Amsterdam

Last Thursday... some idiot decided we should meet for a few pre-Amsterdam drinks, by the time I'd been for my haircutting, dropped some samples of at Spug's, fake tanned, done my nails and packed, there was no time to eat, no worries... have 7 pints on an empty stomach Karen...............by the time Andy and Woz showed up at 10pm after the rugby tour meeting, i was in la la land!
He took me home, put me to bed and had his wicked way......bad boy!

Friday...oh my fooking god, i wanted to die, AP left at 8.30am to help his Dad landscape the garden........schmuk!
I set the alarm and rose at 11.30am, had a bacon butty and we collected Katy and Ruth, then an already pissed Sarah from the train station, we met the other 4 girlies (Beth, Jo,Tina and Spug) in Dewsbury, a very happy Andy sped off in my car for the weekend, while the 8 of us hit the nearest pub which was full of Alkies, Doleys and chavs...nice! we had a quick 2 pints, Spug and Beth opened their cards and presents, Sarah drew on my t.shirt which ruined my whole weekend, then at 3pm bus driver Bill collected us and demanded a hug! (fooking hell Bill we are not mates, just because i have shares in the old peoples coach tours).
5 more pick-ups and we were at Hull, with a hen party on our coach, the cunts stealing our thunder!!!!!
Anyhow there were 8 of them too, but they were rough as fuck from Cas and they'd brought along a screaming queen who was talking about bum fun and lube and the top of his voice, so everyone on the bus hated them and loved us! yippee!

So we're in Hull, Tina is sheet white at the size of the ship, Bill volunteered me to collect all the passports and put them in alphabetical order, twat! I've told you I'm not your mate!
We made the decision to stay in our tour t.shirts for the evening, dumped our bags in our cabins and headed for the bar....hurrah! 1 pint later we were all hank marvin, we bought our meal tickets and headed for the 4 seasons restaurant, where we made light work of a 4 course meal until we couldn't move..as you do!

Our Friday evening consisted of drinking, bingo (shut up i'm 37 next week), more drinking, i was petrified of the fooking boat, poor Tina had to buy travel sickness bands......the only thing i could think of to make the situation better was pints of stella with vodka chasers!!!???! what a twat!
Everyone thought they knew us as we had our names on our t.shirts....i turned into a gurning gobshite and was telling some tall geezer from Earlsheaton that his breath smelt and could he face the other way, we'd sat in the Irish bar most of the evening as the caberet lounge was rammed....oh we were messy! by 1am we'd taken over the dancefloor and i'd let it slip to Katy that the bar had run out of XXXX and we'd been on stella all night!
Sarah and i were the 1st to bed, leaving the other loons trekking round the ship, going out onto the skylight deck in their pyjamas Katy barfing in the loo and the others getting 6 more vodkas in as the bar was nearly shut!


5am Saturday, bing bong bing..... shut up you witch yes we know you can speak 4 foreign languages! all is not well, i'm aching like fuck...............OH MY GOD! realised in my drunken state i have indeed fallen out of the top bunk in the night and have a 6" bruise to prove it! everyone had been down to breakfast bar me and Katy, we were the last 2 on the ship to dine, still pissed, not speaking, trying to force a full English down our throats!
On the bus at silly o'clock, i'm sure we went through passport control but i can't remember!
Tina is chuntering at the side of me "it's very basic" coming out of the port and "ooh Bill" everytime he breaked!
The journey from Rotterdam into Amsterdam took about 1 1/2hrs, showed the whole coach my bruise to lots of "OOOH'S" fell off the bus and into McDonalds, then we mooched for the whole day, it was fab, really cool, we had coffees, sat in the sun, went in the sex museum, bought our duty free, ate, went to the red light district,( to much giggling at the fat european mingers in thier 50's trying to make a living in the shop windows) bought Andy his hard core porn, bumped into our mates from Dewsbury! took photos in Dam square, oh it was so cool! sampled a few lagers (hair of the dog) then it was 4pm and time to clamber back on the coach, boo! wolfed a cheeseburger and chips down and tutted at the hen party all stoned asking for chocolate, get lost bockers!

Back on the "floating hotel" showered, asked Ruth to sleep on the top bunk that night, borrowed Tina arena's hairdryer, then me and Ruthrack "saved" some seats for our party in the bar, needn't have bothered as only 500 passengers sailing back that night! had a very funny night, i don't know how we all found our energy after only 4hrs sleep!
We chose not to dine again at £16 a shout, so we ate junk food and drank all night, lots of vodka consumed by all, excluding poor Jo (baby doesn't like voddy).
Sarah got us all doing drinking games, lots of sillyness, running round the ship, carrying on with the bar staff, the boat was really calm that night which was a fooking relief.

Headed downstairs and did the conga at midnight for Spug's official birthday, Beth saving the coats, think she was trying not to get too wellied, as Jo had her climbing imaginary stairs the previous night down the corridor!
Some drunken blokes started moving in on us,an old geezer who was just like father Jack, the bar shut, i'd had enough, was sleepy and squishy, me and Beth stumbled up to our cabins at 1.15am............Ruth woke me up a couple of hours later as she came to bed (getting her own back from me waking her, opening the bathroom door several times thinking the light was on a sensor).
Then before we knew it, it was 6am and we'd docked, heard lots of people pulling suitcases along corridors to get off and decided to get up and start packing.

Hull to home, we threw Sarah out at Wakefield, so she could get the train back to GBY.
Then 10am was picked up by AP, bless him.......told me off for being bruised and looking like a battered wife and said i couldn't go to Amsterdam again.
Dropped everyone off and fussed cats, gave them turkey as a treat for being neglected and slept for an hour, then 3pm.............. back at the Sportsclub for more drinking.
"I love you" txt messages started coming through from Andy from the previous night, he looked a tad embarressed! and he's paid my subs and he gave me the mixed grill he'd won, how nice is he? Leeny and Mike made me show the whole club my bruise, had a couple of pints of shandy, took my car home and let the cats in, then walked down to spoons to meet Spug, Rach, Dean, Hayley, James, Katy, Grant and AP who were finishing their pints at the club and taxiing on! NOT! sat alone for 50mins while they were playing pass the parcel and the likes at the club as arranged by Mick Collins.

Had a couple more then we all went to the Wickham for more beer and pool, Ruth and Mark showed up and we all had a merry old time, Katy was leathered, Grant took her home, by 10pm i was goosed, me and little Ap went for pizza and sleeps!

Bank holiday Monday, up early for Oh my god i've missed you so much loving, napped a bit more then watched the HCP in bed through one eye to, "there's no need for that" chuntering at the really filthy bits.
I got up at 11am, left sleeping boy, while i mopped, vacced, washed up.......ya di ya!
Called at Marlene's to take her JPS, tescos for a few bits, ate left over pizza, 3 loads of washing then Sam and the girls came a visiting which was lovely.
Napped an hour on the sofa, then watched Peter Kay all night ligged in p.j's having wine.

Tuesday...today, back at work for a rest, i'm getting too old for all this hard partying!