Yawn!

I've been very bad at blogging this week so, first, let me explain: I was off on Monday and so, although I was at work on Tuesday, I was very busy, then yesterday I went to Bristol and now today I have been busy catching up again. Anyway, here I am, in Churchill's dripping wet with time to blog at last!

Got the train and bus home on Thursday: my mum and I had challenged my dad at the quiz at the Wickham so I booked the Friday off and went home a day early. Needless to say we beat my dad and won the quiz with 33/40 - the question master didn't believe we had won and we had to show our paper to him but we had won and so ended up with 8 pints! Yippee!

As my mum and dad were having a new fireplace fitted and were decorating all the contents of the living room were all over the house and consequently the only place for me to sleep was in the living room which had no curtains, just newspaper up to 2/3 of the way up the window. So I slept very badly on the floor with no mattress and it getting light at 5am! For four long days!

Friday happened just as Karen said but after she pulled APorrait I went to Outbacks with Spug, Ruth, Hayley and a fit young lad we'd picked up in the Regal called Hubbard. The girls weren't happy how hot it was and so we didn't stay long: I didn't even finish my drink! We went outside to sit down outside and at the bench next to us was a boy (Joey Ward was his name) so drunk he couldn't even sit up. Somehow he ended up on our table with me holding him up (getting the odd accidental grope of his nipple as a reward) , slapping his face to keep him awake while another lad, someone who was training to be a paramedic (and who was really fit) talked to him and tried to get him to take deep breaths. Someone rung for an ambulance and we carried on like this for another 20 or so minutes.

Once he was taken away we ventured to the burger place where I had 2 burgers and chatted to the mussulmen staff about the bombings, anti-Islamicism and interracial integration. Bed or rather floor at 02.30

Saturday, even tireder than Friday and we took the stone from the old fireplace to the skip, went to B&Q, took more stone to the tip, got Warren and Caroline to kiss and make up and had fish and chips with them at their house. Then home for 4 hours of wallpapering which went quickly and well. Had a quick shower and headed out.

Although I was due at the club at 7pm we didn't even get to Bankfoot till 6.45 but we managed to see AP get 7 and Warren get a duck. I am not a Jonah whatever anyone says!

Got to the club at 7.20ish and again the evening progressed much as Karen has said. Steven was absolutely wankered, MJ said hiya a lot and we all had a really nice evening.

Sunday, even tireder! went to B&Q again, fitted the curtain pole, finished the wallpaper and then went to the club where I was dropping off asleep! Went home and had the nicest pork I have had in ages and was in Spoons at 8 for quiet shandies with Karen, Genna and Spuggles and then when G and S went home just Karen. We jabbered on about nothing as we usually do and despite getting to bed, erm floor really early (11ish) I didn't sleep. Remind me next time to accept the generous offers of accommodation from friends who have beds.

Monday, I was virtually comatose, took some curtains to the dry cleaners, bought skirting board, shopped, kipped, made chilli and then after tea was brought home. Dad fitted new toilet seat and then after they had gone home and after I’d made a couple of calls and watched BB, I finally managed to get to bed and have a proper sleep.

Thank goodness.

I have felt like the living dead all week but thankfully I have a week off after tomorrow - YIPPEE!!!!!!

Two little ducks

Happy Birthday Tina...........22 today.......ya wee bairn!

Don't know what kind of celebrations are taking place, as I've not seen Tina when we've both been in any state to hold a reasonable conversation, for the last 3 weekends!!

Can't believe it's weekend eve already!
My My!!!!

Could do with every Monday off, heaven!

Oh before i forget, please can everyone who wants to come to Dublin for 3 days, 7th to 9th October, please get their deposit of £35 to me...like sharpish! all welcome, well obviously not stalkers! definates so far are Moi, Katy, Spug and Sarah.

So my working week so far as been dull as usual, was So tired on Tuesday, my days of being able to drink 4 days in a row are well and truly over, managed to make it through the day, got home and managed to dust the living room (took 1 hour) and water the plants on my hands and knees, warm some pasta up, then watched t.v for 4 hours..............honestly i was all i could muster up the strength to do.

Wednesday, much better.........had to fly home in my lunch break to let plumber in who is going to fit my new taps, i'm So excited they are the dogs bollocks, like a victorian mixertap, shower hose attached type of affair!!!! woohoo!!!
In the afternoon i sent and received 156 emails to a certain nurse with news..........

Is that a bit a subtle?

SARAH HAS FINALLY SHAGGED SEXY SIMON!!!!!!!!!!

Cough, splutter, what me a gossip?

Home at t.time, nipped to Tescos, sided all washing from airer, did ironing pile, homemade curry for tea, then sewed my jeans up and sat and waited for MJ to call for tea and buns!!!!

CROSSWIRES!
Seemingley.
"i'll have to pass tonight, as i'm working late and going to my parents for tea".
Meant...........I'll have to say NO tonight, as i'm busy!

NOT......."well i'm passing tonight, as i always call on the way home from the parents on a Wednesday night".
DOH!
Luther was stood on the main road at midnight with his torch, looking for him.

Not really, went to bed at 10pm for BB and double Nip Tuck.

It was like waking the dead this morning, SO could've blobbed work.
Wish i had, all loos and kitchen flooded, so spent the 1st hour mopping, refusing to do the gents as they wee on the floor (probably).
Then David sent me to Chiltern Mills in Cross Gates, to pick up some bed linen, then made me take it to his Sisters (because she doesn't have any legs, or a car, or a brain!!!!!!!).

2 Hour round trip, thank-you very much!

Plus i needed to reply to Spugs, Sarahs, MJs and Sams emails..........
Making me do work!!!!!!!! pah!

And i was starving, coz he made me miss my cereal, it's okay i fouund some nuts in the car, that i'd burried earlier.
Well not really, i bought them from Morrisons (nobbys chilli nuts) this morning when i went to buy a mop bucket.........

Oh i'm ranting, best go..............
Don't know where Matthew is!!!!

Oh the day's just got fucking worse, been sat an hour on Eastgate at the DVLA, retaining boss's son's personalised number plate, but i got in wrong queue,they redirected me, but he just pulled the shutter down, like that nasty bitch out of bread and said they were closed when it was my turn, i was too angry to speak, so i need to go back in the morning!
Poppycock............what a productive day i had.

Sarah has also called me NOBBA at least 9 times for blogging about her relations with the cabinet maker, but i aren't bothered coz i've got some other mates somewhere.

Erm......
Matthew: don't know where he is!
MJ: says he's coming up for a slice of cake then never shows.
Sam: told me to ring her on Tuesday night, then never answered the phone.
Tina: not seen her for yonks.

WELL, i have got some mates.........
Just can't think of names off hand.......

OH ME!!!!!!!!!

Bird in hiking boots? bird in chimney!

