Ibiza baby!!

I was so excited in the run up to my holiday I could have shit my pants! Have been a little crap just recently as now I am coupled up, so I was looking forward to letting my hair down and getting twatted.

Arrived in Ibiza with the wife 3am Sunday morning. Big German offered to carry my bag up the million stairs to our apartment, which was nice/weird. 'I carry your bag ja?'.
Had disco kip and was up at 9am ready for the beach. We needed tickets for Space opening (£45 bleedin quid!) dodgy drug pushers were selling them on the beach, so we purchased 2 tickets and 10 pills off of a small Spaniard man wearing a sun visa
As we couldn't contain our excitement, we fucked off the beach, into the off licence and bought vodka, San Miguel and 200 fags. Got wasted in apartment.

Speed marched down to Space absolutley wired. Space is a legendary fantastic night club that kicks off in the day and last's all night. We were in the queue with thousands of beautiful drugged up people, sun was shining, happy days! For some reason, we were plucked out of the queue and led to the front. The only reason we can think of is that we were so wasted and there was a TV crew filming and maybe we weren't giving the right impression, or maybe the fact Farida looks like a Spanish maid.

Cannont remember a great deal, the terrace was amazing, the music was fab and the atmosphere was typical Ibiza craziness. Ace! Farida started speed necking with some random black guy, while I started chatting to his mate, girl called Claire from Leeds! hurrah! We went for a wonder while black guy fed Farida MDMA powder, E's and other various narcotics. When they finally stood up, this guy was 7ft tall! no shit! nose bleed height!

Me and the wife and our new mate Claire, decided to head off back to our balcony to get more wrecked as Space became a little hectic. Passed out later.

Monday - DC10 opening party. Another famous club with an outside terrace, good tunes etc. Met our Beach guy again and purchased cocaine and pills for the day/night at DC10. New mates Claire and Cassey (7ft black guy) in tow. It was ace! danced till I was physically sick!
Me and the wife tried to get a cab as we had had enough, but it was proving impossible. We then got approached by an Argentinian beautiful man who said he would take us back to our apartments for 10 euro. We jumped at the chance. Didn't even care if we got raped as he was a)smaller than me b) we were wasted c) he was fit anyway so it wouldn;t be that bad.
Arrived home and lumped on with more drugs and San Miguel.

Claire (3rd contestant) arrived at out apartment later to crack on with us. She was meant to be flying back that evening at 11.30pm, but she had lost her mate Cassey (giant) and was too wrecked to go, so she stayed with us and missed her flight! we ventured out later for a beer, (which we didn't pay for as we just forgot) then passed out again.

Claire needed some cash for a flight home. On the off chance that her mate Cassey had missed his flight too and his bags were still in left luggage, she knew there was a spare £300 kicking around in his suit case. (He's loaded) and yes! he'd also missed his flight, his bags were still there and she had a fist full of £20 notes! party on!

We decided that as we had rinsed the narcotics somewhat, we should plan an evening out in San Antonio (home of Cafe Del Mar etc) We were on the balcony again getting happily trollied on rum and cokes, when there was a knock at the door. In staggers Cassey wearing 3 day old clothes covered in sand! He'd been at some villa with loads of randoms getting off with a Swiss guy! yes he was bisexual! Little bit of a shock to Farida, but I don't think she particually minded. So we all trapsed off to San An, shit faced. Farida speed necking with the big black bi giant and me unable to walk, Claire blind. Got back to the apartments and threw my guts up.

Wednesday, so ill I couldn't move. Boring, horrible, hungover day! couldn't even muster the energy to get brown in the sun! Wednesday night, our new found friends headed home on an alternative flight.

Thursday - As Cassey still had some stuff left that he obviously couldn't take home with him, me and the wife got wasted again. Hung out on Bora Bora beach for the beach parties, and went round the local bars gurning like freaks.

Friday and Saturday we just chilled out and I actually managed to get a tan. Hate to say it, but it kicked in that I was really missing Matt. Oh dear. Then managed to convince myself in my head that he will want to finish with me as I sent him a text and he didn't reply. Matt loves his beer, but not so much the drugs and clubbing scene. Thought he may have come to his senses and got a nice girl. Started feeling home sick and was on the verge of a big come down.

Boarded the plane at fucking 3am sunday morning. We had to vacate our apartments at 11am Saturday, so we literally were bumming around. Emma 'no fixed abode' Rhodes. I literally ran out of conversation with Farida and we were sick of the sight of each other! hee hee!

The flight home was cramped, cold and horrible. Started to feel lousey. Landed in Leeds at 5am Sunday morning. Collected our bags and made our way to get a taxi. Who should be stood there to collect us but my Matt!! he'd not dumped me afterall! hurrah!
We went home and I had the best shag ever!
Then me and Matt went for a dirty breakfast at Morrisons Cafe on Kirkstall Road.

Perfect end to a fucking ace holiday!!