H Aye Pee Pee Why

What an ace weekend, busy, funpacked, stuffed, drunk, you know.. a bit of a mixed bag!

Friday i was out of work like a greyhound out of trap 3, flew home, lets cats out, brought washing in, then nipped to Andy's to take him his medicine..........mellow dramatic or what?
He looked like he was on his death bed, unshaven, ripped t.shirt....chatted to JP a short while as he'd nipped in to watch sky sports and read the papers, when he nicked off, i hinted to Andy that he didn't eat a balanced diet and this might be why he'd always ill (we are talking meat sandwiches and beer for the last 2 weeks).....he went barmy and bit my head off, i left leaving him to stew.

Had a wee lie down on the bed, then Sarah phoned to find out where Tina lived and what time the party started! 7.30pm prompt i was jogging down Whitcliffe road, with card, present, wine, lemonade and 2 bags of sensations (i'd skipped tea.... what do you mean i don't eat properly? fookoff!) had an ace night, girly chats, BB eviction, party games, loads of wine, crisps for tea...........Jo had brought her 2 yr old Amber who was the entertainment, (quite a forward girl calling me Auntie Karen on our 1st meeting).
Little cutie, 11pm Amber and Jo were homeward bound, balloon in hand to appease the 2yr old as she wanted to come to the mucky pub and sleep in Tina's bed.

So moi, Sarah, Beth, Hayley, Tina and Spug toddled off into town, had 2 ciders outside the station, chatted to Hayley's cousin....random! Sarah was dodging Tunners attentions, tee hee all very funny! much to Beth's alarm i actually went to the Regal, but not for long, 1 drink a couple of dances (Rasta D.J hollering "i thought you'd left the country") Tina was necking mad concoctions bought for her by the thong wearing Beetham. Me and Sarah shuffled off to the curry house, where Sarah decided on her dish by looking at someone else's meal and bellowing "what y'aving"...cringe! so she munching her way through some potato balti shit, i had a lamb korma...........forgotten how nice they were!
A2B taxi to share, Bedfordshire v.tired, not used to staying out so late, fell into my pit at 1.25am and was sparko!


Saturday was awoken at lunch by Meg pawing my face, think she wanted feeding, Saturday day consisted of washing, BB repeats, lunch of supernoodles and Actimel, nipped to Birstall Curry's to swap freeview box, that isn't broken at all, my aerial needs upgrading, fitted new 1 then stomped around the bedroom in a mad hig. Chatted to Marlo in her kitchen for an hour, she was chomping at the bit as she's under the weather and Jim was bringing home excess washing for her......poor Mum! watered the garden, let cats in, then got ready for night 2 out with the girls, met Spug at the top of Vine street, then joined the others (Sarah, Hayley, Beth, Tina and Katy) in Aldo's at 7pm. Had a lovely meal, tomato garlic bread, Malibu chicken and chips, washed down with lots of vino, Tina was having palpitations as he brought the candle out, whilst rubbing his hairy chest up and down her back, we all sang Happy Birthday...........paid the bill.. £17 each and we shuffled to stand outside spoons at 8.45pm.

Phoned Andy who was decidedly chipper, on the mend and on his 4th pint...he'd see me in 1/2hr, Sarah had 1 reef, a pint of Magners, then toddled off to see her Nephew Sam ,making sure she got a cab before the strike started at 11pm. V. wise, unlike us Muppets who stayed till the death and were stranded in town.
I was chatting to all and sundry, flitting around like a social butterfly, sat with the WAGS a while, talked to John and Claire about big brothers view on our relationship and how much Gill loved me..........Aw!!, Tina, Spug and Beth shot off to the Station, Regal etc for more action, Katy and myself stayed with our men, i didn't think i'd had that much to drink.........however i was soon to be proved wrong, Grant, Andy, me, Katy and Rachel all climbed in Rach's Lupo.........(I'm asking her how much for a chin wax and laughing at my own joke, on my own).

Rachel threw us out at the cottages, Alan is re-tarmacing the pavement etc............picture the scene, me, stilettos, drink and uneven surfaces...........bad combination, i missed my footing, landed on my hand, then in my haste to get up, put my shoe heel through the bottom of my skirt.
Andy nipped to the loo...tutting, then rollacked me for pouring a glass of wine, instead of sorting my finger and knee out that were both pissing with blood.
He gave his lecture up as a bad job, took himself off to bed, i follwed, sat at the dressing table and i was sipping my wine, having a fag and watching BB live, while talking incessantly about tripe, until he put the pillow over his head, even i can take a hint, he was snoring soundly when i stumbled into bed, where he said i carried on talking for another 1/2hr............me thinks he made that up!


Sunday...oh my god, my head!, my finger, my knee.........my amorous boyfriend.......get off me i'm dying!

Succumbed and off he trots at 9.15am, with strict orders i'd to shake my feathers, pick him up at 10.15am, take him to the club to get his car, then collect the girls, let out a strangled yelp and did all my morning routine in slow motion.

Loaded the car and by 10.30am, we were on our way to Bridlington, thank the lord Andy was driving, the girls in the back (Beth, Spug and Tina), even looked more perky than me and they'd be fighting with the Polish Neighbours at 3am!
By 1pm, the 5 of us, had weed, eaten Buzy Bees fish and chips, parked the car (Southshore) and were plonked on the beach with Rach, Dean, Mark, Ruth and Megan. We stayed put till 5pm, all had a lovely afternoon, got a bit burnt, me and Dean went in the sea (Beth found it highly amusing that i'd taken my cossie and was making superman comments about my ability to change, while retaining my dignity). Moi, Ruth and Andy played sand bowls.... very expensive birthday present from Sarah 3yrs ago......1st time they had been utilised!!! Dean and Mark borrowed them, when it came to pack up, 1 was missing...........howge drama, it took the 10 of us, 1/2 hr to unearth the entire area we'd been sat on looking for it...........i must comment Megan wasn't much of a help.

Then Eagle eyed Spug, spotted some snotty nosed 3 yr old playing with it 50 yards down the beach.........the thieving little shit......he is surely heading for a life of crime, starting at that age, i stormed over snatched it off him and gave him a thick ear..............well not really!!

We climbed into 2 cars and met at the Harbour, after a short stint in the amusements(i won a skipping rope on the Grand National), us 5 went to Weatherspoons for Sunday dinner and them 5 went back to their chalet to crank up the BBQ. We called up for an hour (they were staying in Flamborough), Andy was having t.v withdrawal, he likes to get at least 9 hrs in on a Sunday..........the 3 girls started on the Fosters, while R&M, D&R, were knocking back white wine and Carlsberg respectively, i was on my 14hr fast and just stood gazing longingly.
I offered to drive back as Andy looked bushed, home the M62 way, bypassing Wetwang, Pump lane and Stamford bridge (my preferred route). Threw them 3 out at Weatherspoons at 10.40pm, dropped Andy home, had a bit of a snog on doorstep!, then i collapsed into bed at 11.30pm, after a long bath, slightly sunburnt, rosy cheeked but happy as a sandboy after a brilliant weekend.