So Friday
Awoke at 8.22am to the sound of a large bird flapping about in the chimney breast, thought the problem would go away on it's own, so went to work as normal.
Mundane day, went to Worksop to drop some taps off and had a salad for lunch.
Disco kip over and done with, bird still there, met the Spugather at 8pm (she was brown as a fucking berry, Wales my arse), Spoons, Mr.Porritt was there with Deano, John, Bev, Liam and the other sporty boys.
We sat with Mark, Chris and Ruth and then Matt appeared sporting a lovely pink shirt and his Tiffany cufflinks, we had a few in there, then left to go to the Old house, I sang Karaoke badly and told Graham Jackson the full story about losing my key.
Matt sang well and we all seemed quite tipsy by the time we got to the Station at 11.15pm.........i chatted to James and James in here, everyone was raving about Hayleys eyeshadow, Tina, Beth and Jo were all jigging about they'd been on the wine at home.

We all left in dribs and drabs to the Regal in the sky, had some shandy, Andy was wellied on cider as he had Sat. off work (the 1st since he started in Feb.) he was leaning towards me to kiss me/speak to me, but kept managing to headbutt me.

He then pipes up, we should do more things as a couple, i suggest pictures, he readily agrees, Next Friday it is, anything i chose is fine.

What would he like to do? HILL WALKING!!!!!!!!! (he looks so normal too).

Changed the subject sharpish, get some more beer, do some more dancing,row with mad Lynne,Andy wants me to stay at his, i argue, say his beds too small, he wins.

Saturday 10.15am, awake in Gill and Dave's bed not knowing where the fuck i am, maybe a posh hotel??

Don't really give a fuck as i have a naked 26yr old muscle bound bronzed body at the side of me, went to the bathroom, then hope to high heavens John's not in as I'm walking around with nothing on. Climb back in to bed and did some damn fine lurving, realised Andy (the old romantic) had fallen back asleep, so let myself out and walked up Whitcliffe road cursing all the way at fucking green shoes rubbing me, looking like a 2 bit whore with last nights clothes and make-up on.

Fell back into bed at 11am, could still here bird flapping about, surely it could fly back up the chimney?
Slept like the dead until Brother Steven phoned at 2.15pm, to say did i want to go up to Hartshead moor cricket club with him and Dad? decided this indeed was a fine idea, so got ready and met them for a shandy at 3.30pm, no time to eat as i had to meet Spug at 5pm, dropped car off home, kidnapped Steven for comedy value and demanded he come to club with us for beer (he's only had 7 pints at this point), walked down the greenway and saw a v. sweaty MJW out jogging, arrive at CRUFC at 5.15pm and have more shandy and lagertops and 1 bag of crisps...............messy!

Well pleasantly messy, Katy and Grant arrived at 6.30pm, MJW at 7pm and Matt at 7.30ish as he was waiting for Warren to bat at Bankfoot, Steven was snogging Spug, Katy was telling us about the Next sales, Matt was in the loos sponging his Guinness stain off his shirt, Steven was trying to gatecrash the private function in the main room, Caroline arrived followed by the losing 2nd team, the plan was to have a few in the club, then go into town, gone midnight we were still sat there, the 10 of us, minus Steven who'd left at 8.30pm after his 14th pint. Warren was ribbing Andy mercilessly about shagging in his parents bed, who incidentally said he probably wouldn't bother washing the bedding and he was going to tell his Mum some of the lads had crashed (that'd explain the smell of perfume, oh and the make-up on the white pillowcase).

Deano was looking down my top as usual, then shooting people with a cricket bat, Spug sat with Jenna most of the night, who was having Hemmy traumas (god that man is such a slag). Can't remember what much else happened, Andy went home at 12.30ish after kissing me on the cheek like i was his maiden Aunt and we remaining 9 went to Eastern spice in taxis that took forever, in fact, Me, Spug and MJW had eaten ours before the next cab arrived, admittedly they had gone via banks for more cash and Katy and Grants for wine.
I however did NOT want more drink as i'd finished Andy's cider and was very sleepy. When Deano found out i wasn't going to Andy he then suggested he should see me home.............i don't think so!!

Spug and i shared a cab home and left MJ saying hiya over and over and over to Matt, Warren, Caroline, Deano, Katy and Grant.

Sunday awoke to the sound of the bird STILL in the chimney, decided to have a look, removed all stuffing from chimney, failed to save Pigeon but managed to completely fuck new cream carpet with massive black soot stain, meanwhile hair straighteners have fallen over and scorched dressing table at the same time.
Did a bit of washing, tescos run, then set off to Williams 4th birthday BBQ in New Farnley.
Stayed 2 hours, was freezing my tits off in the garden, had fuck all in common with any of the mothers, decided i hated ALL children, so set off back to the club, Andy was playing cricket at home on Sunday, had a quick shandy with Matt, cricket was rained off, dropped Matt at his Mums for his Sunday dinner, took car home and taxied back to club, had 2 lagertops with Spug and Jenna, chatted to Mick Collins, who said to light fire and burn pigeon, offered Hemmy on for a fight on the back bowling green, then we got a cab to spoons.
Matt came back out at 8pm, Jenna and Spug went for a curry at 9.30pm, me and RMS stayed till the death and talked tripe while quenching our incurable thirsts, shared a cab home, in bed for 11pm.


Monday had a days annual leave (pre-booked to get over LARGE weekend) could STILL hear pigeon, drove to Marlene's to moan about:
1.Bird in chimney.
2.Fucked t.v aerial and the fact that i had to go to bed to watch channel 4.
3.Swollen door that i couldn't lock even though i'd fitted new deadlock.

She in turn told me about:
1. £150k house that isn't selling.
2.Bad man who ran into her last Thursday and wrote her car off.
3.Tina poorly family pooch.
4.Dad working himself to the bone.

Felt like a twat as all my problems could be solved in the hour!
Went home collared Paul from the building site, he came and chiselled bits off my door and moved all the fittings, he sent an old geezer up on the roof to direct aerial in direction of Emley moor mast, he said to phone RSPCA to save bird, by 2pm i have perfect picture on all t.v channels, a door that opens and closes AND locks like a dream, and a fit as fook RSPCA man with his hand up my chimney, pulls out the biggest pigeon i have ever seen in my life with it's eyes shut like a pit pony.

He then says now then, am i bleeding or are you (wondered how the fuck he knew i was on my period) then realised he meant bird with cut wing, which was bleeding all over my blinking bedroom.
He took the eagle downstairs put in on grass and it just flew away like a scene from Kez, i was nearly in tears (and thanking the lord that one of my cats hadn't instantly pounced after all this pavala).

By this time, my decorating plans for day had been scuppered, had a bath, hairwash and met Spug, Ruth and Mark at 5pm, i drove over to Batley weatherspoons (O.B's being shut for refurbishment) where we all had a very pleasant main course and pudding and we laughed and talked shite and i hassled the waiter because he was shit.

But i did take pity and let him use pineapple on my waffle as they'd run out of banana.

Dropped them 3 at the old house at home, i took car home and sprinted into Cleck, had one in the old house (Graham was in there, i SO wish Andy was as confident and Funny as him).
We had a quick pint in there and 2 in the Turnstiles (where Spug let it slip about the B.J) then home for BB at 10pm.

