May Day weekend
Fri, was home from the dentist at 3.15pm, was going to go back to work but traffic gridlocked so went home read my book had an hours nap, then awoke shook my feathers had a pie and some soup and met Matt, MJW, Katy, Rach and Dean in the Obediah Brooke at 8pm, i was early so sat on my tod nursing a shandy looking like Billy no mates.
Caroline and Warren also joined us so we went to the Karaoke at the Old house, it was a good night we all had far too much to drink, we all sat down round the table by the bar in the regal, Matt was trying to pull Deans brother, Steven and Beth arrived, Steven was bellowing "i've bought you 200 fags for your birthday" random boy...........
Grant turned up after the end of season rugby dinner and him and Katy were reunited like a scene from gone with the wind....aaahhh!
Dean and Rach were drinking WKD like it was going out of fashion to take full advantage of Albert and Mandys baby sitting.
Me and the benders went for curry, Matt suggested Eastern spice which seemed a good idea, MJ asked for a taxi in the styley of "hello Dave, can we have a taxi Dave?".
By which time, we had decided just to go to sloppies, i ate had my curry then stood up and announced i was leaving, without saying bye........i was waiting for a cab when Matt and MJ turned up anyway so we all got in and were home for 1/2 1.
Saturday was rudely awaken by the phone early doors, which turned out to be raving lesbian vegan Helen who was visiting her wee Ma in Drub.
Hooraahhhhhhhh!!
I love Helen (no not in that way).
I was out of bed like a shot, called at tescos for mushrooms, croissants and fresh bread (saw Hayley at the fag counter buying 34 newspapers and magazines) home and had a jocker cooked breakfast, then we went to the Livery to get Gilly some jodphurs for her birthday, also called at Marlenes as my mum likes Helen more than she likes me.
Next we went up to the secret garden in Hartshead where i spent some of my birthday money on a thatched roofed bird table (god i'm so old).
Called at the petshop for supplies then went up to the Gray Ox for an early evening meal, i had crisy duck wrap, Helen had some Vegan shite, and she paid as a belated birthday treat......double hooray!
I was home for 7pm and by 8pm Matt was at the door brandishing a homemade birthday compilation c.d and a bottle of champers.
We were all ready for bender part deux, Matts Dad dropped us at the sportsclub and came in for a pint (you know friendly like).
Hayley was departing after her orange and Leeny had gone to get Spug from work work not bar work as i thought or i wouldn't have gone down the club in the 1st place.
Oh well had a couple of drinks in there and stared aghast at Spugs tales of attacking Hemmy the previous evening, Matt piped up "Harriet, note to self do not pull men 25 years my senior".
Mosied into town, the night was a slow burn of mainly chatting and drinking slowly, we didn't leave spoons until 10.30pm, Matt sang "show me the way to Amarillo" .......which seemingly every cunt is singing, in the station and the 3 of us just sat down most of the night in the regal, i chatted loads to Diane, cousin of Lynn, then we danced for the last 1/2 an hour, we were by far the best dancers in there.
At 1am Spug and i wanted to go home, Matt wanted either a curry or a shag, he got neither as we bundled into the cab and thrust £4 into his hand.
Bedfordshire 1.20am.
Sunday, more beer to be drank.....had a hearty breakfast, did some washing and set off to Mick and Maries engagement do at the sportsclub.
It was all a bit of a disaster as Hayley and Spug were both behind the bar, so i had to talk to Zak and Mummy Spug, which was okay but i felt like a bit of a spare part, after they left i went in the other bar and chatted with Jenna for an hour until Matt arrived at 8 which was much better.
Then the real carcrash commenced, Matt and i went into town to look for Warren, Ap and the other lads who he'd left in the Whickham at 6ish, turned out they'd gone to Batley, so i had a quick wee behind a skip and we set off at speed in search of cock darn Bradford road.
Boulevard we found the 4 of them, Warren, Deano, AP and his brother JP.
It was dead as a dodo in there, John was dancing on his own on the dancefloor, Warren was getting some beers in for us all, Deano was sat backwards on a barstool riding it like a horse and Andy was staring at me all gooey eyed.
