight.
Answer? "oh you can't have your bed today, my van has broken down".
Thanks for ringing to tell me, was fucking livid, had shelled out for corn on the cob, spaghetti bolognaise and garlic bread and now my fucking cunting bed was in the garden.

Had a bath and went back to bed, when i say bed i mean..........oh, mattress on the floor.
Up at 5pm, feeling nearly normal, hair of the dog needed.......got a wriggle on and waited at the end of my road to meet Spug, Dean and Rach, waited 1/4 hr, then walked to spoons on my own as Rach was still getting ready. shock horror!!!

Ruth's birthday bash last night, was v. cool, 20 of her close friends and family made it in the end, Chris, Ruth, Mark, Spug, Rach, Dean, Hayley, James, Tina, Beth, Emma, Keiron and me met in O'S , then after 3 pints or so, taxied up to the Rising Sun in Scholes and met 8 family members, good old Jim gave me a bung, Marlene told me to take my new watch off as she wanted it for her birthday...........mad woman!

The meal was lush, i didn't have a starter (well i nicked one of Tina's mushrooms) or a dessert, but had the biggest fat bastard roast beef dinner i have ever seen.
Much to everyone's amusement i asked for my left over beef to be wrapped up to take for the cats, we're talking about 8oz of fine roast beef..........i hate waste!!

Steven turned up at the end of the meal absolutely rangooned, much to the disgust of both Ruth and Martyn. It was very cheeky as he's been invited to eat with us............he thinks by saying, oh you'll miss me when i'm in OZ, he can get away with murder, he's 26..........not 6 for gods sake!

We all paid the bill, the family dispersed and we remaining 16 got more cabs back to spoons where we had another 3 or so pints.
Before we were slung out into the night by the nice barstaff!

I'd had a brief chat with James and James, then mainly took the piss out of Beth who had been sleep walking the previous night and woke Tina by trying to suffocate her with a pillow, no more shots of tequila for Beth me thinks.

So was home for 11.30pm, Meg escaped but luckily i coaxed her back indoors with roast beef. Watched the end of Angela's ashes on the mattress on the floor...........not fucking happy!

Was asleep for 12.30pm, awoke today at half 6 as always after i've been drinking.
David's 1st day back at work today, he seemed quite chipper (considering coming back to work after 5 weeks in Marbella) until we got knocked for £27k, one of our punters gone into liquidation.

Oh HECK!
Still i'm glad he's back, he's bought me 400 fags, i've this week to get through then i'm on holiday for 9 whole days...........HEAVEN!!!

Them Bloody Andrews Part Deux

Don't know if Matt is coming home this weekend now, as he is entertaining Bradford Andrew, sob sob!!!!!!!
Oh i hope he comes home.........

I phoned him yesterday lunch for a wee chat and it was all on, then he phoned me at t.time and got me out of the bath (i was a bit off hand, thought someone had died and it was an emergency, as he'd phoned the house phone twice and called my mobile), but he was just excited as Andrew had called.

So i was preparing myself for Thursday night crap t.v and pizza, when Andy txt......"do you want me to come round".....you see! i go awol for one weekend and he starts a panicking.

But when i suggest we try see each other at least once a week, it's "all a bit deep for him".
STRUTH!!!!!
Waited 10 mins before i txt him back, just enough time to empty ashtrays, put full gateaux in bin, take off zip up bootie slippers, apply make-up, do hair, put on high heels, string of pearls and flowing white veil..............well not really!

So he was a sweetheart all night, never complained once when i made him watch Love Actually (chick flick) all the way through, was Mr.chatty as fuck, cracking jokes, being nice to my cats, he's even giving Steven a mobile phone to use in Australia............( quite weird Andy and my brother getting on, exchanging travelling tips, "oh you're changing at Hong Kong, that should be okay, we changed at Bangkok".)......bizarre!!!!!!!!

It's amazing what a man will do to get his end away!

Matt phoned again, to say he was meeting HIS Andrew in 2hrs and 9mins, he had a quick chat with Andy, where i did overhear them both slagging off the chick flick, Matt's a puff he should be on my side, he should embrace girly films, not encourage Mr.Porrait to try for Jackie Chan next time.

Then Sam phoned with all her "desperate housewives gossip", said I'd call her back as i had an engineer round for a service.