So that's it folks he wants to go Hill walking, but on the upside the birds safe.

its raining again!

had a mad week, worked everyday (almost), so not much sleep and i earned the weekend off for a change hooray! so i have left all the domestic duties for today so i could spend a leisurly day catching up whilst waiting for the washer to finish, what an exciting life i do lead!
so to the weekend, i new it was going to be a good weekend when i got to work early friday morning, (that would be 3 minutes early for work, usually i'm dead on time how proud was i) to find all the staff laid on the corridor floor in a striaght line(?) i choose to ignore them and went put the kettle on as i was early, and don't usually have time for tea and noone was going to spoil it! how they laughed they had all fainted cos i was early ha ha ha. nobbas. my tea was nice!

so friday i finished work at 2pm met leanne in the pub for lunch at 3pm and started with a nice couple of pints followed by a couple more.by 7pm i was well on my way but leanne needed to go home and get changed so she could look respectable, i however took the oppotunity to have a power nap instead of a shower and still managed to go out looking gorgeous.so was back out for 9pm on the dot had plenty of vodka to wash doown the larger then found myself in the centre of the dance floor stutting my stuff at which point i decided it was time to go home.

saturday i was nursing a hangover from hell. managed to get up at 11 potter about in town and was back in bed for 7pm with a vid. however, simon then appeared it was after all his birthday, and although he has been pissing me of resently with his elusiveness and his i don't care or give a shit attitude, i decided to let it lie as it was his birthday and what the hell i fancy the pants of him. so off to the pub again, hair of the dog always works. found some random strangers in the pub to talk to, who were having a big party apperently back at there house, simon left to go with them apperently i said i would catch them up, but by the time i staggered out the pub there was not a sole in sight, however did have a quick glance down the road which is when kfc caught my eye and the party seem to escape my memory.
arrived back home all geased up and happy as larry! however simon, who was now sat on the doorstep appently could have been murdered or be sat in a pool of blood dying (hes 28 if anyone was wondering, an obviously never been out with the magically disappering horner, therefore not use to been left alone for 1\2 an hour. even though he was 4 doors away from dans house!help!) and neither me or dan would have cared and he'd rung us a thousands time. at this point i almost lost the will to live he was giving the puffs a run for there money with the drama of it all, however it was his birthday, and he is gorgeous so i let him spout on for another 1\2 hour before going to bedfordshire.

sunday had a leisurly lunch with lady leane, and watched a film in the afternoon, got home to dan, who has decided to take on the role of a mother, "its 8pm though you were going out to lunch" won't start to compare him to janet(my mother) as she would not lower herself to such comments. then starts going off on one about how i piss all my wage up and blar blar blar told him he was jealous cos i have a social life instead of a text wife and went to bed. twat.

So what did I do this weekend?

Nothing.

That's what.

Nada.

I don't think I can bear it.

It's gonna have to be some Sunday drinking.

I haven't done any Sunday drinking since the Arms closed. I always used to go to the Arms on a Sunday. It was always a good day, as it would only ever be the regulars in and we'd all just hang about talking absurd tangental nonsense.

It was really nice (and nice being the most appropriate word) in a comfortable pastoral kind of a way.

I actually haven't been out in Enfield for ages (well apart from my birthday which was more with my brother's friends in Taps than my lot who drink in the King's Head - for the most part - with the closing of the Arms people have spread out all over the place).

Anyway, I'll let you know if I can be botherd to drag myself out.

(Looking likely with the cricket looking like it's going to be rained off)

Everyone's usually out on a Sunday so it should be good.

48hrs to go....tic tic tic

It's past the hump of the week already.
The way to get to the weekend extra doubly fast is to keep really busy, honestly.................Saturday seemed like yesterday.

Let me talk you through my extra fast week.

Monday:
Arrived at my job, just a few minutes late, busied around all day, usual errands, breakfast, lunch, emailing, looking on fave sites on t'internet.

Called at Marlos on the way home, stayed an hour and chatted to Steven and Mum, home, made chilli and pasta for tea, Matt phoned (as he hadn't spoken to me in 9 days), then i phoned Sam for 1 hr, BB at 10pm and double shameless, (day over and done with in double quick time).

Tuesday: same drek at work,was in a really good mood and spent the 1st 2 hrs flashing up the showroom, boxing up samples and making offices neat and tidy/tidy and neat, went to Morrison's in Hunslet at lunch, had quite a nice day till i rowed with Matt on email about him pulling me up on pigging spelling and grammar.
(i left school in 1985, i do not appreciate being told what to do age 36 by a friend).
So there!!!!!!!!!!

Had to call in Mothers again on the way home as boss wanted some hair products that Steven had got, Steven had seen his arse...........moody bugger!!

Flew home, let cats out, had to go to Tescos.........Arrrgh! hate doing monthly shop, sweating like a horse carrying tons of cat food, loo rolls and enough supplies to feed a small Romanian family for weeks.
Unpacked, bath/hairwash, ironed entire ironing pile, sided away in wardrobe, made a chicken curry, and samosas with naan.
Then phoned Kay (even though she never phones me) as she'd txt me twice that day about Williams BBQ on Sunday, ( anyhow glad i did, she's a good supportive friend who's very wise and always says the right things).
Was fooked so BB again and Sugar rush, out for the count at 11.30pm.

Wednesday: the hump...it was like waking the dead this morning, slept really soundly........did some personal P.A stuff for David 1st thing, then went to the National Exhibition centre in Harrogate to meet a man with a chalkboard in a hotel foyer.
Drove back slowly smoking fags and singing along to the radio, called at B&Q at lunch to pick some new wallpaper, found exactly what i wanted, was Soo excited until i saw it was £15.98 a roll..............drat and double drat! i'll have a word with Jim to see if he knows a man who can.
Back to work, ate lunch, Paul bought me a chocolate brownie from Ainsleys which was rancid, not done much this afternoon only email Ruth. David asleep so we're just chatting and basically skiving.

This evening going to do nothing much, having lamb cutlets for tea....ace! kind of glad i didn't buy the wallpaper as i know i'd start that tonight.

So you see it's weekend eve tomorrow already, Coolio!!!
Matt is home at the weekend and Spug is also back from Wales, although i think she might be working, i've taken Monday off as it's going to be a big weekend and i need a day to recover, also i need to use my days leave up not in August as David and Leigh like to go to Marbella for a month and leave me in charge.............hahhhaaaaaaaaaaa!

Get Blogging

OK you wastes of space, get blogging. I mean you lot reading this who happen to have your name up in the right hand corner - yeah you know who you are, Dean, Ruth, Matthew et al. Emma, Karen and Sarah you are excused, I don't mean you. But the rest of you should be telling us what's going on in your lives.

Ruth what happened at the weekend - get drunk? drink wine?

Dean, tell us about babies being sick on you and stuff!

MJ tell us about your hen night experiences and the horror of a night out in Halifax.

James, how is wedded bliss. Keep us informed.

Rich, I know we may blog on the other blog, buty you've got to keep this one going too - tell us about your birthday.

