Forgive me God, for I have sinned on the sabbath weekend.
What a feking bank holiday!
Thursday
As soon as I finished work, me and the wife called in at Makro to get the biggest bottle of vodka money could buy. We found one so big the lables were on upside down cos it was meant for optics in bars. It was meant for us more like! Oh and a couple of bottles of wine too.
Did a quick stop at our friend in Chapel town to get some pills, then went to pick Melissa up (known to her mates as 'cheeky' cos she is a twin like the cheeky girls and also a cheeky little bleeder) Cracked open the vodka and left the house for Mojo's in town absolutely arseholed.
Got free shots at the bar and drug fuelled random conversations with various long haired wannabe rock stars. Went over the Jakes bar and grill where I pulled a dodgy man from Denmark. Thought he was well fit, but turned out he wasn't.
The wife couldn't stand up unaided, Melissa was speed necking with random (even though she has boyfriend now) and I was talking the face off of Denmark. Decided to go home. Denmark came with us; we stayed up snorting e's and drinking huge Vodka. Didn't sleep with him though as it was the time of the month and as I came round, I realised he wasn't that fit. Had no sleep what so ever. Threw him out in the morning.
Friday
Felt RUBBISH! Was crawling round the floor when the wife suggested us 'lumping on'. I reluctantly got ready and we paid chapel town another visit.
Got more coke and pills and headed into town for 2pm. Met up with Polly (or 'Jolly' to her mates, mainly cos she's a recovering manic depressive and is often not so Jolly) went to Normans where cute bar man Matthew ran around for us giving us table service. They actually turn a blind eye to our drug use in there as we spend so much money and also cos the whole establishment is run by coke heads. My friend Chimp came in with fit boy I’d never seen before in tow. Cos I was so wasted by that point and feeling a bit confident, I sparked up conversation and asked him if he wanted a line in the loos with me. Wife was already sucking Chimp off in the loos. Nice! Jolly went home. Ended up kidnapping Chimp and young boy (Sean) back to ours. We got more wasted on big vodka and stuff. Ended up in bed with boy drinking and talking bollox. Again, as it was my time of the month I couldn't have sex (pah! So wanted too! He’s beautiful and Irish with green eyes and dark hair) told him though that I don't sleep with people I'd just met. Never said that before so thought I'd give it a go! Didn’t realise that Wife had already let it slip to Chimp that his mate wouldn't get laid cos I was 'on the blob!'
No sleep for a second night running. Boy promised to call and left with Chimp in the morning for work (unlucky).
Saturday
Oh my god, my insides were rotting. No kip or food in two days. Not big or clever. Spent entire day in bed watching shit telly and reading crap magazines. Sacked off hair appointment at Toni & Guy and lunch date with Lilo. Still couldn't sleep. Finally got my shit together and went to Bibis for dinner with the wife. Ate half my food as stomach had shrank to the size of a peanut. Lost 10lb's though! Bumped into all Toni & Guy girls who bollocked me for not showing to appointment! Food wiped me out and finally fell asleep at 11pm cos all the vodka had gone.
Sunday
Cleaned the crack den that was my house from top to bottom. Chilled out for a bit then got ready for mates joint 30th birthday, which was at Room restaurant in town. Don't get me wrong, I love Banksy and Si, that was the only reason I went, but the rest of the pretensious dicks get on my nerves. It was like land of the beautiful. Fit boys and girls all air kissing and coked up. Didn't eat much of the meal and just got on it again instead. Chimp took the piss about me fibbing about being whiter than white to Sean and not doing first date sex. Ate a few pills and had a dance as mate Tom (fit as fuck) was Djing. Left at 3am.
Monday
Arrived at the after party which was at Northern Lights straight from the restaurant. Popped more pills, danced more, perved loads at the pretty boys, bought more coke. Mate Clanger turned up in full Spanish bullfighting attire. It was gold and sequined. Was the funniest thing I have ever seen. Met the Toni & Guy girls again and we all bundled into the loos for a line. As there was no toilet seat Farida put it on the end of her keys to snort it. That was the last we saw of the door keys. Left with slimy Joe and his slimy mates to his posh flat in Headingley at around 7.30am. He tried it on with both me and Farida. Rang for a taxi home and realised had no keys so had to stay in slimy Joes bed. Slopped off with no kip at 10am. Hung out at Jolly's all day in last nights clothes waiting for Damian the lodger (Andy moved out) to come home from Bradford. Finally got in house at 8.30pm after blagging a lift with Rich my ex.
Tuesday
Feel awful and my throat is all swollen. Shivering at my desk and need food! Just text the Toni & Guy girls to see if they've got my keys...
