Hallo y'all
Hold on to your tampons, this is my hurricane speed review of my week off:
Friday: Worked till 7pm, went home and did nothing all day
Saturday: Did nothing all day
Sunday: Went out and replaced a shirt which had developed a hole in the slot for the left hand collar bone, bought a toilet bag and two towels. Met up with Warren and Caroline and after a short wander looking for blister plasters and somewhere to eat we ended up in Churchills where we had a nice meal and a few drinks. And then some more drinks and then more and more and more. Warren and Caroline went but I stayed and got steadily more and more drunk. Chatted to a boy called Liam who was 20 and said he was going to become a rent boy charging £150 per hour, I told him nobody would pay. I chatted to some other people who I don’t really remember, chatted to a girl called Fay who I see quite often and who owes me £10. Ended up sitting next to a shortish 43 year old who was balding who was the most energetic dancer in the world. He told me he fancied me and made me dance with him but as soon as we were both stood up he just kissed me so I continued to kiss him as that’s preferable to dancing. He took my number and said he was off work on Tuesday and would give me a ring! Walked home via the Chinese and ordered £31.20 of Chinese food (like you do). Got home at 12.30, nine and a half hours after arriving at Churchills!
Monday: Slept till 10. Ate the rest of the Chinese food. Watched Armageddon and cried like a baby. Watched Columbo and slept a lot. Didn’t get dressed till 3.45pm Ventured out at 4pm for a CD rack and a phone top up card.
Tuesday: Didn’t get dressed till 3.30pm, went to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
Wednesday: Didn’t get dressed till 2pm but did iron a lot of shirts. Went to the Trafford Centre, had a McChicken Meal, saw Fantastic Four, bought a Hat for Michelle’s baby. Bought a padded envelope and some cotton. Went to Churchills. Accidentally threw away the cotton. (Bah, that’s £1.09 completely wasted!). Ended up sitting next to an old crone who I gave a pound to to buy some more beer. Walked home after two. Nearly fell in the canal after deciding to cross the canal on a lock gate rather than the bridge (to save less than one minute’s walk).
Thursday: Up early. Left at 11.30 got the train to Huddersfield, Warren picked me up. We walked into town but never made lunch as we were too late at the Wickham. Drank 5 pints and then went home. Had fish and chips for tea. Went to the Wickham. We lost by one point. Bah!
Friday: Up early again. Went into town to buy provisions for journey to Durham. Alastair was 45 minutes late in picking me up. Had provisions near Catterick staring at the White Horse some 10 miles away. Got to hotel eventually. Watched telly for a couple of hours, ventured out and drank. Not an eventful night as far as I recall - except for a scary man in the first pub. Durham has some very fit men!!
Saturday: Watched Telly from 9 till about 1.50. Set off for Hadrian’s Wall. We were looking for a pub to have something to eat but nowhere was still serving food as we’d set off so late. Got to Hadrian’s wall and we drove along and turned back stopping off at a funny building which was a tea shop. Drank tea in what looked like a man’s living room and had a lovely cream and jam scone all for £3 per person. I was harangued by the man’s mother who reminded me of my long departed Granny. She was a bit forgetful, a Geordie and just talked about anything. Anyway we left there and ended up at Chesters Roman Fort which was very interesting indeed and after an hour or so there set off home. Got out at 20.30. Had a bite to eat and then a couple of pints and then got a cab home.
Sunday: I tried to stay awake all night as my snoring had woken Alastair the night before (although if he only woke up 5 times, I would say that’s v lucky, I wake up about ten times on a normal night). Therefore I was dog-tired all day. Finally woke up at 10.30. Watched telly till 12.30 and then checked out and went into town for something to eat. Had a nice mixed grill with nasty chips and after buying bread and milk we set off home without seeing the Cathedral (which was my primary reason for going in the first place so I will have to return at some point – its only two and a half hours by train) I slept most of the way on the A1. I was awake at first and then dozed for or half an hour or so and then for the next half an hour or so I tried to stay awake but everytime I even blinked I fell asleep and began dreaming immediately. I then began to confuse what I was saying in my sleep and when I was awake so I realised I should just shut up – but this made me fall asleep and so before I knew it we were on the M62 at J27. Refreshed I stayed awake till we got home where A dropped me off and he carried on home. For the rest of the night I just slept and watched telly. I was really looking forward to spaghetti on toast for tea but I had run out of washing up liquid and didn’t fancy having to clean burned on tomato sauce that had dried on for 24 hours today so had toast for tea.