Oh The 4 of them were a mess, Andy stumbled over and started appologising for bottling my birthday......."Sorry Karen, i should have come, i feel bad, there's no excuse.......blah blah blah...........you didn't shag Hemmy did you?".
He then said after Hemmy had phoned him, he couldn't sleep because he thought i was going to shag him, bless!!!!!!!
A bouncer came over to tell Deano to sit on the stool the right way round, then threw him out when he persisted in pretending he was competing in the grand national.
So the 6 of us left, i was hoping for home.......but oh no!! lets go to the fronteir!!!??!!
I'm thirty fucking six for gods sake, i really do not need to be going down the big F of a bank holiday.
Andy dragged me by the arm and was paying me in before i could protest, got to the bar he asked what i wanted to drink, nowt thanks i said as i produced a bottle of Holsten pils from down my knickers, i'd snuck it out of the boulevard.
We lost Deano and John as soon as we got there, so we remaining four sat in a booth and watched the Karaoke stars........
Andy then spent the next beer fuelled hours acting like he was madly in love with me, stroking my hair, wanting to kiss me really passionately IN PUBLIC, biting my nose, he wouldn't take him arm from round my shoulder.
Andy, i am 36yrs old, i am in the fronteir wearing a cardigan, i am by far the oldest person in here, no other fucker will try and pull me, so you can put me down, and let me go to the toilet unaided. Matt was encouraging me to ask for Andy's hand in marriage as he was so mullered, so i just asked him when would we be tying the knot!
25th May 2008 seemingly and we were to live with his Mum and Dad.
Okay then!!
Woz got some more drinks then the 4 of us went to my house with the intension of drinking the champagne, Warren left after 5 mins and Andy went up to bed, me and Matt chatted till 20 past midnight, listening to Delilah and such like Matt drinking guinness, i had a JD and coke.
Got Matt a cab and woke Andy for some sex, spent the next 11 hours cat napping and shagging, he left at 11.30am, i got up and had bacon and egg sandwiches, did more washing and Steven came to visit for 1/2hr.
Ruth txt to say they were in the Malt Shovel beer garden, well there's fuck all else to do........Matt phoned to say he was up at Hartshead moor cricket club all day drinking with Warren and all the lads and their girlfriends.
I didn't really want to see Andy as he is renouned for not being very nice to me after a steamy session, think he's embarassed or something but he starts acting like a proper lad and blanking me in front of his mates, the buffoon!!!
I agreed to meet Ruth, Mark, Rach, Dean, baby Megan and Zoe in the beer garden and to meet Matt later on, hence killing 2 birds with one stone, which would have been fine if Matt hadn't have left his phone at home!!!!!!!!!!!!
Managed to get in touch with him at 5.30pm on Carolines mobile, to which he said we're just having one or two more in here then moving on!!!
All our group had gone home so i begged Ruth to stay with me, we moved to spoons as it's £2.40 for a shandy or a lagertop in the Malt and only £1.39 in spoons.
We had a pint got plonked then Warren, Matt, Danny Squires, Bev and some boy who looked like Spike out of Nottinghill arrived at 8pm, i was really struggling to keep up by this time, Ruth left 1/2 her drink and staggered off which was understandable as she'd been boozing for 8 or 9 hours, i chatted to the boys!!
Warren left, followed by Spike, Matt told me that Andy had denied our wedding arrangements and said if he was to get married in 3 yrs then he'd better find himself a bird............told you, arsehole!!!!
I got really upset, then cheered up when Bev (who went to Oz with Andy)said that all the lads think i'm far too good for him anyway.......hooray!!!
Spoke to Bev (who isn't a girl but his sir name is Evans), he spoke about their trip, so i was bound to find some gossip or maybe a bit of insight in to AP's mind.............erm answer??!!
No Karen, he speaks to you far more than any of us!!!
Okay then, had 3 more pints then really needed my bed, was far too sleepy for food, gave Matt a kiss and promised to drop his Mum a Kenwood Juicer up one night this week, in my bed for 10.30pm after spending 23 hrs and £110 in the pub in the last 4 days!!!!!!!!
Which i think is a bargain, considering!!
And i paid for both taxis to Batley and got a curry out of that...........
Look at me go!!