So by the time I'd woken Andy from his post Sex snooze, pecked him on the cheek, thrown him out into the rain and Sam had finished what she was doing, we finally got to natter at 10.30pm, still on the blower at 11.40pm, laughing like Hyenas and chain smoking, we readily agreed, we had finally "got it".........

They say it takes 35yr, to finally understand what it's all about, then your body starts to fail!
Bring on the zimmer frames.

I miss Matt

A large proportion of my day is spent emailing Matt, i know the mails i send and receive from Sarah, Caroline, Ruth, Rich, Sam and Emma are also good, but emailing Matt can pass a full day, i guess he does as little work as me then?

Well at least he's back in Clecksville at the weekend!
Fuck I'm bored......it's a long laborious day, done buggar all this week........day and night!

I'm getting hibernating practice in for the winter, look at me trying to make out i go out loads in the week during the summer months, what a crock of shite!!!!!!!

Just the same old shit, chores, tea, bath, box ,book and bed.

Am v. looking forward to this weekend pending, especially since Matty brown hair is about.
Dunno Fridays plans, but Saturday Ruth and i are doing lunch for her birthday treat.
Saturday t.time/evening we'll be getting wellied at the CRUFC, i expect.

Sunday...... Ruthracks actual birthday, Steven is coming round in the day, while i prepare lunch, he's doing man jobs with my new bed and leather sofas.

Then Sunday evening a small gathering of Ruth's close friends and family are heading to the rising sun in Scholes, table for 24 please?

2 more sleeps to go.

Concerts,carboots and curries

Friday doesn't even warrant a mention.........but i'll blog it so the people involved don't get the face on.
Only Tina, Beth, Spug and i present.........v.thin on the ground.
Spoons, sat outside had 2 drinks, Turnstiles had 2 drinks, fozzy d.j. gave me a free cocktail coz he loves me, Spug necked it...boo!
Went to Whickham, it was dire, people clogging up the bar area, making it impossible for the bar staff to see us so we left without getting a drink, Old house, had 2 in there,chatted to dancing downsyndrome Angela a while, Station, had 1, some scary fat bird was trying to make me dance with her, saying "us blondes should stick together, life is for living, I'm only 37 and i had a stroke last month". (felt sorry she was part paralysed, but she was fucking scaring me!!!) ran up to the regal, had a beer then we went and sat near the dancefloor it was rubbish in there, Steven turned up sporting a full beard, he was mullered........men being a bit thin on the ground, thought there might be a bit of cat fighting between 2 certain ladies.
Decided to take myself out of the equation, my last words to Steven "don't forget Dad's pasting table on Sunday morning"..........
Lamb Korma for 1, Bedfordshire 1am!

Saturday was v.good, up before lunch and let the cats play out a while, got ready and set off to the little village of Borrowash in Derby, called at McDonalds for junk food to rid myself of nasty hangover, arrived at Sam's at 3.03pm, good timing!!

Sam's work friend Sarah (quote "men are only good for humping") and her 3 children were there, we all got a wriggle on and made it to Darley park in convoy for 3.30pm, top day.....it was the world music festival, we laid our blanket on the ground and plonked for the next 6 hours, we took no supplies, so most of our time was spent relaying up and down to the burger van, the ice-cream man, the jacket potato stand and the donut vender............how healthy were we that day?

The music was varied, ranging from Moroccan to rap to African to gospel type bongo drum players.
Well the crowd was even more freaky 3000 people present, Sam knew 2000 of them (i tend not to make new friends if i can help it, Sam likes to befriend a new random at least once a week!). Getting back to the crowd, doped up hippies, old ladies, hairy backed silver foxes, Joe public, children, the handicapped, all creeds and colours, put on a free concert and they all come a crawling out of the woodwork.

So we're playing how many people can you get on a picnic blanket, at it's best there was Sarah, Sam, moi, Molly, Freya (can't believe how much they've grown, note to self, spend more time with god daughter and less time talking to my cats like they are human and sleeping my life a way). Sarah's 3 children, Cassy, Cassy's sister and her 2 kids and the infamous Kevin and some blond bit he'd found wandering around the woods.