Happy birthday T

Tina's birthday today.

Oooh they'll be partying tonight, as far as i know girls only, at Tina's, then out on the tiles later?

I'll break it to AP at lunchtime when he phones...tee hee!

Am SO looking forward to the weekend, not seen Sarah since Amsterdam....my oh my, that seems forever ago!

The last 2 days have been v.uneventful, just the way i like it, Wednesday evening was quite pleasant, had our roast chicken dinner, watered the garden, i suggested AP fix the new freeview up in the bedroom, he thought i'd taken him there under false pretences.........(erm NO i don't mind you getting your end away, but i actually DID want you to fit the new set top box afterwards) he's mumbling "i'll do it at the weekend", so i did it myself, got a perfect picture and... NO sound..........i haven't a fucking clue when it comes to electricals.

Left it and went downstairs, we watched the Omen on DVD, oh my god..........scareey! i'm glad i didn't watch it at the flicks as i was screaming like a girl, off he toddles late on, i watched t.v, read and slept like a baby.

Thursday, i'd offered to drop Steven off at the White Rose early doors, amazingly i was on time for work, all day yesterday i played the white slave girl role at my work, nipped to Crossgates to see a punter, shopped for David twice, banked, ya di ya! Ap txt to say he was off sick with his ailments.............i can't get my breath, left early at 4.30pm (as i'd supposedly worked through lunch, yeah right!).......picked Steven up from his training day at the White Rose of Yorkshire, nipped in Mother's, then called at the vets for Frontline and 3 new collars.

Last night was heaven.....a whole night for me, lazily pottered about, prepared home made curry and trimmings, did the garden, sorted cats, now donned in their new collars (they look smart as a carrot), fake tanned, did nails, shaved bits, washed the bedding, put new bedding on. Dean txt to see if i needed help with the freeview, then Sarah phoned shrieking about the barstools on the main road outside Aldo's (i take it she's home then?).
Anyhow what's funny about that, surely everyone would like to sit out on a main road to watch the passing lorries till a table became available?
Watched BB in bed and was too tired to read, so slept from 11pm, till 8.23am today! reight do!

Having a lovely smiley day today, Andy is having another sabatical .....the nurse told him to fast for 24hrs.......what is this the 1940's?, i am to call at the bungalow on my way home with rehydration sachets.......which i have fetched from Boots in my lunch hour (Florence Nightingale, i am not). I've no patience for poorly people and the sooner i am out of there and out on the tiles with the girls, the better!!
What a selfish cunt, i will never go to heaven.

"Que Sera Sera"

I like it warm, but not this warm.

Rundown of the weeks events!

Monday..Did very little as always, work dragged, David is back on his diet and was foul all day, i went to the Next sales at lunch (bought a coat, a cardie and a t.shirt with the rest of my bday vouchers, no need to get up at 5am on Saturday Katy Farter there was loads left, silly moo!),Home at 6pm, after nipping into Deano's with his torch!! random, then waving at Katie R bolting down Whitcliffe Road with Ozzie, i watered garden, had chilli for tea, sat on my sofa (heaven), chatted to RMS for uno hour, BB and bed to read, slept like the dead!

Tuesday..moggy at work, David was arguing the toss with me about the CD parcel, he reckons the 2% is over and i'm only entitled to a grand..........me thinks not!
I spent a lot of money on Tuesday, bought AP's bday present, Lacoste Jeans and t.shirt......ouch!
Mum phoned me at work to see if we had any home things for Martyn, so i did a bit of hoisting! T.time couldn't come fast enough, dropped Martyn's stuff off at Ma's at 5.45pm (she wasn't in), told Dad i'd go to the supermarket, then come back later.........so he gave me his shopping list of Magners cider.............cheers i haven't enough to do!!, then my plan was to fly home (not literally, just drive home quick), let cats out, do Tesco's then go back to Mum's.....NOT, Andy turned up with some DVD's he'd got from work, complaining of tummy ache.....so he's putting the t.v on, rooting through my bathroom cabinet for medicine and peering inside the Lacoste shopping bag, the little bleeder!

He stayed an hour (helping himself to snacks and drinks) then off he trots to bowls!! leaving me to battle round Tesco's, £75 later still not got some things i needed, so did Mossies in the same run, another £20 and up to Mum's! Chatted briefly and showed her BBQ photos, she wasn't keen on the ones with men snogging! gave Steven £30 to get me my hair stuff from DW today, then home to unpack the carboot, by this time i was sweating like a stuck pig, let cats in, had a quick soak, p.j's and started steaming veg at 9pm, oh me!
Had a lovely tea of shepherds pie, watched BB, Lost and to bed, read 4 chapters and was sparko before the midnight! awoke 2am.....sweat poring out of me like i was in detox! WTF?? so have had a broken nights sleep, was deep in slumber when the alarm was ringing this a.m, was late for work, but David and Leigh in GBY viewing a parcel, so no worries.

Today has been quite pleasant, bought a new freeview box at lunch, as Dean says mine is fooked! this evening i'm cooking AP a roast chicken dinner, as he's been eating sandwiches for the last week, in the absence of G&D! tut tut! afterwards we will probably watch bootleg DVD's........this is after he offers to fit my freeview box!

Rest of the weeks plans, nada tomorrow! need to collect Steven a.m and drop him at the White Rose, but that's it!

The weekend..Sarah is home and we have the following planned.

Friday is Tina arena's birthday.......house party is on the menu! (not a rave with Acid like in the 80's) just people round Tina's to drink vino.

Saturday evening.. the Dublin girls (and anyone else who wants to tag along) are dining at Pino's... 7pm prompt!

Then Sunday..we're off to Bridlington, for a day on the beach.....hurrah! at least the weather will be better than last time we ventured to the East coast, at Xmas in the snow........ I hope so anyhow!

Busy bee

I haven't sat on my sofa since Wednesday, that's HOW busy!!!

Thursday was a strange day, lots of bad/good vibes flying around.

Good things that happened!

1. Woke up in an ace mood after lots of sleep.

2. Paul gave me his old Nokia, v.good model.

3. Found an ace parcel of CD box sets, 2k commission if it comes off.

4. Helen phoned at t.time and asked me to go to the Dales for a pub lunch on Saturday (v.excited, not seen her for 1 1/2 yrs).