Sera, you've not introduced yourself yet - let us know who you are, what makes you tick, how you know Karen, and whether you make a fool of yourself when you're drunk.

Come on guys, if I can tell you about being robbed by random turks and Karen tells you about weeing in bins and Emma tells you about her madcap japes involving ladders and drucks and Sarah keeps us up to date sporadically with her quest for Sexy Simon and keeps us abreast of how many hours she's been sleeping, surely you can at least keep us up to date with your lives.

Good weekend and not a rotten chicken in sight

Cute Little Matt (CLM/Matty) came up on Friday. It was lovely to seem him even though I had to kick my heels for an hour at Piccadilly Station as his train was delayed. Anyway we had lunch in Via Fossa, and then popped home via Sainsbury’s and headed out for an amble round Manchester in the mixed Friday afternoon weather.

As soon as I mentioned that Liz Dawn (Vera from Corrie) he wanted to go so we detoured a bit to pop in but sadly she wasn’t there so we had to make do with the dozens of magazine covers with her face on all over the walls! Hit the shops and I bought a lovely shirt from TM Lewin, and a nice tie from Selfridges not dissimilar to this (http://www.duchamp.co.uk/products_links/ties06.html) but in the sale for less than a quarter of the original price. Matty looked at every item in the shop (I thought only women did this) and bought a nice jumper. We then went down to the food section where a friendly little Indian man fed us up on lots of nice tasty free treats from the Indian food section. He was desperate to sell us a curry but we just waddled off and patting our full bellies when he suggested we buy something: all of a sudden the free balsamic vinegar and bread looked interesting to us! Then Matty looked at every single item in Gap and then he bought some shoes which sort of snapped me out of some spell. I am quite happy to follow people round in a hypnotic trance when buying clothes, but buying shoes can break my sanity and so I had to put my food down and insist that we stop and go and eat.

We had a delicious meal at Croma, lots of garlic bread and pizza and creamy puddings and topped off with some delicious rose wine from Spain made with Cab Sauv grapes – yum yum. We flirted with the waiter, waitress and the couple to each side of us!

We wandered home to drop off the stuff we’d bought and I ironed a shirt while CLM had a poo. I put on a CD Matty had created for me the day he moved out of our flat in Wapping featuring “Its always a woman” a camp song from “Anyone can Whistle” a camp musical which was removed from the musical after one show!, “Dirty Laundry” from “Witches of Eastwick” a camp musical of a camp film and “Tommorrow” in a sort of pop style by Elaine Paige, a camp version of a camp song from a camp musical!!

Anyway, nicely turned out and merry from the wine we hit the town. We went to Via Fossa and had one, then stood outside Rembrandts and had another, then we went into Churchills and had more than a few in there while chatting to all and sundry (including a woman wearing false teeth designed for a rabbit, two pretty lesbians and my pretty friend Faye, we also bumped into the pilot and I flirted outrageously with the bar staff.

Somehow Matty managed to find some pills (in Churchills!!!) and shortly after that we followed Faye to the Hollywood showbar where we continued to dance – I tried to borrow poppers off everyone in there, Matty flirted with the fit DJ and I continued to drink more than was good for me. I threw up (I blame the poppers) and then continued dancing and drinking and I managed to cajole CLM into coming dancing but on the advice of the DJ Matty insisted we go to Essential rather than Cruz 101, which was fair enough. We went in there. I saw a guy from work. I ogled lots of men, snorted lots of poppers. Matt got lost, threw up, had no success with any of the fit men and so we left at 03.30 and got a cab home. Both had a glass of water, ibuprofen and nytol and retired at 03.38.

I told Matty I wouldn’t wake him until 11.00 but BB was on TV the reception was bad in my room so I had to tread on him to get to the sofa but he fell back asleep. I watched the eviction and Friends, and two episodes of Are You Being Served. I made the breakfast (bacon, beans, sausage, mushrooms, tomatoes and fried bread) and woke Matt at 13.00. We got ready and wandered into town. Matt decided he wanted to look in TK Max which is in the basement of Primark but as soon as he got in there he wanted lots of Primark stuff. I bought 3 ties (as I iusually do in Primark) and Matt bought a top, some PJs, some flip flops, 4 pillow cases, some cutlery, 2 fitted sheets and some undies. He was mad!! Anyway he got all of that for just £25! I bought Harry Potter and then we went for a coffee to Starbucks. Before we knew it it was 5pm so we got a tram to the station and we said our goodbyes. Matty went back to London and I went to Marple where I was expected as the DJ at Michelle’s party.

Arrived at Marple Rose Edge station after reading a bit of Harry Potter on the train and rung Michelle to find out the number of a taxi firm but sh said she’d come and pick me up. I got there and set up the music (installed ITunes and copied 331 songs from my collection onto her laptop and set it to play randomly) and then drank, smoked and ate all night. Had a lovely but quite pedestrian evening until half past one when I started feeling a bit tired so shortly afterwards I asked Michelle to ring me a cab for home and then went home. Got home at about 2.30 and the taxi was £30 and once home read some more Harry Potter. I kept falling asleep while reading and gave it up at 04.07 as a bad job remembering I was on page 174.

Woke refreshed (not) at 01.30 after a very bad night – waking up every 20 minutes or so until 11.30 when I decided I’d have another 20 minute mininap and the next time I woke I’d get up – well I slept for 2 hours then – isn’t it always the way. Anyway I had some beans on toast, then had a poo and some grapefruit juice and then read Harry Potter and over 5 hours I read 433 pages which was pretty good going. I won’t say what happened in case anyone else is reading it but it was good, but slow until the ¾ mark and then it got better but she’d be better fitting it all into 400 not 600 pages).

Watched Corrie, then Mythbusters (on sky), then BB, then Scream and then retired at midnight hoping to goodness I’d sleep which I did. I may have only been up 9½ hours but the reading must have tired me out as it took me only half an hour to get to sleep which is a real success on a Sunday believe me!!

Weekend 1 Working weeks 0

Such merriment!
Top weekend again!

All went to plan Friday, got to Chris's practice in Wilmslow 20 mins early, so read Hello magazine, was called in and numbed up, 3 fillings and 1 1/2hrs later, i stumbled out all achy and fooking starving.

Walked into Wilmslow town centre, did a spot of window shopping and had a sausage roll and some quavers.

Met Chris at 2pm, followed him home through all the windy roads, quaint little villages and was particularly impressed at a certain towns annual scarecrow competition.

Arrived in Buxton at 3ish to the girls squealing and demanding i play on the 12' trampoline..........oh go on then!
Jumped around for 2 minutes, then started wheezing like a 83 yr old and had to get off for a coffee and a fag.

Lazed around eating nibbles and sipping a comedy 1 1/2 litre bottle of wine I'd taken.
Chris cooked supper (Chris is the best cook i know and makes meals that he's tried in different countries, where he asks the chefs for recopies to take home).
Well he pulled out all the stops with, a fillet steak salad, sounds quite normal but it was divine........mixed salad leaves and spinach, rare fillet chunks of steak fried in olive oil and parsley, with crispy bacon, parmesan and a sea salt and cracked black pepper olive oil dressing.
It never touched the sides, had a Greek yoghurt, crushed nuts and honey dessert and did in the comedy bottle of wine and opened 2 more.
Rhian retired at 10.30pm, Chris and i spent all night smoking gear on the porch, watching Big Brother and the cricket, drinking red wine and talking shite.