9.30pm arrived and the crescendo was the most spectacular fireworks display i have ever seen in my life, at that moment i was so glad I'd gone down and not spent the evening in CRUFC clubhouse. You're never too old for fireworks!!!
We all mosied back to the cars, which we'd conveniently parked next to the stage as Sam has "power".........clambered into the multipla (kids pissed with power as we drove through the crowds)got back to Sam's at 10pm.
Had a quick hot chocolate and a cookie, nearly choked with laughing at Freya as she seriously warned me about the "psycho" family cat..............quote "it's brother, is it's father"....completely dead pan!!!!
Laughed all the way up the M1, arrived back home at 11.15pm, loaded the car for morning, locked cats in kitchen, unfortunately Meg can open doors, so she let them all out into the garden, managed to get them all indoors before the end of Backdraft and up to bed at 1.00am.
Inbetween texting a very drunk and obviously horny Mr.Porrait back..........oh i get it, i'm not about one Saturday and he gets all stalker like.

Sodding Sunday, up at 5am...........I'm really not fucking laughing, at all!!!
Let out a strangled wail, I'm so not a morning person, drove to Marlo's to pick Steven up to do a carboot sale, who bright idea was this???
Yes i know you're going to Australia, travelling and it really is money for old rope but honestly there has to be an easier way to make cash!!

Got halfway there, realised we'd forgotton the fucking pasting table..........oh nuts!!!
Stuff it, set up our wares at 5.30am, pikey bockers shining torches in the back of your car to see what you have............in their best indian accent "any mobile phone?"...........fuckoff Gypo's........

SO we made the cash, laughed at the common people, i mean who get's up at silly o'clock to go buy other peoples used goods with crumpled up fivers, scums of the earth.
I must admit my particular faves at the carboot, were the people dealing drugs from the burgandy van parked opposite, the fat lady in the green anorack who had "a limited budget", she was twoing and froing from her car with 100's of carrier bags.........LIAR!
More Asylum seekers than you could shake a stick at, you get the message? a certain class of people!

Packed away at 10am as Steven was teeing off at 11.00am, got to Marlene's had a coffee, then drove Little Bro to golf club, waved at Adam who was on the 1st Tee (note to self, do not snog the face off younger brothers golfing buddies as you will embarressed to fuck, when you see them sober) home, unpacked car, put parcel shelf back in, let cats out, did 2 loads of washing had primula cheese spread on toast, stripped bed and fell into clean bedding and slept solidly for 3 hours.

Up and about at 4.30pm, visited parents, who weren't arm wrestling for a change.
Noone about for Sunday shandies, rang Ruthrack, who said she'd come up at 7.30pm and sit out! hooray!
Rang Matty brown hair, for 1hr for a catch up and a bitch.
Had some more toast, then called at the top shop for wine, Mark, Ruth, Rach, Dean and baby Megan came up, we sat out in the garden for 5 hours, talking bollocks, sipping wine and beer, eating nibbles until the nice man from eastern spice delivered our curry.
Ace night, we just laughed and because i don't see them very often we'd loads to talk about, Megan is so huge now, before we knew it, Baby sister and i had polished off 3 litres of wine, them 3 had hardly made a dent in the beer...oh well!! and it was half past midnight, we'd obviously got a little rowdy as the next door neighbours slammed their bedroom window shut!!

"Go fuck yourself, we're having a party".
Not really, we quickly packed up, all looking very sheepish and everyone went off in different directions to their beds.

This morning i am bright as a button, no hangover from the wine as it is like water to me and smiling like a smug bastard as i have the upper hand over Andy texting raunchy messages in the early hours of yesterday, hooray for me!!!!
Well apart from when i see him next week, he'll be "wi lads, you know how it is" and i'll be chasing him round the regal, blubbering, with mascara running down my cheeks and my knickers round my ankles..............NOT a look!!!

Random Thursday!