5. Steven and i arranged to get a Chinese for tea.....his turn to pay.

6. Arranged to meet Andy after bowls for a drink.

7. The landlady's wife came round to reimburse me the plumbers money, told me Maxine never stopped moaning and to have as many parties as i liked.

8. Met up with Warren, Caroline and Molly outside spoons and had a nice chat.

9. Bumped into Jamz and his new squeeze, it was lovely to see him.


Bad things that happened!

1. Fretted all day thinking Matt had fallen out with me.

2. Steven missed his bus, i had to pay for Chinese, eat mine on my own and leave his in the microwave at Mums.

3. Mum moaned about middle brother Martyn, has now moved in with our Ruth as his girlfriend has run off with another. (she then ignored me when the Bill came on).

4. Andy was pissed on 5 pints and fell out of the car, i'd been on shandy all night.

5. When we were driving off, Warren was coming back to the pub on his own.

6. Helen told me on the phone she'd had to have her cat put down and her and Gilly have split up after 7 years.

7. Was v.stressed as i like things to be smooth so had 4 glasses of wine at home on a school night.

Friday......... was a bit tamer, kept busy all day, David made Leigh come in work from his holidays to value the CD parcel.
Left work at 5pm, Andy rang to say he wasn't coming out as he was still felt rough (from his 5 pints), i got a bit teary after stuff that had gone off, so he rang me back (getting me out of the bath a 2nd time), to say he'd come out and drink pop :o)
Then he showed upon the doorstep at 7pm, to make everything alright!!, Dean arrived missing me and AP in a state of undress by 5 mins! Dean fixed my freeview box and aerial (what must the neighbours think all these boys in my bedroom) tee hee! quickly got ready and me and little Dean walked down to spoons to meet the rest of the clan, it was like Xmas eve again...ages since we were altogether!!!
Rach and Spug were there 1st, followed by Matt and MJ, AP, Woz and Caroline,then Ruth and Mark, with Tina, Hayley and Jo bringing up the rear!! Beth arrived late on after a family BBQ.

It was a top night, much merriment......all the Hartshead moor lads were pissed outside spoons, they threw Danny's bag up the tree then had to throw a traffic cone after it as it had his insulin in it!!! highly amusing, lots of clapping when the bag was retrieved.

We all polled up to the old house for Karaoke, i sat and chatted to Warren all night about Andy. We had lots to drink but didn't get leathered...too much,as i wanted a curry!!!!
At 11.30pm we all mosied to the Station, which was like Ayanapa outside with people littering the streets drunkenly, me and Caroline sat on the pavement and kicked off our shoes................reight do! it was about 1.15am, the bar man took our glasses off us and me and the Matt's went to Clecks finest slop house.....Warren came in to get some takeouts........as he was still thirsty!!!

Me and MJ shared a chicken bhuna, chips, rice and Naan........it never touched the sides.
Mmmmm.......home for 1.50am, straight to Bedfordshire.

Up early doors Saturday for my trip to the Dales with the rugmunchers. What a fab day.Helen brought a mate called Emma with her she'd met on the gay chats lines, she was a bit in your face, but nice enough!!
Quick coffee and we were on the road by 10am, by 12 midday we were sat outside the Bluebell in Kettlewell having a pub lunch.........steak and ale parcel with chips for me, Greek salad and ploughman's lunch for the ladies with hairy legs and no make up.
We never stopped nattering all day, we walked for miles along the river, saw a heron in flight, headed back to the car and went to Burnsall, had a shandy in the pub so we could park there for nowt (instead of paying the farmer £4 to park in his field for a couple of hours), Emma thought it would be funny to aks the waitress if they catered for Lesbian wedding while pointing at me and Helen.........how we laughed! NOT!! i love Burnsall though, talk about nostalgia........me and Hells went in the river as we are 14, really wish i'd taken my cossie.
Had an ice-cream then we stopped at Appletreewick on the way home to see the haunted school house.

Headed back through Keighley and hit the thunder storms, was back at my abode for 7ish Helen read my tarot and we sat around drinking tea and smoking fags....roll ups for the lessies!, off she toddled to spend their evening with mad Maureen (her Mum), and then stay over at Carole's (they couldn't stay at her Mothers as she's filled all 3 bedrooms with junk, you have to meet her to believe it).
I quickly got ready and made it to the club for 8.30pm, Ap was on top form, wise cracking all night..Mr. attentive indeed, had an ace night, me and Katy chatted for England, lots of dancing at Garrett's party...i mean really dancing! plus lots of Cocaine use in the loos, i later heard!
By 12.30am, i was bushed, Andy and Grant were mind sweeping the buffet table, me and Katy were waiting for a cab, Katy wanted us to go to theirs for more beer, however we declined........sleepy sleepy!
Straight to bed, forfeiting the loving!

Sunday...i don't know what happened, Andy was gently shaking me, muttering "are you coming to the cricket?"..what at 8am? looked at the clock, it was 12.15pm...how did that happen? i must have been bushed after all that fresh air.
Let him out, did 2 wash loads, wolfed down a bacon butty, cabbed to the club and watched cricket in the sunshine with Ap in his shorts.......Spug was down there and Tina was on her way, ace........what a bonus, once Andy went home, i had the girls to go out with.
Andy went about 9ish, so me Waitey, Deano, Spug and Tina ended up in spoons for the evening, had good chats, lots of guffawing, Waitey was mullered and spent the evening putting his hand up Spug's shorts! tut tut!
I ordered a pizza and us girls shared a taxi home, was just eating my 3rd slice, when the mobile started ringing.......at 11.30pm??? WTF? a none too happy Andy, Waitey had woken him up wanting Spug's phone number.....poor Andy, i gave him it so he could get some shut eye..then off i went to my bed, absolutely whacked after the weekends activities!!!

This fucking weather

Tried to post this on Wednesday but the thing wasn't working so I'm doing it now.

Its 36ºC, the hottest July day ever and I hate it.

Yeah its all right for you with Indian Ocean Island genetics or who are stick thin, but if you're a fat bloke you sweat like a stuck pig in this weather. The last time I went to bed as lathered as I was last night, I'd been fucking for three hours and was quite happy to have a cob on.

I was laid on my bed with nothing on, the window wide open and no quilt and I still couldn't sleep - all night that lasted. And today I've been ratty at work. God I hate it.

Roll on winter - when its cold you skinny cunts can always put a cardigan on: what do you want us to do in this weather, take our skin off.

20 Questions for Sarah

A simple easy way to keep in touch with your friends......interrogate them by email!

