The Infamous BBQ

Where do i start?
Oh my God...do i know how to throw a party?

Thursday i spent 3 hours in the evening, getting the garden ready, hanging lanterns, getting all spare chairs out, cooking lamb steaks and pork chops (to avoid poisoning guests the next day), cleaning bathroom, moving old fridge back into the garden for all the party booze.
I'd bought all the food in my lunch hour, so i'd all that to unpack, defrost, plate up..................jeez, it's jiggering, this entertaining malarkey, and i wonder why i only have parties once every 1/2 year.

So you get the picture as to how busy i was on Thursday evening? Meg didn't come in till 11.45pm, as i'd left the door open, i had a few glasses of vino as a treat as i was v.excited about the weekends activities.

Friday i was mad busy all day at work, nipped out at lunch to get wooden skewers and napkins...I bribed Leigh to let me leave early, so i was home at 5pm, wiped all garden furniture down, made salad, general preparation...ya di ya!
Andy arrived at 6.15pm and started firing cans of Carling down, thankfully the weather was being kind, so me and him sat in the garden just chatting, till Rach, Ruth and Mark arrived at 7pm.........yippee!
Next to arrive were Tina, Beth, Hayley and Deano.

Not sure what order everyone else arrived in, it was a bit like Sam's party last year, everyone seems to descend on us at once, Woz, Caroline, John, Clare, Debbie, Katie, Grant and Katie...............and of Course RMS, i do know that Dean arrived last as he was working till 10pm.
I'd been round to all 3 neighbours and apologised in advance for any noise we might make, so i thought i was home and dry.
The beer was flowing, Andy cracked on with cooking the food at about 8ish, i was busy tidying round, picking empties up, emptying ahstrays, siding plates and filling binliners, in-between drinking like a fish.

So 9pm arrives, everyone's had a feed, all the club lot had congregated by the door, all our lot were round the picnic table, playing a game Ruth had invented..........a wooden skewer sticking out of the parasol spoke, spun round and whoever it landed on, had to answer truth or dare................v.simple, quite tame to begin with, but once everyone was sloshed, oh my god, light the blue touch paper and stand well back.
So.....picture the scene, the club girls were tittle tattling in their cosy circle, while my hooligan friends are licking peoples faces, doing silly dares, answering inappropriate truths and drinking like bastards (that would be why they are my friends in the 1st place).

Some people went indoors to watch the eviction, others were toasting marshmallows round the chimnea, Warren was the drunkest man alive and was on his 47th can of strongbow, he then was caught drinking mint baileys, with marshmallows in through a knob straw...........taxi for Stephenson!
Caroline took him home at 10.30pm, Clare, John and Katie left at 11.30pm, think we were a tad rowdy for them!
Katy, Grant and Deano had now joined the main table, Deano was trying to rename the game.......just Dare! oh my god, what a car crash.............the game continued for the next 2 1/2hrs, it went from mildly embarrassing to shocking "noone in their right mind would do that" type of forfeit.
I'll list a few.............
Dean ate soil rather than say "City till i die".
Andy, Mark and Ruth showing their arses.
Ruth ate birdseed.
Tina pretending she had crabs and telling me the food was rubbish.
Deano licking my face.
Andy had my bra on his head and was sat on the shed.
Matt had his tie wrapped round his cock and balls.
Grant stripped naked and ran to the main road.
I had to sing, dance, laugh and cry in all 4 corners of the garden.
Tina and Ruth flashed their boobs.
But the funniest thing i have ever seen was Hayley getting her baps out, everybody got an eyeful, it wasn't a quick flash either, she didn't seem that bothered............i nearly choked!!! i take my hat off to her though, i wouldn't have done that for £1000.

I don't know what happened next, but it ended up spinning the parasol, the person said 3 to my right, or 7 to me left or 1 to my right, you get the gist and whoever it landed on had to count and snog that person................messy.... everybody was snogging everyone. Matt couldn't belive his luck, all them boys!
I can't keep track, but i snogged Katy, Tina and every bloke there (apart from Deano), who Katy snogged and Grant did very well to take it on the chin considering their history.

Midnight came and went, we were SO noisy......Mad Maxine (next door but 2), was slamming and opening her window shut, then just stood there like a ghostly apparition for a good 15 minutes, just staring, unfortunately we weren't compassionate we just made her the butt of our jokes.

By 1.30am, i was a little bit worried about Maisie as i'd not seen her for 7hrs, so i asked everyone if we could pack up at 2am...........Ruth was outraged, presumed i meant pack up to go inside, still she was happy as she was packing all her beer up and flagging a cab, Beth who seemed quite sober opened her mouth and couldn't string a sentence together, Deano was asleep inside wearing Beth's cropped cardigan, with Katy layed on top of him (that's not inappropriate in front of your boyfriend),Tina had my slippers on, Andy was laying on the other sofa.
Messy!
Matt helped me clear away, very little breakage, a couple of bottles, one broken chair (Grantos), and one broken clock (Deano) and by 2am everyone had gone to thier respective abodes.
I woke Deano, threw him out, got the cats in and climbed into bed with Andy who'd just left his mate asleep downstairs for me to sort out.

Saturday...awoke early for some loving, peeked through the curtains and the carnage in the garden, Andy left, i slept till way after lunch to put off tidying.
It took me 3 hrs, siding everything away, washing up, restoring garden to it's original beauty. I know who you are you fuckers chucking your fag butts on the floor when i'd provided ashtrays. Tee hee!
Met Andy at the club, he'd been drinking all day with Woz and Robey, we didn't stay out long, he was a bit tired after 12 pints, i had 7, chatted to Gill and Dave a brief while, told Mick Collins i'd told all my friends at the BBQ i'd done him...........as you do!
We then decided we'd get a chinese, but couldn't be bothered....home, pop and crisps and in bed for 11pm.

Sunday...i was awake with the larks, up, washer on, watched Big Brother, had a full fry up and all before Mr.Porrait appeared at 1pm after his 14hr kip.
Used all the leftover breadrolls to make pack-up, so froze 12 lots of sandwiches (how organised am i?).
Picked Andy up at 4pm,to go to the parents for our Sunday lunch..... what a disaster.

Now bearing in mind we were there for our Sunday dinner and only stayed 1 1/2hrs, the following happened.
Mum insulted Andy by saying My Grandma had commented on how quiet he was.
Uncle Mo insulted Ruth and really upset her.
Dad was pished as a fart and repeated himself constantly, i was cringing!
To take the biscuit though, Andy gets the Gold medal for wanging his guts up in my parents bathroom.

Oh dear oh dear oh dear!

Home, for safety reasons...dropped Andy off, got the patio heater to work (think we were all too pissed to read the instuctions on Friday) got p.j's on, sacked off the footie, watched 100 greatest all time family films, chatted to Matt for 1 hr, watched BB, had a few glasses of Sunday wine and to bed not too late.

Bright as a button this morning, have asked David for a payrise and got one, yippee!
Look at me go!