Where the fuck did the weekend go?
Monday again and i want to cry, had some wine last night, feel rubbish today and David's making me do work, get the kettle on Kazza, will you have a quick vac round? label these samples up for me, book me in the Hilton tonight, pay this visa............FUCK OFF, I FEEL RUBBISH!!!
Weekend?? Friday kicked off at the usual time, called for Tina arena and Beth and that bird with howge tits, spoons and joined by Tracy, Dean, Rach and Steven. Had 3 pints of lagertops, everyone seemed to want to talk about how smashed i was the previous Friday, then Tina thought she'd put a vodka in my lager to get me in the same state, it tasted awful.
Unfortunately the plan backfired as after 1 pint in the Turnstiles i realised i couldn't see and had to go on coke.
Just going to Marks and Spencers i'll be back shortly!
I'm back, don't know why David sends me to M&S, i always buy loads of treats for me out of petty cash, ha ha ha serve him right the nobba!
Where was i? oh yeah, turnstiles, blind with drink, jamz turned up and tutted , he'd txt me but my phone was at home. He thought i was ignoring him, Bless!!!!!
Moved to the rose with the clean carpet and had a shandy, Beth decided my rubbish drinking is all Dr. greenwoods fault..........here here!
Station, Mick Porritt and boyfriend Matt had a rather strange friend with them, severe auburn hair and chiseled cheekbones, me and Tina sang karaoke 1st cut is the deepest, well Tina sang, i just chanted Tranny!! at every given opportunity,
Hayley and Spug turned up, they'd been to ladies night/ works do, but couldn't resist the calling of the regal.
That's it, night over..........memory gone, the only other thing i can remember is Rasta d.j bashing me on the head with the mic still switched on.
Seemingly we went for curry, i can't fucking remember and Spug was spreading the rumour that i was snogging Richard with the nose that could hook peaches and plays for the 4th team, but i never, i was talking to him inside the hood on his parka, not snogging..............Tut!
Saturday had to go to tescos.....boo! bag o shite! hate shopping!
Ruth arrived at mine at 6.45pm and Lynne took Kary and us to Spoons, where Hayley drove down to meet us. 3 pints of lagertops for dutch courage and i dared to go to the 70's disco and face you know who.
Spug was chomping at the bit when we arrived.
AP was at the bar "wi lads, you know how it is" looking v.tanned but mostly fucking scary in Shak's dad's suit, a bad wig and sunglasses. We had a pint, then Ruth, Hayley, Katy, Spug and me went into the main room for the disco, it was fucking freezing and hardly anyone was in there.....rubbish!
2 pints later and AP was approaching, though i was going to be sick and wee at the same time. Turned out it wasn't Andy Porritt at all, it was someone impersonating him, apologising for the way he's treat me and saying really nice romantic, lovely things, being really tactile and quite witty, couldn't quite belive what was happening, until the words "HOORAY, LETS GET MARRIED" spewed out of my mouth, Karen you twat.
Settled for a snog, bless him, my little baby's home. Don't remember anything about the rest of the evening, there was lots of running through long grass wearing a flowery frock, thatched cottages with roses round the door and little fluffy kittens.
That was it he was stuck to me like glue, realised it was actually AP after all, when he kneed me up the arse on the dancefloor as a romantic gesture.
Oh yeah and the shoulder was going as well.
7 more pints and Andy, Katy, Grant and me got a taxi to mine for more beer, we phoned Matt to say i loved him, he was in a curry house in Manchester, Andy had a word. "alright maff, yeah it was good yeah, i'll put Karen back on"...bless!
Katy wanted chocolate to get her blood sugar back up, listened to music then me and Andy went to bed and just left the guests downstairs, how polite am i?
Oh i was ill yesterday and still drunk when i got up, realised this much, when i'd been talking to Andy's wig for 5 minutes thinking it was Meg.
Cleaned up the debris and struggled to be alive all day, made a stew (with peas) did some light chores and spent all day on the phone.
Tina txt.(didn't phone her as she was on someone elses phone).
Sam txt so i phoned her back.
Matt phoned for 1 hour.
Spug txt then phoned for 10 mins.
Kay phoned for 1 hour.
Phoned Ruth for 1/2 hr
Phoned Sarah for 1 hr.