1. How hot is it SGBY?... It's damn hot!!! quite a nice breeze sometimes, being near the sea an all.

2. Is SS still behaving like a normal person?... that boy could never be normal tried ringing him today no answer. twat!! .........ok he's let off he just rang me back, still a twat! his birthday on Sunday, i feel a panic buy on Sat coming on or have ya any stock ya don't need?

3. Are you still working?... still working, been offered another years contract, but shit pay, i don't know what to do with myself!!! i seem to be the only person in the world working there way down the payscale.

4. Or have you broken up yet?... i owe 3 weeks work, something about me not going, don't know where that comes from.

5. Are you still coming to Cleck on the 28th?... oh yes can't bloody wait i need beer!

6. If so do you want to go darn Cleck or have a house party for Tina's birthday?... Either or.

7. Is it Big brother the final when we visit you on Aug 18th?... i really have no idea!

8. If so will we be having an eviction party at your house?... yes votes are being collected as from today, the nominations are Dan or Sarah probably b4 one kills the other YOU DECIDE! oh if its me ya best bring ya tent too!

9. Have you heard from your Simon and Dawn?... no think they have disowned me as a sister!

10. Can you believe MJ is coming out down Cleck this Friday?... wow is he playing out the 28th?

11. Is Leanne still engaged or a lesbian again?... young free and single last i heard.. about 10 mins ago, but all could have changed.......... re. update shes on her way round, must be still single!

12. How many sausages have you eaten this week?... Dr. banned sausages. only allowed high fibre things! i'm seriously depressed now, i read the yellow pages yesterday and cut out all the butcher adverts with sausages on, as i'm designing my own therapy sessions, sausaholics anonymous! it's going to be my next venture and my boss can stuff her job inside a pigs intestine.

13. Has Dan set a date to marry his Tai bride?... no she 's not got a visa yet.

14. Is he lucky to still be in the country?.. no, but you are lucky he's in the country, he's working when your here thank god so he won't be around to annoy us at night.

15. How are Matt Ford & Sera Griffiths? Sera was good when i last spoke to her, Matt is growing his hair you really have to see it to believe it.

16. Have you fallen over lately on the way to the feathers?... no,i fell out the front door the other morning, think i was up too early! suprised i didn't fall over the other night. Some twat also went down the road putting police traffic cones on all the cars, i was giggling till Simon told me it was me. I can't remember a thing.

17. How old is your oldest cardiagan?... ya only jealous!

18. Do you still class yorkshire puddings as a light snack...I will do when janet makes me some in a couple of week, can't wait not had one for months.

19. Would you shag Nick McElvine for £1000?... not for a million.

20. Can you tell i'm running out of questions? uum off to pub to think of you 20 questions ta ta

My eyes are like pissholes in't snow

I've had a rubbish nights sleep, i was just bragging to Sam on the phone last night "ooh the weather's not keeping me from my shut eye"........smug bastard, spoke too soon!

What have a done this week?
Hang on to your seats............
Monday: quite busy at work, was mostly glad i'd worn jeans........so i wasn't too cold, fucking idiot!!! Got another parking ticket in town...doh! that's only 5 i've clocked up.
Had a hairy moment on the way home, those of you who know me well, will know about my fear of heights, was stuck in a rather bad traffic jam and i was parked on the bridge by showcase, i started sweating and my legs turned to jelly then my chest tightened, i nearly got out and ran to the other end of the bridge, completely abandoning the car like Michael Douglas in Falling down...............I'm unhinged i swear!

Monday evening consisted of, bath, p.j's, watering the garden, chicken, veg and jacket spud, i'd invited AP to tea,(as G&D are in Canada for a fortnight) but he'd been sick all day, due to his 100 pints at the cricket re-union, so couldn't keep his food down!!!
So i dined alone, after tea i laid on the sofa till Matt phoned for an hour, Andy was phoning my mobile for a whinge, watched BB, then some more drek, bed v.late to read, asleep for 12.45am.

Tuesday... yesterday was a bit mixed, felt a bit shabby (ladies problems), but it was payday and i got my rise and my 2% comission! yippee! Was mad busy at work as David's was flying back last night, we'd the showroom to flash up and to get everything in order for his return. So between us, i did 20% of the work......Leigh did none and Paul did 80% (i'm talking strimming the hedges outside, bleaching the toilets, hoovering and washing the windows..........he's worse than a girl).
I phoned CHC and made an appointment for my bloods doing on the 31st....double drat! a 14hour fast, i'll have to make sure i'm asleep to keep me out of the fridge for that length of time. Got an evite invitation from Deb and Ange for Katie and Chris's engagement BBQ on the 12th Aug! (i'll have to go as they're borrowing my buffets and chimnea)............... Mulled through the rest of the day and made it home for 6pm.

Me and Andy had a BBQ last night, he was there at 6.45pm with his meat, i just sat in my p.j's and watched him cook it all, (well i was watering the garden and doing other jobs), i can't believe what a good eater he is, he demolished 3 sausages, a piece of gammon, 2 rashers of bacon, 1 lamb chop, a pork steak, 2 beefburgers and 3 spare ribs, with countless breadcakes, smothered in ketchup.
We packed up and he was straight in the freezer looking for Cornettos!!!
Watched crap t.v, spoke to Sam briefly, i was absolutely paid out with the heat, so to bed at 10pm (as i'd already watched Lost last week), read a bit, then just laid and laid, tossing and turning............listening to the bloody leaky pipe in the bathroom.
Got up at 4am, emptied the bucket which is catching said drip from leaking pipe and had a fag, have not had very much sleep at all, my hair was matted to my head this morning..................attractive!
Got to work, Leigh was chelping "Karen, why don't you open your eyes"......honestly i look awful.

I've phoned Mike the plumber who's coming at 5pm, so at least i get to leave at 4.30pm.
So i'm just blogging to moan really!
David's back and he's foul as he's lost his mobile phone in Spain, pissed and left it in a taxi (it's not just you Matt), also he's "misplaced" both sets of his car keys, as he'd hidden them from his Son whilst on holiday..........it's going to be a long day.
On the upside, 2 more sleeps to weekend, am v. looking forward to Friday, by all accounts we are celebrating Tina's birthday a week early so it's a good job Matt and Matt are out, it'll be like Christmas all over again.

Boring!

I have had a very tame uneventful weekend, but very relaxing never the less!

Friday...i left work half an hour early to go to the doctors, I'm sure I'm going a bit dippy, i went to Edercliffe again, instead of the new health centre.......anyhow i got a nice new nurse, she was about 14, BP has come down.. but still high and i have to go for my bloods doing and go back in a month.............the barstards!!!

