This week

Well lets just say its not been the most exciting week of my life and cut to the chase: last night. I went out for a few after work and got home at 8pm, got Andrew up and despatched him, sewed some buttons, collected the rubbish and went out – at 10.45. I know it was late but I felt restless and didn’t fancy (although I needed) an early night.

So I put down my song request as soon as I got there – The Wonder of You, and then looked for somewhere to sit. I had to perch by the fag machine for a while but as if by magic, after I’d only been in there 20 minutes, my favourite seat magically became available and I sat there.

Thursday nights are the nights where the freaks come out and Churchills was rammed with them. There were the 3 straight boys who were all slightly chubby which made them nice to watch (I do like a bit of meat on a man) and they were a bit chavvy – even better) and one of them had the prettiest eyes. Anyway, they were dancing with a tranny – the worst tranny in the world. Imagine a 14 stone man in a denim mini-skirt dancing all night in stilettos taking tiny “ladylike” steps wearing Harry Potter glasses and a wig that looked like Madge Ramsay with a mullet. Well she looked dreadful but seemed quite fun and this was confirmed when she went up to sing “Man I feel like a woman”. Obviously she got a huge round of applause and it was very amusing to see a tranny sing that song!!

Then there was the Andy Bell/Jimmy Somerville lookeylikey who was about 40 and danced, snogged or showed his belly to literally half the people in there. He was like a dog on heat. He was all over a different person everytime you looked at him. What a weirdo.

And then the Fly came in with his long blonde haired lady friend – a very strange couple.

Then I sang, and if I may say, I did very well.

When I sat down an old African man was sat down next to my seat and he started talking to me but his accent was so thick/his English was so poor, that I had no idea what he was saying but I thought he was saying that I was a good singer so I said thanks and tried to ignore him but then he was on a roll. He asked me another question – and this one I could work out – he asked if I was French or “from here” which seemed a bit weird. Then he asked another and he said “I have asked you before, can I have a cigarette” which means that when he was talking to me at first and I had no idea what he was saying and I’m saying to him “you think I’m a good singer – oh thank you!” he was actually angling to get a fag. Poor lonely old African man – and his eyes were nearly popping out of their sockets.

But by far, the funniest thing that happened was when Kerry sang. Now I have to say, Kerry is completely deaf. Having a conversation is like pulling your teeth out very slowly one by one with a blunt crowbar. And he sings every now and again. His singing is absolutely dreadful – as you’d imagine a profoundly deaf person would be – its very quiet and no words so to speak – just sounds really - but he is a regular and he has ago and he is always treated with respect and gets to sing and receives a clap etc. So he’s singing Music of the Night last night and this complete chavess – she made Waynetta Slob look like Barbara Cartland got pissed off with the fact that he wasn’t singing very well and tried to crash the dance-floor to join him to improve the singing but lots of people stopped her and then she started shouting at him “fucking sing”, “sing a bit louder you cunt” etc. Someone then told her he was deaf and she seemed to stop then. Anyway, Kerry carried on and got an even bigger clap than usual because everyone had seen this crap girl and then Toni Lee, the DJ said something along the lines of “everyone here has a right to sing and not be interrupted” and that got a huge cheer and all the time Waynetta is smoking a fag and doing her best “fink I am bovvered” face and then to top it all off, the bouncer threw her out!! Oh it was all so funny! If Kerry hadn’t been deaf and was just rubbish instead she’d not have got that grief which amuses me as much as what happened. Imagine going to work the next day and having to explain to your colleagues that you got barred from a gay pub for heckling a deaf man singing opera!! Oh the larks.

So anyway I sang again and went home. I got in at 01.49 and then had lots of things to do like doing some washing, dying my hair, watching an interesting special interest “arts” DVD so I didn’t’ get to bed for another hour – the third night since Sunday that I’ve been to bed nearer 03.00 than 02.30. Was woken up at 07.10 after just over 4 hours sleep and feel shit today. And I have to get wankered again tonight! Oh woe is me!