Saturday and Sunday
Will and I finally got to bed at about 4 and at 8.30 I was up having a shit. Then I went back to bed and tried to have a sleep so I slept for the odd five minutes here and there for the next 45 minutes or so before I was awoken by something quite shocking! I had had a wet dream. Now I won’t bore you with the dream itself - although it was very good and thankfully featured nobody I knew – all I shall say is that it was most enjoyable even if it was perhaps a little messy. This is what you get after only one wank in 14 days!
Had some nosh (Sainsbury’s taste the difference muffins are delicious) watched BB from the night before (how weird is Sam?). Went into town and had a look round a few shops – Lewin (bought some silk knot cufflinks and collar bones) Thomas William (bought a doorstop and a non stick pan scraper), M&S, (had a coffee, coke and a Florentine), Selfridges (looked at caviar, luggage and champagne), the Arndale centre (eyed up the chavs, shook our heads at how awful shopping centre food courts are, wondered if there is a real branch of Spud-U-Like, prayed at the temple of pastry that is Greggs, considered spitting on people’s ice-creams (and yes, complained that other people were chavs!) and looked in my favourite shop in the world and raved on about the sirloin steak, the Barnsley chops and the nice ribs) and Debenham’s (where we camped it up in the homeware section, eyeing up a cute customer buying a pan, eyed up the bored assistant on the Wedgwood and cutlery till, pretended we were using corkscrews, considered buying an electric show polisher and finally wore ourselves out – being outrageously arch is very tiring you know!) We then walked down to Canal Street which even at 2.30 was really busy! And god was it hot!! We managed to get a really nice seat, in the window of Via Fossa, but the windows had all been opened and they were like big sliding French windows so we got to sit in the shade at a proper table with glass glasses but it felt like being outside. Sadly it was a table for diners so we each had a sandwich – and mine was v nice. Christ and Mick came in for lunch (each with matching pint T shirts and ¾ length trousers (despite Chris being 1/3 the size of Mick), we spotted the Indian guy from Friday and Saturday and for almost 3 hours just watched the world and lots of fit men go by. What a lovely afternoon.
Wandered back home via Sainsbury’s, had an hour’s kip watching the Simpson’s, had a nice beef sandwich (with a very nice dressing I made of balsamic vinegar, oil, maple syrup and mustard), got dressed into our fancy togs and we were back in the bar in no time. Went to the Pev of the Peak across the road from me and it was heaving!! Then we made our way to the Town Hall for the wedding.
Now, the night do started at 9pm which I thought was quite late anyway but everything was delayed so the speeches didn’t get finished till 10.30 and then everyone seemed to disappear. Chatted to some work friends including Dan and his fit new boyfriend (Will and I both would have) and we also spent a long time chatting up the manager of the Hospitality Service, Satish, he was as fit as. To coin a phrase of Maxwells, he was “off the hook”. Anyway we chatted to Jan and Olly and in the end all was well but the music came from a band who played mid tempo songs from the 60s 70s and 80s and it wasn’t really good dancing music, and you had to make your way through the room where the reception was to get to the dance floor so we sloped off not long after 11.30 only to discover another party in the Town Hall with really good music and with loads of really well dressed fit young men piling out of it. We realised we should have been in this party rather that the one we’d been invited to.
So we wandered onto Canal Street and it was heaving – the busiest I’ve ever seen it: hundreds of pooves, birds, hen nights, Chinese people selling glowing stuff, flower sellers, bouncers and even straight men. There were also millions of plastic glasses everywhere. Now I hate plastic glasses but I hate pubs not collecting them up or at least providing a bin even more. There must have been tens of thousands of plastic glasses, accumulated over twelve hours of drinking all over the road. It was foul. Going home we saw one of those mini road sweepers trying to suck them up to no avail. It looked like when ants kill a massive beetle. The road sweeper was overwhelmed and was being eaten alive by the empty plazzy glasses.
We went to Velvet but it was dead, then Taurus but that was not much better. We were entertained by a fit bloke falling asleep but that was it. We then ventured to Via Fossa and found a table right at the back away from everyone (negating the point of being in a bender bar) where Will had a go at me for not wanting to meet anyone on the internet. I am quite happy doing what I am doing but Will couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to try the internet which I think can be a little bit seedy and desperate and certainly more contrived than meeting blokes in pubs. Anyway when we got our next drinks we moved downstairs and I flirted with Chris, we eyed up loads of really fit lads and made up for being in the dark corner for the previous pint. Sadly no action was had by either of us but not to worry, I’m sure it won’t be long before some freaky thief comes on to me pretending he wants to fuck me in order to nick some of my hard earned cash and electronic goods.
Sunday, I got up for a shit at 8 and was relieved that I hadn’t jazzed all over my PJs again. Fell asleep in front of the TV watching the Discovery Channel’s “How it’s made”, seeing how they made paper, CDs, toilets, cosmetics, glass. Then I had a dream about David Frost talking about interviewing people only to wake up and realise that that was what was on TV. Will had got up and switched over.
The rest of Sunday wasn’t too exciting so I’ll run through it quickly: had breakfast, left for Piccadilly and realised it was swelteringly hot (thirty degrees) and started to sweat, I was sweating about the same amount as the Amazon expels into the sea and my clothes were a soggy mess, we dropped of bag, went for lunch in a lovely pub the English Lounge which had lovely food I asked for Stella and they’d run out and the nice waitress girl said to me “Sorry about your Stella, babe” which was nice. We stayed in there too long and then rushed back towards Piccadilly, Will had to run because I was so slow and because his train was leaving shortly so we departed at Oldham St but I went onto the Station and saw the train off. I then got a cab home, stripped down to my boxers and put on a vest and slept through Harry Potter that I’d put on the DVD player although I kept getting woken up by the massive raindrops and hailstones between 4 and 6 as they made their way to Thirsk (poor Christine Challis). Had cornflakes for dinner and some chocolate, watched Another Stakeout, did some washing and went to bed.