Friday: Worked till 7pm, went home and did nothing all day
Saturday: Did nothing all day
Sunday: Went out and replaced a shirt which had developed a hole in the slot for the left hand collar bone, bought a toilet bag and two towels. Met up with Warren and Caroline and after a short wander looking for blister plasters and somewhere to eat we ended up in Churchills where we had a nice meal and a few drinks. And then some more drinks and then more and more and more. Warren and Caroline went but I stayed and got steadily more and more drunk. Chatted to a boy called Liam who was 20 and said he was going to become a rent boy charging £150 per hour, I told him nobody would pay. I chatted to some other people who I don’t really remember, chatted to a girl called Fay who I see quite often and who owes me £10. Ended up sitting next to a shortish 43 year old who was balding who was the most energetic dancer in the world. He told me he fancied me and made me dance with him but as soon as we were both stood up he just kissed me so I continued to kiss him as that’s preferable to dancing. He took my number and said he was off work on Tuesday and would give me a ring! Walked home via the Chinese and ordered £31.20 of Chinese food (like you do). Got home at 12.30, nine and a half hours after arriving at Churchills!
Monday: Slept till 10. Ate the rest of the Chinese food. Watched Armageddon and cried like a baby. Watched Columbo and slept a lot. Didn’t get dressed till 3.45pm Ventured out at 4pm for a CD rack and a phone top up card.
Tuesday: Didn’t get dressed till 3.30pm, went to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
Wednesday: Didn’t get dressed till 2pm but did iron a lot of shirts. Went to the Trafford Centre, had a McChicken Meal, saw Fantastic Four, bought a Hat for Michelle’s baby. Bought a padded envelope and some cotton. Went to Churchills. Accidentally threw away the cotton. (Bah, that’s £1.09 completely wasted!). Ended up sitting next to an old crone who I gave a pound to to buy some more beer. Walked home after two. Nearly fell in the canal after deciding to cross the canal on a lock gate rather than the bridge (to save less than one minute’s walk).
Thursday: Up early. Left at 11.30 got the train to Huddersfield, Warren picked me up. We walked into town but never made lunch as we were too late at the Wickham. Drank 5 pints and then went home. Had fish and chips for tea. Went to the Wickham. We lost by one point. Bah!
Friday: Up early again. Went into town to buy provisions for journey to Durham. Alastair was 45 minutes late in picking me up. Had provisions near Catterick staring at the White Horse some 10 miles away. Got to hotel eventually. Watched telly for a couple of hours, ventured out and drank. Not an eventful night as far as I recall - except for a scary man in the first pub. Durham has some very fit men!!
Saturday: Watched Telly from 9 till about 1.50. Set off for Hadrian’s Wall. We were looking for a pub to have something to eat but nowhere was still serving food as we’d set off so late. Got to Hadrian’s wall and we drove along and turned back stopping off at a funny building which was a tea shop. Drank tea in what looked like a man’s living room and had a lovely cream and jam scone all for £3 per person. I was harangued by the man’s mother who reminded me of my long departed Granny. She was a bit forgetful, a Geordie and just talked about anything. Anyway we left there and ended up at Chesters Roman Fort which was very interesting indeed and after an hour or so there set off home. Got out at 20.30. Had a bite to eat and then a couple of pints and then got a cab home.
Sunday: I tried to stay awake all night as my snoring had woken Alastair the night before (although if he only woke up 5 times, I would say that’s v lucky, I wake up about ten times on a normal night). Therefore I was dog-tired all day. Finally woke up at 10.30. Watched telly till 12.30 and then checked out and went into town for something to eat. Had a nice mixed grill with nasty chips and after buying bread and milk we set off home without seeing the Cathedral (which was my primary reason for going in the first place so I will have to return at some point – its only two and a half hours by train) I slept most of the way on the A1. I was awake at first and then dozed for or half an hour or so and then for the next half an hour or so I tried to stay awake but everytime I even blinked I fell asleep and began dreaming immediately. I then began to confuse what I was saying in my sleep and when I was awake so I realised I should just shut up – but this made me fall asleep and so before I knew it we were on the M62 at J27. Refreshed I stayed awake till we got home where A dropped me off and he carried on home. For the rest of the night I just slept and watched telly. I was really looking forward to spaghetti on toast for tea but I had run out of washing up liquid and didn’t fancy having to clean burned on tomato sauce that had dried on for 24 hours today so had toast for tea.
posted by Matt @ 12:39 PM
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