Maybe i shouldn't be bragging about spending 23 hrs in watering holes, but i was drinking shandy SOME of the time.
Thank you and goodnight!!
Caroline and Warren also joined us so we went to the Karaoke at the Old house, it was a good night we all had far too much to drink, we all sat down round the table by the bar in the regal, Matt was trying to pull Deans brother, Steven and Beth arrived, Steven was bellowing "i've bought you 200 fags for your birthday" random boy...........
Grant turned up after the end of season rugby dinner and him and Katy were reunited like a scene from gone with the wind....aaahhh!
Dean and Rach were drinking WKD like it was going out of fashion to take full advantage of Albert and Mandys baby sitting.
Me and the benders went for curry, Matt suggested Eastern spice which seemed a good idea, MJ asked for a taxi in the styley of "hello Dave, can we have a taxi Dave?".
By which time, we had decided just to go to sloppies, i ate had my curry then stood up and announced i was leaving, without saying bye........i was waiting for a cab when Matt and MJ turned up anyway so we all got in and were home for 1/2 1.
Saturday was rudely awaken by the phone early doors, which turned out to be raving lesbian vegan Helen who was visiting her wee Ma in Drub.
Hooraahhhhhhhh!!
I love Helen (no not in that way).
I was out of bed like a shot, called at tescos for mushrooms, croissants and fresh bread (saw Hayley at the fag counter buying 34 newspapers and magazines) home and had a jocker cooked breakfast, then we went to the Livery to get Gilly some jodphurs for her birthday, also called at Marlenes as my mum likes Helen more than she likes me.
Next we went up to the secret garden in Hartshead where i spent some of my birthday money on a thatched roofed bird table (god i'm so old).
Called at the petshop for supplies then went up to the Gray Ox for an early evening meal, i had crisy duck wrap, Helen had some Vegan shite, and she paid as a belated birthday treat......double hooray!
I was home for 7pm and by 8pm Matt was at the door brandishing a homemade birthday compilation c.d and a bottle of champers.
We were all ready for bender part deux, Matts Dad dropped us at the sportsclub and came in for a pint (you know friendly like).
Hayley was departing after her orange and Leeny had gone to get Spug from work work not bar work as i thought or i wouldn't have gone down the club in the 1st place.
Oh well had a couple of drinks in there and stared aghast at Spugs tales of attacking Hemmy the previous evening, Matt piped up "Harriet, note to self do not pull men 25 years my senior".
Mosied into town, the night was a slow burn of mainly chatting and drinking slowly, we didn't leave spoons until 10.30pm, Matt sang "show me the way to Amarillo" .......which seemingly every cunt is singing, in the station and the 3 of us just sat down most of the night in the regal, i chatted loads to Diane, cousin of Lynn, then we danced for the last 1/2 an hour, we were by far the best dancers in there.
At 1am Spug and i wanted to go home, Matt wanted either a curry or a shag, he got neither as we bundled into the cab and thrust £4 into his hand.
Bedfordshire 1.20am.
Sunday, more beer to be drank.....had a hearty breakfast, did some washing and set off to Mick and Maries engagement do at the sportsclub.
It was all a bit of a disaster as Hayley and Spug were both behind the bar, so i had to talk to Zak and Mummy Spug, which was okay but i felt like a bit of a spare part, after they left i went in the other bar and chatted with Jenna for an hour until Matt arrived at 8 which was much better.
Then the real carcrash commenced, Matt and i went into town to look for Warren, Ap and the other lads who he'd left in the Whickham at 6ish, turned out they'd gone to Batley, so i had a quick wee behind a skip and we set off at speed in search of cock darn Bradford road.
Boulevard we found the 4 of them, Warren, Deano, AP and his brother JP.
It was dead as a dodo in there, John was dancing on his own on the dancefloor, Warren was getting some beers in for us all, Deano was sat backwards on a barstool riding it like a horse and Andy was staring at me all gooey eyed.
Oh The 4 of them were a mess, Andy stumbled over and started appologising for bottling my birthday......."Sorry Karen, i should have come, i feel bad, there's no excuse.......blah blah blah...........you didn't shag Hemmy did you?".