Up to bed at 1am, awoke Saturday busting for a wee at 7am, Livvy was running up and down the landing wearing the lions head hat I'd taken her, blanked the 2 yr old in case she thought I'd got up to play and slept till 9.30am, had a quick coffee, read Thirza a story and set off back over the tops, got back at 12.15pm.
Did some washing, made breakfast, let cats back in and we all fell asleep on the bed, didn't wake up till 5pm, had 2 miss calls from Ruth and a txt from Caroline, quickly got my act together and drove down to the sports club for 6pm, found Nichola, Caroline and Claire sat on some blankets, chatted a while and was secretly smirking that I'd been welcomed into the fold, as i was invited to lunches and days at the races (see it's not what you have in common with people but the fact that the person you have sex with plays sport with their boyfriend).

Had 3 pints of shandy, Andy was in a good mood, even though they'd lost the cricket he'd won the mixed grill on the raffle.
So he was smiling away and being attentive, all the girls wanted to go inside as the wind had picked up, i stopped to talk to Joff who said i should go to the club more often as he'd not seen me for ages and i was "funny"..........okay then!
Stayed till 7.40pm then took the car home, changed into my skirt, let cats in and brought washing inside.
Walked into Cleck, fucking green shoes rubbing me to fuck all the way and met Ruth, Mark, Zoe and Alan in spoons at 8pm, they'd been in the Malt since 6pm and were well on their way, had plenty beers with them until Caroline turned up with the rest of the girls followed by Waz (as one of the old men at the club had called him) Andy and co.
I went to join them, then Grant and Katy turned up Hooray!!! i love Katy, so we chatted and laughed (aye aye aye)........Andy had wheedled his way next to me, felt bad as i was chatting to everyone but him, so gave him my full attention, he was telling me his parents were way for 2 weeks, when i asked where he said they were doing missionary work in poor countries, felt positively humbled till, he said they'd actually gone to Greece and he'd made it up!!??!
He was then telling my how horny i looked in my glasses, while patting my arse. Strange boy!
Asked him if he was going to cook me breakfast with his win, he said he might, but more likely he'd put it in the freezer till his Mum got back!

Last orders were called,i wanted to go home, Grant wanted to go dancing so we followed 70% of the still thirsty spoons customers up t'regal.
Andy got 2 pints of cider for us (he's been hanging round with Waz too long), we sat down with Katy, then Tina and Beth turned up.............hooray!!! Don't know what the fuck i said to them or if i danced with them, think Tina was showing me a phone.....oh i dunno........it's all a bit woolly!
I fetched some more cider for me and chap, then Andy was begging to go home.......got nearly to A2B then made him go to sloppy jo's for a lamb korma, was having withdrawals (not had one for a month), he came willingly and even had a chicken bhuna, home sex and sleep.

Awoke at 6am, with a raging thirst, had the shag of a lifetime and a diet coke.
Slept till 9.30am, had some more sex..........was fucked, literally so slept till 11am.

He didn't seem to want to shift (probably didn't want to be in the house on his own), so woke by jumping on him and shouting, "you awake?" this did the trick, saw him out, then went to Tescos for supplies, called at Marlene's with chocolates for cat sitting, Her and Jim were watching the golf. Random!!!
Home did 3 loads of washing and pegged out more bedding, made fish in cheese and leek sauce, cauli, mash and carrots.
Watched Big brother and then put a chick flick on, sat all night in my P.J's with my cats round my feet like a raving lesbian, grinning from ear to ear about how great my life is.

Rotten chicken

Agggghh! back at bleeding work! how quick has this weekend gone? bat your eye lids and it's over.

Friday, got home at 5pm. Had a cheeky 12 minutes on the sunbed. Was going to make chilli chicken for mine and Matt's tea. I had remembered to take the chicken out of the freezer and everything. He was due back around 9ish and I hadn't seen him for a week so I was looking forward to seeing him and having a shag again.

Farida came home armed with a bottle of wine. I cleaned the bathroom (again) and we cracked on with the wine. Got a bit of a taste for it, so had another bottle in the garden. Had a shower and tried to look half decent for boy. Thing was, I was pretty shit faced by this point, and anyone that knows me agrees I look fucking terrible when i'm pissed! don't quite know what happens, but I morph into Lilly Savage.

Matt came home for 8.30pm, I was so pleased to see him. Breathed beer fumes on him and gladly took a bottle of rose from his grasp. And drank it.
Farida's bloke picked her up to take her out for dinner, me and Matt ripped each others clothes off and headed up stairs.

Had fantastic sex, ordered a chinese cos I couldn't be bothered with the chicken (decided to have it tomorrow instead) and another big glass of wine. We scoffed our food and turned it in around 2ish.

Saturday morning, started the day with sausage and egg Mc Muffin, which sent me under so had to go back to bed for an hour.
Matt was meeting his mates who are over from Australia. They were all off to watch the cricket. I tidied the house, did some washing and hung it out, had left over fried rice for lunch. Sat in garden reading mags and drinking grolsch. Mate Melissa called and said she was coming over to join me and bringing some beers. Hurrah! Well, we got leathered in the garden. Matt turned up later with beers and wine as shit faced as us, then Farida came home wired out of her face with drugs and more booze! We all lumped on in the garden for a bit, then decided to go inside for cocaine and dancing. Brought in washing.

Thought it would be funny when Matt went to the loo, for Me, Farida and Melissa to dress up in Matt's clothes and just sit there. (they were off the line) He came down stairs and just tutted shaking his head. oh well. We were pissing ourselves!!

Melissa went home, we talked random bollox for hours, then bed.

Sunday morning, felt rough. Hadn't eaten hardly anything yesterday, just drank like a bastard. Matt said he'd take me to Fuji Hiro for something to eat. Popped 3 ibuprofen, a litre of evian.
Left the house still very drunk. Had a nice meal but felt very tired. Matt had to go back to London that night for the second week of his course, so we went home so he could set off. boo!

Oh dear, failed to pick up keys or phone on the way out of the house. Damian was in, so I just walked out, not realsing that Damian will probably go out too! fuck!!! I do it all the time!

Farida was out too, and would probably be out all night. Matt really needed to leave! it was about 6pm. Decided to drive to Sarah Lisle's house so I could use her phone to call Freeds. Noone in. Thought she would be at the Faversham as my friend was doing a big party there, so drove to Headingley and Matt went in to look for her. she wasn't there. Went to Melissa's house where we tried her phone but to no avail.

Decided to chance it and drive home. Now about 9.00pm. Noone home still. Bollox! the realised my bathroom window was slightly ajar... The thing is, my house is four storey's high, so was fucking nose bleed altitude up there! even the window cleaners don't clean it! spotted some ladders on a neighbours van and sent Matt up. He shat his pants. By now though we had an audience of rough Wortley residents, so I felt he couldn't turn back once he had started to climb up.

