Allergic to Stella
Rock on...................ace weekend!
Friday, left work with a booming head, I'm blaming all these fooking fireworks, despised by me and my cats equally!
Called at Mother's for her to thank us for presents, theatre tickets and the like, older brother and bird were just leaving, middle brother arrived with bird and her offspring, he seemed to fill the whole house with his presence, wolfed my cake down and escaped before migraine worsened.
Now i only have an hour to get ready and get to Commercial, boycott tea Karen, who needs to eat??!
Me, you divvy............3 pints later leaving the pub with Matt, His Dad, Katy and Grant...........yep i was pissed!
Bad move..........the party had started at 7pm, we polled in at 9pm, after several miss calls from AP, still i'm here now Andy..........look and i can hardly walk, are you proud?
It all went down hill from then on, it was an ace party, it was heaving with all the clicky gang and their partners, all luckily well on their way too, close behind me though, 4 bottles of Stella later, that was it, curtain close.............black out...........utter utter dribbling disgrace.
Vaguely remember using Andy's phone to call a cab, but do not remember saying bye, leaving, getting home, undressing, having filthy sex in the living room, letting Andy out, going to bed.............DOH!
I am such a twat!!!
Saturday, was ready as instructed at 1.30pm, to be Matt's bearded wife at the marriage of his cousin and her fella.
So donned on wedding outfit, topped off with the blood shot eyes look, rancid Stella seeping from every pore, church service was fine,after we'd moved pews 4 times, Matt cried, i didn't sing all things bright and beautiful as it was the wrong tune, some mad old bird wanted to bring her dog Rocky to the church and had even bought him a bow tie, but she wasn't allowed.
Caroline was more hung-over than me as she'd necked a bottle of JD at her own party, unlucky!
Nipped to Matt's parents after the church service as he'd forgotten his script, it was a good job really as i needed cellotape to stick my hem up and Matt's Mum was desperate for lambrini.
Arrived at Golf club, had some photos done, necked 2 bucks fizz, Dinner was served at 4.30pm, Matt did a sterling job of his toast master duties. The meal was lovely, we were sat on a table full of ushers (all called James) and the thirstiest bridesmaid in Britain, so we ate and drank and were merry, the speeches came and went, 3 glasses of wine, 2 bucks fizz, 1/2 lager and champagne later, i was feeling fab, 7pm and we're all sat in the bar area, Warren was clutching a bottle of white wine, slurring, the rest of the Stephenson's singing all the lyrics to "i know an old woman who swallowed a fly" at the top of their voices..........stop it you're scaring me!
One of Matt's relatives, Alex (the tallest 8 yr old in the world, honestly he'd have got served at the bar if he'd tried), had latched on to the party table, so it's 7pm........too late to go to the club as planned.........Warren pipes up "get Andy on here, well i want him to come, i'll ring him".
Yeah of course Andy is going to pass up a night out with all the rugga bugga lads, away from mullered bird, to come to a wedding where he hasn't been invited, to turn up on his tod, purely so he can dance to 70's cheese and maybe if he's lucky New york new York at the end of the night, so he can see if he can kick his legs higher than any other of the pissed up wedding guests!
20 minutes later he arrived, all suited and booted wearing a pink tie, that would have looked suitable for a night out round Wakey!
Caroline's mumbling "he's in lurve".........I was SO happy to see him (nothing to do with wanting to get away from the party family).
What a top night, i fooking love weddings! mint buffet, i had pie, chips and peas, Matt's Mum wanted double helping of lasagne and chips, Warren was the drunkest man in the world, Caroline was going barmy, the d'j kept moving him away from the speakers as he was spinning round and nearly knocking all the decks over........funny as fuck!
Apart from when he spilt a full pint of bitter all over the bottom tier of the wedding cake, not so funny!
So he's getting Andy up to jig about like a loony and do aeroplane impressions, dear dear!
Matt is dancing with Auntie Jean, 8yr old Alex is saying "your boyfriend is dancing with another woman, aren't you jealous", tried to explain i was with Andy and was not Matt's girlfriend, this seemed to fall on deaf ears, as he said "you don't even know Andy!"
Andy then got me up to slow dance, ha ha take that Alex, look how nice my boyfriend is.
10 pints later, we'd all made complete twats of ourselves, done the obligatory wedding jigging around, beer slopping, telling everyone you love them, convincing yourself that the really fit usher wants to get in your knickers, telling the bride this is the best wedding you have ever been to (even though you don't know her), back chatting the barman, then leering at your boyfriends backside while thinking what a mess you'll make of that when you get home.
1am, Caroline phoned a 5 man cab and threw me and Andy out at the cottages, where we promptly fell asleep within about 30 seconds!!!
Up at 8am Sunday, no hangover what so ever, maybe eating is the way forward..........
Had some loving then slept a while longer after AP had gone home, looking a hell of a lot rougher than me, pink tie and cufflinks both in trouser pocket........
Did feck all yesterday, washed 2 loads and went to Marlene's for an hour, she was decidedly chipper, bizarre! saying "oh hello, this is a nice surprise aren't you going out for Sunday shandies?"
Went to bed very early last night, slept like a log, am refreshed and raring to go today!
After another fun packed, drinking, shagging weekend in the life of MOI!