Home for 6ish, quick shower, had a micro pizza (so healthy) sorted cats, then bagged up all leftover beer, (bit of an assortment 12 cans/bottles, 6 different brands............that won't make me sick) to take to Nicola's, Andy picked me up at 7pm, we nipped into Tina's to get my score and take her her wine, then dumped his car at home and walked to Carl and Nic's, was struggling with my heavy bag, wish i'd left the 2 litres of lemonade at home, i tried to swap with Andy but his was heavier.............drat!

Got there and we plonked in her v.posh garden with it's perennials and water feature, it was all very pleasant, Nic was flapping round with tortilla chips and Indian nibbles, the garden was on seperate levels, 2 seperate tables and chairs were laid out, so once the main one got full all the lads moved up a level............fooking marvellous, i was sat there with Katie, Debbie, Angela, Nic and Clare (great...shallow chit chat for the next 3 hrs), was secretly fuming and wishing i'd stayed at home.

The food was served and my burger was like a piece of charcoal, i'd to smother it in ketchup and coleslaw to mask the taste, our BBQ was much better.

Was v.glad when Farter turned up with Grantos at 10ish, the night got a tad better, Paul Turner ran me home so we could get the spare bag of marshmallows, wooden skewers and more wine. Everyone got pissed, Caroline turned up late on, wellied after her works night out.........don't know what time we left, but by the time our Taxi had arrived, Katie had been sick in the field, Nicola had melted her shoes as she was sat too close to the coal bucket, Katy was asking Deano what would happen between the pair of them if she left Grant........Carl was asleep on the sofa and Andy was f*ing and blinding calling Carl a cunt for showing him up in front of everyone about not taking his trainers off to go to the loo.
Home at midnight, got jiggy, calmed fuming boyfriend down (inbetween cleaning Meg's sick up and changing the quilt cover) and slept for 10 hrs!

Saturday, Andy left for the cricket, i had a lovely peaceful day, pottered......mowed the lawn (which is now mainly dead due to lack of rain), weeded, did a whites wash, went to metcalfs and the pet shop, called at Mothers and sat in her garden for 1hr, had a natter and a coffee, called at Tescos, made a chilli to freeze in 5 equal portions............how anal?.....it was such a gorgeus day! the cats were loving it, laking out all day in the sunshine!
Got them in, then txt AP, i wanted to stay in on Saturday night, you know lig about on the sofas with the door open, drinking wine, having a takaway and watching DVD's.
Andy however was at the club, had got the taste for his pint and was staying put.......reluctantly got changed, Marlene and Jim called ( i was giving Mum a skirt and she needed it there and then), they cooed over my new fridge, then dropped me at the club.

Jim was gesturing in the rear view mirror, to invite them in for a drink as he needed one the day he'd had, but Mum was having none of it when i asked as she wasn't dressed accordingly!! ha ha mustn't laugh!
Found AP, Woz, Deano, Jacko and Blacky with all the WAGS........sat in the sunshine, it wasn't a brilliant night, just going out for the sake of it..............force of habit! Waste o' money........note to self.....train AP to stay in more and do coupley things!
We had 4 beers at the club, sat outside dodging dog saliva, Katie, Jacko, Baz and Ange took Ozzie home then went to spoons, leaving moi, AP, Woz, Caroline, Deano, Blacky and Molly....eating Mick Collins left over sandwiches, waiting for a minibus that would take 6 people and a dog, went to spoons...Andy was yawning and saying he'd gone all cold! he struggled to drink 1/2 his pint, i fired 3 pints of cider down with Warren, then we had to go home at 10.30pm..............i told you we should have stayed in!
Put boyo to bed and i stayed downstairs watching BB on my tod, bed at midnight!

Sunday... Andy was off early again as it was some cricket re-union at the club, £15 for a meal and you could meet people who have also played cricket there once..........how great is that?
I did jack shit yesterday, did a darks wash, had scrambled egg, bacon and beans, watered the garden, ironed the weeks crumpled clothes, watched approximately 5hrs of Big Brother, pegged some washing out and brought it in, chased Luther round the garden trying to get him to drop the squirming field mouse, had chilli and rice for tea, watched 40yr old virgin on DVD, had a bit of wine while watching Mean Machine on the box...realising i'd been in my p.j's all day and hadn't been further than the bin.......what a slob!!!!

What I did at the weekend

Friday
Went home, had a jacket potato, watched BB, 9/10 cats, BB and BBBM and went to bed.

Saturday
Woken at 4am by you know who. I got up, stayed up for half an hour. He pottered round, ironing (badly), wanting to do washing but in the main annoying me. He crept in to bed at 7. Despite my good intentions to get up early and so some work I didn't get up till 12.30 and then more or less slept for the next 2½ hours. At 3 I found out when the next showing of Pirates of the Caribbean was on, had a shower, woke sleeping beauty and we went off to see that. It was good but afterwards AL was in a foul mood and hung round my flat for an hour mouching, then ringing everyone he knew but nobody was coming out and then crying. I feel sorry for him that he's so down but he has nothing to feel down for that isn't within his control. If he wasn't suich a spendthrft he'd be fine. Anyway he buggered off and I started watching the 4th series of 24 and doing some work which I'd brought home from work. 2½ hours later he was back, feeling better wanting to drag me out for a drink. I was in no mood to go out but knoew it would cheer him up and so being a good guy, I went out and had 2 pints and came home, leaving him out.

Sunday
Woke at 9am after 8 hours sleep and proceeded to spend the rest of the day watching the remaining 20 episodes of 24. Bed at 2am, 24ed out.

Last 2 days

What have I done?
Very little, I must confess.......Tuesday evening, I'd bought a new quilt so I put that on the bed and washed the old one, I was in the bath, when the mobile rang twice and the house phone twice, must be an emergency, it was a very guilty AP confessing he'd forgotten all about the cricket on Sunday and we couldn't go to the seaside after all!

I was sobbing uncontrollably while unpacking the windbreak, buckets and spades, lilo, rubber ring etc from the boot of the car......Well not really, but I was very off hand with him, nice to know how far down the rank I am!
He knew he was in bovver so he txt to say we'd go next week and he'd pay for us to stay in a hotel.

It's the thought that counts, but I'm not assed about staying in a Brid B&B with velvet wallpaper and it's proprietor with gravy down his vest.
Plus I need to see Whitter at some point next weekend!

So i sulked for the rest of Tuesday night, Tutted through Holby city, sighed through BB, kicked the cat, started binging on Haribo, watched some more Alan Partridge on UK gold, gipped through Lost on E4 then took my sickly self to bed at midnight to read.

