Bournemouth
Right well since I’ve not blogged for a while, I am blogging, I have three weekends to catch up on but this will be a short blog as I don’t have that much time.
Before I go on I shall say that I am double posting this since Richard is a scoundrel and only ever blogs once a week and if he continues to do that I shall have to seriously consider remaining on his blog. You have been warned Rich!
Anyway just over a fortnight ago I was working late on the Friday night so decided a pint was in order. I got to the pub between 19.15 and 19.30 and got myself a pint and then had another and then another. I saw at the bar a cute short-ish boy who looked like a cross between an Indian and a Thai boy – not exactly sure but he was nice and he seemed to see me looking and shortly afterwards came to sit down near me but didn’t say anything or make a move, he just kept looking. I must say, I did wonder if he was rent as he was nice looking and young and obviously could do better than me. Anyway I’m sat there, reading the paper when some guy catches my eye and advises me to smile … I was scowling a bit so I cheered up a bit and before I knew it he came over, budged cute oriental boy out of the way. He started talking to me and got him a pint but I quickly realised he was a bit of a car crash of a man. He was called Kerry of Irish stock but from Middlesbro’ he was a masseur who came to Manchester a year ago but had only massaged 2 people and worked looking after people with Down’s. He lived in Eccles paying £20 a week rent but was 3 months behind on his rent. He looked a bit of a fashion victim and had a bit of a mullet with highlights but was nice and tall and slim and a nice face and before long and only 90 minutes after getting in the pub, we were in a taxi home. Had a nice time with him and afterwards he got my number (he didn’t have a mobile and his bedsit had a payphone in the hall but he didn’t know the number) had a joint (in my flat FFS) and went off after less than an hour!
On Saturday, I went shopping and bought two shirts (one for £33.50 and the other for £35.50) so I needed a drink after that! Went to Churchills (again) and it was heaving – which was a surprise for 17.30 on a Saturday. Anyway little Will behind the bar explained that it was due to Kylie being at the Arena. I stayed for another and another and another and then sent a few txts saying I was in the pub and I got a txt from MJ saying he could come over. I had another and then MJ rang saying he was gonna be on his way in a few minutes so I thought I should slow down so had a sixth and then to cut down I had a half coke/half kronenbourg (a german shandy). MJ arrived at half past nine. He was sober and I’d had six and a half pints in 4 hours. He got a pint for us both which was very nice after not having had a full strength beer for ooh half an hour. MJ went to the loo after half an hour or so and I sat there carrying on smoking and drinking. Now veteran blog readers will know of the problem I have when I drink fizzy beer and smoke cigarettes too quickly, it all comes back up and true to form, after guzzling that tiny bit more than I should have done while having a lungful of Marly smoke was too much and my throat filled with the old vom. I thought I was ok but with the next contraction (why is it that so many things leave your body thanks to contractions – babies, spunk and vomit) my mouth filled and so I quickly looked round seeking an empty pint glass but it was to no avail and come the next contraction the volume exceeded that of my mouth and thanks to the hand I had over my mouth it squirted in a southerly direction (I was facing south east) at an elevation of 45°, or at least some of it did. Some more of it was all over my shirt and so I quickly scurried to the toilets, bumping into MJ on the way there telling him of my predicament and cleaned myself up, changing shirts (thank god I had bought two new shirts) and throwing the old one away.
We then went to Via Fossa where we continued to drink and I had a very few words with cute Chris and then later on we went to Cruz 101. When we got in there, MJ decided we’d have a competition to see who could get off with the most people. I knew he would as he makes it his business to get of with as many people as he can in clubs but I WON!!! Yippee!!!!!! Ha ha ha ha!!!!! We went home eventually and after a bacon sandwich in the morning MJ wendled his way back home on the M62 as I prepared myself for my trip to Bournemouth.
I was going to the RMS (my initials (and also the title of the Titanic, i.e. the RMS Titanic) but in this instance the Records Management Society Conference. I will not bore you with the details but here are the highlights: Flew to Bournemouth and gave my window seat up to an old man because I’m so nice. Got to the hotel in time for the dinner and got talking to a cute guy called Tom from Camden Council, he talked as if he was deaf (although he wasn’t) and he had a limp and he had a nervous twitch which made his head always inclined to the right – anyway, what choice did I have, they were all records managers! I tagged onto him and for the next two days, my alcohol was paid for by the tax payers of the London Borough of Camden (thank you Camden). Chatted away to all and sundry all night about records management and got to bed at 03.00. On the Monday I had to endure the boredom of the conference but after it was done I bumped into Reynold our consultant at work and we started drinking at 17.00, then there was Pimms before dinner, then wine with dinner so I was well on the way and at dinner they had pea shooters and balls of paper like the ones you can see by clicking here and I started shooting everyone especially fit Richard who worked for a box storage company – he is really fit and I met him a couple of years ago and flirted with him outrageously. He’s a lovely looking 31 year old and I would do anything to sleep with him. Anyway it turned out he knew Reynold really well and so we hung out together all night smoking cigars (bought for us by goodness knows who) drinking and chatting away about all sorts, while I at the same time was flirting with Tom (who by now I knew was straight). Then Tom was refused at the bar – the foreign bar man thought that he was drunk and despite me and Reynold tyring to tell him that he was disabled, he wouldn’t have any of it. The manager got involved, Tom got an apology and we all got more pints (yippee!! Hooray for Camden!). Got to bed at 04.15. Slept in the next day, did very little socialising and kept myself to my hungover self! Got home and virtually went straight to bed. Yawn.