He made it anyway to massive applause and cheers from the neighbours and me. I was nearly crying/sick at this point! my hero! Got in the house to a terrific stench of gone off chicken that we should have consumed Friday night. Instead we just drank beer all weekend. He set off at 10pm and I went to bed.

Good job we wasn't waiting for Farida as she finally emerged at 2.30am.

I'm the best at blogging, everyone else is shit!

Seeing as noone's blogging i will.

How bleeding warm is it?
Too warm to sleep, have had about 6 hrs every night this week, which is not enough, so tired and ratty...........taking it out on work colleagues!

Nothing to write home about this week.

Monday: Steven came for tea, i made chicken tikka masala, onion baghis, naan and pilau rice, just what the doctor ordered in this weather, told him all about me losing my key, we laughed and chatted till 10pm in the garden. Then indoors for big brother and extreme ironing...watched Shameless till 1.20am........no good!

Tuesday: determined to have an early night, flew home with the intention of re-doing all garden planters, tubs and window boxes (car full of potting/bedding plants and compost), 6pm prompt the fucking heavens opened, so stood in the doorway tutting and trying to coax cats out from under the picnic table. By the time the rain had subsided, i'd lost all interest in gardening. Had tea and settled down to my usual 4 hrs of Tues. T.V. then it all went Pete Tong, mad Helen phoned......which meant i had to tape the end of Cutting It and stay up really late until after Sugar Rush to watch it, hence didn't get to sleep till going up to 2 again.

Wednesday: was so not in the mood for gardening when i got home.........but knew plants would die if i didn't get on with it.......so donned on my green wellies and got stuck in, looks fab! Chris phoned (twice) the last decade of taking class A drugs has made him a tad forgetful, busied around until BB, making tea and doing jobs.........then stayed up to watch Nip Tuck, fucking double bill..........ended up having to lie awake until 1.00am......this is no good, i need more sleep.

Tonight: i need to call at Eldest Brothers on way home as it's Donna's birthday, then call at Marlene's to ask her to cat sit tomorrow, as Chris has changed my appointment to 11.30am meaning I've had to take a days annual leave....so going window shopping in Wilmslow tomorrow afternoon, then following Chris home when he's closed the practice, staying in Buxton tomorrow night and Saturday i have 2 options, as it's Buxton Carnival all the roads are cordoned off, so i have to leave before 10am or after tea..........will probably leave early and get back, folks are thin on the ground to play out with on Saturday night, Ruth and Mark are definites, don't know where anyone else is, only MJ who's going on a hen night??!!?

So that's my weeks news, forgotten to mention the small fortune I've spent on things i really needed this week, new cat bed, new cutlery, radio alarm clock, scart to scart lead, 145 litres of potting compost, 30 plants, mail box and new green shoes...love em!!

Karen forgot to mention ...

... that we say Sean from Coronation St.

I saw him getting into a cab on Princess St at the end of Canal Street and said "Ooh that's Antony [Cotton] from Corrie" and he looked back and said thanks and waved.

V exciting!!

Do you get me?

Happy days!

Off the hook, weekend.

No traumas!

Just drinking, loving, dancing and noshing!

Let me begin:

Friday was a dire day, was on my ownio at work all day as the boys were golfing, so was glad as can be to get out Friday night, if only for a bit of human interaction.

So donned on my best summer outfit, beige linen skirt, t.shirt and mules.

Called for Hayley at 8pm, who had a bit of drama at the cash machine, i left her and went to the bar in spoons (I'm so shallow). Got myself a lagertop (1st bevy in 5 days), and went and chatted to Warren and Caroline, (de ja vue last week).
Told them about last weeks antics, oh we can all laugh about it now!

Dean Worrall arrived followed by Andy (obviously living by the seat of his pants as he works Sat a.m and usually stays in of a Fri evening).
Repeated the trauma, to Dean who laughed like a drain and Andy who snorted and shook his head while looking at his feet.

Next Tina, Jo and Beth arrived at 9.30pm, 11/2 hrs late as the hairdryer had blown up!!??!
I was on my 4th pint, the evening was going nuclear, us 5 girls went up to the Old house at home, i had 2 more in there, them 4 lunatics had cheeky vimtos (blue wkd and port), i was horribly sleepy drunk, not "hey look at me, i'm shitfaced", more "oh my god what have i done, how can i get rid of this feeling and come round before last orders?".

10.50pm we mosied up to the Station, where i asked for shandy, but the barrel had run off, so by the time she's changed it she'd forgotten and given me full fat beer. Oh no!!
Tina, Beth, Jo and Hayley were merrily supping 4 vodkas in a pint glass with a dash of lemonade and a straw, i however was struggling to speak.
Oh, me!
Rach, Ruth, Mark, Zoe and Alan had arrived, i chatted to James and James, forced another pint down, followed by 3 glasses of water as i could take no more.

Staggered up to the regal, looking nothing like a lady with my skirt tucked in my knickers.
Did a bit of jigging about and had another beer (had come round a bit after my H2O).
Then saw Caroline and Deano with Andy.......what's he doing here when he has to work at 7am tomorrow.
Didn't give a shit and gladly fell into his arms, mumbling "I've had too much to drink, take me home".
Oh no, he wanted to dance......dragged me by the arm, did some more jigging about.........trying my best to look sexy and not sweat so much.

Next had a Bermuda triangle experience, as one minute we were kissing and holding hands in the Regal bar and 1 nanosecond later, i was mopping up Stella from the living room carpet, where either one of us had kicked it over as we were frantically ripping each others clothes off........do! so blurry, drunken sex, Marlene's so proud!

Then i guess i collapsed unconscious for 10 hrs, awoke with a tiny brass band, playing the floral dance inside my skull, drank 2 litres of coke. Phoned Matt to see if his cold was better and made the decision to go over to Manchester for the night, as the other option was to kick my heels for the next 6 hours until Hayley picked me up to go to the sportsclub (too late to watch the cricket and to sit and watch her serve behind the bar, until Tina and Beth showed up)..........nah!

Called at Marlene's, Tesco's got ready and set off at 5pm, got lost in the centre of Manchester, ended up near Piccadilly, but got directions from the Stephenson and was safely in his flat for 6.30pm. I'd taken tea which wasn't as nice as it should have been (maybe leaving it in the car for 3 hrs in the baking heat wasn't such a good idea).
So we waded our way though, dips, tortillas, enchiladas, spicy wedges, breaded mushrooms and cream buns, with a warm Stella.

Got a wriggle on, got changed and hit canal street at approx 8pm, fucking hell, it was like AyaNapa..........hommo's spilling out of every pub, plastic glasses littering the streets, more pikey hen nights than you could shake stick at! Bid burley lesbians, wanting to fist fuck me, well probably!!
What an ace night, as always in the company of my china plate mate..........
Had a pint in the New Union, 4 in Via Fossa and 4 in Churchill's, chatted about nonsense all night, with a bit of politics thrown in.
Matt saw his ex shag Chris in Via Fossa, who was trying to cuddle a colleague to make Matt jealous.
We made loads of great mates at 2am, as the bar was shutting and we were hurried through into the main bar area, Matt had bought a baileys and an orange WKD for his last drink, i was trying another pint. I'd found a party blower and Matt was, entertaining me but he's torn the end off, it wasn't as good.