Had some nosh (Sainsbury’s taste the difference muffins are delicious) watched BB from the night before (how weird is Sam?). Went into town and had a look round a few shops – Lewin (bought some silk knot cufflinks and collar bones) Thomas William (bought a doorstop and a non stick pan scraper), M&S, (had a coffee, coke and a Florentine), Selfridges (looked at caviar, luggage and champagne), the Arndale centre (eyed up the chavs, shook our heads at how awful shopping centre food courts are, wondered if there is a real branch of Spud-U-Like, prayed at the temple of pastry that is Greggs, considered spitting on people’s ice-creams (and yes, complained that other people were chavs!) and looked in my favourite shop in the world and raved on about the sirloin steak, the Barnsley chops and the nice ribs) and Debenham’s (where we camped it up in the homeware section, eyeing up a cute customer buying a pan, eyed up the bored assistant on the Wedgwood and cutlery till, pretended we were using corkscrews, considered buying an electric show polisher and finally wore ourselves out – being outrageously arch is very tiring you know!) We then walked down to Canal Street which even at 2.30 was really busy! And god was it hot!! We managed to get a really nice seat, in the window of Via Fossa, but the windows had all been opened and they were like big sliding French windows so we got to sit in the shade at a proper table with glass glasses but it felt like being outside. Sadly it was a table for diners so we each had a sandwich – and mine was v nice. Christ and Mick came in for lunch (each with matching pint T shirts and ¾ length trousers (despite Chris being 1/3 the size of Mick), we spotted the Indian guy from Friday and Saturday and for almost 3 hours just watched the world and lots of fit men go by. What a lovely afternoon.
Wandered back home via Sainsbury’s, had an hour’s kip watching the Simpson’s, had a nice beef sandwich (with a very nice dressing I made of balsamic vinegar, oil, maple syrup and mustard), got dressed into our fancy togs and we were back in the bar in no time. Went to the Pev of the Peak across the road from me and it was heaving!! Then we made our way to the Town Hall for the wedding.
Now, the night do started at 9pm which I thought was quite late anyway but everything was delayed so the speeches didn’t get finished till 10.30 and then everyone seemed to disappear. Chatted to some work friends including Dan and his fit new boyfriend (Will and I both would have) and we also spent a long time chatting up the manager of the Hospitality Service, Satish, he was as fit as. To coin a phrase of Maxwells, he was “off the hook”. Anyway we chatted to Jan and Olly and in the end all was well but the music came from a band who played mid tempo songs from the 60s 70s and 80s and it wasn’t really good dancing music, and you had to make your way through the room where the reception was to get to the dance floor so we sloped off not long after 11.30 only to discover another party in the Town Hall with really good music and with loads of really well dressed fit young men piling out of it. We realised we should have been in this party rather that the one we’d been invited to.
So we wandered onto Canal Street and it was heaving – the busiest I’ve ever seen it: hundreds of pooves, birds, hen nights, Chinese people selling glowing stuff, flower sellers, bouncers and even straight men. There were also millions of plastic glasses everywhere. Now I hate plastic glasses but I hate pubs not collecting them up or at least providing a bin even more. There must have been tens of thousands of plastic glasses, accumulated over twelve hours of drinking all over the road. It was foul. Going home we saw one of those mini road sweepers trying to suck them up to no avail. It looked like when ants kill a massive beetle. The road sweeper was overwhelmed and was being eaten alive by the empty plazzy glasses.
We went to Velvet but it was dead, then Taurus but that was not much better. We were entertained by a fit bloke falling asleep but that was it. We then ventured to Via Fossa and found a table right at the back away from everyone (negating the point of being in a bender bar) where Will had a go at me for not wanting to meet anyone on the internet. I am quite happy doing what I am doing but Will couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to try the internet which I think can be a little bit seedy and desperate and certainly more contrived than meeting blokes in pubs. Anyway when we got our next drinks we moved downstairs and I flirted with Chris, we eyed up loads of really fit lads and made up for being in the dark corner for the previous pint. Sadly no action was had by either of us but not to worry, I’m sure it won’t be long before some freaky thief comes on to me pretending he wants to fuck me in order to nick some of my hard earned cash and electronic goods.
Sunday, I got up for a shit at 8 and was relieved that I hadn’t jazzed all over my PJs again. Fell asleep in front of the TV watching the Discovery Channel’s “How it’s made”, seeing how they made paper, CDs, toilets, cosmetics, glass. Then I had a dream about David Frost talking about interviewing people only to wake up and realise that that was what was on TV. Will had got up and switched over.
The rest of Sunday wasn’t too exciting so I’ll run through it quickly: had breakfast, left for Piccadilly and realised it was swelteringly hot (thirty degrees) and started to sweat, I was sweating about the same amount as the Amazon expels into the sea and my clothes were a soggy mess, we dropped of bag, went for lunch in a lovely pub the English Lounge which had lovely food I asked for Stella and they’d run out and the nice waitress girl said to me “Sorry about your Stella, babe” which was nice. We stayed in there too long and then rushed back towards Piccadilly, Will had to run because I was so slow and because his train was leaving shortly so we departed at Oldham St but I went onto the Station and saw the train off. I then got a cab home, stripped down to my boxers and put on a vest and slept through Harry Potter that I’d put on the DVD player although I kept getting woken up by the massive raindrops and hailstones between 4 and 6 as they made their way to Thirsk (poor Christine Challis). Had cornflakes for dinner and some chocolate, watched Another Stakeout, did some washing and went to bed.
posted by Matt @ 5:09 PM
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