Wednesday, i was quite chipper... Called and dropped Grant's bday card off on the way to work...........we did very little yesterday, mainly larking about, i had the job of stamping all David's Son's wedding invitations (that had been Fed ex'd from Toronto) and posting them, he'd forgotten to tell me to tick them off a list, after he'd screamed and shouted down his mobile from Spain at me, I had to skulk back to the post office and get them all back, thank heavens I'd left them inside in a sack and not put them in the pillar box..........phew!

Next I decided to put Sam a cheer me up parcel together...So went on a hunt for random things I knew she'd like.......Sent it through the works mail and Bob's your uncle, teatime already!
Said Au revoir to colleagues, shot home, had pie and peas with mint sauce, lit chimnea and sat round it in my camp blanket and pretended I was at field day.
Another white lie!!............. Changed, watered garden and had a good gossip with Donna and Tony over the fence about Maxine, seemingly she hasn't spoken to them in months and Donna has had a do with her at no.1 over parking, anyhow they've had enough and are moving to White Lee, leaving No.5 vacant...............Oh me, not good, us Taurean's don't like change!!

Got Meg and Luth in, collected Andy, said hi to Gill who was ironing in her jimmies, called at Katie Rogers, to drop her some garden lanterns off, then went to see Poseidon at the flicks, (£3 each as Ruth had kindly let us use her Orange code), Ap bought the pop and was v.humble all night, tee hee! oh he's a good egg, i can't be mad at him for too long!
We were home for 10pm, let Maisie in, P.J's, a few doritos, BB and bed to read, asleep for 11.15pm.

Having a nice day today, the sun is shining, had a thankyou txt from Sam on the motorway...bless! 1st sample of the day was a box of designer label clothes, l'm talking Cherry pie, Lambretta, Rude cube, Animal..........we were like locusts, between me, Leigh and Paul we have hoisted £1000 worth of clothes..........oh well, perks of the job!
Done nothing much else this morning, phoned the car valleters to come out tomorrow and clean all 3 cars (bang them on the company credit card), i've just had breakfast of orange, banana and apple (hope my BP has come down by tomorrow).
That's it......

Forthcoming plans: tonight, Steven is coming for tea (chilli and garlic bread), tomorrow, need to call and drop Donna's bday pressie off after i've seen the nurse, then we're off to Carl and Nicholas BBQ (Andy says to take a fleece as Carl won't let anyone in the house), Saturday probably club............need to mow the lawn at some point.
Sunday we are NOT going to the coast(i'll probably stay in and write sad love poems to my cat).
And next Friday i have a double date with the 2 puffs by the name of Matt.

Just a quickie!

Oooer Missus!

I forgot all about Andy setting fire to Grant's Pubes, Andy also wanting me to eat one of his short and curlies in the game of truth or Dare, i threw it on the floor, the dirty little cretin!

Nicola phoned last night, totting up numbers and booking accommodation for her hen night in October, (ahh!! panic stations, have only ever been on one hen night in my life and that was to Manchester beir keller, as you might guess I'm not a girly girl!!) so anyway i needed to phone Farquahar, thankfully my room mate!
20 Minutes later we were still screeching and laughing about Friday nights events, she's adamant they owe us money, as Grant necked a full bottle of Baileys Marlo had bought me for xmas! Ah, what difference!!!

I've no other news, didn't do anything last night, tad shabby after the weekends blow-out!
Oohh i got home from work and i'm sure Maxine was slagging me off to her at No.1, they both went really quiet and scurried off, when they saw me walking down the path!
Silly cow, get over yourself, it was a one off party, i apologised in advance for any noise, it doesn't happen everyweek, i am usually a model neighbour (apart from the losing my key incident), but for fucks sake i know we live in a very quiet area, but it's not cunting sheltered housing, I'm still young.....................ish!!

Ahhhh!!!

I bought a new clock in Next yesterday, to replace the one Worrall smashed, i also bought a top that's going back........so after tea (shepherds pie), i did nowt....watched BB, then Alan Partridge on UK Gold, i was howling, i'd forgotton how funny he is.
More BB and to bed to read.

Nowtness today, plan to work v.hard when i've finished blogging, no plans for the few days pending, Andy says we'll have to have a quiet weekend as he only got £70 ssp last week, poor thing.
I've suggested Kill Bill 2 DVD, eating leftover Haribo, shagging, then to Brid on Sunday to play Boules on the beach (birthday present from Sarah, last year, have still not utilised them), nice trip to the lighthouse, walk on the Southshore, busy bees fish and chips...............that'll cost us less than a tenner! and we could go right under!

So that's all me news, i'm a lone blogger once again, Matt promised to blog yesterday but he never, i'm going to take his name off.......i'm the only one with any staying power!!!

The Infamous BBQ

Where do i start?
Oh my God...do i know how to throw a party?

Thursday i spent 3 hours in the evening, getting the garden ready, hanging lanterns, getting all spare chairs out, cooking lamb steaks and pork chops (to avoid poisoning guests the next day), cleaning bathroom, moving old fridge back into the garden for all the party booze.
I'd bought all the food in my lunch hour, so i'd all that to unpack, defrost, plate up..................jeez, it's jiggering, this entertaining malarkey, and i wonder why i only have parties once every 1/2 year.

So you get the picture as to how busy i was on Thursday evening? Meg didn't come in till 11.45pm, as i'd left the door open, i had a few glasses of vino as a treat as i was v.excited about the weekends activities.

Friday i was mad busy all day at work, nipped out at lunch to get wooden skewers and napkins...I bribed Leigh to let me leave early, so i was home at 5pm, wiped all garden furniture down, made salad, general preparation...ya di ya!
Andy arrived at 6.15pm and started firing cans of Carling down, thankfully the weather was being kind, so me and him sat in the garden just chatting, till Rach, Ruth and Mark arrived at 7pm.........yippee!
Next to arrive were Tina, Beth, Hayley and Deano.

Not sure what order everyone else arrived in, it was a bit like Sam's party last year, everyone seems to descend on us at once, Woz, Caroline, John, Clare, Debbie, Katie, Grant and Katie...............and of Course RMS, i do know that Dean arrived last as he was working till 10pm.
I'd been round to all 3 neighbours and apologised in advance for any noise we might make, so i thought i was home and dry.
The beer was flowing, Andy cracked on with cooking the food at about 8ish, i was busy tidying round, picking empties up, emptying ahstrays, siding plates and filling binliners, in-between drinking like a fish.

So 9pm arrives, everyone's had a feed, all the club lot had congregated by the door, all our lot were round the picnic table, playing a game Ruth had invented..........a wooden skewer sticking out of the parasol spoke, spun round and whoever it landed on, had to answer truth or dare................v.simple, quite tame to begin with, but once everyone was sloshed, oh my god, light the blue touch paper and stand well back.
So.....picture the scene, the club girls were tittle tattling in their cosy circle, while my hooligan friends are licking peoples faces, doing silly dares, answering inappropriate truths and drinking like bastards (that would be why they are my friends in the 1st place).