He then said after Hemmy had phoned him, he couldn't sleep because he thought i was going to shag him, bless!!!!!!!
A bouncer came over to tell Deano to sit on the stool the right way round, then threw him out when he persisted in pretending he was competing in the grand national.
So the 6 of us left, i was hoping for home.......but oh no!! lets go to the fronteir!!!??!!
I'm thirty fucking six for gods sake, i really do not need to be going down the big F of a bank holiday.
Andy dragged me by the arm and was paying me in before i could protest, got to the bar he asked what i wanted to drink, nowt thanks i said as i produced a bottle of Holsten pils from down my knickers, i'd snuck it out of the boulevard.
We lost Deano and John as soon as we got there, so we remaining four sat in a booth and watched the Karaoke stars........
Andy then spent the next beer fuelled hours acting like he was madly in love with me, stroking my hair, wanting to kiss me really passionately IN PUBLIC, biting my nose, he wouldn't take him arm from round my shoulder.
Andy, i am 36yrs old, i am in the fronteir wearing a cardigan, i am by far the oldest person in here, no other fucker will try and pull me, so you can put me down, and let me go to the toilet unaided. Matt was encouraging me to ask for Andy's hand in marriage as he was so mullered, so i just asked him when would we be tying the knot!
25th May 2008 seemingly and we were to live with his Mum and Dad.
Okay then!!
Woz got some more drinks then the 4 of us went to my house with the intension of drinking the champagne, Warren left after 5 mins and Andy went up to bed, me and Matt chatted till 20 past midnight, listening to Delilah and such like Matt drinking guinness, i had a JD and coke.
Got Matt a cab and woke Andy for some sex, spent the next 11 hours cat napping and shagging, he left at 11.30am, i got up and had bacon and egg sandwiches, did more washing and Steven came to visit for 1/2hr.
Ruth txt to say they were in the Malt Shovel beer garden, well there's fuck all else to do........Matt phoned to say he was up at Hartshead moor cricket club all day drinking with Warren and all the lads and their girlfriends.
I didn't really want to see Andy as he is renouned for not being very nice to me after a steamy session, think he's embarassed or something but he starts acting like a proper lad and blanking me in front of his mates, the buffoon!!!
I agreed to meet Ruth, Mark, Rach, Dean, baby Megan and Zoe in the beer garden and to meet Matt later on, hence killing 2 birds with one stone, which would have been fine if Matt hadn't have left his phone at home!!!!!!!!!!!!
Managed to get in touch with him at 5.30pm on Carolines mobile, to which he said we're just having one or two more in here then moving on!!!
All our group had gone home so i begged Ruth to stay with me, we moved to spoons as it's £2.40 for a shandy or a lagertop in the Malt and only £1.39 in spoons.
We had a pint got plonked then Warren, Matt, Danny Squires, Bev and some boy who looked like Spike out of Nottinghill arrived at 8pm, i was really struggling to keep up by this time, Ruth left 1/2 her drink and staggered off which was understandable as she'd been boozing for 8 or 9 hours, i chatted to the boys!!
Warren left, followed by Spike, Matt told me that Andy had denied our wedding arrangements and said if he was to get married in 3 yrs then he'd better find himself a bird............told you, arsehole!!!!
I got really upset, then cheered up when Bev (who went to Oz with Andy)said that all the lads think i'm far too good for him anyway.......hooray!!!
Spoke to Bev (who isn't a girl but his sir name is Evans), he spoke about their trip, so i was bound to find some gossip or maybe a bit of insight in to AP's mind.............erm answer??!!
No Karen, he speaks to you far more than any of us!!!
Okay then, had 3 more pints then really needed my bed, was far too sleepy for food, gave Matt a kiss and promised to drop his Mum a Kenwood Juicer up one night this week, in my bed for 10.30pm after spending 23 hrs and £110 in the pub in the last 4 days!!!!!!!!
Which i think is a bargain, considering!!
And i paid for both taxis to Batley and got a curry out of that...........
Look at me go!!
Maybe i shouldn't be bragging about spending 23 hrs in watering holes, but i was drinking shandy SOME of the time.
Thank you and goodnight!!
posted by Karen @ 8:38 AM
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