 Went home at 17.30 had smoked salmon sandwiches and my own bodyweight in spogs. Had to have a nap because I was so full.
 Went to Churchills, sat in my usual seat and waited for the karaoke.
 Surrounded by 20 year old yappy lesbos who where making a right racket
 Sang “I believe in a thing called love”
 Watched with glee as the dykes fucked off
 Some real gypos came and sat down, followed by another who looked as if he wasn’t actually part of the same group and he sat next to me.
 He was called Danny and was straight and 23. He thought I was a bouncer and was 55 (I should have told him to Shit Off). Poor boy, he was wankered.
 The gypos only seemed to be partially connected with Danny who spent the rest of the night either talking to me or being fobbed off by the gypos.
 He quickly decided that he was my friend and to demonstrate it, he kept kissing me. I wasn’t going to complain, especially as I managed to get a couple of snogs as well as the usual pecks!
 Sang “Your Song”
 Danny spilt a pint on me.
 The Fly came in and sat with the gypos.
 Danny spilt a pint on himself.
 Sang “Crazy”
 I was accosted by someone looking like the grannie in make up from Little Britain – she was the date of The Fly!!
 This grannie started chatting me up and somehow an Indian guy got involved and started dissing me so Danny nearly beat him up. Danny and I decided that it would be best to leave and go somewhere.
 Went to Manto with him, he was really wellied and ended up nearly someone else up so we went off and ended up in the New Union
 Guess what, wankered Danny nearly beat someone else up
 Left there at about 2am, he wanted food so I suggested McDonald’s since its only 5 minutes from Anal Treet and 2 minutes from my house.
 Mc D’s was closed and he wasn’t coming home with me so we had a bit of a snog, I had a massive grope of his arse and went home a reasonably happy and drunken man (but not a 55 year old man).

Shit off!!!!!

Urrrgggh! Feel crap but it's always a good feeling at the same time because even though you are hungover to fuck, you know it is due to the wicked night you had the night before and you should embrace it.

It has been atleast four months since I have gone out mid week and got wrecked on a school night and felt this bad at work the day after. Basically before I met Matt.

Well, I was cooking at Matt's flat for my mate Melissa and Matt. Tai green curry, rice and a naan (?) with a shit load of wine. Matt's mate Sheps from Manc was driving down to collect something from Leeds so we all had a pint in the Hyde Park after tea.
I've always struggled with leaving pubs at the best of times, but I was having an ace time! I met for the first time some of Matt's mates. Mike 'chopper' who is an avid Freddy Mercury fan who is in love with both Gwen Steffani and Paris Hilton, Alex, who Matt thinks shagged one of his ex birds on his birthday and some dude who was 23 that I think fancied Melissa.
I love the Hyde Park cos as well as the people I was sat with, it's always full of proper freaks. Real freaks. There is a half way house for ex criminals and an alcaholics reabilitation centre near by, so it atracts proper randoms. One very pissed old guy plonked himself next to Melissa at our table and Matt told him to get his sweaty arse crack off his coat, the guy stood up and shouted 'shit off you bloody sod!'. I laughed so hard I was nearly sick, one of the funniest lines ever. Have text Matt this morning 'shit off you bloody sod'. Hee hee!

Anyway, much booze was consumed and we had a good laugh. It got to last orders but I wasn't ready to stop drinking, after trying to purseude everyone to go to Mission (only place I could think of open to serve me more booze) me and Matt went to town alone.
Went to Arch 54, where Pete the lovely bar man serves you drinks whatever time of night.
For some reason though, I was really up for Mission. By this point I could hardly stand up. We got to Mission and realised it was 'Homo' night by the vast aray of bear chested guys, erasure on and lezzas with crew cuts. Ended up dancing on a podium with the gays sniffing popers.
Matt was a hit! He's a really good dancer, even when blind drunk and he was touched up all night! We had such an ace time. I didn't want to leave, but in the end we stumbled home at silly o'clock and we attempted sex to no avail.

Just been down to the canteen to blag a sandwich from Janet. If you don't order before 10am she gets really fucked off. I love winding Janet up. She fucking hates me! Said 'afternoon Janet, your looking lovely' to get round her and she snapped back 'oh piss off Emma!' hee hee! silly old boot. Wound her up even more when my quid got stuck in the coke machine and I demand she open it up cos I couldn't pay for my sandwich otherwise!

Farida has now moved out, so this weekend will be spent cleaning and rearranging my clothes to accomodate Matt more. I'm going to shift all of my old stuff up into her old room so Matt can have space in my wardrobe. Saturday night, I'm off for a meal at Thyme restaurant in Sheffield for my Dad's wifes daughters 21st. She's a lovely girl. My bro is up from London and my Nan and Grandad are coming too.

Anyway, I'm going to get some work done and maybe go puke.