Sarah got me wellied
I don't know whether i just get really giddy when certain people are in town, or maybe it's the adrenalin that mixes with the usual consumed alcohol, that tips me over the edge and makes me a bit wappy.
But one thing i do know, the following are not ideal situations to find yourself in, aged 35 on a Friday evening.
Necking shots of clear liquid, without asking what it is, then smacking your lips and saying that's nice, i could drink a pint of that.
Taking your pants down to show your friends your bargain £2 red thong, whether they wanted to see it or not.
Singing karaoke Les Dawson stylee at the top of my voice, to amuse myself and friends, but not the lady who tutted loudly and said "well she murdered that".
Bellowing down the mic to a bird who's hair i thought was a tad too short "OY are you a lesbian?" she turned on me and said why do you fancy me? i just fluttered my eyelashes.
Rasta D.J who is madly in love with me, for this i am certain, why else would he trust me to watch his decks while he went to pee, unfortunately for him, at this point i was not to be trusted with a fisher price wind up radio, let alone the entire music system for the regal club.
The voices in my head were saying "now's your big chance, make it count" while i pushed every button in sight and managed to fix the mic, to say "big it up Cleckheaton". Meanwhile Rasta D.J was belting back through the crowds still shaking his snake, red with anger. OH HECK!
What else? erm, stumbling, tits out, slurring, staggering, eating my curry with face pressed flat to table. Dr. Greenwood would be so proud.
Saturday i felt rubbish...had to collect brothers 1 and 3 from Gomersal cricket club, walked in and they were nowhere in sight, fortunately they had told the barmaid, that if anyone came in looking a cross between, Pat Butcher without earrings and Jimmy Kranky to tell her they were in the snooker room.....Phew! Had a swift pint then assembled with the rest of siblings/partners and parents at Park View, lit the candles on the cake, Sang happy birthday to Jim, gave him his pressies blah di blah!!!
Minibus collected us at 6pm, got to the racetrack at 7ish....Steven and Jan Star were on the popular table. I got lumbered with the likes of Mary and Graham , still it was a very pleasant evening, i managed to eat all 4 courses, lost a fortune betting on the wrong dogs, helped along by the fact i'd thrown a winning betting slip in the rubbish. ONLY ME! Marlo took this as a perfect opportunity to tell everyone about the time i threw away my plane ticket in Turkey.
Steven spent the entire evening ripping the piss out of me, he showed no mercy, told all the extended family that i'd got a part time job as an indoor hang gliding instructor, told elder brother to save his strength for the way back as they were going to wedge me in the parcel shelf on the mini bus, while me and sister were discussing Desperate housewives, he piped up "oh i watch the other side, desperate cat owners".
Self esteem at an all time low, i managed to keep my pecker up as we sang 60's hits all the way back, Jim started blubbering when we got to the gang shows "together". Well he is 80, according to the card and badge Steven bought for him.
Home for mignight, by home i meant the Regal, me and Steven had a boogie with Spuggy, Tina, Beth, Tracy, tango Danny, Katy and her man.
Rasta D.J beckoned me over, though i was for it, RESULT, he actually let me back in the box and showed me exactly what buttons to touch, called me his apprentice and told me to go in early next Friday so we can go through it all again???????
Matt Womersley was making amourous advances towards me, blew him out completely, i aint playing sloppy seconds, thank you very much.
Dragged brother in law no. 2 over to dance as he was sat on his ownio! Phoned Sarah who was at home, recovering from Yakking in Mr. Townends living room, pre-sex the night before.
Walked to taxi rank, dropped Danny off, he was off to spend £15 on take-out, then dropped Neil further along the road, he was going to sloppies to dine alone, Taxi up dropped Spug home and in my bed for 2.00am. SOBER!!!!!!!!!
Usually Sunday shite, played the dutiful daughter........mid afternoon.
Then had a lengthy chat with Spug how we were both in our P.J'S, too warm to move, skint....etc etc. and there was no need to go to the pub..........1/2 hr later in Spoons nursing our pints, talking about allsorts with Rach, Dean, Ruth and Mark........ we declined the invite from Danny and Jamz to join them in Bradford for "a mad night out, off the cuff, random, fly by the seat of your pants kind of evening"...........Think i've had enough excitement for one weekend.
Pizza and mini bus up home, slumber for midnight........
Feel fab this morning have got my film developed from the Dogs, etc....
MJW looks w*nkered at Matt's 30th, Matt and Alan slightly better, random family shots, i look divine on all of them and most importantly Mr.Jackson looks good enough to eat.
