I'm keeping out of town,until I can behave myself

I have barred myself from all Clecksville watering holes.
I AM A DISGRACE!!!!!!!!

Friday i was very good indeed, me, Hayley and Spug sprinted to spoons to dodge the raindrops, Matt was at the bar with his Father.
We had a swift pint then moved to the Old House at Home when Jean and Mark arrived, as there was nowhere to sit in OB'S.

Graham was at the bar, having some post op lager and was basically wankered, i had a word over the txt thing,he was on exercise!!!!! he then hobbled to the toilet a couple of times in his school shoes, then he got a taxi home at 9pm.
Matt sang and was very good, i sang some non descript song for the sake of it and decided i don't actually like singing karaoke anymore.

Went to the turnstiles which was bab, Ruth and Matt bought a round of shooters.
Up to the station and chatted with Danny, his Mum (who's lived in the same house all her life) and Jamz....Hayley snogged some boy with greasy hair, tattoos and bandages(Matt thought he was fit), Tina and Beth showed up after some family party and before we knew it,it was midnight....
Up to the glorious regal, Hayley went off with swamp thing, Matt was slaughtered and was last seen running down the regal stairs on his tod saying he'd told his Mum he wouldn't be late (we later found out he'd gone for a kebab).
Oh there were 3 fights!
Steven was there with Ricky Stead.
I decided i'd go for a curry with Darren Whitworth, who didn't have his tie died shirt on, we were joined by Russell Noble and Spug.
Russell asked me about AP and the bottle throwing.
When we'd finished eating Darren went to the loo and Spug and Russ started snogging, it was the funniest thing i'd ever seen......then made funnier by Spug saying that's why we couldn't leave the regal with you and Darren (like they'd been having a passionate love affair for years).........oh we are such a set of drunken twats....
TAXI!!!!!!

Saturday, still reeling from the shock of the news broken at the family meeting in the afternoon.
Arrived at Aldos for 7pm.........MJ was at the bar, Katy and me had a lemonade, then Pino started getting tetchy about keeping our table as 1/2 our party were running late.
You should only ever be late for work , not socialising!!!!
Anyhow by 7.30pm we were all sat down, they had the nine of us, in and out within 1 1/2 hrs, that's starters main courses and wine.

I had my usual and picked at it, but had plenty of wine........yippee!!
We moved to the Whickham, Katy rang her man and a sportsclub barmaid turned up.

Grant said Andy had gone to Batley "wi lads", so i said he has 2 days to come for his Armani sunglasses or they are going on Ebay! (don't reckon i'll get much for the wig).
Ordered another shandy in the Turnstiles was very proud of my conduct until Sarah asked Matt for wine and he bought a bottle.............
More rounds of shooters.........
Slippery slide.............Downhill....OH HECK!

The following happened not in any particular order.

Swinging my cardigan round my head.
Stroking a lady with pony hair.
Handstands? Sarah catch my legs.
Taking my pants down.
Flashing my bra at Matt.
Taking the mic off the d.j and spouting some random shite.
Some say weeing in a bin.

REGAL...........i have no clue as to what happened.
The next thing i know, i am in my living room with Graham Jackson(who hada nice dayglo jacket on, remember the green cross code, Neil Jackson and Miss Elsworth was barfing in the kitchen sink.
Graham was taking his jeans down to show us his bandages, Neil fell asleep and i was mostly blubbing, like chunk out of the goonies.
Tragic tragic tragic.........

Sunday
Sarah had stopped barfing at 6pm just in time for yorkshire puddings and Sunday shandies, Rach and Dean joined us.
Horncastle pizza place was shut, so we had a sober sloppies which was rank.

Another weekend done and dusted, made it out alive again..........JUST!