We stopped on the way home to chat to a busker singing Oasis melodies, i randomly ended up accompanying him with a harmonica, while Matt and i, were chuntering "do you know, so and so?".
He was a rubbish busker with a 5 stringed guitar, so i gave the mouth organ back to it's owner and we went on our merry way (well after 1/2hr).
We got in at 3am, Matt put Big Brother live on to my dismay, i was stripping off to get my chemise on and made the decision to kip on the floor so i could stretch out.

Sunday went for a wee at 9am, was just dropping back off to sleep at 11.30am,(having a dream about me, Rach and Spug traveling the world in a tent, i'd just called at Boots for some last minute supplies) when Matt came and plonked on the sofa, and started channel hopping (seemingly ALL men do this, not just the ones who like fanny), what the Fuck??!!?

I layed there groaning, refusing to move, for at least 1/2 hr, until.......he was to save the day with paracetomal, water, buttered muffins, freshly ground coffee and bacon sarnies.

Sat around watching Hollyoaks, sighing, until i was well enough to drive home.
Dropped Matt at sainsburys and headed to the M602, arrived back at 3pm, to cats folding there arms and tutting in my face.
Usual Sunday shite, 3 loads of washing, roast chicken dinner, watched drek on T.V, had the door open all day.....to cats delight.
Was fooked by 8pm, so went to watch the portable upstairs and was asleep by 10.20pm.

Awoke this morning, bright eyed and bushy tailed, to a txt from Ginger Dean wanting to know if i was going for Sunday Shandies.......doh!
Plus a miss call from Paul at 1.20am, pissed and back from his honeymoon, boy he looks rough today, blood shot eyes to complement the Barbados tan.

Wouldn't catch me carrying on like that!!! ;o)

London got the olympics

How exciting, just hope, now Matt's pointed it out, that the Council tax isn't increased and the money to fund it should come out of the Government and the national lottery pots.

Richard is going to Trafalgar Square after work to a mini celebratory concert, bet it won't be as good as Cleckheaton folk festival last weekend, conjoined with the annual Scout and Guides Field day............god we're such country bumpkins!!

So my week in short:
Monday... trauma over.
Jim went round and fitted new pane of glass.

So only one fucked shed and one fucked window lock to sort.

Called at Grandmas on the way home it was her 83rd birthday, took her flowers and card, she was bragging how clever her budgie was chirping, turned out the noise was actually the battery running low in her smoke alarm.....senile,senile,senile!

Home and took Donna and Tony (next door) a thank-you crate of beer round.

Went to Marlene's and took her a box of samples, for the old folks home summer fare at the weekend, for tombolas and raffles and suchlike.

Home finally ,sacked diet off as i was tired and feeling faint, had chicken pasta and phoned Chris to explain what had happened and re-arranged to go over a week on Friday.

Bed, BB and double bill of Shameless, great, was still watching t.v at 1.20am, not great!

Tuesday..forgotten all about trauma.

Good day at work, I'm finding loads of parcels which is strange as i never do any work.
But this month we've bought, 85k worth of taps, 5k toiletries, 15k prams, 14k boxers & socks, 100k of bedding, 11k paper (loads of commission).
Called at Spugs on the way home to drop more Kenwood gear off.
Home, did my hair, made salad for today's lunch, had lamb chops for tea, then settled down to Holby, Cutting it,BB and Sugar Rush.......... Matt phoned, to tell me Warren had had a phone call for my Dad.
Then Chris phoned with an up-date on Joanne's accident, poor Joanne, i hope she pulls through, gosh my Prayers are with Evelyn and David.
Felt a bit moggy after the call, counted my blessings and went to bed, to watch the box again, shouted at Luther for salivating on brand new quilt while i'm at work.

Wednesday...trauma never happened.

Done jack shit today, going to do even less tonight.
Am umming and aahing whether to go to Matt's with MJ at the weekend.
Still in 2 minds, don't know who'll be about if i stay home as Spug is in Wales.
Maybe Tina and Beth will play out, Hayley usually stays in on a Sat.

On the downside, of going out for a top night in Manchester down canal street, with great mates.
The expense, bad nights kip on a sofa, having to get up early and driving back hung-over, will they want to go to a wrong ens club? won't see AP and I'm away next weekend.....ooh! i think I've just talked myself out of it.
I'm so old!

Diets are EVIL

If i hadn't of been on a diet, the following would not have happened!

I'll start from the beginning.........
Met Spug and Hayley at 8pm, got sat with Warren and Caroline in spoons for a short while until Beth, Jo and Tina showed up at 8.30ish, i was firing down the double vodka and diet cokes (slimming see, unlike lagertops and shandy and other pints of the amber nectar).

So we had 4 in spoons, then moved up to the old house at home had another in there, me and Spug then declared we were battered, so i went on lager as i could hardly see straight, Graham Jackson was in there with brother Neil, inevitably we got off with each other, as i always do when Andy's not about, the regal was very blurry, but I'm told i was snogging the face off Graham in the middle of the dancefloor (I'm such a classy chick), we then decided we should go for food as always, unlike Ap and I, we can't wait to get home and rip each others clothes off, Graham and i always feel the need to go and fill our bellies!

So we're in the pizza place, getting a Horncastle special pizza for my diet, next thing i knew ,the beer scooter had transported me home and i was stood on my doorstep minus a key to get in..........the following chain of events would absolutely NOT have happened if i hadn't of been slightly worse for drink!!!
Panicked only a little bit as Mother has a spare key, sit on garden bench and have a couple of slices of pizza and a fag, have a quick wee by the wheelie bin, then set off to Mum's house, Ruth and Mark are up, get spare key from Marlene's handbag, wobble back home, time being 1am!
Try key in lock, it will absolutely not open the door........not at all!
The lock has always been dodgy and out of all the keys, Marlene's is the stiffest! try for 10 mins, then resign yourself to the fact, it aint going to open.
Set off back to Mothers to kip there for the night! spend another 10 mins throwing stones at Ruth and Mark's and Jim and Marlene's bedroom windows, nobody stirred.
Was completely pigged off, so wandered back home to try the key again, nope it still wasn't budging.........time 2.00am?
I know i'll break in, get large paving slab style brick from rockery and smash glass door panel, why? you tell me.........still can't get in, but i have a plan, get clothes prop from down the side of the shed and hook the house phone flex and get phone into the garden and call 999, the police will fix it all, at this point it had started throwing it down and I'd started to cry, the police told me in so many words to fuckoff, stop wasting their time and get a locksmith.