But one thing i do know, the following are not ideal situations to find yourself in, aged 35 on a Friday evening.
Necking shots of clear liquid, without asking what it is, then smacking your lips and saying that's nice, i could drink a pint of that.
Taking your pants down to show your friends your bargain £2 red thong, whether they wanted to see it or not.
Singing karaoke Les Dawson stylee at the top of my voice, to amuse myself and friends, but not the lady who tutted loudly and said "well she murdered that".
Bellowing down the mic to a bird who's hair i thought was a tad too short "OY are you a lesbian?" she turned on me and said why do you fancy me? i just fluttered my eyelashes.
Rasta D.J who is madly in love with me, for this i am certain, why else would he trust me to watch his decks while he went to pee, unfortunately for him, at this point i was not to be trusted with a fisher price wind up radio, let alone the entire music system for the regal club.
The voices in my head were saying "now's your big chance, make it count" while i pushed every button in sight and managed to fix the mic, to say "big it up Cleckheaton". Meanwhile Rasta D.J was belting back through the crowds still shaking his snake, red with anger. OH HECK!
What else? erm, stumbling, tits out, slurring, staggering, eating my curry with face pressed flat to table. Dr. Greenwood would be so proud.
Saturday i felt rubbish...had to collect brothers 1 and 3 from Gomersal cricket club, walked in and they were nowhere in sight, fortunately they had told the barmaid, that if anyone came in looking a cross between, Pat Butcher without earrings and Jimmy Kranky to tell her they were in the snooker room.....Phew! Had a swift pint then assembled with the rest of siblings/partners and parents at Park View, lit the candles on the cake, Sang happy birthday to Jim, gave him his pressies blah di blah!!!
Minibus collected us at 6pm, got to the racetrack at 7ish....Steven and Jan Star were on the popular table. I got lumbered with the likes of Mary and Graham , still it was a very pleasant evening, i managed to eat all 4 courses, lost a fortune betting on the wrong dogs, helped along by the fact i'd thrown a winning betting slip in the rubbish. ONLY ME! Marlo took this as a perfect opportunity to tell everyone about the time i threw away my plane ticket in Turkey.
Steven spent the entire evening ripping the piss out of me, he showed no mercy, told all the extended family that i'd got a part time job as an indoor hang gliding instructor, told elder brother to save his strength for the way back as they were going to wedge me in the parcel shelf on the mini bus, while me and sister were discussing Desperate housewives, he piped up "oh i watch the other side, desperate cat owners".
Self esteem at an all time low, i managed to keep my pecker up as we sang 60's hits all the way back, Jim started blubbering when we got to the gang shows "together". Well he is 80, according to the card and badge Steven bought for him.
Home for mignight, by home i meant the Regal, me and Steven had a boogie with Spuggy, Tina, Beth, Tracy, tango Danny, Katy and her man.
Rasta D.J beckoned me over, though i was for it, RESULT, he actually let me back in the box and showed me exactly what buttons to touch, called me his apprentice and told me to go in early next Friday so we can go through it all again???????
Matt Womersley was making amourous advances towards me, blew him out completely, i aint playing sloppy seconds, thank you very much.
Dragged brother in law no. 2 over to dance as he was sat on his ownio! Phoned Sarah who was at home, recovering from Yakking in Mr. Townends living room, pre-sex the night before.
Walked to taxi rank, dropped Danny off, he was off to spend £15 on take-out, then dropped Neil further along the road, he was going to sloppies to dine alone, Taxi up dropped Spug home and in my bed for 2.00am. SOBER!!!!!!!!!
Usually Sunday shite, played the dutiful daughter........mid afternoon.
Then had a lengthy chat with Spug how we were both in our P.J'S, too warm to move, skint....etc etc. and there was no need to go to the pub..........1/2 hr later in Spoons nursing our pints, talking about allsorts with Rach, Dean, Ruth and Mark........ we declined the invite from Danny and Jamz to join them in Bradford for "a mad night out, off the cuff, random, fly by the seat of your pants kind of evening"...........Think i've had enough excitement for one weekend.
Pizza and mini bus up home, slumber for midnight........
Feel fab this morning have got my film developed from the Dogs, etc....
MJW looks w*nkered at Matt's 30th, Matt and Alan slightly better, random family shots, i look divine on all of them and most importantly Mr.Jackson looks good enough to eat.
posted by Karen @ 9:54 AM
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