Silly boys and funny shaped balls

Shot out of work, 5pm sharp on Friday, whizzed round the white rose, got back to car with gold ballet shoes and spangley gold handbag........ace!

Home, did my roots, had some toast, shaved my legs, bath/hairwash fake tanned, got ready and Dean and Rach picked me up in a cab, collected Spug and we were in spoons at 8.15pm.

Met Ruth, who immediately banished all the boys (more or less told them to sling their hook), we sat there for 2 1/2 hrs, thing is! no one bats an eyelid when Ruth gets a full bottle of wine to herself, likewise when the next round is a jug of cocktails per person, BUT when i came back from the bar with a demijohn of scrumpy cider, complete with it's own handle, everyone falls about laughing and get their camera phones out............idiots!

Chatted to James and James, Ruth, Spug and Rach went to the Malt Shovel, i went to sloppies to get a Chicken Bhuna (with it being 10.30pm), Bugsy Bev was in there with rough as fuck boyfriend, ate my curry at home and was in bed for 11pm.............how rubbish am i?

Saturday........should have stayed in bed, up with the larks though........spent 5 hours abluting the house (we're are talking skirting boards and down on your hands and knees wearing rubber gloves to remove embedded cat hair from staircase), did 2 loads of washing and stripped bed, went to tescos, was driving up Whitcliffe road and saw a cat get run over, it was writhing round in agony, cried all the way home (BAD omen) and got my moggies indoors so no harm could come to them!

Had a cooked breakfast, then drove to Marlene's, past dead cat at side of road.
Noone home, fuckers.....went to Ruth's noone there either, called back at Mum's still noone home, drove home tutting, read book, then got ready, donning new special party outfit!

Picked Katy up in a taxi at 6.30pm, got to club, Dean, Rach and baby Megan stayed a while, Spug was yawning having had another night of action on Ruth's floor the previous evening!
So 4 shandies later and no sign of AP with my disco ticket, Katy's sister, Mum and her friend arrived, everyone wanted to go through to main room to get good seats for the Elvis night.........(but i haven't got a ticket, bloody rubbish boyfriend nowhere to be seen), John Porritt appears, Andy's in hospital with concussion, he's taken a right battering on the rugby pitch.

Selfish bastard, that's my night ruined, i haven't spent £63 on Judith Chalmers, gold lame stylee outfit for him not to see it, Craig Blackburn let me in without paying, had a shandy, then 1/2 hr later i'd got a taxi up home, got in my car and am sat at his bedside in Dewsbury general, where he's cracking jokes, about the only reason he collapsed and threw up everywhere was Mick Collin's lager, while broddling his belly button and showing all his cuts and grazes.

Think he was quite worried actually......bless, nurse came round and checked his blood pressure, shone a torch into his eyes (no point checking if there's anyone at home love, he always looks this gormless), so i'm sat there, grinning away like loyal bird, in my party outfit looking like Avaline out of bread, he's rabbiting away 50 to the dozen, old man in bed opposite is trying to escape the ward wearing his underpants, Andy's tutting and saying " i was hoping he was going home tonight, then i could have the ward to myself, Match of the day's on in a minute" that'll be my queue to fuck off, gave him a kiss and he said he phone me when he got home.

Got back to club in car and had a quick shandy, 11pm at this point, nipped to the loo, then heard someone follow me in, just to wash their hands, Hmmm! something tells me it's Andy's mother, came out of loo and she's grinning away........i suppose it was quite sweet of her really and saves us being introduced, so we're both rolling our eyes "what's he like", Me and Gill Porritt new best mates. Hahahhaaaaaaaa

Home soon after my pint, waved at the in-laws on the way out, so in my p.j's having a bagel, some crisps and vino (what a great Saturday night), watched the Sixth Sense on video and went to bed at 2am.

Sunday up at 11am, quick coffee, toast and set off to Derby at 11.45am, got stuck behind a wide load tail back at Sheffield, so it took forever to get there.
Still, arrived safely at Borrowash towers, at 1.15pm.

Andy rang at 2pm, to tell me he was home and had to take it easy for a couple of days, honestly talk about laying it on thick.

The extension, new floor and all is looking lovely.........10 men Bates has done a sterling job, Sam being Sam, had a house full and was busying about as per.
She fed us all, then dragged me round B&Q and Homebase, then Sainsbury's, leaving some random called Steve alone in her house drilling holes and fiddling with the boiler.........don't ask!
Molly was so funny, she's chuntering "this is what we do every weekend, trail round DIY stores and sometimes if we're lucky we get to go to the tip and all we eat are yoghurts".
Freya was just being Freya although she looked a tad worried when i told her she'd get arrested for pressing the "assistance please" button at the paint mixing counter.

Home, i unpacked the shopping while Sam shot upstairs with her matchpots and started slapping them on the bedroom walls, honestly she was like a kid with sweets!
Paul picked the girls up at 6pm, Sam and i dined by candlelight (was full as a butchers pup), whilst talking about live, loves and erm, paint!

Sat another couple of hours, drinking coffee and fagging it, then i departed up the M1 and was home at 10pm.
Had a bubble bath, fed cats and fell into bed after what seemed like the longest weekend ever.

Note to self, getting up A.M both Saturday and Sunday, enables you to actually do things while off work, instead of falling out of bed mid afternoon and going straight to the pub after breakfast!!!