Some people went indoors to watch the eviction, others were toasting marshmallows round the chimnea, Warren was the drunkest man alive and was on his 47th can of strongbow, he then was caught drinking mint baileys, with marshmallows in through a knob straw...........taxi for Stephenson!
Caroline took him home at 10.30pm, Clare, John and Katie left at 11.30pm, think we were a tad rowdy for them!
Katy, Grant and Deano had now joined the main table, Deano was trying to rename the game.......just Dare! oh my god, what a car crash.............the game continued for the next 2 1/2hrs, it went from mildly embarrassing to shocking "noone in their right mind would do that" type of forfeit.
I'll list a few.............
Dean ate soil rather than say "City till i die".
Andy, Mark and Ruth showing their arses.
Ruth ate birdseed.
Tina pretending she had crabs and telling me the food was rubbish.
Deano licking my face.
Andy had my bra on his head and was sat on the shed.
Matt had his tie wrapped round his cock and balls.
Grant stripped naked and ran to the main road.
I had to sing, dance, laugh and cry in all 4 corners of the garden.
Tina and Ruth flashed their boobs.
But the funniest thing i have ever seen was Hayley getting her baps out, everybody got an eyeful, it wasn't a quick flash either, she didn't seem that bothered............i nearly choked!!! i take my hat off to her though, i wouldn't have done that for £1000.

I don't know what happened next, but it ended up spinning the parasol, the person said 3 to my right, or 7 to me left or 1 to my right, you get the gist and whoever it landed on had to count and snog that person................messy.... everybody was snogging everyone. Matt couldn't belive his luck, all them boys!
I can't keep track, but i snogged Katy, Tina and every bloke there (apart from Deano), who Katy snogged and Grant did very well to take it on the chin considering their history.

Midnight came and went, we were SO noisy......Mad Maxine (next door but 2), was slamming and opening her window shut, then just stood there like a ghostly apparition for a good 15 minutes, just staring, unfortunately we weren't compassionate we just made her the butt of our jokes.

By 1.30am, i was a little bit worried about Maisie as i'd not seen her for 7hrs, so i asked everyone if we could pack up at 2am...........Ruth was outraged, presumed i meant pack up to go inside, still she was happy as she was packing all her beer up and flagging a cab, Beth who seemed quite sober opened her mouth and couldn't string a sentence together, Deano was asleep inside wearing Beth's cropped cardigan, with Katy layed on top of him (that's not inappropriate in front of your boyfriend),Tina had my slippers on, Andy was laying on the other sofa.
Messy!
Matt helped me clear away, very little breakage, a couple of bottles, one broken chair (Grantos), and one broken clock (Deano) and by 2am everyone had gone to thier respective abodes.
I woke Deano, threw him out, got the cats in and climbed into bed with Andy who'd just left his mate asleep downstairs for me to sort out.

Saturday...awoke early for some loving, peeked through the curtains and the carnage in the garden, Andy left, i slept till way after lunch to put off tidying.
It took me 3 hrs, siding everything away, washing up, restoring garden to it's original beauty. I know who you are you fuckers chucking your fag butts on the floor when i'd provided ashtrays. Tee hee!
Met Andy at the club, he'd been drinking all day with Woz and Robey, we didn't stay out long, he was a bit tired after 12 pints, i had 7, chatted to Gill and Dave a brief while, told Mick Collins i'd told all my friends at the BBQ i'd done him...........as you do!
We then decided we'd get a chinese, but couldn't be bothered....home, pop and crisps and in bed for 11pm.

Sunday...i was awake with the larks, up, washer on, watched Big Brother, had a full fry up and all before Mr.Porrait appeared at 1pm after his 14hr kip.
Used all the leftover breadrolls to make pack-up, so froze 12 lots of sandwiches (how organised am i?).
Picked Andy up at 4pm,to go to the parents for our Sunday lunch..... what a disaster.

Now bearing in mind we were there for our Sunday dinner and only stayed 1 1/2hrs, the following happened.
Mum insulted Andy by saying My Grandma had commented on how quiet he was.
Uncle Mo insulted Ruth and really upset her.
Dad was pished as a fart and repeated himself constantly, i was cringing!
To take the biscuit though, Andy gets the Gold medal for wanging his guts up in my parents bathroom.

Oh dear oh dear oh dear!

Home, for safety reasons...dropped Andy off, got the patio heater to work (think we were all too pissed to read the instuctions on Friday) got p.j's on, sacked off the footie, watched 100 greatest all time family films, chatted to Matt for 1 hr, watched BB, had a few glasses of Sunday wine and to bed not too late.

Bright as a button this morning, have asked David for a payrise and got one, yippee!
Look at me go!

About a boy

Don't know whether you've ever seen the film, but Hugh Grant very cleverly divided all his activities into units, that each consisted of 30 minute slots.

Very handy for a quick blog post me thinks.

So my last 2 days panned out a little like this.

Monday:
9am.. Blogging, daydreaming, work... 8 units.
1pm.. BBQ lunch and M&S run...2 units.
2pm.. Sighing, lots of working...6 units.
5pm.. Packing up, post office...1 unit.
5.30pm.. Braving the M621/M62...1 unit.
6pm.. Bathing, changing quilt cover...1 unit
6.30pm.. Eating tea, watching box...1 unit.
7pm.. Sleeping on couch...2 units.
8pm.. Chatting to RMS on the telephone...2 units.
9pm.. Watching Big Brother...2 units.
10pm.. Chatting to Sam on the telephone ...1 unit.
10.30pm.. Reading in bed...1 unit.
11pm.. Watching BB Big brain in bed...1 unit.
11.30pm.. Sleeping..18 units.

Tuesday:
8.30am.. M62/M621...1 unit.
9am.. WORKING...8 units.
1pm.. Morrisons/eating lunch...2 units.
2pm.. WORKING..7 units.
5.30pm.. M621/M62...1 unit.
6pm.. Tesco's...1 unit.
6.30pm.. Unpacking shopping, emptying bin/litter tray...1 unit.
7pm.. Cleaning BBQ/Watering garden...1 unit.
7.30pm.. Hoovering entire house/mopping kitchen floor...1 unit.
8pm.. Bathing...1 unit.
8.30pm..Making tea, Weds/Thurs pack-up...1 unit.
9pm..Eating tea, talking to Sarah on the phone...1 unit.
9.30pm..Washing up, siding clothes from airer..1 unit.
10pm..Watching Lost while ironing (dripping with sweat)...2 units.
11pm..Collapsing in heap and wailing, lying on sofa, watching next weeks Lost through one eye...2 units.
12pm..Reading in bed..2 units.
1am..Sleeping..14 units.