Topic of conversation? ANDY PORRAIT!!!
Had some wine and didn't go to bed till, 2 am and like i said, i feel rubbish.
Weekend?? Friday kicked off at the usual time, called for Tina arena and Beth and that bird with howge tits, spoons and joined by Tracy, Dean, Rach and Steven. Had 3 pints of lagertops, everyone seemed to want to talk about how smashed i was the previous Friday, then Tina thought she'd put a vodka in my lager to get me in the same state, it tasted awful.
Unfortunately the plan backfired as after 1 pint in the Turnstiles i realised i couldn't see and had to go on coke.
Just going to Marks and Spencers i'll be back shortly!
I'm back, don't know why David sends me to M&S, i always buy loads of treats for me out of petty cash, ha ha ha serve him right the nobba!
Where was i? oh yeah, turnstiles, blind with drink, jamz turned up and tutted , he'd txt me but my phone was at home. He thought i was ignoring him, Bless!!!!!
Moved to the rose with the clean carpet and had a shandy, Beth decided my rubbish drinking is all Dr. greenwoods fault..........here here!
Station, Mick Porritt and boyfriend Matt had a rather strange friend with them, severe auburn hair and chiseled cheekbones, me and Tina sang karaoke 1st cut is the deepest, well Tina sang, i just chanted Tranny!! at every given opportunity,
Hayley and Spug turned up, they'd been to ladies night/ works do, but couldn't resist the calling of the regal.
That's it, night over..........memory gone, the only other thing i can remember is Rasta d.j bashing me on the head with the mic still switched on.
Seemingly we went for curry, i can't fucking remember and Spug was spreading the rumour that i was snogging Richard with the nose that could hook peaches and plays for the 4th team, but i never, i was talking to him inside the hood on his parka, not snogging..............Tut!
Saturday had to go to tescos.....boo! bag o shite! hate shopping!
Ruth arrived at mine at 6.45pm and Lynne took Kary and us to Spoons, where Hayley drove down to meet us. 3 pints of lagertops for dutch courage and i dared to go to the 70's disco and face you know who.
Spug was chomping at the bit when we arrived.
AP was at the bar "wi lads, you know how it is" looking v.tanned but mostly fucking scary in Shak's dad's suit, a bad wig and sunglasses. We had a pint, then Ruth, Hayley, Katy, Spug and me went into the main room for the disco, it was fucking freezing and hardly anyone was in there.....rubbish!
2 pints later and AP was approaching, though i was going to be sick and wee at the same time. Turned out it wasn't Andy Porritt at all, it was someone impersonating him, apologising for the way he's treat me and saying really nice romantic, lovely things, being really tactile and quite witty, couldn't quite belive what was happening, until the words "HOORAY, LETS GET MARRIED" spewed out of my mouth, Karen you twat.
Settled for a snog, bless him, my little baby's home. Don't remember anything about the rest of the evening, there was lots of running through long grass wearing a flowery frock, thatched cottages with roses round the door and little fluffy kittens.
That was it he was stuck to me like glue, realised it was actually AP after all, when he kneed me up the arse on the dancefloor as a romantic gesture.
Oh yeah and the shoulder was going as well.
7 more pints and Andy, Katy, Grant and me got a taxi to mine for more beer, we phoned Matt to say i loved him, he was in a curry house in Manchester, Andy had a word. "alright maff, yeah it was good yeah, i'll put Karen back on"...bless!
Katy wanted chocolate to get her blood sugar back up, listened to music then me and Andy went to bed and just left the guests downstairs, how polite am i?
Oh i was ill yesterday and still drunk when i got up, realised this much, when i'd been talking to Andy's wig for 5 minutes thinking it was Meg.
Cleaned up the debris and struggled to be alive all day, made a stew (with peas) did some light chores and spent all day on the phone.
Tina txt.(didn't phone her as she was on someone elses phone).
Sam txt so i phoned her back.
Matt phoned for 1 hour.
Spug txt then phoned for 10 mins.
Kay phoned for 1 hour.
Phoned Ruth for 1/2 hr
Phoned Sarah for 1 hr.
Topic of conversation? ANDY PORRAIT!!!
Had some wine and didn't go to bed till, 2 am and like i said, i feel rubbish.
posted by Karen @ 10:31 AM
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