Anyway that’s it for that weekend. Tomorrow I’ll do the intervening 13 days.
Before I go on I shall say that I am double posting this since Richard is a scoundrel and only ever blogs once a week and if he continues to do that I shall have to seriously consider remaining on his blog. You have been warned Rich!
Anyway just over a fortnight ago I was working late on the Friday night so decided a pint was in order. I got to the pub between 19.15 and 19.30 and got myself a pint and then had another and then another. I saw at the bar a cute short-ish boy who looked like a cross between an Indian and a Thai boy – not exactly sure but he was nice and he seemed to see me looking and shortly afterwards came to sit down near me but didn’t say anything or make a move, he just kept looking. I must say, I did wonder if he was rent as he was nice looking and young and obviously could do better than me. Anyway I’m sat there, reading the paper when some guy catches my eye and advises me to smile … I was scowling a bit so I cheered up a bit and before I knew it he came over, budged cute oriental boy out of the way. He started talking to me and got him a pint but I quickly realised he was a bit of a car crash of a man. He was called Kerry of Irish stock but from Middlesbro’ he was a masseur who came to Manchester a year ago but had only massaged 2 people and worked looking after people with Down’s. He lived in Eccles paying £20 a week rent but was 3 months behind on his rent. He looked a bit of a fashion victim and had a bit of a mullet with highlights but was nice and tall and slim and a nice face and before long and only 90 minutes after getting in the pub, we were in a taxi home. Had a nice time with him and afterwards he got my number (he didn’t have a mobile and his bedsit had a payphone in the hall but he didn’t know the number) had a joint (in my flat FFS) and went off after less than an hour!
On Saturday, I went shopping and bought two shirts (one for £33.50 and the other for £35.50) so I needed a drink after that! Went to Churchills (again) and it was heaving – which was a surprise for 17.30 on a Saturday. Anyway little Will behind the bar explained that it was due to Kylie being at the Arena. I stayed for another and another and another and then sent a few txts saying I was in the pub and I got a txt from MJ saying he could come over. I had another and then MJ rang saying he was gonna be on his way in a few minutes so I thought I should slow down so had a sixth and then to cut down I had a half coke/half kronenbourg (a german shandy). MJ arrived at half past nine. He was sober and I’d had six and a half pints in 4 hours. He got a pint for us both which was very nice after not having had a full strength beer for ooh half an hour. MJ went to the loo after half an hour or so and I sat there carrying on smoking and drinking. Now veteran blog readers will know of the problem I have when I drink fizzy beer and smoke cigarettes too quickly, it all comes back up and true to form, after guzzling that tiny bit more than I should have done while having a lungful of Marly smoke was too much and my throat filled with the old vom. I thought I was ok but with the next contraction (why is it that so many things leave your body thanks to contractions – babies, spunk and vomit) my mouth filled and so I quickly looked round seeking an empty pint glass but it was to no avail and come the next contraction the volume exceeded that of my mouth and thanks to the hand I had over my mouth it squirted in a southerly direction (I was facing south east) at an elevation of 45°, or at least some of it did. Some more of it was all over my shirt and so I quickly scurried to the toilets, bumping into MJ on the way there telling him of my predicament and cleaned myself up, changing shirts (thank god I had bought two new shirts) and throwing the old one away.
We then went to Via Fossa where we continued to drink and I had a very few words with cute Chris and then later on we went to Cruz 101. When we got in there, MJ decided we’d have a competition to see who could get off with the most people. I knew he would as he makes it his business to get of with as many people as he can in clubs but I WON!!! Yippee!!!!!! Ha ha ha ha!!!!! We went home eventually and after a bacon sandwich in the morning MJ wendled his way back home on the M62 as I prepared myself for my trip to Bournemouth.
I was going to the RMS (my initials (and also the title of the Titanic, i.e. the RMS Titanic) but in this instance the Records Management Society Conference. I will not bore you with the details but here are the highlights: Flew to Bournemouth and gave my window seat up to an old man because I’m so nice. Got to the hotel in time for the dinner and got talking to a cute guy called Tom from Camden Council, he talked as if he was deaf (although he wasn’t) and he had a limp and he had a nervous twitch which made his head always inclined to the right – anyway, what choice did I have, they were all records managers! I tagged onto him and for the next two days, my alcohol was paid for by the tax payers of the London Borough of Camden (thank you Camden). Chatted away to all and sundry all night about records management and got to bed at 03.00. On the Monday I had to endure the boredom of the conference but after it was done I bumped into Reynold our consultant at work and we started drinking at 17.00, then there was Pimms before dinner, then wine with dinner so I was well on the way and at dinner they had pea shooters and balls of paper like the ones you can see by clicking here and I started shooting everyone especially fit Richard who worked for a box storage company – he is really fit and I met him a couple of years ago and flirted with him outrageously. He’s a lovely looking 31 year old and I would do anything to sleep with him. Anyway it turned out he knew Reynold really well and so we hung out together all night smoking cigars (bought for us by goodness knows who) drinking and chatting away about all sorts, while I at the same time was flirting with Tom (who by now I knew was straight). Then Tom was refused at the bar – the foreign bar man thought that he was drunk and despite me and Reynold tyring to tell him that he was disabled, he wouldn’t have any of it. The manager got involved, Tom got an apology and we all got more pints (yippee!! Hooray for Camden!). Got to bed at 04.15. Slept in the next day, did very little socialising and kept myself to my hungover self! Got home and virtually went straight to bed. Yawn.
Anyway that’s it for that weekend. Tomorrow I’ll do the intervening 13 days.
posted by Matt @ 5:53 PM
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