Wednesday:
8.30am..M62/M621...1 unit.
9am..blogging, organising Friday night's BBQ...4 units.
11.30am..feeling guilty about not doing any work so far today and thinking this may be a slippery slide downhill for the next 3 weeks as David is in Spain... 1/4 unit.

Monday morning again

It comes around all too soon.

It doesn't seem, ooh two days since i departed work at around 4.30pm on Friday........went to the doctors, when i'd eventually found it at the "new" health centre (i'd originally gone to Edercliffe, which was where he was last time i was ill), he told me i'd proabably had food poisoning and it was still in my system, gave me some drugs and peptac, £13.30, sent his regards to my parents and sent me on my merry way (after taking my blood pressure and making me another appointment with the nurse).
Andy phoned while i was paying for my presciption with his theory on what was wrong with me!!??!

Home for 5.30pm, watered garden, fetched bin...ya di ya, phoned Tina and offered to lend her dough if she came out, Andy was going to Deano's BBQ, i didn't want to go.....so got ready and met Beth and Tina at 8pm, took my phone as Andy was meeting me in a couple of hours!
Liar!!!!

Had a really good night, had a couple in spoons, i'd worn infamous green shoes that were rubbing me to fook.
Hobbled up to the old house for one, then braved the Station for another, ended up plonked in the Rose and Crown beer garden, having a good old natter, Andy txt to say that he was staying put and he'd see me tomorrow, so i txt back "Thanks, i might not want to see you tomorrow"....that'll show him, got back "that's fine with me".......oh heck! maybe not??!

Rachel and Ruth arrived, very randomly at 10.30pm, by 11.30pm, i'd had enough, so called a cab and went off to my bed, leaving the young uns to stay out later than i can manage these days!

Saturday....had a very long lie in to rid myself of sore head (not like Sam's sore head, this one was self inflicted) once up, ligged about watching BB, then made a shepherds pie with lamb mince, worcester sauce and loads of grated cheese on top.....well nice!!! the men from Currys arrived at 2.20pm, made noises to the effect of:
"have you measured it love?" No i just guessed!
"you can't switch it on for 6 hrs, is it alright here?" Yes leave it in the garden, still in it's box, i'll manage to unpack a 6' Fridge/freezer and carry it into the kitchen single handed.
"your floor's not level", yes i know i was so bored waiting for you to arrive, i was shaving away the floor boards with a plane to piss you off!

Think they wanted to be at home watching the footie??!!

I dillied about a while longer, then Andy phoned to say Debbie was on her own at the club.
Aren't men funny?? we bare a grudge forever, they sleep on it and it's all forgotton by morning.
Got ready and taxied to club, Debbie was in a round with Quinny and well on her way, chatted to Dave, who didn't know Jim was my Dad (John had told him), snook out from the England match to watch Andy get bowled out after 1 run.......oh heck! someone's going to be moggy tonight!! then sat with Caroline and the dog instead of watching the penalties.....a sea of very glum faces spilled out of the club house...........oh hecky thump!! have we won? joke!!

It was a really good night, the girls went inside to look at bridesmaid dress swatches, i sat wi lads...Woz, Deano, AP, Waitey and Blacky, had several shandois and stayed to watch the John Smith's classic bowls final till 10.30pm.............ooh it was gripping!
Suggy phoned giggling like a girl and completely incoherant telling me about Aisleyne calling Jonathan.. Leroy!! Dean txt 100 times to see if we were going into town.

Ended up in spoons at very last orders, had 2 more and chatted to Tina, Rach, Dean and Spug who'd done very well to last from the footie!
Left at midnight, Andy wanted chicken and chips then couldn't be arsed to wait so we went home for some sensations (i'm taking crisps, not mind blowing orgasms!!).
Asleep soon after!

Sunday....SSMS...up at 10.30pm, Andy carried old fridge/freezer into garden, while i stood and watched looking like the bride of Frankinstein in last nights make-up, wearing a rather fetching lemon dressing gown....Pecked him on the cheek and shot back to bed, feeling very gleeful to have the whole bed to myself for another couple of hours, or until the cunt next door starts doing something with a hammer any time soon, or the wanker at no.1 get his drum kit out!!!!!!!!! silly bastards!

Up, watched more BB, did a darks wash...had some shepherds pie, yum! got ready, in this sweltering heat, called at Tesco's for Grandma a card and some flowers, then picked Andy up at 4, by the time i'd pulled down the drive i'd sweated all my make-up off and was resembling something similar to Coco the clown.
Said hi to G&D who were trying not to be alarmed by the fat bird with the melted off make-up..........then off we sped to Chick, to see my Grandma with her birthday gifts, £2.99 flowers and a special hoised Grandma mug from Fernway limited.
Stayed approximately 25mins, just missing Jan star and her chap.
Jenny told me the following;
"our Katy has been this morning" 3 times.
"i've only seen your Dad 3 times this year" twice.
"how's everything at your house" 4 times.
"our Adele showers me every morning" countless times.

Mustn't grumble, at least she knew who i was, which is an improvement from the last visit.
Andy read the News of the world in silence till we escaped, off we sped (ducking past the Sharpe's house) went to Frankie and Benny's for tea, which was okay food but terribly expensive (when i say i'm cutting down spending, i must stick to it and not go out and blow £20 on tea when i've a 1/2 eaten shepherds pie in the fridge at home). Dropped a yawning Andy off home and called at the Mother parents for an hour (she was very pleased to see me as Jim and Steven were both asleep with the drink), nattered, drank coffee and departed clutching a cat nip plant she'd bought me.
Home, planted the plant, which Meg demolished in 30 seconds flat, by launching her entire body on top of it and writhing round in ectasy while attacking Luther who was trying to get a look in.

Settled down in my p.j's for the evening, watched BB, drank wine, washed all the cat baskets, read magazines and looked inside new fridge/freezer approximately 136 times!!

So back to it today, the lads at work fancy France now........how shallow? have taken my car to Citroen for new glove box fitting (snapped old one off in a temper), Paul is at the hospital with an infected finger, Leigh has gone to look at a parcel in Doncaster (he was sporting his best school trousers this morning) Mark is bad with his Cromes and has asked me to rub his tummy about 4 times already, Huggy has shown up for work, the 1st time in 9 days, Mick did a carboot with the samples yesterday and took £307 ( i wish i wasn't so lazy), last but not least David has knacked his wheel on his brand new BMW 6 series so has taken it round to Alba and is at present wining about having a BBQ lunch, which goes hand in hand with Rioja...........i can feel a mess coming on!