Friday, left work with a booming head, I'm blaming all these fooking fireworks, despised by me and my cats equally!
Called at Mother's for her to thank us for presents, theatre tickets and the like, older brother and bird were just leaving, middle brother arrived with bird and her offspring, he seemed to fill the whole house with his presence, wolfed my cake down and escaped before migraine worsened.
Now i only have an hour to get ready and get to Commercial, boycott tea Karen, who needs to eat??!
Me, you divvy............3 pints later leaving the pub with Matt, His Dad, Katy and Grant...........yep i was pissed!
Bad move..........the party had started at 7pm, we polled in at 9pm, after several miss calls from AP, still i'm here now Andy..........look and i can hardly walk, are you proud?
It all went down hill from then on, it was an ace party, it was heaving with all the clicky gang and their partners, all luckily well on their way too, close behind me though, 4 bottles of Stella later, that was it, curtain close.............black out...........utter utter dribbling disgrace.
Vaguely remember using Andy's phone to call a cab, but do not remember saying bye, leaving, getting home, undressing, having filthy sex in the living room, letting Andy out, going to bed.............DOH!
I am such a twat!!!
Saturday, was ready as instructed at 1.30pm, to be Matt's bearded wife at the marriage of his cousin and her fella.
So donned on wedding outfit, topped off with the blood shot eyes look, rancid Stella seeping from every pore, church service was fine,after we'd moved pews 4 times, Matt cried, i didn't sing all things bright and beautiful as it was the wrong tune, some mad old bird wanted to bring her dog Rocky to the church and had even bought him a bow tie, but she wasn't allowed.
Caroline was more hung-over than me as she'd necked a bottle of JD at her own party, unlucky!
Nipped to Matt's parents after the church service as he'd forgotten his script, it was a good job really as i needed cellotape to stick my hem up and Matt's Mum was desperate for lambrini.
Arrived at Golf club, had some photos done, necked 2 bucks fizz, Dinner was served at 4.30pm, Matt did a sterling job of his toast master duties. The meal was lovely, we were sat on a table full of ushers (all called James) and the thirstiest bridesmaid in Britain, so we ate and drank and were merry, the speeches came and went, 3 glasses of wine, 2 bucks fizz, 1/2 lager and champagne later, i was feeling fab, 7pm and we're all sat in the bar area, Warren was clutching a bottle of white wine, slurring, the rest of the Stephenson's singing all the lyrics to "i know an old woman who swallowed a fly" at the top of their voices..........stop it you're scaring me!
One of Matt's relatives, Alex (the tallest 8 yr old in the world, honestly he'd have got served at the bar if he'd tried), had latched on to the party table, so it's 7pm........too late to go to the club as planned.........Warren pipes up "get Andy on here, well i want him to come, i'll ring him".
Yeah of course Andy is going to pass up a night out with all the rugga bugga lads, away from mullered bird, to come to a wedding where he hasn't been invited, to turn up on his tod, purely so he can dance to 70's cheese and maybe if he's lucky New york new York at the end of the night, so he can see if he can kick his legs higher than any other of the pissed up wedding guests!
20 minutes later he arrived, all suited and booted wearing a pink tie, that would have looked suitable for a night out round Wakey!
Caroline's mumbling "he's in lurve".........I was SO happy to see him (nothing to do with wanting to get away from the party family).
What a top night, i fooking love weddings! mint buffet, i had pie, chips and peas, Matt's Mum wanted double helping of lasagne and chips, Warren was the drunkest man in the world, Caroline was going barmy, the d'j kept moving him away from the speakers as he was spinning round and nearly knocking all the decks over........funny as fuck!
Apart from when he spilt a full pint of bitter all over the bottom tier of the wedding cake, not so funny!
So he's getting Andy up to jig about like a loony and do aeroplane impressions, dear dear!
Matt is dancing with Auntie Jean, 8yr old Alex is saying "your boyfriend is dancing with another woman, aren't you jealous", tried to explain i was with Andy and was not Matt's girlfriend, this seemed to fall on deaf ears, as he said "you don't even know Andy!"
Andy then got me up to slow dance, ha ha take that Alex, look how nice my boyfriend is.
10 pints later, we'd all made complete twats of ourselves, done the obligatory wedding jigging around, beer slopping, telling everyone you love them, convincing yourself that the really fit usher wants to get in your knickers, telling the bride this is the best wedding you have ever been to (even though you don't know her), back chatting the barman, then leering at your boyfriends backside while thinking what a mess you'll make of that when you get home.
1am, Caroline phoned a 5 man cab and threw me and Andy out at the cottages, where we promptly fell asleep within about 30 seconds!!!
Up at 8am Sunday, no hangover what so ever, maybe eating is the way forward..........
Had some loving then slept a while longer after AP had gone home, looking a hell of a lot rougher than me, pink tie and cufflinks both in trouser pocket........
Did feck all yesterday, washed 2 loads and went to Marlene's for an hour, she was decidedly chipper, bizarre! saying "oh hello, this is a nice surprise aren't you going out for Sunday shandies?"
Went to bed very early last night, slept like a log, am refreshed and raring to go today!
After another fun packed, drinking, shagging weekend in the life of MOI!
posted by Karen @ 10:09 AM
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