Thursday
As soon as I finished work, me and the wife called in at Makro to get the biggest bottle of vodka money could buy. We found one so big the lables were on upside down cos it was meant for optics in bars. It was meant for us more like! Oh and a couple of bottles of wine too.
Did a quick stop at our friend in Chapel town to get some pills, then went to pick Melissa up (known to her mates as 'cheeky' cos she is a twin like the cheeky girls and also a cheeky little bleeder) Cracked open the vodka and left the house for Mojo's in town absolutely arseholed.
Got free shots at the bar and drug fuelled random conversations with various long haired wannabe rock stars. Went over the Jakes bar and grill where I pulled a dodgy man from Denmark. Thought he was well fit, but turned out he wasn't.
The wife couldn't stand up unaided, Melissa was speed necking with random (even though she has boyfriend now) and I was talking the face off of Denmark. Decided to go home. Denmark came with us; we stayed up snorting e's and drinking huge Vodka. Didn't sleep with him though as it was the time of the month and as I came round, I realised he wasn't that fit. Had no sleep what so ever. Threw him out in the morning.
Friday
Felt RUBBISH! Was crawling round the floor when the wife suggested us 'lumping on'. I reluctantly got ready and we paid chapel town another visit.
Got more coke and pills and headed into town for 2pm. Met up with Polly (or 'Jolly' to her mates, mainly cos she's a recovering manic depressive and is often not so Jolly) went to Normans where cute bar man Matthew ran around for us giving us table service. They actually turn a blind eye to our drug use in there as we spend so much money and also cos the whole establishment is run by coke heads. My friend Chimp came in with fit boy I’d never seen before in tow. Cos I was so wasted by that point and feeling a bit confident, I sparked up conversation and asked him if he wanted a line in the loos with me. Wife was already sucking Chimp off in the loos. Nice! Jolly went home. Ended up kidnapping Chimp and young boy (Sean) back to ours. We got more wasted on big vodka and stuff. Ended up in bed with boy drinking and talking bollox. Again, as it was my time of the month I couldn't have sex (pah! So wanted too! He’s beautiful and Irish with green eyes and dark hair) told him though that I don't sleep with people I'd just met. Never said that before so thought I'd give it a go! Didn’t realise that Wife had already let it slip to Chimp that his mate wouldn't get laid cos I was 'on the blob!'
No sleep for a second night running. Boy promised to call and left with Chimp in the morning for work (unlucky).
Saturday
Oh my god, my insides were rotting. No kip or food in two days. Not big or clever. Spent entire day in bed watching shit telly and reading crap magazines. Sacked off hair appointment at Toni & Guy and lunch date with Lilo. Still couldn't sleep. Finally got my shit together and went to Bibis for dinner with the wife. Ate half my food as stomach had shrank to the size of a peanut. Lost 10lb's though! Bumped into all Toni & Guy girls who bollocked me for not showing to appointment! Food wiped me out and finally fell asleep at 11pm cos all the vodka had gone.
Sunday
Cleaned the crack den that was my house from top to bottom. Chilled out for a bit then got ready for mates joint 30th birthday, which was at Room restaurant in town. Don't get me wrong, I love Banksy and Si, that was the only reason I went, but the rest of the pretensious dicks get on my nerves. It was like land of the beautiful. Fit boys and girls all air kissing and coked up. Didn't eat much of the meal and just got on it again instead. Chimp took the piss about me fibbing about being whiter than white to Sean and not doing first date sex. Ate a few pills and had a dance as mate Tom (fit as fuck) was Djing. Left at 3am.
Monday
Arrived at the after party which was at Northern Lights straight from the restaurant. Popped more pills, danced more, perved loads at the pretty boys, bought more coke. Mate Clanger turned up in full Spanish bullfighting attire. It was gold and sequined. Was the funniest thing I have ever seen. Met the Toni & Guy girls again and we all bundled into the loos for a line. As there was no toilet seat Farida put it on the end of her keys to snort it. That was the last we saw of the door keys. Left with slimy Joe and his slimy mates to his posh flat in Headingley at around 7.30am. He tried it on with both me and Farida. Rang for a taxi home and realised had no keys so had to stay in slimy Joes bed. Slopped off with no kip at 10am. Hung out at Jolly's all day in last nights clothes waiting for Damian the lodger (Andy moved out) to come home from Bradford. Finally got in house at 8.30pm after blagging a lift with Rich my ex.
Tuesday
Feel awful and my throat is all swollen. Shivering at my desk and need food! Just text the Toni & Guy girls to see if they've got my keys...
posted by Anonymous @ 11:25 AM
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