Cried a bit more, then had a fag and phoned Jim ( good old father, he'll sort out this sorry old mess), blubbered into the receiver "Dad I'm locked out", he muttered "again", then promptly went downstairs and opened the door, he thought i was my sister as we sound alike, saw that her shoes were there, checked her bedroom where she was asleep, pressed 1471 and was mighty confused, woke Mum and between them decided i was playing silly beggars, as how could i be locked out I'm calling from my house phone?

No you fuckwits I've smashed the glass in the door and hooked the phone and I'm ringing you from the garden.

Sat on garden bench to wait for Jim, who'd just gone back to bed and wasn't on his way round to save the day.
Time.....3am, saw a light on at Bugsy Bevs so went and banged on their door as they are rough and common and will know how to break into houses.
Her boyfriend came to the door in full length hooded dressing gown looking like darth Vader, i then decided to break into shed and get ladders as i could easily get in through the open bedroom window that's only 20 foot up in the air. Just needed Stuart to hold ladders, he meanwhile is screaming "you're bleeding everywhere".............yep he wasn't kidding, it was all over my pink skirt, blouse, shoes, path, door, telephone..........oh fuck!
Next door neighbours Tony and Donna woke up at this point and came round to help.
I'm shrieking "i just need to get in, do anything, no .........i don't want to sleep on your sofa".

Luther meanwhile thinks i have created a brand new cat flap and had escaped unhurt past the shards of glass and is happily running round the garden.

Tony fetches a lump hammer and tries to break the door down, to no avail............ next door but one neighbour is now awake and has come round to see what the noise is.

So the 6 of us are stood about helpless, until Tony (new best friend), gets ladders and a screwdriver and prises living room window open, climbs through and uses key from car key fob, to open the door from the inside...................Hooray!!

Apologised to all neighbours for being a cunt and get Luther inside, meanwhile Meg and Maisie have both escaped and run into the building site as it is now 4am, daylight and time to play.
Sweep up glass, board up the door, bandage hand, got Meg in and fell into bed, tired, weepy and hangover had kicked in.

Awoke at 8.30am with a heavy heart and fetched Maisie who had slept in the shed.

Went back to sleep until dinner, then gave myself a pep talk, "there's no point in crying over spilt milk", get washed and dressed and ready for Buxton, call into town and look for lost key at taxi rank and Old house at home..........no sign!
Up to Mum's to explain what happened to very confused and apologetic parents.

Ruth then pointed out it was quite irresponsible to set off to the peak district and leave shed wide open, broken living room window lock and glass door panel missing (she's got a point).
Phoned Chris and Rhian and cancelled.
Mark came to fix shed, then i locked the door so we could all go to Marlene's for steak and chips (fuck the diet, I'm traumatised).......unfortunately i managed to lock it, but the key was just turning round and round, couldn't un-lock it!
So i've fucked the locks mechanism completely and can't get in at all, no point in climbing through the already broken window as i couldn't get back out!
Drive to Mum's and promptly burst into tears, Jim came to look at it and agrees the lock is goosed, but he knows a joiner Steve Caroll..................
Hope to fuck Dad knows Steve from either the church or the golf club, or even the scout movement......??!!?

NO he knows him from Weatherspoons, so Steve the joiner is an alcoholic, red face, bulbus nose, can't walk in a straight line, slurring his words, the works!!
Well done JIM!

Steve tells me the lock is fucked, you don't say? But he can prise it open from the inside, Dad breaks back into the shed, gets ladders, prises window open with his penknife (Akala) and feeds pissed up joiner Steve through window into living room, he smashes lock to bits and get the door open, hooray!
Dad takes him back to weatherspoons for some celebratory pints.

I leave neighbours (who are all busy signing petition to get Karen evicted) in charge of wide open, unlocked house and tell them to nick anything they like.

Speed to Mumtaz brothers in Heckmondwike (who sell everything and never shut), to buy new lock.
Go straight though Swan lights just as they are turning red, get flashed 3 times and recieve 3 points on licence and £60 fine...........Fucking brilliant.

Arrive home, Tony fits new lock, i phone Sam to tell her my woes and then get ready to go into town and drink myself into oblivion.

Not a great night, it was Dean's Mum's boyfriend Darren's 40th.......random!
I hung round with Dean, Rach, Ruth and Mark until Beth and Tina arrived at 10.

We went to Spoons, Commercial, Northgate, Old house, Station and the Regal.
Didn't see AP (if ever there was a night i needed a cuddle, he's nowhere to be seen).

Had 9 pints, chatted to Graham briefly who didn't know where my key was, told Neil my drama, then bumped into MJ and also filled him in, left the regal alone and fed up at 12.30 and was asleep before 1am.

Rubbish day yesterday, just couldn't cheer up, i don't often have a trauma but when i do it'd a big one!!!??!
Went to Tescos, did some washing, taped Eastenders omnibus (but taped the tennis by mistake as it was on BBC2), went back on the diet, Dad came round to measure the pane of glass he's going to fit today, phoned Matt to tell him my sob story, then watched BB (Makosi and Anthony fucking in the pool? what?), followed by 4 weddings and a funeral and had a good old cry when Gareth died.

Feel much better today, David in a great mood as Bewise has paid their account and i've just banked £29k, so nipped him for long en......to help pay for 2 1/2" deadlock, new pane of glass and speeding fine..............
I'm such a knob!

i forgot the quote of the week.

ss get its this week!

"I don't believe in true love...... you don't make me replusively sick so your ok "

men!

4/10, See Me

Sarah,

Your English is appalling:

* you need a colon, a comma or a dash after Friday, Saturday and Sunday;
* capital letters go at the beginning of sentences, for names (i.e. Simon, Dan) and nationalities (i.e. Thai — that's how it's spelt by the way);
* you should put spaces after full stops;
* "that's" and "Dan's" need apostrophes;
* "tucked" is not spelt "tooked";
* And "and" should never begin a sentence!!

i can beat that... my weekend in 30 seconds!

Friday worked night.

saturday worked night after spending most of day in bed.

sunday had plans to stay in bed all day, but was up by 11.00 thats only 3 hours sleep !! sexy simon came round about four, he is gorgeous!, talked shite for 4 hour then went for a curry (cos i love curry !!). found out dans going to ask his thia bride to marry him, thats me looking for a new place to live then.all tooked up in bedfordshire for 12.00 with the sexiest man on the planet. and before anyone asks no no and no!

My weekend in 1 minute

Friday: Stayed in, watched BB, went to bed at 1am

Saturday: Up at 8, went to Birmingham for Rich (uni friend)’s 30th birthday, went to BBQ at his house, went to pub for party, got drunk, drank first and last ever pint of diesel, got hit on (I think) by married bloke, had the worst chicken burger ever. Retired at 03.00 and slept with no duvet sheet or pillow, keeping Alex, Chris and Jayne awake all night with my snoring.

Sunday: Awoke at 07.30 needing headache tablets but couldn’t find them so vomited instead, read, snoozed until everyone else got up. Got back to Manchester at about 13.30 and watched TV/slept for rest of day. Sliced a square centimetre of thumb off slicing onions, spoke to Karen on the phone, watched BB, laughed at Craig and retired at 00.20